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 Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 11:17 am
So I met a guy on xbox live a few months ago, and we've slowly become really close friends. And that friendship is sort of becoming more than just a friendship. We really like each other. But I need your guys' opinion on some stuff...
1) he says he really likes me and cares about me a lot, but at the same time he's madly in love with another girl (who happens to be one of my best friends)
2) he's five years older than I am; i'm turning 17 later this year, and he just turned 22
3) he lives in Pennsylvania, and i live in Ontario, Canada
4) we talk all the time on yahoo messenger and xbox live, and through that we've hypothetically nearly rounded third base (the bases being- ******** form of input or advice or opinion or whatever is greatly appreciated smile and I'll try to answer any questions you may have
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Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 11:26 am
well if he's "madly in love" with another girl who's one of you best friends, number 4 with the bases shouldn't have happened even if it was through a chat. that'd be a red flag for me in my book if he claims love for one girl and wants to try and get something out of another, be it cyber or otherwise. being friends isn't any problem, and the age i don't think is too drastic unless the turning 17 part isn't until like September and later in which case i'd say be careful. i don't know what consent laws are in Canada and i do know that people don't tend to listen to them, but there are older guys out there who have no problem taking advantage of younger girls(or the other way around), i've seen it happen a lot. as for him being in Penn and you in Ontario, i don't see that as an issue unless the two of you want to meet up or the idea of a long distance relationship is set up, in which case again, if he's claiming to be in love with a girl you're friends with and getting to third base with you in chat i'd be careful and skeptical on that one
i hope something in there helps and doesn't just sound like i'm being a b***h about everything you said was happening cat_sweatdrop
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Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 11:30 am
Thank you for the input biggrin
We're trying our best to be as careful as possible. He knows not to cross any lines I'm not comfortable with crossing, and he generally respects my limits. I know that he would never do anything without my consent. So yeah.. sweatdrop but thanks again C:StrayKit well if he's "madly in love" with another girl who's one of you best friends, number 4 with the bases shouldn't have happened even if it was through a chat. that'd be a red flag for me in my book if he claims love for one girl and wants to try and get something out of another, be it cyber or otherwise. being friends isn't any problem, and the age i don't think is too drastic unless the turning 17 part isn't until like September and later in which case i'd say be careful. i don't know what consent laws are in Canada and i do know that people don't tend to listen to them, but there are older guys out there who have no problem taking advantage of younger girls(or the other way around), i've seen it happen a lot. as for him being in Penn and you in Ontario, i don't see that as an issue unless the two of you want to meet up or the idea of a long distance relationship is set up, in which case again, if he's claiming to be in love with a girl you're friends with and getting to third base with you in chat i'd be careful and skeptical on that one i hope something in there helps and doesn't just sound like i'm being a b***h about everything you said was happening cat_sweatdrop
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Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2013 2:12 pm
I have the same opinion as StrayKit; if he's madly in love with your best friend, then what's he doing getting to third base with you? Also, I'm a bit iffy on the age gap. I know it's nothing when you're in your late twenties and upwards, but at your ages you're both at different stages of development and you want different things... (I'll spare you the whole mental psychology lecture sweatdrop )
On a brighter note, I have no problem with the long distance thing. I'm in a long distance relationship myself. But I'd still be careful, if you've never met the guy before (like face-to-face), although if you have then, again, no problem lol
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Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2013 3:38 pm
I dated a 22 year old when I was 17 and that did not turn out well. (Basically for the reasons Wolf-keybearer said, we were both at different stages and didn't know what we wanted yet) I can't speak the same for everyone, of course, but if a 22-year-old guy feels more comfortable picking up girls of high school age (I can only guess your friend is around same age as you?) they usually have quite a few issues going on there that do not make up a good long-term boyfriend. My older brothers are proof of this -_- And yes the "madly in love with your friend" thing is something huge that you sound like you are conveniently ignoring. That should be a red alert on your meter warning you against moving forward with this guy until he figures things out... I really hate to say it but how do you know he's not using you? Honestly, none of this is sounding like its going to turn out well. sad
edit: and btw how does your friend feel about him? Is she into him too because that could be another huge wrench in this cog that needs to be taken into consideration.
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Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 10:40 am
Hello : D
I appreciate your concern, and I agree with pretty much everything you (and everyone else) have said. Him and I have discussed our relationship in a little more detail since I posted this thread. We understand that we're heading down the wrong road, so to speak, considering the fact that we both know we'll likely never be more than just good friends. I was a little worried that he was using me as well, but I asked him about it and he said that he wasn't. Now, normally I'd call bullshit on that, but I know this guy well enough to know that he would never lie to me. Regardless, we've decided to just back things up and work everything out before we process further. c:
Also, to answer your last question, my friend is in a very happy relationship with another girl, and she thinks of him only as a close friend.Dagera
I dated a 22 year old when I was 17 and that did not turn out well. (Basically for the reasons Wolf-keybearer said, we were both at different stages and didn't know what we wanted yet) I can't speak the same for everyone, of course, but if a 22-year-old guy feels more comfortable picking up girls of high school age (I can only guess your friend is around same age as you?) they usually have quite a few issues going on there that do not make up a good long-term boyfriend. My older brothers are proof of this -_- And yes the "madly in love with your friend" thing is something huge that you sound like you are conveniently ignoring. That should be a red alert on your meter warning you against moving forward with this guy until he figures things out... I really hate to say it but how do you know he's not using you? Honestly, none of this is sounding like its going to turn out well. sad
edit: and btw how does your friend feel about him? Is she into him too because that could be another huge wrench in this cog that needs to be taken into consideration.
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 12:29 pm
I think you're doing the right thing now in backing up to work things out; that age gap is sort of iffy around that area (I mean like 17 and 22 vs say 25 and 30)
is this going to be a long distance relationship? if so, this is probably not such a great idea, especially if you're going to school and planning on going to college; college exposes you to SO MANY PEOPLE sharing your interests and passions! also, I have plenty of second-hand experience with long distance relationships between a girl your age and older guys (by second-hand I mean I was close friends to the girls in that position)
ALL OF THEM ENDED VERY TERRIBLY. keep that in mind as you work things out with this guy
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Posted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 6:07 am
Seeing your reply to Dagera, I'd say it's good that u're taking a step back and re-evaluating things between you guys. It's the wise thing to do. Also, this gives him time to sort his feelings (his feelings for both you and your best friend). But as mentioned by the other girls, college life will definitely change you because of all the exposures smile So no need to be rash, you're still young! Live life! biggrin
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Posted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 7:34 am
Not sure if you've solved this yet, but in case you need more opinions.
Everything seemed fine until it was stated he's madly in love with your best friend. To me, when someone is able to love two people, that means that the person stated does not feel anything more than attraction, as, one can only truly love one person. That said, it doesn't mean you both can't live happily ever after either. I say, that you both just try being friends for a while, just playing games, talking, that sort of thing. If the man sticks around despite this, then he may really like you. Though, you also have to set it straight it is you or your friend. It's recommended to ask your friend her feelings on the situation; if she likes him, then it's probably best to talk about it, but be very careful with your wording and what you say; it'd be terrible if you lost a friend because of this situation your stuck in. It might be good to avoid the topic altogether to avoid that, but you don't want to risk a problem occurring because you didn't talk it over with your friend.
Perhaps the three of you should all talk together as well to work out a solution.
If you ever need more help with anything else I'd love to help more, my skills in advice are in romance and friendship so I figured this was perfect for me to put my input in. I hope I helped, good luck! :D
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