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 Posted: Wed May 15, 2013 6:24 pm
♥ Okay so this is kind of a long and complicated story, but bear with me :3
♥ So my boyfriend and I have known each other since the middle school days (he's nearing the end of his Freshman year of college now and I graduated from high school about a year ago). We were really close friends then, although we lost contact during high school and just recently reconnected. It was -- and, after four and a half months, still is -- like magic and we're both seriously considering our future life together. Before you say anything, yes it is real love, no I'm not lying to myself or anything like that, and no, what I'm about to say does not mean we're anywhere near the point where we're gonna break up. We may be young (I'm 17 and he's 18 ) but when you've really met 'the one', you just know, ya know? xP Especially since we've been friends for so long. But that's beside the point.
♥ I'm moderately religious. I don't believe in going to church, but I believe in the Lord and all of that nice stuff :3 that being said, my boyfriend is an Atheist, and we made it clear from the beginning that we weren't going to let our differences of opinion keep us apart. Cool, right? Well for a while, that was all nice and dandy. We never mentioned the subject and we kept it mum because we both know each others feelings, and in love it doesn't really matter anyways. Except, he's always been kind of a troll about a lot of things (not just religion... you know how trolls are -__-....) and after a while I started getting annoyed at all the crap he was constantly saying, making jokes about abortion like it was some shitty throwaway subject ("Oh you know if you get knocked up, a staircase is your best friend," and all that s**t), joking about rape and PMSing and generally just things that ought not to be joked about. And he knows that I'm an incredibly sensitive girl and I get flustered easily when it comes to those subjects!
♥ I told him on numerous occasions that it wasn't appropriate to say those things, and if he wanted to joke with his friends about it he could do that, given I wasn't around to listen. Fair enough, right? I think I was being pretty nice about it, and he agreed, watching his tone when he was around me. Except... a few weeks later it started up again, and since then it hasn't really stopped. Then, a couple of days ago, I think he really took it too far. I posted a cute, semi-romantic status on Facebook, talking about how if you take your heart and put it in the hands of God, He'll put it into the hands of a man who deserved it. Not so horrible and bible-thumping, right? But then he wrote, "So it's kind of like playing hot potato, only with organs, right?", which I thought was highly inappropriate and very troll-like. I deleted his comment and told him I didn't like it that he said that, and essentially he told me to grow a pair and that I was too sensitive.
♥ Lately I've found myself answering things sarcastically and trolling things. I. Don't. Troll. In fact, I hate trolls, which is how I was able to catch myself so quickly. I'm turning into him! I really don't want to develop that unsavory personality trait, but on the other hand, I don't know how to confront him (again) and tell him how I feel! In general, confrontations make me nervous (always have), and I'm not very good at expressing my feelings in words when I get flustered like that. I wish I could just sit him down and talk to him squarely, but I get nervous and eventually I just started melting down and... *sigh*. I've been like that around people as long as I could remember, so it's not him (if you're thinking that, haha). But it's really starting to get to me. It's depressing me and no matter how many times he asks me what's wrong, I just can't tell him. I know he cares because he's always asking if it's him or if there's anything he could do to help. But then I feel bad because I know I'll be making him feel bad, but then I feel worse, and... ugh! It's a vicious cycle.
♥ So, Ladies? Any advice? I've already had an anxiety attack about this, and I don't want another one! :C
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Posted: Wed May 15, 2013 7:03 pm
So, tl;dr, he's not listening to you
Byebye him if a firm conversation won't fix it for more than a few weeks
Only other option is to put up with it and hope like hell (or to your deity) that he grows out of it. 18 is young, and a stupid age for people
Or every time he does it, spank him with a wooden (bamboo is best) spoon or make him eat soap ou o
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Posted: Wed May 15, 2013 7:34 pm
17-18 is young. Honestly you are both still growing and maturing so there is a total possibility that he will grow out of some of those things. But some people never do.
I don't want to tell you to break up with him or tell you to stay with him, that is your choice.
I will say though that I totally understand what you are saying. I personally believe that those topics are serious and shouldn't be laughed about. There are definitely tons of people out there though who do! It's their choice.
But if you are starting to take on his bad habits/personality traits maybe some distance would be good.(?)
As for not being able to sit down and talk about it maybe you should write everything down in a letter and give it to him to read. You could always hand it to him and sit with him while he reads it then discuss the things you wrote? I'm not sure, that's just the first idea that came to mind...
And even though your worried about hurting him a little I think he should know. If you plan to break up he deserves a chance to know and change things. If you want to stay with him you should give him a chance to change the things that upset you before settling for something that makes you unhappy.
I wish you the best of luck and hope some of my rambling up there made sense...
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Posted: Wed May 15, 2013 8:12 pm
Kitalpha Hart So, tl;dr, he's not listening to you Byebye him if a firm conversation won't fix it for more than a few weeks Only other option is to put up with it and hope like hell (or to your deity) that he grows out of it. 18 is young, and a stupid age for people Or every time he does it, spank him with a wooden (bamboo is best) spoon or make him eat soap ou o jesusgirl115 17-18 is young. Honestly you are both still growing and maturing so there is a total possibility that he will grow out of some of those things. But some people never do.
I don't want to tell you to break up with him or tell you to stay with him, that is your choice.
I will say though that I totally understand what you are saying. I personally believe that those topics are serious and shouldn't be laughed about. There are definitely tons of people out there though who do! It's their choice.
But if you are starting to take on his bad habits/personality traits maybe some distance would be good.(?)
As for not being able to sit down and talk about it maybe you should write everything down in a letter and give it to him to read. You could always hand it to him and sit with him while he reads it then discuss the things you wrote? I'm not sure, that's just the first idea that came to mind...
And even though your worried about hurting him a little I think he should know. If you plan to break up he deserves a chance to know and change things. If you want to stay with him you should give him a chance to change the things that upset you before settling for something that makes you unhappy.
I wish you the best of luck and hope some of my rambling up there made sense...
♥ I know I shouldn't be worried about hurting him, especially since I'm hurting myself in the process, but I'm a Libra (do you believe in Astrology?) and we're notorious for bending over backwards to keep the peace. I've been keeping my distance lately, although admittedly I've been using work as an excuse not to see him/to see him for short periods of time. He's like a lost puppy, though; I can't leave him alone for too long or else he'll stop going to class and doing other stupid s**t instead. -.- Although I don't plan to break up with him anytime soon, I do think this conversation, along with a following 'cool-off' period is in order.
♥ Thanks! :3
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