Welcome to Gaia! ::

So I already have self esteem issues and a constant feeling of never-ending loneliness, but this week has just been plan awful...
I've thought of killing myself four times this week and even knew what I was gonna do for two of the times... (overdosing on ibuprofen/crashing my car)
I feel like a burden on everyone and that no one really likes me... I have about two friends... Both of which aren't around all the time... I just cut myself.. Always had urges to.. but never did... but today was just enough to push me over the edge... They aren't bleeding, but they are a soft pink color... I know that may not count I guess but I just didn't want to get caught... I don't have the heart to tell my two friends I did that... I feel they will leave me... Or get mad... or something that is bad... I'm really upset.. I wish I didn't have to go anywhere tonight... and I wish my two friends weren't busy... I need them now more than ever....

Update:
So I finally decided to talk to my mom. I will be getting therapy within the next few months. Thank you all for your concern and advice.

I am so sorry for you. cry I too struggle with urges to self-harm. You are not alone. Heck, only a few minutes ago I was thinking about stabbing myself in the wrist. sad

It is so hard to explain to other people... If I tell my mom, she just says "Stop thinking like that!" and most of my friends are like "I don't know what to tell you". Sigh.

Do you have a friend or relative you can really trust? Or access to a doctor or therapist? I think you need someone to talk to who is not going to judge you. There are some people out there that think people who self-harm are doing it for attention. A lot of us who think about self-harm are not doing it for attention. We are doing it because our internal pain is so bad, we don't know what else to do.

When I get my urges, I have to STOP and EXAMINE what I'm doing right now. What made me feel bad? What was I doing/thinking? Money is a big trigger for me. So is disappointing people. If you can learn your triggers, it will give you some control over your urges.

Another thing you can do when you feel like harming yourself is change activities. If you are on the computer, get off the computer and go take a walk. Or write in your journal. Or call a friend to chat. Do something different. Don't allow yourself to get into a thinking rut.

You can do something and not hurt yourself. It will take time. I hope you can find someone to work with you and help you. smile

Take care, and keep us posted.