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Phantom of the Barricades
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 Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 12:54 pm
I'm 17 years old and I got dismissed from my uni. I have no idea how to get the university to take me back. I live in a place where if you don't come from a certain prominent university, leaving the unemployment line is going to be terribly difficult. I want to get and leave my parents' house because they can't stop poking their noses in whatever I do.
I lost almost all of the friends I've ever known, but it's not their fault. I couldn't maintain friendships, because, a.) I have no idea to talk to them, most of the conversations I've ever made with them are just me replying to whatever they say and fandom talks, b.) I have trust issues, I don't even know how or when this started, c.) I like being alone, but I don't want to go on with life alone, if that makes sense. I want my friends back, but I don't know how to.
My family is quite conservative, being an Asian family and all; traditions, traditions. They think life is just go to school, graduate, get a job; money, money, money. I want to live life where money is no object. But I can't, not in this country, and with this family I won't. I guess that's a very ambitious thing to say because, I know the only time when money is no object is if your swimming in it, which points me back to my university problem.
I have a boyfriend and we're okay, I think. I make problems about us, but only for me. It's just difficult I guess that we're apart, since he's at the university I got dismissed from; he's another reason why I want to come back. He's my first boyfriend and I'm not sure if it's normal to be paranoid about being broken up with and I really don't want to be left again. We were actually friends before in high school and the early months in uni, but as I've said I don't know anything about keeping friends, then he came back to my life just as soon as I lost all my friends. Now I don't know if I could maintain our relationship if I couldn't handle friendships.
I keep things to myself because I don't want to be a burden to anyone. But recently these things are getting too much for my head to handle. My mind is like a racing engine filled with paranoia which made me lack sleep, got me unfocused, it cost me my place at the university I was attending, and lost all my friends. I really couldn't keep my thoughts hidden anymore so I let it live, I made a friend; I call her Natalya and she keeps us a blog.
I've tried running a blog before, where I put my thoughts and problems but I'd always think that someone might find out it was me so I tend to edit the things I post and would end up not what I want people to know. It's weird that I want people to help me out but I don't want them to know me. So I made Natalya. So she could blog about me herself.
Natalya is just a thought but sometimes she makes sense, well technically I made her make sense to me but I mean, I make her say things I don't normally say, they're probably repressed thoughts that I've dismissed before, there's no way of remembering. I don't really know anymore.
I've never told anyone about all of this until now, well Natalya did but not me, and sometimes she's a problem too, because of that blog. Sometimes I find myself typing things I really didn't think through, but I would still press the post button to retain the Natalya Thought's authenticity; it helps, but it scares me a little.
I think I need help.
Should I tell anyone about this? I don't want my parents to know first, I want someone else to know, but I don't have any friends. I only have my boyfriend and I don't know if I want him to get in my troubles since he's probably busy with uni and I don't want him to worry.
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Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2013 10:38 am
Wow, okay, well first I am very sorry to hear about your uni situation. I don't really know much about that kind of stuff since I am currently not in any school (I'm done with High School, but I have yet to start at a university).
I do have more understanding for your friend situation though. I know how hard and scary it can be getting to know and trust new people, and I personally know losing friends and being scared to talk to new people. When I was younger I was bullied and this really mean girl wouldn't let anyone be my friend in my first school. After that I didn't want to trust other people and I have always struggled to iniciate conversations and relationships since then.
I have been getting better though. I think the biggest thing for trying to move foreword from this type of situation is to try and care less. I know that sounds bad, but if you are less worried about what people think about you it gets easier to talk to them, and once you start to talk to more people and make friends it helps build confidence in yourself.
And you say that you don't want to burden anyone by going to them for help, but sometimes that's the best thing you can do. We all need someone to lean on a bit, and it can come to show who's really your friend and wants to be there for you when you're down.
One a side note, if I am understanding you correctly Natalya is actually you pretending to be someone else on a blog correct? I don't think that this is really a very bad thing, because I have actually done the same thing! Isa is my alter ego that runs a tumblr blog, because sometimes I don't want to bother my friends, but I really need some place to just let things out.
Also, if you ever need someone to talk to about anything you can talk to me <3
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Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 1:02 pm
Phantom of the Barricades I'm 17 years old and I got dismissed from my uni. I have no idea how to get the university to take me back. I live in a place where if you don't come from a certain prominent university, leaving the unemployment line is going to be terribly difficult. I want to get and leave my parents' house because they can't stop poking their noses in whatever I do.
I lost almost all of the friends I've ever known, but it's not their fault. I couldn't maintain friendships, because, a.) I have no idea to talk to them, most of the conversations I've ever made with them are just me replying to whatever they say and fandom talks, b.) I have trust issues, I don't even know how or when this started, c.) I like being alone, but I don't want to go on with life alone, if that makes sense. I want my friends back, but I don't know how to.
My family is quite conservative, being an Asian family and all; traditions, traditions. They think life is just go to school, graduate, get a job; money, money, money. I want to live life where money is no object. But I can't, not in this country, and with this family I won't. I guess that's a very ambitious thing to say because, I know the only time when money is no object is if your swimming in it, which points me back to my university problem.
