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 Posted: Thu May 30, 2013 11:41 pm
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So, First things off, Quote me, Otherwise I wont see the message.
Anyways. I'm Graduating in a week. June 5th to be exact. It's made me really nervous, but excited.
Okay, what I'm really here for is this :
I'm an 18 year old girl who is a virgin. I was molested twice, but I was able to get away without trouble. This was a while back to tell the truth. But now I'm 18, I've been getting these urges. I really don't like the urges because I get sick very time I get turned on or wet. And it's really bothering me. You see, I regret a lot of things i use to do. I use to go on cam nude for people, If it made them happy, I'd do it. I even went on cam for a married guy who was in the army who is now like 50, he was 40 something at the time. I Hate myself for doing things like that. Until about New Years / January of this year. I met this guy, We were friends for a bit before we got together. (His username is King Vincent von Hellbond).. I went on cam and did things for him. I was actually enjoying it a bit, I think it was because at first he was good to me, and nice. But then he became to get really busy, and ignored me. Was making me feel horrible. He would tell me to call him on skype if i wanted to talk to him. I would do that, He would then say hang on, and put me on hold. Or say sorry I'm going on Tiny chat with some friends of mine (who were girls btw). I use to never be the jealous type, but then that started to happen. It was mentally abusing me, I wanted to end my life and all that jazz. My friend iAnzu helped me out of the relationship though. She's helping me to this day to not run back to him.
Anyways, Last night I was getting teased by a guy i haven't talk to in a very long time. I was teasing him back, but then i started to regret it, and just pretend and tell him lies. And he gets back onto skype and asks if we could do it again. I told him I was lying. Now I feel horrible about myself.
I want to stay a virgin for the rest of my life. Until the day I die. I've always hated sexual things, But I get the urges. I use to be able to fight them, but now I can't, and it's scaring me. People say sex is amazing, and it helps relieve stress and what not and I'd enjoy it. But I don't want it. I don't want to feel that way, i don't want to do with anything to do with it.
I'm getting depressed and stressed out, and I don't know what to do. It's been getting hard to breath lately. I've been getting more and more urges. Mind you, I don't masturbate now. I find it disgusting. I don't even look at porn or anything like that.
I believe I have an issue. Specially if I get sick for getting turned on and what not. I don't know what to do. It's making me so depressed I started thinking of Suicide again. And that's not good. I haven't thought of it since before I left Vincent...
Anyone have any ideas? Please. I don't want to feel this way since I'm graduating soon.
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Posted: Fri May 31, 2013 9:16 am
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O w l - C h a n So, First things off, Quote me, Otherwise I wont see the message. Anyways. I'm Graduating in a week. June 5th to be exact. It's made me really nervous, but excited. Okay, what I'm really here for is this : I'm an 18 year old girl who is a virgin. I was molested twice, but I was able to get away without trouble. This was a while back to tell the truth. But now I'm 18, I've been getting these urges. I really don't like the urges because I get sick very time I get turned on or wet. And it's really bothering me. You see, I regret a lot of things i use to do. I use to go on cam nude for people, If it made them happy, I'd do it. I even went on cam for a married guy who was in the army who is now like 50, he was 40 something at the time. I Hate myself for doing things like that. Until about New Years / January of this year. I met this guy, We were friends for a bit before we got together. (His username is King Vincent von Hellbond).. I went on cam and did things for him. I was actually enjoying it a bit, I think it was because at first he was good to me, and nice. But then he became to get really busy, and ignored me. Was making me feel horrible. He would tell me to call him on skype if i wanted to talk to him. I would do that, He would then say hang on, and put me on hold. Or say sorry I'm going on Tiny chat with some friends of mine (who were girls btw). I use to never be the jealous type, but then that started to happen. It was mentally abusing me, I wanted to end my life and all that jazz. My friend iAnzu helped me out of the relationship though. She's helping me to this day to not run back to him. Anyways, Last night I was getting teased by a guy i haven't talk to in a very long time. I was teasing him back, but then i started to regret it, and just pretend and tell him lies. And he gets back onto skype and asks if we could do it again. I told him I was lying. Now I feel horrible about myself. I want to stay a virgin for the rest of my life. Until the day I die. I've always hated sexual things, But I get the urges. I use to be able to fight them, but now I can't, and it's scaring me. People say sex is amazing, and it helps relieve stress and what not and I'd enjoy it. But I don't want it. I don't want to feel that way, i don't want to do with anything to do with it. I'm getting depressed and stressed out, and I don't know what to do. It's been getting hard to breath lately. I've been getting more and more urges. Mind you, I don't masturbate now. I find it disgusting. I don't even look at porn or anything like that. I believe I have an issue. Specially if I get sick for getting turned on and what not. I don't know what to do. It's making me so depressed I started thinking of Suicide again. And that's not good. I haven't thought of it since before I left Vincent... Anyone have any ideas? Please. I don't want to feel this way since I'm graduating soon.
