White Dwarf no. 395

[Vikki Stardust]

WHITE DWARF NOVEMBER 2012, theyre too posh to number their issues now (its issue 395 btw). They've also made it 2 cm shorter, which Im sure puts a lot of OCD collectors over edge. What is new and rather refreshing is that there are minis on the cover, cant remember the last time they did that actually. See, Im used to art from codexes or the odd lord of the rings promo still gracing the cover, not actual minis!! They look OK btw, a bunch of khorn knights on juggernauts, nothing too fancy or eyecatching really, which is a shame, tho it is a great glimpse at what the hobby is all about: muthafukken skullz everywhere! Oh yes, yes! Can you feel it?

Let’s meet the team and THEY HAVE HIRED A GIRL. Once you get over that shock it gets confusing for some, as on one page shes got red hair, the next its blue and later its purple. Shes the hip and punk one of the bunch, I like her lots already, the rest looks like a bunch of office monkeys they drafted to pose with minis and in various stages of hobbying about. The foreword by the editor is one youve heard a million times before by now: How did you get into the hobby? Mine involved orks after school one day, when the older brother of a friend was painting them and he gave one to me, prolly because he fancied me, the *****! But that one ork, with its little pistol and massive axe and funny pointy hat sucked me into the hobby. It wasn’t until GW killed inquisitor, their best game EVER, that I was out.

The table of contents promises over 130 pages of stuff. First fifty pages are for showcasing all upcoming releases tho.. So lets get that out of the way first and ooh-la-la, wots this? Foldout pages? Peeps hoping for something sexy will be disappointed, I know I was! Its just more pictures of a really ugly model. Actually, all of the releases, while presented as expensive luxury goods, look really, really lame, not to mention an even bigger waste of space than the older mags. Theres also a few forge world releases, tho Ive been told that those have been released ages ago now. Then theres a bit about black library books, which is more of the same really: buy this s**t, please? Then theres a bit about only war, an imperial guard roleplaying game, with a small interview about what to expect, but not when.

So, with the shilling of s**t out of the way, lets see whats actually in there and wow, its an army showcase of an actual player, not some gw drone! Its a nice army with some decent shots.

Then weve got the column of Jervis Johnson, which was first called standard bearer but now goes by the simple JERVIS JOHNSON where he talks about how hes all for competitive play. BORING.

Battle report. Only played between the two editors of the rag, one of them using the new models shown earlier. Gee, guess who wins? If you said anything other than chaos, youre stupid and should be ashamed of yourself. Also, no maps, no clear descriptions of whats going on and the post-battle bit was more about how awesome the new models are than anything else. No less than five people do this, two of whom write army books for the studio.

Blanchitsu. This article made me cry with nostalgia, as John is rad and his minis this month were one big homage to inquisitor. I still love you! crying

Hall of fame is about pretty minis getting a special place GW’s history of doing minis. This time round a rather funny looking pair of massive squigs going on a rampage. Okay.

Parade ground has pics of models from the community and not gw tools. This time its tanks. Nice models but nothing too flash.

Kitbash shows you pictures of kitbashed models, but doesn’t really tell you how to do it. A description like “attaching the plasma pistol required using parts from four different kits” okay? Which kits you ******** c**t?! I blame white dwarf editing here..

Battle ground is an advert for the many scenery kits gw does. Boring, as the table in question is called the valley of skulls. Hey guess what its main features are? emotion_awesome

Paint splatter is the new eavy metal, sadface. Okay tutorials tho, with a great bit on how to use salt when painting.

Joining uncle jervis is JEREMY VETOCK who blabs about playing games with strangers or something, i didnt really care so i skimmed it.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall the way in the back we get to see what the wd creware up to (painting minis, yay....) along with showing off more minis you SHOULD buy. Theres also designer notes on the chaos crap, on how the imperial guard trenches of doom were built and what forge world is up to.

Don’t buy it kids, its a s**t mag. I was thinking of doing a comparison to older mags, but really? Not worth the effort, its a s**t mag. Even my baby didn’t like it and shes clueless about a lot of things at her tender age of something and nothing.  

[DarkElf27]

Question. What was the last edition of WD that you guys did like? I've never had a sub and only have had a copy or two from many years back, so I can't really judge the current stuff, which is apparently swill.  

[Vikki Stardust]

DarkElf27

Question. What was the last edition of WD that you guys did like? I've never had a sub and only have had a copy or two from many years back, so I can't really judge the current stuff, which is apparently swill.

Can I be really honest? Dont get a sub and instead use google lots. It saves you money and gives you better content. I mean, they dont even give you free gifts with your sub anymore.  

[DarkElf27]

Vikki Stardust

DarkElf27

Question. What was the last edition of WD that you guys did like? I've never had a sub and only have had a copy or two from many years back, so I can't really judge the current stuff, which is apparently swill.

Can I be really honest? Dont get a sub and instead use google lots. It saves you money and gives you better content. I mean, they dont even give you free gifts with your sub anymore.

Fair point. I remember getting a free dwarf and goblin with a single mag, way back when.  

[Vikki Stardust]

DarkElf27

Vikki Stardust

DarkElf27

Question. What was the last edition of WD that you guys did like? I've never had a sub and only have had a copy or two from many years back, so I can't really judge the current stuff, which is apparently swill.

