Time's Weakness

[Gnomes-san]

So, suggestions for the ttitle are greatly appreciated, as I'm really not happy with it.
Anyway, this started in the Romance thread, but is much more appropriate here, C&C appreciated.

Disclaimer* I will edit out what I need to, but this contains some very adult situations and language. Not for our younger members, certainly.

EDIT: Finished. 22 chapters, about 93000 words.  

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter 1

"Moving in the summer is a bad idea." Nino's English was nearly perfect, but when he was upset or tired the french in him became far more pronounced. He grunted and dropped a box onto the carpeted floor.
"You know, I appreciate your help, Nino, but I'm not sure it's worth your complaints. If it's that bad on your tender European skin you can go." Ethan was wrestling what looked like a battered side table through the narrow doorway to his new apartments. "It's an even 80, and dry. Who calls this warm?"
"People from somewhere more sensible than that god-forsaken spit of land you call home. You will never get me back there, and to that I will hold."
"Hey watch it!" Nino had carelessly placed a box marked 'fragile' on the couch which now pitched forward towards the ground. Ethan scrambled to get a foot under it but failed and the sound of tinkling glass filled the small foyer. Nino glanced at his friend sheepishly. "You owe me a new set of martini glasses, I think." The younger man stooped to pick up the box and witness the destruction he had wrought.
"Hey, it is not so bad. Only one broke." Under Ethan's glare, though, he ceased his consolations. "It is not my fault you asked for incompetent help." Defensive, now. Ethan turned away and poked his head out into the building hall. "Anything left?"
"Nope. That box you broke was the last of it."
Nino took a moment to examine the flat. "Nice, this. The address sounded really familiar, but I cannot figure why."
"Do you know anyone around here?"
"Certainly. I'm just not sure who or where exactly." Ethan fixed him with a perplexed look.
"Whatever that means."
"It means exactly what I say. I am just not certain which people I know live in this area. Ah! Speaking of which, what about those drinks?"
"What?"
"You promised to buy me drinks after I helped you move. I helped you move, now you buy me drinks. Many drinks."
Ethan snorted. Nino was as generous as the next, more so actually, but if you promised him anything you better expect to pay up. "Fine, give me a minute to change then we'll go. Do you know anywhere good around here?"
"I know many places good around here. But most will not be open until-oh! Is it seven yet?" He fumbled for his phone. "Good, it will be before we can get there. My cousin, her bar is only a couple blocks away."
Ethan was rooting around in a shapeless duffel for a fresh shirt. Finding one he pulled off the drenched rag that has served him during the move. About to get dressed, he thought better. "Maybe we should get cleaned up first. The water should already be on."
They both agreed that was a better course of action. Nino was in and out like a flash (he claimed first rights because he "had been instrumental in the procurement of the flat,") but Ethan took his time, luxuriating in the hot water after two days of travel, bad motels, and gathering his stuff from the post. He breathed a sigh of relief. I made it! he thought jubilantly. No more too familiar streets, or long worn paths through town. No more being reminded constantly of things best left untouched. He had promised himself he would get out, and that was exactly what he had done even if it had taken eight years. He soon emerged from his new bathroom, toweling his hair and scrounging for a shirt. "So, this cousin who's bar we're going to: is she the one you won't shut up about?"
"Quoi?"
"You know, the one who went to Oxford, then got her business degree at Cambridge, and the only reason she isn't running some fortune 500 is because she's too cool for that?"
"I am certain I do not know to whom you are referring." His voice was sheepish, shamed, but whether sarcastically or not, Ethan couldn't say. He sighed in exasperation. Nino loved being the one in command of any and all information, much to the annoyance of those around him. Soon after the two of them were heading down the building elevator to the street.

Someone seeing the two of them now striding down the street in the waning summer light might have marked the great contrast between the companions. The one on the left was at least a foot shorter than the other, but with shoulders at least as broad. He sported a full beard of brown and red and a pony-tail pulled about halfway down his back. He was dressed almost formally, in slacks and a button shirt, giving him the look of a dwarf having just left a tailor.
His friend had a far more relaxed look about him. Just over 6 feet tall, with shaggy black hair framing sharp blue eyes and lean. Shoulders hunched, back perpetually canted forward to see better through his wire rimmed spectacles, he almost seemed drawn into himself, like a turtle protecting itself from a fox. But while his friend actively courted every woman he saw, while simultaneously frightening those same girls away, Ethan was quiet and seemed rather shy. However, many girls found his reticence cute and his features handsome, which he used to his advantage quite often.
