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 Posted: Fri Aug 16, 2013 8:54 am
Hey, I thought I'd just go ahead and tell somebody, anybody, whats going on with me, finally...
Because I'm not sure what's wrong with me...
I've always kept to myself. I'm a really goofy person and I can be really outgoing if I'm comfortable with the people I'm around...
But, I'm so incredibly lonely. I don't have any friends. Good friends. I don't hang out. I don't go out.
I just don't seem to get close to people.
My parents have always noticed that I don't make friends with people and they always encourage me and say they're praying that I make friends...
When I was in high school, everybody did like me, but it never turned into any sort of mutual relationship where we got to know each other. Everyone seemed to already have a group they were in and I just kind of floated in between.
The only friends I've ever hung out with was the group my sister had. And, that created a lot of hate from my sister, because they were her friends.
So... I had nobody...
I've struggled with depression a lot during middle and high school. I'm not sure if the lack of companions caused it or was just an outcome of my depression.
I got in a romantic relationship with a boy who made friends like it was nothing. Suddenly, he'd be best friends with somebody and they'd hang out all the time. And, he slowly became my only social interaction... He'd get mad when I couldn't hang with him but he was fine with just leaving me to go with his friends all the time.
There... was a lot of things wrong with that relationship, but anyway...
I've made the decision several times over in my life to change and put myself out there... But, it seems impossible.
Ugh. And, I hate writing this. All I can think is that I'm whining... And this is a stupid problem.
"Get over it."
"A lot of people have things so much more difficult than you do."
Please, if you're thinking that, just don't respond, I've beaten myself up about this for 8 years... I don't need any more help with that thinking...
I don't know what to do anymore. There must be something wrong with me.
Why else would no one ever realize my advances to become better friends?
I know it's my fault deep down... but, it's not like I'm not trying. I talk to people. I text them. I make people smile. I really do care.
Sorry, this has turned into a rant.
I'm just exhausted and done with myself.
Why can't I do it? I hate being alone.
...Where's my reset button?
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Posted: Sat Aug 17, 2013 12:53 am
Oh gosh honey please do not devalue your problems!! It is very very very beyond important that you validate them! I understand where you are coming from completely and totally! I just want you to know that people often tend to sort of drift around and be very unsure of themselves. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you at all goodness please do not say that you are a perfect you and you are dealing with your situation to the best of your current abilities please do not force yourself to be what you are not! A small suggestion could be to just let go and be totally yourself with people, and when you make friends with them just react how you would react, and try your absolute very hardest to never let go of your friends! Please remember that every person in the world has a life that you can step into anytime and has a life that you can change (whether that means finding a friend or an enemy in them)!! Please keep on trying! I have utmost confidence that you will find yourself a very very good friend (or that you maybe already have one that is hiding in disguise)!
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Posted: Sat Aug 17, 2013 3:10 pm
Walter has ganado Oh gosh honey please do not devalue your problems!! It is very very very beyond important that you validate them! I understand where you are coming from completely and totally! I just want you to know that people often tend to sort of drift around and be very unsure of themselves. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you at all goodness please do not say that you are a perfect you and you are dealing with your situation to the best of your current abilities please do not force yourself to be what you are not! A small suggestion could be to just let go and be totally yourself with people, and when you make friends with them just react how you would react, and try your absolute very hardest to never let go of your friends! Please remember that every person in the world has a life that you can step into anytime and has a life that you can change (whether that means finding a friend or an enemy in them)!! Please keep on trying! I have utmost confidence that you will find yourself a very very good friend (or that you maybe already have one that is hiding in disguise)!
I... can do this. It's going to be difficult to not devalue my problems... I just feel like it's such a trivial thing to struggle with when it could be so much worse...
But... I think you're right. I can do this... And I wouldn't rather be anyone but me. (...makes me want to go watch Wreck-It-Ralph again. xd )
Thanks again. I'll be on the look-out for those good friends "in disguise"! 3nodding
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