Senpan Pyktis || Mellowed out indigo-blood [open to crit]

[otherworldlyDeath]

Name:
Senpan Pyktis.
Senpan: I changed the last letter of "senpai"
Pyktis: Some language for Saphire.

Blood colour:
Indigo

Gender:
Male

Symbol:
An indigo "S" with a circle in the middle.

Personality:
Senpan is rather mellow, even with indigo blood, since it's the most volatile of bloods. He has a lot of friends and makes friends easily. He loves to FLARP with them as well, it seems to be a passage for his rage.

When he was around 3 sweeps old, he developed his power of fire, though had no control over it. His lusus was going to train him to use it, but before it could, Senpan accidentally burned it to death. Since he was at such a young age, it was a mental scar that didn't go away. he promised himself that he wouldn't kill anyone, no matter how much he wanted to.

He is completely happy-go-lucky, and enjoys life to the max. He's usually around at his Friends house (the same one that made his morphkind), However, this is a very dangerous thing. Since Senpan and his friend both have rather unstable DNA, if they come in contact with each other(but only skin to skin) the two chemicals in their DNA try to stabilize themselves, which works, but has a rather..."explosive" reaction. If the two were to strife, half of Alternia could blow up.

Senpan loves being around others, except one troll, who is always putting him down, more so than Vriska does to Tavros. This makes keeping his rage under control all the harder. Thus, he FLARPs with his friends to help him.

He spends most of his days Talking to his friends on the internet, or at there own Hive. He doesn't have anyone around him so he will be with someone at all times. Since his Lusus died, he doesn't have anyone at his Hive. His Best of friends, though harmful to the planet, are usually with him.

Strengths:
Speed: His Speed is incredibly high up. His speed can surpass most by quite a big margin.

Competitive: His competitive life style is a way of challenging himself. He finds that it will make him stronger.

Fighting style: the way he fights is far better than most would expect.

Flaws:
Fire: inability to control fire properly.

Clumsyness: He's rather clumsy. he'll drop things if he's carrying them. this happens sometimes.

Horns: His horns are bigger than most of his age, so they get in the way.

Weapon:
He has the special weapon "Morphkind Specibus". It was developed by one of his tinkering friends. It has the power to change from a juggling club, to a katana, and to a scythe, but only one at a time.

Appearance: (I'll have the photoshop of him later)
Senpan has hair that flares like fire. his horns go straight up and have two downstrikes (like kanaya and vriska, only two). He has Gamzee facepaint, but the outer part of the eyes have a grey drop, almost touching the grey parts on his cheeks. He also wears a normal, black t-shirt with his symbol on the front. His pants, however, Have more design to them. One side is black while the other is white. On the black half, there are spots in certain areas. one at the top of his calf in front, one at his shins, and one in the middle, between his legs. This goes the same for the otherside but in reverse color, as well as the back of his pants. He wears black shoes as well.He always has a smile on his face, with his teeth showing over his lips.

When FLARPing, he wears Distinctive shades, a black cape, no shirt, and fire designed arm gaurds(that go ALL the way up his arms). His symbol is on the cape. He acts as a Happy-go-lucky Highblood, though this may scare a few other FLARPers, he doesn't mean to scare anyone.



Home:
He lives in a multi-layer building near the ocean.

Lusus:
He had Mothdad, but as a young troll, Senpan accidentally burned it to death.

Power:
He has the power to control fire, but he's not very good at it.

God Tier: Lord of Space.  

[amicableAggressor]

hey um, just looking at your troll, right off the bat, he's kind of underdeveloped? we're looking for more than one line in his strengths and flaws. i kind of get the feeling from this post that you haven't read any of the other applications, i'd reccomend you have a look in the 'completed quests' subforum to see the kind of work we want to see put into a quest, and the detail we're looking for. :>

also, if you're interested in him having a power, please be aware that it will make him more difficult to acquire, as they're rare. i would also recommend reading the battle information thread to understand how to choose a power. (see the powers and trinkets post)

also some of his strengths and flaws need to be re-thought out. one example is speed that allows him to outdistance other trolls by miles would count as a power, since that's pretty much passing beyond the boundaries of normal movement.

finally, for his weapon you mention it's made by a friend? who doesn't feel pain?? i'm curious why that's necessary? (the pain part, he's able to have gotten the weapon from a tinkering troll in his past)

i can't really look in depth into him right now, since you really need to flesh out some parts before i can crit them fully, but first off i would really recommend you have a look at some other quests and see what you need to work towards. good luck!  

[otherworldlyDeath]

I edited a few things.  

[melona-pan]

Alright, I can tell right off the bat you haven't really read anything about Hivestuck. I highly advise you go read everything on the front page of the main thread, as well as all the info provided in the subforums in the guild because you obviously have no grasp on this b/c's universe. Here are some obvious problems:

- THERE IS NO SBURB IN HIVESTUCK. This is made very clear several, several times.
This means: he cannot have any kind of specibus, at all. Weapons here are old fashioned. Nor does he have a god tier. Sburb will never be in Hivestuck, ever. They don't even have internet.

- His power. Highbloods only have physical powers. ie: super strength, invisibility, super speed. Only lowbloods have psychic powers, ie: element manipulation, general Sollux-powers. You're more than welcome to quest for a power, but they are not common or easy to get.

- At the new starting 'kid' stage, your troll must have it's lusus accompany it outside it's hive at all times. So, obviously, Senpan cannot kill his lusus until he's at least at 'teen'.

Now, moving onto your troll as a character. You obviously ignored most of what Ami suggested, because your quest hardly changed or improved. Go look at any other accepted troll/quest. Notice the difference? Are you aware you are writing this profile for a toddler-aged troll? I'm only going to touch on your flaws and strengths for now because they need the most work.


'Fighting Style' is not a strength. That doesn't make any sense, what so ever. How is a style a strength? Even so, don't you think it's a little ridiculous to have your only positive characteristics be strength and speed? Really? That's all thats good about him, his unrealistic battle prowess? Give him some personality outside of battling.
Ami also already mentioned that his 'speed' trait crosses into power territory and can't be used.

Competitive is not a strength. If anything, it's a flaw.

'Fire' is not a flaw. If he can't control it well write that under power or something, it has no business being there imo.

Horns is not a flaw, either. It is something about his appearance and is fairly irrelevant to him as a troll I dont even know what you were thinking there

Also, you seriously mentioned canon characters in your profile. I don't even know how to react to that- what relevence do they have? Can you not decribe a relationship between two characters without having to reference a prexisting ship? I highly advise against writing pre-existing friends into your profile anyways, It's completely irrelevant and the point of this whole b/c thing is to rp your character with other people so why make up friends?

Your quest needs some work before I can consider accepting it. Please do go around and actually read Hivestuck as well as a few prexisting characters to get a better grasp on what you're supposed to do here. :3c