The bar they came to caught Ethan off guard. The description he had given of Nino's cousin had been too kind, judging from what he had heard. While trying to make her sound impressive Nino had managed to make her sound arrogant, pretentious, pedantic. If this was her bar, he expected that pedantry to be obvious, as most establishments are an extension of their owner's personality. Instead as they walked through the glass doorway, Ethan saw the place was small yet comfortable, and with few enough decorative material to make even the limited area seem spacious. He surprised himself by liking it rather a lot.
Though the place had only been open an hour, there was already a fair crowd around the bar top, and Ethan found himself feeling a bit bad for the bartender, though she seemed to be handling the crowd with ease. Nino shouldered their way through to where drinks could be had, acting as a bulldozer through the crowd. "Hey, Nino, watch it; we're not in any hurry or anything." But though Ethan may not have been his friend most assuredly was. They came to the bar with a veritable crash.
"Bar girl! A bombay martini and...what is that swill you drink?"
"An old fashioned?"
"Yes! Exactly! Women do love their sweet ones."
The bartender, tall, brunette, attractive, came to them a moment later and set their drinks on the lacquered brown counter-top. She glared at the shorter man. Her English was also good, but while Nino had almost no accent from living in the States for so long, no one would mistake this girl as anything but french. "I always like a man that takes an old fashioned. He's not trying to impress anyone."
Nino recoiled. Ethan vaguely wondered if he'd been taking nips from the flask he usually kept on him. He already seemed a bit gone. "Not trying to impress anyone? With that fancy thing? My dear, there is no other reason for one to be ordered." The girl sniffed in disdain.
"I think it is one of most masculine drinks, really." Ethan laughed, and Nino retired to his own drink sullenly. But the girl continued. "Really Nino, you shouldn't be judging anything others drink when you don't even like the ones you always have."
"But I do!" He proclaimed indignantly.
"Then why did you hate them until you saw Dr. No?" Nino was now rather angry and he switched to his rapid french that Ethen could follow but not replicate.
"I'll have you know he only drank vodka martinis, not gin, and if that was the deal I would be using Gordon's, anyway." The girl responded in kind.
"Or you're just more clever than you lead people on to believe." Nino clammed up, and the girl walked away to serve some one else, looking triumphant.
His friend elbowed him playfully. "Looks like you picked the wrong one tonight, man."
Nino looked puzzled, then surprise washed over him. "Ay! I did not even introduce you. Christ, what an idiot. Bar maid!" He kept calling and calling, until after serving everyone at the bar, including several that had arrived after Nino began to call for her, the bartender returned and snapped in his face.
"What, Nino? I have customers."
"I just wanted to introduce you." Ethen glanced at him, then extended his hand to the girl in a polite way that didn't quite mask his confusion. "Nevi, this is my friend Ethen that I've told you about." Her face lit up with recognition, but the boy still looked confused. "Ethen, this is my cousin Nevi." With that minor revelation, Ethen finally gave the girl his full attention. She was maybe an inch or two above average height, about a head taller than her cousin, with dark auburn hair worn long and expressive brown eyes. The smile she turned on him now, even if a bit distracted and uncertain, would have been radiant had he cared enough to notice. But the warmth and friendliness did not fail to register even with him. Her returned the genuineness the best he could and they shook.
"Nino never shuts up about you. It's...Nevi?"
"That is what Nino's father called me. It is short for Genevieve."
"So..." he was interrupted as she shouted for someone named Anja, and a shortish blonde with stunning figure appeared from the back. Nevi commanded something in German, and the blonde girl began to serve people. Nevi came around the bar and sat down, so Ethen was between the two cousins. "So this is your bar, then?"
"Yes, it was my parents'. My uncle ran it until I finished school when I decided to come back and take over. He was very glad to retire, in fact." Ethen nodded, not really sure what to say. Normally he would have asked where she went to school, what she studied, things like that, but he was already well-informed. She continued. "I can see that Nino has already told you much about me, but he has told me almost nothing of you. What do you do for work?" It didn't surprise him that Nino had said nothing. Ethen was fairly certain his friend viewed his "work" with a mixture of contempt and envy, and therefore never brought it up. Still, Ethen wasn't really any more comfortable discussing it. He felt it gave people a very odd view of him.
"Oh, ah..." Normally he just lied. Said he was in banking, like his friend. But for some reason, he didn't want to with this girl. And she interrupted, anyway.
"Oh, if it is something you do not want to share-"
"No, no, it's just a lot of times people are really surprised and it gets tiresome."
