One thing after another... Need a friend

[MunakMousie]

Hi... I've been joined to this guide a long while, and I go in and out of my activity on gaia. Though my random life craziness.... But I've been a member for some time now, and posted a few times with random stuff.

I just find myself realizing lately that I have no one to talk to anymore. At least not about to much personal stuff, sometimes random chatting but thats about it. I don't feel like I have any close friends that I can tell my problems to or rant with and help each other out. None of my friends understand my problems or can relate to me, so its hard for me to tell them something and have them understand or be able to give advice. I had tried in the past but it kinda just either blew up in my face or just made them feel awkward or pity me, or even in some cases pushed people away.

I am hoping to find someone who can relate or talk to about the same problems. Someone who can listen and give advice, or I can listen and we can talk about stuff similar together.

I am 25yrs old. My problems are sometimes a bit beyond maturity of some girls on here. If its better your over 18 that might work best. Probably relate a bit better then also. But I do have younger friends also *shrug* Just be best if someone is over 18 I think, so I wont feel I have to censor myself or feel awkward admiting some things.

I have medical problems, and deal with depression and social anxiety. I have alot of issues that have built up from abuse I went through as a small child...

I have problems with men, because I've been abused and had my heart broken one to many times. An I have a hard time feeling like I deserve to love, or just plain loving someone or trusting people.

Guys/people will often tell me how beautiful and how awesome a person I am cuz I have such a sweet and fun personality on the outside.... An curtain guys (especially nerds) fall for me really quickly somehow... with out me wanting them to. An then I get scared, and if I start to like that person I end up sabotaging myself or ending it or doing something to mess things up with out realizing it. I get panicked... and then its too late.
The only two times I ever gave in and started to love and was putting myself in and didn't want things to stop.... was ruined by distance or other reasons (my unsteady living sitation and being moved around... and once the guy went to hawaii for college for 6yrs) so now I don't know what to do...

I didn't date for a long time... about 6yrs... An the only reason I even started dating was cuz it was sort of forced upon me by a guy I was friends with when I went to visit him in another state... an i eventually broke up with him and he'd eventually get me to get back with him. That continued for about a yr? (off and on with long breaks) Decided to just try and date... did a while. got used a few times and got fed up with it...
I took a break for about... a yr? An decided to date again by my sisters pushiness that I needed to just try. So I did the whole... cupid dating website thing...
Met a few nice guys I guess... and started dating one... he's liking me alot but I still have alll these issues that I can't work through and no one to talk to!

I don't even know if I like him that much... @.@ I'm going crazy and have no friend to talk with about it

I like him alot as a friend... but thats not what he wants.... and I hate the idea of just stopping being his friend cuz we have fun together and I just moved here and don't know a single soul ;-;... But I don't want to lead him on, I've tried to let him know I want to go slow and stuff, and he says thats fine... but I can tell he feels alot stronger then I do, and I don't know if he is thinking that I feel stronger for him then I actually do. Because even when I try to be verbal and explain things to people they misunderstand my actions, I am very very kind and loving to people... its my nature... I do it to everyone >.>; pretty much. I don't have a mean cell in my body D=  

[THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS]

I can totally relate. sad I also don't have any friends at the moment because they've all been pushed or walked away. And i also get err un-wanted male attention, I have 1 VERY dedicated stalker plus a couple of ex- "boyfriends" Who i only dated as i felt pressured into it who years latter still try to talk to me. Theyve all been very intense. Which means i don't date alot either.

I also had a friend, who was my best friend, who wanted to date. I was fairly certain this would ruin our friendship so i told him no and then one day he just stoped talking to me. sad won't even answer a text or look at me in the street. And as he was always who i talked to when i needed someone its kinda s**t.

So your totally not alone having no one to talk to and trying really hard to hold on to people when you do get a friend. If you only like this guy as a friend and can't see yourselves being together you might have to tell him that theres nothing romantic there. However if a little part of you thinks there might be something maybe you should just embrace it and try.

I know that ^ wasn't very helpfull but i hope you know your not alone in feeling alone. And i'm in my 20's so if you wanna talk more you can pm me heart  

[Digital Fiend]

I'm 25 and recently "deleted" a lot of people I've been friends with since middle school.

While I don't have issues with men in general, there are a few that have really messed with my head when I was younger, and it took me awhile to get past it.

I suffer from undiagnosed social anxiety; and am either fighting PPD or just regular depression. {I believe it's the latter since I've been fighting it since before I was pregnant}.

Feel free to pm me if you wish. Being lonely sucks; and I've had my fair share of "fair weather friends". They can be fun; but I've always thought real friends lean on each other when things get tough.  

[MunakMousie]

THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS

The friend - dating thing can be very difficult...
I often have male friends... as I tend to get along better with guys for the better of less drama it seems. I am nerdy and used to be very tomboyish. So I had always gotten along better with them. But it seems like guys at some point always screw that up. Because I think every male friend I've had has at some point developed feelings for me. Although one was too shy to say it to my face just told his friends that somehow got around back to me... An I might have confronted him, but I was heart broken and on a no dating streak.

I tried dating a friend once... When I was 18. My very best friend the guy who I told everything too it seemed, and we were really close... I started to fall for him, and eventually told him I cared for him more then friends... he admitted back that he had liked me for 2 yrs as well, but didn't want to ruin our friendship. We decided to try dating on terms that no matter what happen we'd still be friends. We were dating 6months before we even managed to kiss.... and it was magical he said, it was really special... I have never loved that strongly, where you feel like you really are in some sort of fairy tale as silly as it sounds and as unrealistic as I thought it was. But he had to move to hawaii, and was going to go to college for 6yrs... An we had recently moved appart a few hours so he already knew it was difficult, and knew being in hawaii would be even more difficult as we wouldn't see each other for yrs at a time possibly... So he broke up with me, and that was one of the two only times I've cried so hard in my life. The other being when my sister died. I didn't think the pains could be so similar. But I lost my best friend and love at the same time. So it hurt alot. I didn't date for 5yrs... couldn't even consider it, I thought maybe if I waited long enough that when he returned he'd still care for me, and see that how dedicated I was that he would consider dating again...
We stayed friends.... and still are sort of... we've drifted apart alot. He had moved on for the most part as he said... I don't know if it was to save my feelings or help me move on or what. But I tried to force myself to just get over it. I almost loved again but that ended also... and everything else has just been a mess

He finally came back from hawaii this yr.... I went to visit him, we had lots of fun catching up and it seemed like we were friends just as we had before almost. It was nice, but short lived. He is still single... and didn't really date at all the entire time. So I don't know what to think *shrug* But he's living in seattle which is like 9hours from where I live now. An I can't really move there so I don't see anything for us.

Which is why I try to just pull myself to date other people, and tell myself I need to be normal and like other people, get over him and stop feeling like a crazy person lol.

I don't feel like I'm stable enough to date people really.... Even though when I was younger I thought I'd be married and have kids by now... I love children and I hate dating and I just want to have a husband v.v but I don't see that in my future anymore... I don't even think I can right now cuz I have to many issues. But then again... I get insanely lonely. So it just feels like I'm being pulled apart.