I'm struggling right now...

[Anne Vampire Lover]

Okay so this is what is going on I used to cut, like a lot and I stopped about a year and a half/two years ago because I realized that I didn't want the people who made me want to cut to have that kind of control over me anymore. So I stopped and I got what I guess you could call better, I didn't do it anymore and not a day went by that I didn't want to do it but I didn't do it. Now resonantly s**t is starting to hit me again, I resonantly moved out abruptly without much of a plan and I moved in with a friend who doesn't know what I used to do.

Well he cut himself resonantly and his boyfriend who is also a person I care about tried to kill himself too. Neither of them did it in the end but it reminded me about how I did it and now I feel the need to do it again more so than normal and I don't know what to do but it feels like I'm being eaten from the inside even more now and I don't know what to do.

Help...  

[thackest2k_TFWR2]

well lets try this terminology (trust me im a nice guy really)
every time you cut yourself i smash you on the nose they both have the same effect you will feel pain,blood pouring out of you and why did it happen
then the next time will be a boot then the next time it happens a pedigree (hhh finisher)

self inflicted punishment means nothing and achieves nothing
its great that you stopped doing it and you now need to fight this urge to wanting to do it again

put a reply and tell me what pleasure,achievement,acknowledgement,enjoyment you get from this  

[EvanescentGypsy]

Hello dear, I used to cut too. Let me say that I am very proud of you for staying 'clean' for so long. From my experience it is normal to feel the way you do in these kinds of situations, these situation triggered you. I am sorry that you are going through a rough time and if you need someone I am here for you. Please do not cut! <3  

[Anne Vampire Lover]

thackest2k_TFWR2

Okay just from your post I'm pretty sure you have never cut before, but your terminology doesn't really work for and situation like this. Cutting isn't about pain and blood pouring out of you, at least it isn't for me some people do it for the pain, it's mostly about from what I've figured out from a few other people is that it's about control and knowing you have some kind of control over your own life and you can end it at anytime but you don't.

I know it doesn't really achieve nothing but you're wrong about it not meaning anything, it means everything to the people who have done it or are still doing it. Cutting can be the thing that is stopping some kid in the US from bringing a gun to school because if he has that than he doesn't think of ending any other lives. I'm not saying that it's good people cut but it's a grounder that can keep us from going over the edge.

I don't get any really pleasure from it, I never said I did. I don't get any achievement from it, I know I don't. I don't get any acknowledgment because this is the first time I ever told anyone that I've done it. The only real enjoyment I get from it is the fact that I have a little bit of control.

Cutting, from what I've seen is wanting control over your own life, when life gets too out of control and the cutter feels like they are losing the control they have they do it more often and deeper. That why a lot of people cut, at least from what I've found out.  

[Anne Vampire Lover]

x X l Dark Beauty l X x

Thank you, it's been a bit of a struggle and I've done it alone. It would have been two years but I messed up and did it. Thank you for being here, this is the first time I told anyone so it's nice to talk to someone who has gone through it too. I'm trying not to do it but it has been hard resonantly so I decided it was time to talk about it and maybe it would help.  

[EvanescentGypsy]

Anne Vampire Lover

x X l Dark Beauty l X x

Thank you, it's been a bit of a struggle and I've done it alone. It would have been two years but I messed up and did it. Thank you for being here, this is the first time I told anyone so it's nice to talk to someone who has gone through it too. I'm trying not to do it but it has been hard resonantly so I decided it was time to talk about it and maybe it would help.

You are welcome. It is extremely hard to go through things alone in my opinion it's always helpful and nice to have someone to help you. Of course, it's tough to talk about things for the first time. I hear what you're saying, it can get hard at times. I think it was a great decision for you to talk about it. It can be hard to resist the urge when triggered especially if the situations that are around you are the things that are triggering. I find that music helps me a lot personally. I don't know if you would find this helpful but there is a blog dedicated to listing things to do instead of cutting. I'll put the link here just in case. Or if you want to talk about something specifically just say so and we can talk about it :- )  

[thackest2k_TFWR2]

Anne Vampire Lover

thackest2k_TFWR2

true i never cut and to proud to self inflict damage on myself

you said some do it for pain i know a load of things that can inflict pain that doesn't bring you to the nearest sharp object they can find
like boxing,kick boxing, rugby, football, s&m (18+) etc

from what i can see is its a reality check that you can do anything with your own body or life better idea well it worked for me instead of cutting just punch a wall its near enough the same but better for people

my first post i didn't want to sound like a jackass i wanted it to sound like hard love type of thing  

[DarkRinRin]

This is coming from someone that use to cut and stopped a few years ago and started up again and then stopped a couple of months ago.
Cutting while yes it helps you to feel good in the moment or numb at the moment that you do it, all it does is mask feeling that while yes they are hard to deal with and not fun or easy to cope with, it is something that we must all go through. I know that cutting gets you a high that help you feel free fro all problems and pain that is happening around you. I tell people all the time that cutting is really hard to stop, it is like trying to stop taking drugs but you are doing a great job and not cutting. I don't know you but because you are a fighter and because you are asking for help you are an amazing person! You are stronger then you think! Keep up the good work on not cutter you are a better person then that.