[DELETE PLEASE]

[nepsah]

Old, oooold concept, no longer wanting this here. C:
 

[nepsah]

nothin' to see here
 

[Galaxa13]

Wow, what an angry little cutie! First off it was a good move to retcon his mutant blood so he's be easier to get, but I would suggest removing his pain disorder as well since it too seems like it would fit in a mutant slot. I am unsure how his Realist trait is a strength if he's not always good at thinking this way? Maybe explain his thought process a little more and how it helps him. As for Determined is there anything that might deter him? Or is he a powerhouse that won't let anything stop him once he sets his mind on something? When he gets into fits of Explosive anger does he just scream and yell? You mentioned he'd rather run than fight, but would he throw objects at walls or something like that in his fits of rage?

As for the power I would suggest just removing it since you said it isn't essential and if you keep it you'll have to wait longer for a chance to get him, but if you don't mind waiting you'll have to figure out how this power would be used in battles (check out the powers post here). As for the eye problems, if you decide to forgo the powers you'll have to explain why it is he has them. Does he just have bad eyes that slowly go blind (such as the shop troll Belife) or maybe he got a peek of the sun just as it was setting and scarred his retinas (like the shop troll LaRoce)?

Over all he seems interesting and I hope this helps. c=  

[nepsah]

Thank you for the critique! C: I made some edits based on it. I went ahead and just did away with the realism trait and replaced it with creativity, and expanded on the traits in question... renamed Determined to Ambitious.

Also just completely did away with the power, but I have yet to figure out entirely what to do with the power... Liking pain and having huge issues with that is a core part of Deskri's character and growth over time. So I could probably just make him a masochist later on (well, he'd be a masochist like this anyway) and say that stuff DOES hurt, he just likes it... or keep the nervous system disorder... Not sure what to do yet, so I'm going to leave it alone while I mull it over...

unless anyone else has any suggestions as to what to do about that?  

[nepsah]

Edited the first post to make it slightly more pretty... and I completely removed his nervous system disorder.

I'll work in the masochism later, when he's older, as a growth thing. c: I think I'm pretty satisfied with thisssss....and will put it up for review? unless there's other things i need to elaborate on or change or whatever.

[edit]
Replaced old pic in first post with a new, better one. c:  

[nepsah]

Elaborated on some stuff in his bio, and edited his weapon description.
 

[amicableAggressor]

"in the mode" > "in the mood"

deskri seems to be pretty solid! i do have a few questions though, mainly in terms of expanding on his virtues and flaws, and working out a few things that feel slightly inconsistent in terms of how you've described/named things, if you don't mind me delaying a bit from the almighty accepted stamp ;;

for loyal, what does it take for him to like you? is it just 'you dont run off after i spend the first two hours complaining bitterly to you about everything' or does he make people jump through hoops before he labels them as friends?

the ambitious strength makes me curious, what are his ambitions? you say when he really wants things he goes all out to get them, that's more determined. ambitious means that you not only dream of things, you dream big. despite sulking around in a puddle of hemohate on the surface, does he have any big goals that he still holds onto deep inside? or did you literally just mean determined o uo;

for creative, it seems to feel a little contradictory to not the sharpest tool. the way you've written sharpest is that he is slow in the brain, while being creative is usually attributed to quick, unique, out-of-the-box thinking. is he actually on the low end of the iq or is he just distracted from mundane things like other trolls and food safety laws by the lightning hot scars of imagination that sear the front of his brain? (or somethin' like that, but i'm basically trying to see how they could be worded so they work together)

coward coward coward. i have some questions here. first off, it feels written as something that's helping him. he isn't afraid of speaking his mind, so he doesn't let people walk over him. all he does is avoid fights, which are dangerous, especially to a lowblood, and -should- honestly be avoided. does this also stretch to include protecting friends in fights (against the loyal trait)? if not, then again, even less of a flaw. how exactly does keeping his skin intact and withdrawing before things get to messy hurt or hinder him? even with his explosive flaw, it seems to be written that even if he goes ahead and attacks someone, he will still remember to take care of no1 and pull his a** out of the fire before it gets cooked.
if you want some ideas on how this could be reworked, or somethin like that, let me know, but i think i've written enough for you to think about now?

thanks for the wait, and if there's anything in here that you would like help with before submitting again, or anything you have questions about, quote me here and i'll help my best c:  

[nepsah]

amicableAggressor

Thank you for the crit! Haha I think I suffered a bit from "old character, not everyone knows him as well as I do" when it got down to his flaws and stuff. (Admittedly it doesn't help that he has more flaws than he has virtues...)

Added in a bit to his "loyal" virtue. That ones a little tricky I think because of the age he's gonna start at... he'd make friends easier as a kid but as he gets older he'll be more closed off and less trusting of others. Hoooopefully what I added gets that across? ; w ;''

I went ahead and renamed ambitious as "determined" because of that description issue, "determined" is a betting suiting word for what I was trying to get at. As a kid he wouldn't really have much in the way of ambitions anyway, the most he'd want is just to be treated equally.