Can I be really honest? Dont get a sub and instead use google lots. It saves you money and gives you better content. I mean, they dont even give you free gifts with your sub anymore.

Fair point. I remember getting a free dwarf and goblin with a single mag, way back when.

Wow, thats ages and ages ago, according to the expert, well over six years ago. xp  

[notmuch_23]

So in short, White Dwarf turned into a book of GW ads disguised as a "hobby magazine".

I think we should do our own here...

...in the meantime, there's always the Spikey Bits blog...  

[Vikki Stardust]

notmuch_23

I think we should do our own here...

For that to work wed need an active guild and for regular contributors to actually contribute.  

[notmuch_23]

Best leave it to Spikey Bits then...  

[Hoxtalicious]

DarkElf27

Question. What was the last edition of WD that you guys did like? I've never had a sub and only have had a copy or two from many years back, so I can't really judge the current stuff, which is apparently swill.

I have been buying them since issue 279, with Inquisitor Cotaez on the cover and I think the December issue of this year might be my last one, though I might for shits sake I could go on to issue 400 and call it quits. I have seen the mag go down the drain hard over the years.

Problem is, they hardly leave an impression on me any more. Now the current issue stands out due to the Only War preview featuring a rather emotional piece of art. Last issue that I really, really remember was (Had to google this one) is issue 284: Eye of Terror campaign with Imperial Guard regiments, an insane battle report pitting seven heroes against a whole army, rules for minis and new missions. A close second is issue 220, my very, very first one I ever bought. Oh man, now that's an issue! Imperial Guard army showcase, Tears of Isha, five bat-reps, Tale of Two Gamers, Blood Bowl workshops, Gorka! Morka! ********, they don't make them like they used to. emotion_8c  

[Lady Blodwynn]

Bitter much Blows? sweatdrop  

[Vikki Stardust]

Lady Blodwynn

Bitter much Blows? sweatdrop

Maybe a bit too much, its retarded really, seeing as I really dont give one ******** about the hobby any more. Its been fun, but it really has been going downhill fast and hard for far too long now.  

[Lady Blodwynn]

Vikki Stardust

Lady Blodwynn

Bitter much Blows? sweatdrop

Maybe a bit too much, its retarded really, seeing as I really dont give one ******** about the hobby any more. Its been fun, but it really has been going downhill fast and hard for far too long now.

You may want to tone down a tad on the negativity and your language, it intimidates the other members. sweatdrop  

[Van Evok]

Lady Blodwynn

Vikki Stardust

Lady Blodwynn

Bitter much Blows? sweatdrop

Maybe a bit too much, its retarded really, seeing as I really dont give one ******** about the hobby any more. Its been fun, but it really has been going downhill fast and hard for far too long now.

You may want to tone down a tad on the negativity and your language, it intimidates the other members. sweatdrop

I know the feeling, between the codex creep, lack of serious playtesting and GW almost purposefully distorting the balance of game to make people buy more models (the big dive was 3rd edition which saw tactical marine go down from 30 to 15 points, and then seeing games go upward in points from around 1500 to 2000 and beyond, and then making vehicles both too cheap and too hard to kill resulting in rhino rush, fish of fury and eldar air cavalry...)
Eventually I dropped off GW entirely and settled for a skirmish level Infinity.
There is always alternative!  

[Vikki Stardust]

Lady Blodwynn

Vikki Stardust

Lady Blodwynn

Bitter much Blows? sweatdrop

Maybe a bit too much, its retarded really, seeing as I really dont give one ******** about the hobby any more. Its been fun, but it really has been going downhill fast and hard for far too long now.

You may want to tone down a tad on the negativity and your language, it intimidates the other members. sweatdrop

okay, fine. How about this?

WHITE DWARF is a generic, run of the mill, modern day magazine that's comprised mainly of ads for their own overpriced product, more ads thinly disguised as pointless articles with a small amount of actual content that's useful to hobbyists, both new and old. WHITE DWARF can proudly join the long line of other vapid magazines out there, such as the GLAMOUR, COSMO, FHM and PLAYBOY, safe in the fact that yes, it is just as ad-laden and pointless as the other big-shot magazines. The only thing that sets the WHITE DWARF apart from these magazines is that it is solely there to advertise their own product and not even hiding that fact any more, or attempting to cater to their fan base as a whole, seeing them as nothing more than walking piggy banks that are solely there to buy their overpriced products.

I pose to the reader the following question: Is the WHITE DWARF worth the cost of £5.50? I can tell you with certainty that the answer is a resounding NO, no it is not. While it looks nice on the shelf or in the bathroom, it is a waste of money, as there are better sources of hobby information out there that offer a better experience for less. If looking to burn money, buy a copy, leaf through it once or twice, then toss it aside. I doubt the new issues have a lot of re-read value.

WHITE DWARF used to mean something back in the day. Your monthly dose of hobby goodness, that yes, was studded with ads, but had actual articles with actual content in them that actually said something other than the same old "Buy our wares" that the current generation of magazines unashamedly sells to you. Who else remembers the excitement of going to the newsagent after school and seeing if the new WHITE DWARF was in? I remember when they first featured INQUISITOR on the cover, a memorable event to me and one of my most favourite issues of all time. Those days are over and will never return.

Goodbye old friend, we will miss you..