I have a boyfriend and we're okay, I think. I make problems about us, but only for me. It's just difficult I guess that we're apart, since he's at the university I got dismissed from; he's another reason why I want to come back. He's my first boyfriend and I'm not sure if it's normal to be paranoid about being broken up with and I really don't want to be left again. We were actually friends before in high school and the early months in uni, but as I've said I don't know anything about keeping friends, then he came back to my life just as soon as I lost all my friends. Now I don't know if I could maintain our relationship if I couldn't handle friendships.
I keep things to myself because I don't want to be a burden to anyone. But recently these things are getting too much for my head to handle. My mind is like a racing engine filled with paranoia which made me lack sleep, got me unfocused, it cost me my place at the university I was attending, and lost all my friends. I really couldn't keep my thoughts hidden anymore so I let it live, I made a friend; I call her Natalya and she keeps us a blog.
I've tried running a blog before, where I put my thoughts and problems but I'd always think that someone might find out it was me so I tend to edit the things I post and would end up not what I want people to know. It's weird that I want people to help me out but I don't want them to know me. So I made Natalya. So she could blog about me herself.
Natalya is just a thought but sometimes she makes sense, well technically I made her make sense to me but I mean, I make her say things I don't normally say, they're probably repressed thoughts that I've dismissed before, there's no way of remembering. I don't really know anymore.
I've never told anyone about all of this until now, well Natalya did but not me, and sometimes she's a problem too, because of that blog. Sometimes I find myself typing things I really didn't think through, but I would still press the post button to retain the Natalya Thought's authenticity; it helps, but it scares me a little.
I think I need help.
Should I tell anyone about this? I don't want my parents to know first, I want someone else to know, but I don't have any friends. I only have my boyfriend and I don't know if I want him to get in my troubles since he's probably busy with uni and I don't want him to worry. I got confused... Natalya is a online friend that keeps a blog and she blogs about your thoughts? or you blog in her blog ?.... My parents don't know that I have gaia and that I talk to complete stranger, but I keep my own personal information , like my complete name, where I live, where I study... It is better to talk to people in real life too... Because they are the ones who are physically there. Maybe a cousin, sister, brother, parent... anyone that you feel confortable talking about your issue of not having friends.... I kept my friends from high school, we studied in different college but we kept in touch. How ? Organizing activities with friends when the semester is over or during spring break etc.. Sending emails sometimes etc.... You think you don't know how to keep up a conversation, but it is something you can learn.... What do you like to do ? What are your hobbies ? There are many questions that open a conversation about a topic... If you look in Gaia forums... Everyone is posting about a subject, you can do this too ! You can apply this in real life. You can volunteer, it can help you meet new people and help you to socialize. You can try to find a job even if the economy is bad, I've been trying every summer (2 years) I didn't find any... I recently got interviews, and I'm not sure if I'll get the job... but at least I try. Why were you dismissed from University ? Is it because you failed the entrance test or the course? There are ways to get back in... I had a friend that failed to many classes so she signed a document that she will keep studying but partial-time in condition that she increase her GPA...
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Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2013 10:16 am
Phantom of the Barricades Ok first off. If your so called friends don't want to be your friends anymore.. Move on make new friends. Friends come and go. I've had your situation. I don't have any friends myself and trust issues. I just have my bf. Even if your bf is busy. You should still tell him how you feel I bet he could help you out a lot. If he's the only person outside your parents. I don't know about your uni part since I decided not to go back to school after high school so really can't help you there x.x Facts of life: Never look back always move forward in life. Focus on the future. Not how you lost your friends. Means you make better ones :3 Don't care what your parents think. It's your life not theirs. I hope I helped a little
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Posted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 5:53 am
At university, did you choose a major yet? You may be able to speak with the department head and see if they can help you get back in. If you didn't choose your major, did you have a teacher you really clicked with? That might be a good place to start.
It sounds like you know you need to go to university to be able to attain your goals. It is not too late! If you can't get back into this school, you should be able to get into another one. Don't give up!
My college education, while I don't work in my major, has made a big difference. It is getting to the point that they don't even want to hire file clerks without a degree. File clerks! (I love office work, btw.) So pretty soon you might need a degree to get your foot in the door anywhere. sad
Do you know why you dropped out of your university? Was the work too advanced? Were you bored? Not interested in your major? If you go back, you don't want to have the same problems.
Take care, and good luck!
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Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 12:33 am
First off, find out why you got dismissed from your university. Talk to an academic counselor and find out how you can get back in, if going to school is what you want to do. If you are on suspension, an advisor can help you figure out what went wrong and how you can get back in.
As for friends, if your old friends ditched you, try to find some new ones. It may hurt at first, but you will hurt more if you do not try. Community centers and libraries can be good places to start at, in that they may offer groups or free classes that cater to your interests.
I did not quite understand about the blogging bit. I suppose that is something you will have to consult your "friend" about? sweatdrop
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