"Oh." There was silence. "So, what do you do?"
"Ah-I'm a writer." Nevi looked almost aghast.
"For a living? Oh, I'm jealous! I always wanted to do that, but never had the patience. Why wouldn't you want to share that?"
Nino chimed in. "Because he writes trashy romance novels, that's why."
"Not only!" Ethen was indignant. "Yes, that's what I've mostly done, but the other stuff is gaining ground, now."
"What is that?"
"I'm been writing a series of graphic novels. That's actually why I moved here; my publisher is here and I thought it would be easier when it came time for negotiations again." Now the girl was eying him suspiciously, as though thinking he was a braggart. "What?"
"What is it called?"
"What is what called?"
"Your comic? I must have read it. I read all the ones that are published locally." Ethen was perplexed by her intensity, but saw no reason to not be truthful. He was about to answer when she interrupted. "And you must not have written those Romances under your name, else I would recognize it."
"I'd rather not say the name I used." He was ducking his head, looking ashamed, and Nino began to laugh. He addressed his cousin.
"Do you know the poet E. E. Cummings?"
"Vaguely."
"Well..." Nino nodded towards him significantly, and Ethen went red.
"I thought it was clever." Was all he could manage as the girl erupted in hysterics.
"My God," She said, having recovered somewhat. "What a terrible name. I do like your books though..." Ethen turned an incredulous look on her, and now she was blushing. "It is just, well, you write the love scenes so well." She took a sip of Ethen's drink and was quiet for second as her cousin snickered. "But so, what is this comic?"
"It's just called The City. It's kind of a-"
"You? You write La Ville?" She was extremely animated now, grabbing Ethen's hand as she asked this.
"uh...what? You, you read it?"
"I told you, I read all the ones published here. At least as many of them as I can before you Americans pollute them."
"Like the Smurfs?"
"Precisely."

The two friends did not leave the bar until it closed as 0230. They were both quite drunk, as in addition to the drinks they had paid for Nevi had comped them a fair number. As they passed the corner of the building which housed the bar Ethen smacked the back of Nino's shaggy head. "Why the hell did you tell her about the romance novels? If many more people find out that I wrote those I'm going to take my own eyes out so I can't see the amused scorn anymore."
"What are you even speaking of? She loves those, she said she did. And you saw how she lit up when she heard about your 'zine. You need to stop projecting all over every-oh, excuse me- overyone."
"Overyone?"
"Yes, overyone. It means 'everyone that came from an egg.'"
"What are you talking about?"
"You, me, all of us. Eggs! Tiny Eggs!"
"You're being exceedingly strange, even for you. And wouldn't that be the same as 'everyone', anyway?"
"Take six shits and die, then." Ethen laughed suddenly. As they rounded the corner that headed towards the apartment, Ethen walked directly into Nevi as she was trying to light a cigarette. It was knocked from her hand into the gutter.
"Merde! Watch were you are go-oh!" She took a second to compose herself and continued in English. "Where are you two headed off for?"
Nino must have been drunker than either of them had realized. He was calling for the cigarette in french, whistling for it as if for a dog. So Ethen answered after a moment. "My flat is just a couple blocks this way, we were heading there. I think Nino's staying with me until he has to head back to Zurich day after-well, it's two, so...goes back tomorrow."
"I am going that way. Would you mind if I walked with you? I forgot my wallet for cab fair and I do not fancy walking here alone at this hour." Ethen glanced around. The streets were well lit, quiet but not empty; in short, they looked like the last place anyone would be in danger. He figured she must have some ulterior motive, but at this point didn't really care.
"Sure."
They all three began to head down the street, though only Nevi and Ethen were talking. Nino leaning heavily on them.
"Is it true you went to Cambridge?" Ethen had been wondering that all night. She certainly didn't remind him of the others from that program he had met, and he had run across a few. His own agent, for one. Nevi was just too...normal.
"Mm-hmm. I got my business degree there. I thought it might help with running the bar, and to be honest I simply enjoyed being in school."
"Did it? Help with the bar, I mean."
"I think so. We were struggling before I took over and I can afford a place of my own now, so..."
"It's a very nice place."
"Thank you. I love it, most nights, anyway." They walked in silence most of the rest of the way until they both realized that Nino was no longer with them. "Where did he go?"
Ethen glanced around. "No idea. He does this all the time, though. Well, not all of the time, but fairly often."
"Where does he go?"
"I have no idea. But the next morning he usually just shows up in a cab. I can't ever find him, anyway. Oh, hey." They had reached Ethen's building before he'd even noticed they were close. "This is me. How much further for you?"
