Azucar Aceler! Update! Crits please?? C:

[Raspberry Hippos]

Name: Azucar Aceler
Azucar–Sugar in Spanish
Acelerado-Hyper in Spanish

Blood colour: Red #AB0909

Gender: Female

Symbol:Symbol

Personality:Azucar is a sugar-alcoholic, since the day her lips has touch the sugary sweet she has been addict to it. This has made her extremely hyper, to the point where she cannot sit still. She is so hyped on the stuff all the time that her body is so wind that she has to move or she will become physically ill. This is because she has so much energy in her body from the sugar high that she has to move it off. So sitting is a problem for her; when she does have to sit she is wiggling around in her seat. Which makes people wondered if she is mentally ill, which might as well be. It is said that because she has ate so much sugar that her mind has been completely alter by it, which is in fact true. When she is not hyped up, she is pretty much a socially awkward and shy girl. She has a problem with talking to others and tends to avoid them at all cost. She tends to mopes around and hates her life because she believes that everyone hates her because she has a fear to talk to troll because she believes she has annoying voice and personality.
Well as stated before the sugar as alter her brain so much that she act just the opposite when she is hyped up on the stuff. Sugar tends to make people happy and that’s what has done to Azucar. She is constantly happy and wants to share her happiness with everyone, which makes her very friendly. Another reason why she is so friendly is because she knows she is low red-blood and she needs friends in higher places to get her the sugar sweet. Which makes her a sweet talker. If you want her to say something because it would make you feel better she will.
Now many may wondered how she became so hooked on the sugar, well as the story goes Azucar was moping in the corner one day trying to avoid the other trolls until one little boy came over and offer her a sucker which she took and the rest is history. Though it seems that Azucar is pretty picky about what she will eat and tends to avoid handfuls of straight sugar as she did that once and had a horrible stomachache.
Strengths:
HI! Hello! How are you? This sugar crazed female is extremely friendly. She is always happy and wants to share her sugar high happiness with you. She will come up to anyone and everyone and ask them tons of questions to get to know them. She wants to become your best friend and will do almost anything to try.
Oh you have Sugar….let me butter you up with words of wonderfulness Azucar is a sweet talker. She has to be if she wants people to give her sugar. She tends to say whatever you want her to say to make you like her or to get something she wants.
Flaws:
Epp. * twitch * Epp * twitch* CAN’T. SIT. STILL. She cannot do this. She is always on the move or she will get sick. This is a flaw because trolls tend to believe that she has major problems.
OH LOOK, CANDY!Distracted. Very distracted. It hard for this female to keep on one thing for two long as her mind is moving and the speed of lighting. She is constantly moving from thing to thing and it hard for her to keep on a thing long then a few minutes as she tend to get bored with things very easily. The only time where she tend to keep more focus on something then her regular time is when she is trying to sweet talk someone into giving her candy.
Weapon:Sliver Spoon
Sliver Spoon (The name Azucar gave her weapon) A giant sliver spoon with a giant red colored bow. Not only does it smack the living heck out of people but it feeds her sugar!
Appearance: Main Ref!
Azucar is always in a party dress with frills at the end of the sleeves and dress. She wears dark leggings under her party dress. She wears simple ballet shoes. Her hair is a fluffy mess with two bows on the top and two bows at the end. Her horns should look like party hats on the side of her head. Like This
Home: Azucar lives in the plains. It's a very simple house with a lot of space where she can hoard her sugar in. It's close enough to the town to buy tons of sugar but far enough where she doesn't have to bother with the city noise! o uo-b

Lusus: Rabbitmom is weird creature. She is all about fashion and looking good. Nothing more is more important then that. She is always trying to look her best even though she is a monstrous looking creature. She cares for Azucar but doesn’t like that she always hyped up on sugar and doesn’t allowed her to have sugar or even come close to it so it causes a lot of tension in the house. To say the least, Azucar and her Lusus doesn’t get along very well.

Power: Nope.

Fun facts:
Azucar has very dark lines under her eyes as she gets very little sleep.
Her favorite candy is suckers as they are the first sugary sweet she had.
Even though her and Rabbitmom doesn't get long she still loves her...kinda.
 

[Galaxa13]

Alright, let's get started. c=

First off you in the second sentence you say how she's always moving and can't stand still and in the next sentence you say the exact same thing, but with different words. This is a bit redundant so I would remove the third sentence, just add that she vibrates, or whatever, in the second sentence to avoid repeating yourself. Then there's the whole issue of her sugar addiction. As a redblood how is she able to attain high quantities of sugar? I would imagine it would be somewhat difficult for her attain the amount of sugar she needs with the limited funds someone of her station would have on them. Plus there's the question of why she has this addiction. Did she eat something sweet and fall in love with the taste so now she constantly eats it? You say she can't be without it for more than two hours, does this mean she'll start having withdrawal symptoms by that time or is it simply that she doesn't like going that long without stuffing some sugary substance in her mouth? Also, why is it that she can't be sad while she's hyper? Does the sugar in her system somehow turn off her ability to feel negative emotions? I'm also curious as to what her real personality is like. You tell us how sugar affects her, but nothing about her core self. When she has sugar it makes her hyper and when she doesn't she crashes and is in an ill mood. What would happen if she went without sugar for a long enough period that she got over her withdrawal? She would still probably desire that sweet high she's become accustom to, but would she remain an ill tempered troll? I'm just curious who Azucar is without sugar. There's also the whole issue of how far would she go to get sugar. Would she steal it? Would she beat up someone? Or would she just plop on her behind and moan until someone gave her a lollipop?