Darling, you're dealing with PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It seems like something only Vets from the military or beaten housewives get, but I got it through numerous horrible events in my life and now I have severe anxiety that messes with my eating habits, my ability to sleep and my ability to control my emotional rises.
It's not something that you should feel like you need medication for, unless these feelings of self harm are very very strong. No one, I MEAN ABSOLUTELY NO ONE on this planet wants to see you do something that will lead to the end of your life, especially not over something with a little bit of help can be fixed.
You've gone through some very stressful things, and that can cause a low libido, to no libido at all. It can also cause anxiety, which could be the sick feeling you get when sex comes to mind.
If you aren't into it, and you don't want sex to be apart of your lifestyle than that is a completely normal option. I have a couple of close friends who were planning on staying abstinent their whole life, and of course through series of unfortunate events one of those friends had her virginity stolen from her by a very rude person who had no right to disrupt her space.
It's just fine to have those urges, they're natural for any species that doesn't a-sexually reproduce. You shouldn't hate them, even considering the circumstances. You just have to learn to live alongside them.
If anyone tells you you're wrong for not wanting to have sex, they are the ones that are wrong. Living a life without sex is not only less complicated, you'll probably end up from a lot more stressful things that a round of playing with one another will not cure.
Yes, stress is relieved during orgasm. Have you ever considered relieving some of your own stress with self massage? An orgasm isn't something you have to share with others, you can make yourself happy all by yourself.
But if you're uninterested in anything that has to do with sex, there are other ways to relieve stress that are actually much more effective.
I have no real clue what they are besides breathing exercises and smoking pot (both my own personal way of coping with my emotional trauma. I don't recommend you pick up my habits, they aren't for everyone.)
All I can really say girl is that you shouldn't feel this way. People can love one another without physical connection, and although some of the things you've done may cause rude reactions to you declaring you choose not to be sexually active are things you should just ignore.
I love you even though I don't know you, because you seem like a strong person who knows more about themselves than most people their age. And that is something very rare in people now a' days. You should remember that anything that makes you different makes you special. That mindset is one nearly extinct in this sex-up world we live in. You ******** rock it out girl! Do what makes you happy and say "Screw you." to the rest.
Smiles darling, you're worth smiles. |
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Posted: Fri May 31, 2013 11:00 am
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O w l - C h a n So, First things off, Quote me, Otherwise I wont see the message. Anyways. I'm Graduating in a week. June 5th to be exact. It's made me really nervous, but excited. Okay, what I'm really here for is this : I'm an 18 year old girl who is a virgin. I was molested twice, but I was able to get away without trouble. This was a while back to tell the truth. But now I'm 18, I've been getting these urges. I really don't like the urges because I get sick very time I get turned on or wet. And it's really bothering me. You see, I regret a lot of things i use to do. I use to go on cam nude for people, If it made them happy, I'd do it. I even went on cam for a married guy who was in the army who is now like 50, he was 40 something at the time. I Hate myself for doing things like that. Until about New Years / January of this year. I met this guy, We were friends for a bit before we got together. (His username is King Vincent von Hellbond).. I went on cam and did things for him. I was actually enjoying it a bit, I think it was because at first he was good to me, and nice. But then he became to get really busy, and ignored me. Was making me feel horrible. He would tell me to call him on skype if i wanted to talk to him. I would do that, He would then say hang on, and put me on hold. Or say sorry I'm going on Tiny chat with some friends of mine (who were girls btw). I use to never be the jealous type, but then that started to happen. It was mentally abusing me, I wanted to end my life and all that jazz. My friend iAnzu helped me out of the relationship though. She's helping me to this day to not run back to him. Anyways, Last night I was getting teased by a guy i haven't talk to in a very long time. I was teasing him back, but then i started to regret it, and just pretend and tell him lies. And he gets back onto skype and asks if we could do it again. I told him I was lying. Now I feel horrible about myself. I want to stay a virgin for the rest of my life. Until the day I die. I've always hated sexual things, But I get the urges. I use to be able to fight them, but now I can't, and it's scaring me. People say sex is amazing, and it helps relieve stress and what not and I'd enjoy it. But I don't want it. I don't want to feel that way, i don't want to do with anything to do with it. I'm getting depressed and stressed out, and I don't know what to do. It's been getting hard to breath lately. I've been getting more and more urges. Mind you, I don't masturbate now. I find it disgusting. I don't even look at porn or anything like that. I believe I have an issue. Specially if I get sick for getting turned on and what not. I don't know what to do. It's making me so depressed I started thinking of Suicide again. And that's not good. I haven't thought of it since before I left Vincent... Anyone have any ideas? Please. I don't want to feel this way since I'm graduating soon.