"Are you joking?" She sounded suspicious, actually a little wary.
"What? No, I live here."
"Since?"
"About...8 hours ago. Why?" The building had locks that were disarmed by keycards. Each resident got two. Nevi pulled one out and beeped them through the door."Hey! That's cool. You live here too? That'll be nice. Have someone friendly around the building."

They rode the elevator up in silence, and it wasn't until the doors opened that he realized Nevi had pressed the button for his floor as well. "Are you on 12, too?"
"Oh, I guess so. What are you?"
"D."
"This has been a weird night." They walked down the hall the Ethen's apartment, and as the flats were all mirrors of each other, the door to F was about a meter down from his. In front of this, Nevi pulled out her keys.
"No...really?" The door unlocked.
"Do you need any help getting in? You seem a bit drunk still."
"We're neighbors?"
"So it seems." The last two shots Nino had convinced him to take on their way out the door were now hitting him rather hard, and she was right, he needed help.
"I think my keys are in your right pocket. I mean, my pocket, your right. Here, this one." Ethen pointed a little uncertainly to his left pocket, from where he extracted his new house key with great difficulty. For several seconds he tried them in a lock, before realizing it was Nevi's door, and it was unlocked already besides. She took the keys from him.
"Here. Let me." She opened the flat, and flicked on a light. "Do you have a bed or anything set up."
Exhausted and having had way too much, the bourbon was taking Ethen under rapidly. "Bed, bed bed...hmm?"
"Do you have one, Ethen? Set up, I mean, I am certain you have one somewhere."
"Nope!" He replied far too loudly.
"Then, will the couch be okay?"
"Very okay." Nevi guided him over to the couch where he sat and then slumped onto his side. "Comfy couch." She rummaged around in some boxes and came up with a coat which she tossed over him as a makeshift blanket. She wandered off out of Ethen's field of vision, and returned in a minute with a pillow (sans pillowcase) and a glass of water. She dug into her bag and came up with a bottle of aspirin.
"Here, so as to keep you from begging me for death in the morning."
"Morning? I don't know what those are." But he sat up and took the offered water and pills. "You're sweet, Nevi. And very pretty."
She laughed, and her cheeks colored nicely. "um...thank you?" She looked a little surprised but pleased anyway.
He drifted off to sleep. She adjusted his pillow so that it wouldn't fall, left his keys on the ground next to him, switched off the light, and went home.

Ethen awoke the next morning with a groan. He sat up gingerly, hand over his face, and realized he wasn't even quite sobered up yet. s**t, it's only 10 o'clock, no wonder. He made his way unsteadily to his feet and headed for the shower. He thought back over the end of the evening; it was mostly pretty clear and he was fairly certain he hadn't done or said anything stupid. Plus, he had woken up alone; usually a good sign that he hadn't gotten too out of control. Vaguely he wondered where Nino had gotten off to, but that was hardly his concern, anyway. Probably passed out at a bus station somewhere, if history was any gauge. He had long since ceased to worry; more often now he felt guilty for not worrying over his friend, but there it was. Threw on his robe after getting out, feeling refreshed and almost fully functional, and started to rummage around his boxes for cooking supplies. Pan, spatula, good, good...then he realized he didn't have any food. All his things they had brought straight from storage or the post, and all he had was some old rice crackers from god knows when and a bottle of scotch. He toyed with the idea of opening up the bottle and just writing the day off already, but instead got dressed and ready to leave.
Keys, check. Wallet, check. Phone...Phone? Nowhere to be found. Probably, he realized, he had left it at the bar last night, but that mattered little as he had every intention of returning that evening. It had been a nice place and the owner, he was 98% sure her name was Genevieve, had been charming. Lo and behold, as he turned to lock his door on the way out, there she was, stepping out of her own door. Ethen was not quite able to mask his surprise. "You do live next door; I thought that had been some weird dream."
She smiled at him indulgently. "No, that was real. How are you feeling?"
"Fine, fine. That was far from excessive for your cousin and I. Kept both our eyes on, anyway."
"Excuse me?"
"What? oh, that, sorry. I meant I didn't get too crazy." While talking they had been walking and were about to leave their building. Ethen now remembered that he had no idea where to even go to get food and such.
"Where are you going this morning, Ethen?"
"Um...I just realized that's a problem. I don't really know, even. Is there a market or something near by?"