For the creative/not the sharpest tool thing it... He's an intelligent person, he just does a lot of... really stupid things, or socially just doesn't catch on very well, so I made some edits to both of those to further expand on the point... He's a hands on person, the creativity is meant to utilize the world around him rather than be a completely mental thing. The denseness of his actions ties more into his social ineptitude, which might... be a better flaw to use?? I'm not sure.

I'm so used to playing him as a teen/young adult that its kind of hard to push him back into younger years. @ n @ I know where he's headed, its just hard to put it properly into a child's personality. C: I s'pose Imma ask for some insight from anyone else who might be willing and then resubmit him. Thank you for your time! You seem to have been pretty busy lately.  

[nepsah]

Went through and reread some stuff, added in a few lines to a paragraph and then italicized all of the edits done after Ami's crit, as well as what I had just added in. C: Going to go ahead and resubmit him for evaluation.  

[Sypon]

Hey Asu! Deskri’s coming along nicely; you made some good changes! Some crit from me and you're almost there~ c:

First off, a little tidbit: it doesn’t matter if Deskri appears female or not! If he identifies as male, his gender is male.

Personality: How has kittydad rubbed off on Deskri? Is his constant grooming a result of over-protectiveness, or something otherwise? I initially read into it as over-protectiveness, but if he tries to get Des to toughen up that may be a different story.

Strengths/Flaws:
Determined: The last bit “At this current stage in life…”, seems a little out of place. How does his determination affect meeting people? Is it connected to setting aside his anger issues, and if so, are his anger issues then not much of a problem if he can just be determined enough to push them aside? It seems to me like his explosive and cranky nature is a little wishy-washy throughout his application, because you’re trying to make him able to socialize. Try to define his anger in a way that you don’t have to water it down. Is he just a perpetual grouch who can socialize until those moments where he explodes surface? Does he constantly bounce back and forth between being socially inept due to his anger and socially adept when he is determined?

Good changes to Not the Sharpest tool, particularly in defining his lack of common sense. As far as his intelligence and analytical ability goes, how does he stand? That’s all that I want a little more on here, just to sharpen that definition between lacking common sense and lacking brain matter 

Cowardly: This still reads like a strength. Think about it like this: When Deskri is in a position where he turns to cowardice, does it help him or hurt him? In this case, Deskri getting into fights or mouthing off to a highblood may cause him to get into a fight – being a coward would be the only thing to save his butt. It’s fine for it to be a strength occasionally, but it needs to be to the point where it is mostly negative for his health. Perhaps he leaves his friends behind when he is cowardly? Perhaps he’s cowardly in other ways than just being faced with physical conflict?

Appearance: You mention that his bedhead comes partially from him laying around all night. Is he lazy? Why’s he laying around? This is a little detail but it just came out of the blue.

Lusus: What is Kittydad’s personality? How does he get along with Deskri? More elaboration here is important, because Kittydad will be around Deskri at all times as a chid. smile  

[nepsah]

Sypon

WOO okay sorry this took so long I have been SO BUSY lately ahahaa;;;
First, thank you for the crit! C: It was very helpful.

I added in a paragraph to the end of his personality blurb describing some of the ways kittydad has rubbed of on Des, which also doubles as a sort of description of their general relationship with one another. I also added in an explanation for the toughening up exercises. u w u

Determined-- I got rid of that "at this current stage of life" thing and redid it to hopefully fix the wishy-washiness of his anger issues? Des is an all around grump pretty much 90% of the time (that 10% of non-grump goes to close friends), but if he really wants to he can generally tone it down to talk to people? He just... doesn't do it. >___> Like you said I wanted to make it so he COULD socialize because really if I let him be grumpy all the time I can't imagine why anyone would want to talk to him at all. :c SO HOPEFULLY that edit I put in there helps get rid of the wishy-washy.

Not the sharpest tool/Creativity-- I didn't change NTST but I did tack on a bit to the end of creativity to specify that he's pretty good at analyzing physical things but social nuances are generally a no-go for him.

Cowardly-- I wasn't... entirely sure how to fix this... because the more I thought about it and how cowardice effects Des the more I realized that as he gets older it'll probably be more of a strength than a flaw........ But I added in that he's easily scared into doing things he wouldn't normally do if approached by someone bigger or stronger than him.
I might have to just rewrite him a new flaw if this edit doesn't suffice. :c

Appearance-- I think the paragraph I added into personality fixes the out of the blueness of his bedhead, but yeah he tends to lay around a lot... cat naps with his lusus quite frequently even if its bad for his health...

Lusus-- added in some more blurb, italicized that for ease of spotting.

C: I hope this is good????

Thank you again for your crit!