I wrote a weird poem the other day

[Cinematographer Girl]

I can never let anyone in my Digital Media class read it because they will know who it is mentioning. sweatdrop

this:

The shy little elf
sitting by herself.
Suddenly, the Skaterboy sits
next to her. Silently sits.
The quiet little elf
thinks to herself,
"Who is this guy?
I'm so shy."
Later in the year,
things are more clear.
Evil mosquito tries to attack,
but the Skaterboy fights back.
He saves the scared little elf,
so she thinks to herself,
"Thank you, nice boy!
You're okay, Skaterboy."
Second gym class,
please quickly pass.
The little elf
sits by herself.
Full of sadness and alone.
Maybe not so alone.
Skaterboy comforts the little elf
and she thinks to herself,
"He is so kind!
I'm keeping it in mind."
Months have passed
and it's summer at last.
Skaterboy continued to make the elf smile.
It lasted a while.
As the school year ends,
she feels they are friends.

what do you think? it's sort of embarrassing!  

[CrimsonBells]

I like it! smile  

[Cinematographer Girl]

CrimsonBells

I like it! smile

thank you. I came up with it because I was bored and thinking about a certain boy from my Digital Media class. redface which is why nobody in that class can ever know of this poem's existence. eek  

[CrimsonBells]

Shadow Detective Snow

CrimsonBells

I like it! smile

thank you. I came up with it because I was bored and thinking about a certain boy from my Digital Media class. redface which is why nobody in that class can ever know of this poem's existence. eek

Yeah I kinda got that xd Do you LIKE skaterboy?  

[Cinematographer Girl]

do you mean, do I want to go on a date with him?
......yes. >/////<  

[vanrieta]

rose are reds... lemons are sour... open your legs and give me a hour...


rofl heart sweatdrop  

[Rachel Zara]

I'm not usually one for poetry, but I think it's cute 3nodding  

[Umpenscrump]

vanrieta

rose are reds... lemons are sour... open your legs and give me a hour...


rofl heart sweatdrop

Hey, I wanna try something like that too.
*Ahem*

Some roses are red
And maybe hobos have huts
But if you get me in bed
I'll last 2 or 3 minutes.

Inappropriate!.. Perhaps I should share this with my creative writing class.

But in response to the OP; I felt like the flow was a little disjointed, particularly at
"The quiet little elf
thinks to herself,
"Who is this guy?
I'm so shy.""
I don't know. I feel like there needs to be some revisions to make it come out in a way that feels like a continuous train of thought rather than two bullet points of expression. That's what it felt like to me anyway.
Cute poem though. Just needs a little re-drafting. c:  

[Cinematographer Girl]

I completely forgot I had even wrote this one time when I was bored. I wanted to be that kid's friend at the time, but not anymore. he doesn't have much of the same interests as me, and he wouldn't understand my thoughts anyway.  

[vanrieta]

OpaniFare

vanrieta

rose are reds... lemons are sour... open your legs and give me a hour...


rofl heart sweatdrop

Hey, I wanna try something like that too.
*Ahem*

Some roses are red
And maybe hobos have huts
But if you get me in bed
I'll last 2 or 3 minutes.

Inappropriate!.. Perhaps I should share this with my creative writing class.

But in response to the OP; I felt like the flow was a little disjointed, particularly at
"The quiet little elf
thinks to herself,
"Who is this guy?
I'm so shy.""
I don't know. I feel like there needs to be some revisions to make it come out in a way that feels like a continuous train of thought rather than two bullet points of expression. That's what it felt like to me anyway.
Cute poem though. Just needs a little re-drafting. c:

haha... i can't stand if u just finish in 2 or 3 minute... then i will ask "GIVE ME MORE.." arrrrwhhh... (lol)... pirate