Okay... I'll tell you this. It may sound stupid but think on it and consider it.
Jesus was never married (People say that is debatable, but it is not.) He never had those what you call "urges". He was perfect, but you don't have to be. My sister tells me I need a man. I'm always saying "Jesus never had a significant other. I don't either." she says I will be lonely. I tell her then, "He had his friends the disciples! I'm sure they were always having fun."
In the bible it teaches us about our life. What we do with it is up to us. You see, life is a like a short movie clip then you're gone. I understand that there may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning. And we all make mistakes sometimes, and we've stepped across that line. Nothing is sweeter than that day we find forgiveness. God is with you.
Now when you get those "urges" Picture this: An angel wrapping his/her arms around you and his/her wings around you then whispering: "It's gonna be okay. You're a very strong person. Never give in to Satan's temptations. I know you can do it."
I picture this whenever I feel tempted to do anything bad. Example: Getting angry and wanting to call the someone whose making me angry names. I think it helps when you give your angel a name and gender. Mine is a male. His name is Stephen.
Read this song by LeCrae you might get something out of it. I sure hope you do. 3nodding
LeCrae Wait:
That man don't love you like he need to
If he ain't following Christ, he can't lead you
I ain't tryin' to deceive you
I know he look better than most men
But without Christ, looks are no reason for bragging and boasting
You got your heart on him
Now you can't depart from him
You knew from the beginning not to even start on him
Compromising your faith for sex
Hurting yourself and God
Cause you outside of marital context
What's next?
Mami show respect for your body
Instead of getting naked and naughty
Like sex is a hobby
You know what you're supposed to do
Let him loose and cling to the God that wants to get close to you
You've been blessed as a chosen few
Mami, if ain't rollin' wit Christ
Then don't let him roll wit you
Cause you've been blessed as a chosen few
And if ain't rollin' wit God
Then don't let him roll wit you
WAIT!
CHORUS:
I know you're the apple of momma's eye
A star in your daddy's sky
But God knows you living a lie
You giving a guy, everything your husband deserves
It's absurd
Don't follow your feelings, just follow The Word
You wanna be in a relationship
Well, you can give him your all, but how deep can the relations get
If your God's on the sideline
You won't be happy I promise
Until you understand, that God is the lifeline
He ain't pleased with lust
So even if it feels right
Remember, he ain't pleased with us, when we
Let our emotions loose without a ring on the finger
It's only gonna come back to sting ya
Don't let the singers sing you sweet lullabies
Without giving The King's sweet love a try
It ain't none better
Who else you know,that would give up his life
Just to love you forever
WAIT!
CHORUS:
I know you thought that ya'll could win together
Ya'll been together
But all ya'll do is sin together
You're wasting your own time
You keep deceiving your mind
Saying that this is part of God's design
Knowing he treating you good
Know his ways is nice
But he can't love you like he should
He's not engaged to Christ
And you know this ain't the man for you
But you hold on like God ain't got better plans for you
The whole worlds says 'you should be dating'
God says you should be serving him while your patiently waitin'
Everybody rushin and racin
Huggin' and kissin' and hold hands, all before their days end
Yea, I know it's hard but TRUST
I wouldn't waste my breath on this song if it wasn't a MUST
The same God that made you
The same God that died for your sins and saved you
HE ain't tryin' to play you, WAIT!
CHORUS:
Your ready to go'..wait!
Can't take no more'.wait!
I know it's hard but, God is never late
Don't follow your feelings'wait!
Just follow HIS Will and'..wait!
Girl, serve the Lord and don't anticipate.