"Right across the street from the bar. I was actually heading there, too, but I was going to have some breakfast first. Want to come along? There is a coffee shop between here and there; it is quite excellent." Ethen hesitated. If he was perfectly honest with himself, he had mainly moved here to get rid of the majority of social connections that he had. Most had been too painful to deal with anymore, and those few that weren't he simply needed a break from. He really just needed a break from people, he thought, focus on writing, maybe finish something worth mentioning. But then this was his neighbor; if for no other reason than proximity, it would be unwise to alienate her, and besides she seemed pretty nice. What he didn't notice was that he had entirely forgotten to answer her question until she spoke again. "Or if you need to get home quick I understand and I could just point you there."
"Sorry, sorry about that. No! Sure, I'd be happy to come along." Nevi led the way down the next block then took a right, heading towards the river, but stopped at a small cafe. It seemed a fairly standard shop, with the wrought iron fence enclosing a small outdoor seating area, but it looked nice enough. They were seated and while they waited for their order the conversation stopped altogether. Never very good with people, unless insincerely trying to charm them into bed, Ethen kept staring down at the tabletop, and every so often glancing up at his companion. Added on to the problem of his natural reticence, he noticed something about the girl that he had entirely missed the night before and could only really appreciate now as she sat with the rising sun catching her profile. Maybe the bar had been too dark, or he had been too drunk to really notice. Maybe he'd written it off because everyone looks good in low light through Drunk Vision(trademarked). Maybe it was because he had been, and still was, so actively trying to avoid any romantic sort of entanglements; they hadn't gone well for him. And this girl, as nice, obviously smart, and fun as she was, added on to that that she lived right next to him, would be far from ideal for a simple one-nighter. Maybe he had simply been too exhausted. But Genevieve was...
He had thought he had noticed her eyes last night, a pretty light brown, but on closer inspection that was selling them short. They were deep, rich, almost golden and rather large for her narrow face. Though that just made them more prominent and cute. She had high, narrow cheeks and a delicate nose with the barest bit of a ski-jump at the end, and lips of an almost cherry red though she clearing wasn't wearing any make-up. They were full and would best be described as pouty, though inwardly Ethen steered away from that description as it made it sound like he was describing one of the heroines in his books. Loose curls of red and brown tumbled down past her shoulders, and it was hard not to imagine waking up with your fingers still laced in her hair. Her smile caused small dimples to appear, and against her pale skin a sprinkling of freckles dotted the bridge of her nose and cheeks, making her look younger than she certainly must be. To put it simply, she was heart-stoppingly beautiful. For some reason, Ethen was betting that she made far more from tips than sales. He actually found himself staring after a few moments of silence, but she just smiled and stirred some sugar into the coffee the server had brought. She lit a cigarette, then glanced around guiltily before swearing and hastily putting it out. She looked at him sheepishly. "I do not think I am supposed to smoke here." Ethen laughed; she just looked so embarrassed, but she continued speaking. "So, do you have any family, Ethen? Nino has never mentioned."
He took a sip of his coffee, and looked at it appreciatively. He was well aware of how there was coffee and coffee, and this was definitely the latter. He nodded as he swallowed. "I do, but not like, a big family or anything. Just me, my sister, her husband and daughter."
"Oh, that is small. Sorry."
"Oh, no I know, believe me. My brother in law, well...I think he has 24 first cousins? Something like that." She was silent for a few moments, I could see her working up the courage to ask something; probably the same thing everyone did. He had long since ceased to mind, though, so he came to her rescue. "You can go ahead an ask, Nevi, I don't mind." He said gently.
"What happened to your parents."
"Our mom died when we were about 4, cancer. Never knew who our dad was."
"Oh, I'm so sorry." Most people, when hearing that said that same thing. The difference was the genuineness, the actual care that was conveyed. Ethen actually looked her in the eyes in surprise. The distraught tone certainly looked sincere. "Then what-what-"
"My uncle raised us. Or actually my grandfather's older brother. He died last year. Not really anything tragic though, he was 87."
"Oh." Nevi was looking down into her cup, not meeting his eyes. Suddenly she banged her coffee on the saucer, spilling a fair bit, and grabbed his hand that was free of his own mug. "You must love your sister very much, then." She was watching him closely, those brown eyes showing an unexpected intensity. He just smiled at her.
"I do." He didn't take his hand away.