I'm a bit confused by her strength of being able to listen. It seems to go against her lack of being able to stand still. Does she just hop around a troll while listening to them? That seems like it would be a bit off putting to others and they wouldn't particularly want to talk to her. It also seems to me that she might get bored if she doesn't have to try to listen, such as if the troll talks at a normal volume and speed. What is it that keeps her attention?

Her moody fault also confuses me a bit. How can she change within a second? Does this mean her sugar crashes are a sudden thing? That one moment she's bouncing and giggling and the next she slumped over and grumbling? I don't feel as though that's very realistic, unless she was bipoplar and then the sugar would have nothing to do with it. There's also the fact that you said that she's rarely without sugar so this moodiness shouldn't crop up often.

The more I read the more I wonder, does Azurca eat just straight up sugar? Does she just get sacks of sugar and eat it? That seems like it would make her sick rather than hyper.

Why does Mr. Tea have to live in a teacup? You don't explain this at all.

I would suggest you look over the whole thing and check for grammar and spelling issues. Some parts are a bit confusing and you use the wrong tense of word. You also say "clam" instead of "calm" when talking about Mt. Tea.  

[Raspberry Hippos]

Galaxa13

Thanks for the cirts! ^w ^

You bring out a lot of good questions and it seems that I need to go back and explain everything and over just revamped her profile! Thank you for helping me! <3  

[Galaxa13]

Oh goodness, look at my babbin! emotion_kirakira Glad I could help! ='D  

[amicableAggressor]

azucar's blood colour is mutant, not red! please consult the blood colour guide on the make-a-troll infopage and colourpicker.com to choose an actual allowed redblood colour if that's what you want to make her :3  

[Raspberry Hippos]

Oh Poop! Sorry. Will fixed that. :>  

[Raspberry Hippos]

Updated some stuff. C:  

[Galaxa13]

Looking over it you didn't really address any of the grammatical issues except for the one I specifically pointed out. If you yourself can't pick them out then I suggest having a friend look over it.

I would also take out the video link seeing as how it depicts a one time event for that character and was annoying enough then. I can't imagine having a character act like that all the time. If that's how she behaves she really would have no friends at all. Mac's friends were getting concerned for him and tried to get him to stop. This is how they reacted to him after only one time. If Azucar behaved this way not a single person would be able to put up with her. I'm not saying she can't like sugar or can't be hyper, I'm just saying that liking her to Mac's behavior is not a good thing. That video was basically a worst case scenario.

I'm also still rather confused on her not being able to feel negative emotions because of the sugar. You say she basically acts like Mac when he's on his sugar high, but in that video we can clearly see him getting frustrated with Duchess even before he goes into withdrawal. Sugar doesn't have this magical quality to make you not feel bad. It gives you endorphins, which makes you feel good, but you can still feel bad under the right circumstances. You're just hyper while feeling bad.

It doesn't make much sense to me that Mr. Tea would refuse to give his little girl sugary treats when he himself swims around in sugary tea and makes her fetch him sugar cubes. Did he only start using sugar like this after she became addicted?

I'm wondering how she became such a sweet talker if originally she was afraid everyone would hate her if she tried to talk to them. Is her addiction so bad that she no longer cared if someone hated her so long as there was the possibility they might give her sugar? I can understand if she was just shy and then had a bunch of energy she'd be able to break through and talk a lot just to release all this extra energy, but if she was so afraid of others how did she suddenly become so charismatic? I'm also wondering that if she went without her sugar for an extended amount of time would she return to being scared of how everyone viewed her? You say that's how she was, but would she return to that without the sugar to give her that push to talk?

Lastly you mention she used to be smart and get good grades before the sugar. Does that mean the sugar made her dumb? Also there aren't really any schools on Alternian so she wouldn't actually get any grades.  

[Raspberry Hippos]

Getting a major overhaul!  

[quite uneventful]

u-uh wow this got pretty long I guess
oh well onto my very first crit!!!!! hoorah!!!

is english your first language? you might want to read through your profile because I've found a lot of grammatical problems and some phrases just don't make sense to me! sometimes you repeat some things again and again, like when you're describing her when she eats sugar or when she doesn't.
why does she like eating sugar? yeah, sure, it might have been the best thing in the world and etc, but doesn't she notice it's harming her mentally and socially? it's probably also harming her physically— does she get tired easily? sugar only gives a rush for a moment— after that her head will probably hurt and she'll double over, exhausted. sugar literally only powers you for an hour— then what after?
also, how does she sleep???? with all that sugar I'm surprised she can actually function properly. does she just pass out in the middle of the day?

if people see how crazy she is when she gets sugar, I don't think they're going to want to give her any, let alone talk to her! she'll have to resort to being a thief and stealing candy from others.

does she know her place on the hemospectrum? she may be nice and friendly, but if a purpleblood asks her— hey, give me your candy— would she give it? would she rage? if she says no, she'll be culled immediately. that's how it is, especially if you're a redblood!!

what else does she do, aside from eating sugar and being hyper? if we take away her sugar and how hyper she is— what does that leave her with? she sounds like she has two completely different personalities— you might want to give a lot of information on both of them! also, I suggest having 3 strengths and 3 weaknesses, as I think having only two is too little, unless I'm mistaken...? oh well, nevertheless, I also suggest adding more information to her traits— they're around 1-2 sentences long, and don't give much insight to the character. why is she extremely friendly? shouldn't she be horribly hostile, as she wants your sugar? how can she think straight when she tries to compliment you and butter you up so she can get some sugar— how do you know trolls would talk to her at all and not just leave her standing there due to how... extreme she is?

what does her lusus do to keep her from using sugar? she has to travel all over with her as a kid, so I doubt rabbitmom would just let her eat it without her consent! you say she cares for her, but obviously she doesn't care enough to keep her from eating sugar!

- I hope I helped! there are still a few more things I'm curious about, I just don't have much time right now!