What do you think? The P word

[NightAngels]

I'm not good at making titles so sorry sad

I really don't know how to start but I guess I'll just say it.
My boyfriend watches porn but idk why it bothers me so much.
And it kind of makes me sad that he does, it kind of breaks my heart.
I guess I am just wondering what you all think about it. Does your boyfriend watch porn all the time. How do I deal with it, maybe I can be more understanding.
Any thoughts about it.
We dont' have sex, I mean he said that we could do that when I was ready.
I am that kind of person who believes and want to have sex right after I get married. It's a choice I made.  

[Haunting Paranoia]

Okay, so, I had a boyfriend online who was addicted to porn and masturbation. It bothered the hell out of me as he told me he how many times he could/would masturbate a day. He even wrote this sick twincest story to try and sort out his sexual feeling surplus and it all lead to me breaking up with him and I'm happy I did. It bothered me so much that I ended up taking rather.. 'wrong' pictures of myself because I was selfish and wanted him to stop watching porn so much so I took the matter into my own hands. We don't talk anymore and such, but I know how you feel when you're bothered by it. :I  

[NightAngels]

Okay I guess it's not just me.

I can't stop crying right now. And thank you so much for your reply. heart

It helps me get an idea that i'm not being a b***h or being stupid
for letting it bother me.  

[Haunting Paranoia]

NightAngels

I beg of you not to do anything stupid and do what I did.
Although, I assume it isn't online..
Have you talked to him about it? It may be cliche to suggest it, but it might be the best thing to do.
I'm sorry that I couldn't reply faster because you didn't quote me, but I'll be happy to talk to you about it. emotion_c8  

[NightAngels]

Haunting Paranoia

NightAngels

I beg of you not to do anything stupid and do what I did.
Although, I assume it isn't online..
Have you talked to him about it? It may be cliche to suggest it, but it might be the best thing to do.
I'm sorry that I couldn't reply faster because you didn't quote me, but I'll be happy to talk to you about it. emotion_c8

Yes I did talk to him about it. And well we are in a long distance relationship. I guess that's why he watches porn all the time. He said that he wasn't going to change it. I wasn't surprised about that, I mean who changes just cause someone else wants them to. I understand, I am not trying to change him. And no I hope that I get to talk to him more about it. He is also an artist so he tells me that he finds naked women an art. But that he wouldn't want any one else but me. He won't want to have sex with them but me. Thank you maybe talking about it will help me a lot. : )

And yes i'm sorry I just replied too, I was watching a show on youtube lol : )  

[Haunting Paranoia]

NightAngels

I know it may seem improbable of someone changing based off of your opinion, but.. your boyfriend? It seems as if a positive relationship with have compromise and that he'd change at least some of his actions to make you happy. This isn't a matter of him changing, it's just a matter that he has an obsession. I suppose naked women can be seen as an art, but do you believe it's just another way that he could get off without the need of watching porn? I know I have no right to comment on your relationship, but it seems that he is a pig. If you did bring up the compromise issue, I have a feeling he'd reply with, "Yes, I am compromising, I'm not going out having sex." Which could be viewed as a red flag also.. If he weren't with you, would he just put himself out there? I'm so sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself and putting words into his mouth. Please forgive me, but.. do you believe that this relationship will fix itself in due time and once you do meet him in person if you do, would that fix it? Do you believe your state of distress is worth being with this man?  

[NightAngels]

Haunting Paranoia

I know it may seem improbable of someone changing based off of your opinion, but.. your boyfriend? It seems as if a positive relationship with have compromise and that he'd change at least some of his actions to make you happy. This isn't a matter of him changing, it's just a matter that he has an obsession. I suppose naked women can be seen as an art, but do you believe it's just another way that he could get off without the need of watching porn? I know I have no right to comment on your relationship, but it seems that he is a pig. If you did bring up the compromise issue, I have a feeling he'd reply with, "Yes, I am compromising, I'm not going out having sex." Which could be viewed as a red flag also.. If he weren't with you, would he just put himself out there? I'm so sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself and putting words into his mouth. Please forgive me, but.. do you believe that this relationship will fix itself in due time and once you do meet him in person if you do, would that fix it? Do you believe your state of distress is worth being with this man?

Those are good questions, and I asked some before, such "is my state of distress all worth going through for him".. some of them make me think, and I probably need a little more time to think them through. I understand were you are coming from when you say that he seems like a pig. It does hurt me but it seems like I can't do anything about it. I try to understand him but it's pointless I just don't ... and yeah that unfortunately comes to my mind that he is pig. : P But maybe because I feel soooo angry at him.

I dont' know how to tell him that maybe he could change at least some of his actions, or diminish them a little without me seeming like I want to change him completely. I know this may seem a bit naïve of me but I do trust him and I care about him.  