Nevi was, to put it accurately, mindnumbingly bored. It was Anja and Henri's night at the bar, and she was glad for that, but at least work would have been a distraction. She tried to call Anders but he was out in the middle of the North Sea or somewhere, and she had been pretty certain she wouldn't get through to him anyway. She was lounging on her couch wrapped up a blanket, flicking through the tv simply to make time pass. But really she realized that she wasn't just bored, but more lonely. She hadn't seen Anders, her fiance, since early April, and wouldn't see him at least until September. She tarried with the idea of going down to the bar and finding someone to bring home for the night when around 2130 she heard an odd thunk against her wall that reminded her of something: she had a neighbor, now. Really she should have thought of him right away, but two years here with no one else on the floor and it took a while to remember things like that.
Ethen, Nino's college roommate from Stanford, had moved in at the beginning of the month and they had hit it off marvelously. He was funny and sweet, and she liked his...she would call it "artistic temperament." He was alternately dour and almost emotionless or deeply passionate if you brought up a subject he cared greatly about. She'd been thinking he was a bit dull, actually, wondering how someone so glum could write such amazingly erotic stories as he did, when she casually brought up "Day for Night." It was her favorite film, except for maybe Sleepless in Seattle (though she rarely admitted to that,) but it began between the two of them a conversation that had lasted most of a night. He loved French New Wave, but despised Godard (with one exception,) which to her meant he was one of the only sensible people in Paris. He began to talk about Americans that he thought had been heavily influenced by that movement, and when he mentioned Rob Reiner she had to admit how much she loved her guilty favorite. They hand't even moved through that single director's cannon before it had gotten so late they couldn't stay awake.
That had been actually almost two weeks ago, and soon afterwards they'd been spending most mornings together, just doing whatever came to mind. She'd seen that Ethen could be devilishly charming, in fact had charmed Anja, her old friend from school, right into his bed just the third night he was there. Not that he really needed to be; he was incredibly handsome, at least she thought so, with sharp, intense features that made his dark blue eyes look all the more mesmerizing, and she'd found herself wondering how he would be in bed. Anja had said he was great, and he'd wound up figuring into her fantasies a bit lately, especially after she'd pulled out some of the pretty worn copies of his books that she had. But she'd decided that would be a bad idea. Even though she and her fiance, for now, had a very understanding relationship, she preferred to steer clear of the extra complications it might cause since she'd see Ethen everyday.
And besides, she was getting to know him well enough that she didn't want his gorgeous smile and inviting eyes ever used on her. She instead occasionally saw the flashes of incredibly harsh introspection he subjected himself to, the guarded-ness with which he was afflicted when he was being genuine. She wondered often just what had gone on that would make him so, and doubted sleeping with him would ever let her find out. And besides, when he wasn't trying to bed someone he was unfailingly kind and clever with words like you'd expect a writer to be. She liked that Ethen much more.
So all that in mind she called him and invited him over (they'd exchanged keys in case either ever got locked out,) and told him to let himself in, she'd be getting dressed. The nights were getting warmer but were still cold, especially in her living room with its floor to ceiling windows, so she was going to slip on some PJ pants when to her mortification she saw she hadn't done laundry. And her quilt was on the couch still. And she could hear Ethen in her living room. Meaning she was just in a ratty t-shirt and panties, with a guest over, and nothing to do about it (she would not put on shorts she'd already worn. Ew.)
"Ethen?" She was just poking her head out of her door. He was on the couch.
"Hey, I brought Army of Darkness, so...where are you?"
"I'm in my room. Um, I forgot to do laundry, and I do not have any pants or shorts or anything, and my only blanket is one the couch, so...please do not laugh when I come out. I'm just wearing my panties and a t-shirt."
"Ok. But why would I laugh at that?" Most men she knew would either have made that sound lecherous, or teasing, or something hinting at the fact that she was so barely clothed, but Ethen just sounded confused.
"Well, you laughed at my shirt." And just decided ******** it, she walked into the living room and quickly wrapped herself up in her quilt. But Ethen, against his word and making her blush, snorted, trying vainly to contain himself. The shirt in question had been part of a PJ set she'd gotten when she was 15 and matched the panties and...
"Nevi? Are you wearing Sheera underwear?"
"Shut it, Jackass."  

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter 2

Fall comes on quick here, Ethen thought to himself. It seemed just last week that everyone around him had been complaining of the heat that he failed to even notice. But he supposed fall anywhere would seem fast to him, since back home it was nonexistent. He was making his way slowly by foot to his publisher's office, but had intentionally left hours earlier so he could enjoy the walk it took to get there. He hated taxis, the train even more, and was more than willing to walk the 6 kilometers in order to avoid them both. He had a coffee he had picked up at that cafe Nevi had shown him his first day here in one hand, his manuscript in the other; he was quite content.