WAIT! |
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Posted: Fri May 31, 2013 1:10 pm
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O w l - C h a n So, First things off, Quote me, Otherwise I wont see the message. Anyways. I'm Graduating in a week. June 5th to be exact. It's made me really nervous, but excited. Okay, what I'm really here for is this : I'm an 18 year old girl who is a virgin. I was molested twice, but I was able to get away without trouble. This was a while back to tell the truth. But now I'm 18, I've been getting these urges. I really don't like the urges because I get sick very time I get turned on or wet. And it's really bothering me. You see, I regret a lot of things i use to do. I use to go on cam nude for people, If it made them happy, I'd do it. I even went on cam for a married guy who was in the army who is now like 50, he was 40 something at the time. I Hate myself for doing things like that. Until about New Years / January of this year. I met this guy, We were friends for a bit before we got together. (His username is King Vincent von Hellbond).. I went on cam and did things for him. I was actually enjoying it a bit, I think it was because at first he was good to me, and nice. But then he became to get really busy, and ignored me. Was making me feel horrible. He would tell me to call him on skype if i wanted to talk to him. I would do that, He would then say hang on, and put me on hold. Or say sorry I'm going on Tiny chat with some friends of mine (who were girls btw). I use to never be the jealous type, but then that started to happen. It was mentally abusing me, I wanted to end my life and all that jazz. My friend iAnzu helped me out of the relationship though. She's helping me to this day to not run back to him. Anyways, Last night I was getting teased by a guy i haven't talk to in a very long time. I was teasing him back, but then i started to regret it, and just pretend and tell him lies. And he gets back onto skype and asks if we could do it again. I told him I was lying. Now I feel horrible about myself. I want to stay a virgin for the rest of my life. Until the day I die. I've always hated sexual things, But I get the urges. I use to be able to fight them, but now I can't, and it's scaring me. People say sex is amazing, and it helps relieve stress and what not and I'd enjoy it. But I don't want it. I don't want to feel that way, i don't want to do with anything to do with it. I'm getting depressed and stressed out, and I don't know what to do. It's been getting hard to breath lately. I've been getting more and more urges. Mind you, I don't masturbate now. I find it disgusting. I don't even look at porn or anything like that. I believe I have an issue. Specially if I get sick for getting turned on and what not. I don't know what to do. It's making me so depressed I started thinking of Suicide again. And that's not good. I haven't thought of it since before I left Vincent... Anyone have any ideas? Please. I don't want to feel this way since I'm graduating soon.
I really feel prompted to post this:
This world
This world is cold
But you don't
You don't have to go
You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely,
And no one seems to care
You're mother's gone and your father hits you
This pain you cannot bear
But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Your days
You say they're way too long
And your nights
You can't sleep at all
Hold on
And you're not sure what you're waiting for,
But you don't want to no more
And you're not sure what you're looking for,
But you don't want to no more
But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on
What are you looking for?
What are you waiting for?
Do you know what you're doing to me?
Go ahead,
What are you waiting for?
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Hold on
smile maybe |
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Posted: Fri May 31, 2013 4:55 pm
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Posted: Fri May 31, 2013 5:07 pm
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Shadowless Knight O w l - C h a n Thank you ladies. Reading these cheered me up a little bit. But Because of my mom I'm feeling more depressed and pissed off. I don't know what could possibly cheer me up from this. But again, thank you very much. Especially you. What you wrote touched my heart. And made me really respect things more then before. So thank you. You're poems were nice, but im not sure if i truly understand them. Sorry. Those are songs If you listen to them maybe you will. Well Smile life gets better I promise! 3nodding
Thank you darling.
What are the songs' names? |
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Posted: Fri May 31, 2013 5:18 pm
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O w l - C h a n Shadowless Knight O w l - C h a n Thank you ladies. Reading these cheered me up a little bit. But Because of my mom I'm feeling more depressed and pissed off. I don't know what could possibly cheer me up from this. But again, thank you very much. Especially you. What you wrote touched my heart. And made me really respect things more then before. So thank you. You're poems were nice, but im not sure if i truly understand them. Sorry. Those are songs If you listen to them maybe you will. Well Smile life gets better I promise! 3nodding Thank you darling. What are the songs' names?
Artist LeCrae song Wait
Artist Good Charlotte song Hold on
I thought I posted who sang hold on and the Artist. I didn't sorry about that. sweatdrop |
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Posted: Fri May 31, 2013 6:01 pm
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Shadowless Knight O w l - C h a n Shadowless Knight O w l - C h a n Thank you ladies. Reading these cheered me up a little bit. But Because of my mom I'm feeling more depressed and pissed off. I don't know what could possibly cheer me up from this. But again, thank you very much. Especially you. What you wrote touched my heart. And made me really respect things more then before. So thank you. You're poems were nice, but im not sure if i truly understand them. Sorry. Those are songs If you listen to them maybe you will. Well Smile life gets better I promise! 3nodding Thank you darling. What are the songs' names? Artist LeCrae song Wait Artist Good Charlotte song Hold on I thought I posted who sang hold on and the Artist. I didn't sorry about that. sweatdrop
awesome thank you. I LOVE Good Charlotte. Just haven't listened to them in ages. |
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Posted: Fri May 31, 2013 6:12 pm
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Reply
