Would love some feedback!

[QueenTwi]

Hi there! I'm not too active in this guild, but i'm going try to change that. Anywho, I've been writing a story and I don't really have anyone to give me any feedback. My best friend reads it and I really don't count his opinion as I think he's telling me what I want to hear sometimes. I would love for some people whom I haven't really spoken to, to read what's written so far and tell me what they think. I know there are some grammar errors, I plan on editing once the story is complete.
Here's the link: The Heart of Wonderland You don't have to create an account on that site, feel free to comment on here. I look forward to hearing your thoughts!
Thanks for reading!
~Twi  

[glompablezz]

I have read up to chapter 2, very good, but it seems in the "chaotic" part, there wasn't that much chaos. If Irene had in fact infiltrated the castle, wouldn't have had some of her men fighting with her as well? But very interesting story.  

[QueenTwi]

glompablezz

I have read up to chapter 2, very good, but it seems in the "chaotic" part, there wasn't that much chaos. If Irene had in fact infiltrated the castle, wouldn't have had some of her men fighting with her as well? But very interesting story.

Irene isn't one to get her hands too dirty unless it's necessary. She works stealthily and underhanded. Once I get more time on my hands I plan on editing what I have so far and see if anything can be added. I'm glad you like it so far, once things get a bit less chaotic at work and such i'll be able to write more. Thank you for your feedback and I hope you continue to read my story.
~Twi  

[lady mewcat]

i really love this story so far. melanie is a really cool character i play alot of pen and paper roleplaying games and she is alomst exactly how i play with them smile not to mention i love that its a wonderland based story i love it!! sorry im not too good at critiqes or spelling lol