But he then remembered the past week. Genevieve had been almost invisible. Her fiancee was on leave (he was Dutch, navy or army or something,) and though he hadn't had any sort of issue with the man, he actually seemed nice enough and obviously cared for her, by the end of the evening when they first met it was abundantly clear that he hated Ethen's guts. And after that, though he could never make out the words and tried his level best to not notice anything, every evening he could hear them arguing, constantly. Except two nights ago, when he had more than heard.
That night had been rather warm, a last gasp of summer before the days turned cool, so the windows of probably every apartment in the city were flung wide. Again, Ethen had not spoken to Nevi that day, or seen her leave the apartment, so he had decided to go to her bar himself, maybe see if Anja was up for coming home with him again, though to be honest she kind of irritated him anywhere out of bed. So maybe that wasn't such a great idea. But he went anyway, and wandered home some 4 or 5 hours later, heavily intoxicated, which was probably the only reason he had done what he did.
When he got into bed, he could all the more clearly hear the argument Nevi and her man were having, and he didn't like the sound of them. He knew very well the frustration, the anger, the helplessness and need to lash out that came with unresolved issues. All too well. But there was never an excuse to be talking to anyone, especially the purported love of your life, the way Anders was talking to his neighbor. Had Ethen been sober, he would certainly have thought better of what he did. Though definitely shorter, Anders was broad, physically powerful, while Ethen knew he could pretty much be broken like a twig. Regardless, he went over and banged on the door. Anders opened it violently and Ethen shouted at him to lay off, try treating Nevi with some respect. He wasn't sure how clear he was; he was drunk and Anders' English wasn't so good anyway. But the tone and gist were clear enough, and Ethen got a punch in the face for that. He must have been pretty drunk too, else Ethen was sure he would have lost some teeth. As it was he was still nursing a black eye and a wicked split along his cheekbone. He still didn't know what had happened afterwards; but he saw Anders leave that night, and Nevi hadn't been out of her house since then.
But he shoved all that from his mind. He had an appointment. He finally had finished the last issue of La Ville, and was on his way to get it signed off on. He hated this. Because when he had first started this comic, he had absolutely no contact or pull within the industry, he had been obliged to take whatever contract he had been offered. And he often had to admit to himself that he and Jason, his agent, had gotten lucky. His percentage was good, his editor was fairly easy to work with, all in all a good gig. But he hadn't been able to get complete control of the work. His editor, Bernard, had the rare privilege of vetoing points he didn't like or found unacceptable. So far, that had only been an issue once, when in the first issue he had cut a rather explicit scene between the two mains, a husband and wife. While that had been important, Ethen felt, he was willing to let it go. But this last issue, number 6, well...
"You must be barking mad!" That was Bernard, his Brogue far more pronounced than usual when he was angry. "You can't do this; how could you even write this?"
"This is the only way the story makes sense. More or less, this is a war. And in war, there are casualties. Unfair ones, heartbreaking ones. And in that analogy the two of them are front line soldiers. Not everyone comes back." Ethen could hear the heat and defensiveness in his tone, and tried to reign it in. He knew this had been coming. His comic had always been grim, and a lot of people called it more than a little unsettling. But it hadn't been anything like this before. He was going to have to fight hard.
"Ethen, you don't understand. I don't think you comprehend the fan base this has cultivated. If we publish this as is, well..."
"Well, what? They won't buy my comics again. My loss, not yours, and most everyone will buy this last issue if only in the interest of completeness. I know even better than you the audience I have, and to call them obsessive about things like this is an understatement."
Bernard looked pensive, then continued, more quietly now. "You have a fair point, but...really? The son dies too? At least let me take that out."
"Not a chance. The man would never do what needs to be done as the character he was in the beginning. Something needs to change. Something needs to harden him even further. And this is what it would take for a man like that." Bernard sighed. "As is, Bernard, or not at all."
"Alright then. On your head be it."

Ethen left the office jubilant. He had done it, he had gotten it printed as he wanted, no changes. That had been his most ardent hope, but he had scarcely believed it could happen. He quickly called Jason to tell him the good news, and that he could stay in New York, he wouldn't need him. But something that had been nagging at him all day was now bringing itself to the forefront of his mind with the comic being resolved. Something he couldn't adequately answer for himself. Why had he reacted so strongly to the situation between Nevi and her fiancee? He couldn't figure it out.