[Haunting Paranoia]

NightAngels

It sounds like this issue has been only here for a short time, when did you finally start feeling angry about all of this? You can start anywhere by trying to tell him how you feel, just remember it doesn't matter how it is said, but how you get your point across effectively and positively. Are you afraid he'll become angry when you approach him with such a problem? I have a feeling he doesn't respect the relationship. You both know each other that you're both in love, but his actions do not match his feelings. I suppose masturbation is normal for we are human after all, but I feel as if he takes it to the next level with watching porn OFTEN is what it sounds like and making art out of naked women as his hobby.  

[hoenest]

LOL my boyfriend and i are fine about porn and masturbation. it is normal to get jealous obviously, but really, where do you think your guy derives sexual pleasure from when he is not getting some poontang? of course, he is going to take it upon himself to pleasure himself when you obviously can't.

i have sworn to stay a virgin until marriage, so i still get the need to masturbate. not even going to lie. we communicate. we watch porn together and we tell each other when we feel the thirst, when that happens, it happens.

if you get jealous over that, then show him that you are waaaaaay better than porn will ever be, if ya know what i mean c;

seriously, the innate need for pleasure, you can't stop that. he's a boy, he needs attention down there.

masturbation is normal: completely and undeniably normal. don't blame him. let the boy watch his porn, or you two watch it together. nbd.

NightAngels

 

[NightAngels]

tanqela

LOL my boyfriend and i are fine about porn and masturbation. it is normal to get jealous obviously, but really, where do you think your guy derives sexual pleasure from when he is not getting some poontang? of course, he is going to take it upon himself to pleasure himself when you obviously can't.

i have sworn to stay a virgin until marriage, so i still get the need to masturbate. not even going to lie. we communicate. we watch porn together and we tell each other when we feel the thirst, when that happens, it happens.

if you get jealous over that, then show him that you are waaaaaay better than porn will ever be, if ya know what i mean c;

seriously, the innate need for pleasure, you can't stop that. he's a boy, he needs attention down there.

masturbation is normal: completely and undeniably normal. don't blame him. let the boy watch his porn, or you two watch it together. nbd.

NightAngels

I don't think I'm that jealous, I know when I get jealous, I am a little of a feminist but not a lot, I guess it just hurts me because of a deeper meaning that come from my faith and values. and I think porn is gross : P

But really I don't get how I can have picture of my favorite Boxing Champion and he gets really pissed off and literaly tells me why I don't have a picture of him XD lols...  

[NightAngels]

Haunting Paranoia

NightAngels

It sounds like this issue has been only here for a short time, when did you finally start feeling angry about all of this? You can start anywhere by trying to tell him how you feel, just remember it doesn't matter how it is said, but how you get your point across effectively and positively. Are you afraid he'll become angry when you approach him with such a problem? I have a feeling he doesn't respect the relationship. You both know each other that you're both in love, but his actions do not match his feelings. I suppose masturbation is normal for we are human after all, but I feel as if he takes it to the next level with watching porn OFTEN is what it sounds like and making art out of naked women as his hobby.

I don't mind masturbation, I mean it's better to do it than to just live miserable. Can I come back to this post and reply to you when my head is little clear ^_^. lol had a really tough day today, and this topic is somewhat an importance to me so I would like to think about your questions. ^_^  

[Chatoy]

Been there, sweetie. sad

What I can most coherently say is that a huge part of my dissatisfaction with my partner using porn was when I was not confident in my own body, not confident in our relationship, not satisfied with our sex life, and when I would try to over-analyze the specific porn he had viewed. Prior to my relationship, I had no issue with pornography and wasn't a stranger to browsing it. During the earlier years of my relationship, however, I did a complete 180 on my feelings about it--very likely because it was the first time I had to deal with the added emotions that come with being in a relationship.

The worst feeling, even greater than knowing your partner watches porn? Asking a partner to stop using it, having him promise me that he no longer uses it, and later finding out that he was still using it--trust and security disappear, despite good intentions in the form of a white lie. The best thing for me, even though it was challenging doing the soul-searching? My current partner stood his ground and was honest that he was not going to stop using porn, but that he would be mindful while we both addressed my issues with it.

All I can say is don't over-analyze the porn he uses and move toward doing things that make you both feel more confident--about yourselves, about the relationship, and about your intimacy. I understand you're waiting until marriage to be physically intimate, but the mind is also a great way to explore that intimacy.

Hopefully he is an understanding guy and has patience. In all likelihood, this issue won't be something where someone can give you a single answer to cause you to "see the light," as they say. Understand, too, that it's truly a personal decision and my story might not be everyone's perfect solution.