Granted he had been very drunk, but he was never confrontational when he was intoxicated. Quite the opposite, really, unless Nino was wanting a good fight. Sure, what Anders had been saying was pretty horrible, but there had been no physical danger to her, and she was more than capable of taking care of her own feelings. He knew her well enough to be certain beyond a doubt of that. Then why? He only remembered it as a compulsion, something he simply had to do, but he was getting irritated with himself now, and his inability to find a satisfactory explanation. After mulling it over for the two hours it took him to make his way home, he sighed discontentedly as he reached his door without a resolution to the question.
His earlier jubilation had entirely disappeared now, and he spent a few listless hours on his couch, trying very hard to ignore the answer he didn't like that kept popping up in his mind, and ever more so the longer he lay there staring up at the knotholes in the wooden ceiling. But before he could bring anything to a resolution, just as it was getting full dark and he was contemplating turning on a light, there was a knock on his door. He opened it and Genvieve nearly fell onto him. Seemed she had been leaning against the frame and without the extra support, could not stay upright. She had an open bottle of Knob Creek in her hands, at least half-way gone. When she spoke she was slurring a little and was having a hard time keeping with English.
"Hey... hey Ethen. How are you doing tonight?"
"Better than you, I think, hon." She hated when he called her that usually, thought it was weird for him to call a friend that, but now she just laughed. Giggled, more like. He had caught her when she slid through the doorway, and was now holding her in a somewhat awkward embrace, made far more awkward when she snuggled her head under his chin. "You're so tall. I like that I can do this with you. I can't do this with Anders, he's too short. Way too shor—short. Shorter than me, even."
"I didn't notice." Ethen was rapidly getting more and more uncomfortable; being compared to her fiancee in even the most passing of ways was making him so. "Come on, let's get you to the couch."
"Okay. That sounds okay to me. It's a nice couch. Or you could take me to your bed, if you want, that would work too; at least for me it would be way better."
"Um...how about we stick with the couch?"
Nevi looked at him, as though trying to figure something out. "Couch is ok." He had been leading her there, supporting her by her shoulders, and now she turned and pushed on his nose with her index finger. "You're cute, vous le savez?"
"Well thank you. Let me get you some water."
"Non, non, I have plenty to drink right here." She took a long pull on the bottle, set it down on the coffee table with a hiccup.
"Here let me just grab that for you..." Ethen took the bourbon and stood up to take it to the kitchen. Her voice followed him, far louder than it needed to be for him to hear her across the rather small living room.
"Oh, no, I'm fine. Just fine, fine. Are you getting me water? You're so sweet." In fact, he was getting her a glass and a pitcher, as she was going to be needing quite a bit. He fumbled around in the cabinet over his fridge until he found some painkillers and took the bottle over to her. There was only two or three left, anyway.
"Here, take these."
"Why are you so nice to me? You take such good care of me. You even came over for me that night." Ethen's heart skipped a beat. He had hoped that that would simply never come up between them, especially because he still wasn't sure why he had gone over.
"Well, what else are friends for? Come on, drink up." He poured a glass of water and she washed down the pills with it. They were sitting next to each other on the couch, and now Nevi's head dropped sideways onto his shoulder. They were both silent for long moments. "Genevieve?"
"Hmm?" Most people, having had as much as she, would have been either passed out or at least drowsy in the extreme. But she was as alert and awake as ever, though Ethen couldn't guess how long that would last.
"What's your real name?" Ethen had, according to his sister, a myriad of rather eccentric habits. One of which was that he always memorized the nameplates on the building in which he lived as soon as possible. As introduced to him, Nevi's full name was Genevieve Jeunet, but no such person appeared on the plate in the lobby of their building. In her unit was L. G. J. Now she was looking at him, her expression on odd mix of uncertainty and hurt.
"Why?"
"Oh...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you or anything. Never mind." She had sounded very defensive, and Ethen didn't think his idle curiosity was worth making her mad or anything when clearly there was something very wrong. Nevi drank; maybe even as much as he did. But she did because she loved the taste, and for fun. This was different. She seemed determined to black out, and he knew as well as anyone how dangerous that could be. She wasn't nearly that far gone yet, but he didn't want to upset her more with questions that could easily wait.
But she answered, anyway. "No, no, it is just...it reminds of a time in my life I would prefer to forget, is all. So I can tell you but please do not call me by it, ok?"
"Sure."
"It is only that—it was my grandmother's name, and I...she did more to raise me than anyone, even when my parents were still alive. But she and my mother didn't get along. Hated each other was closer to truth. So when I was 9, and I had been staying with her, my mother came and got me one day in August and barred me from seeing her again. She died two years later, and I found out, after my mother and father had died, that she had begged my parents to see me again. But they would not let her. She died of liver cancer, and had a good long time when she knew there was no hope. Apparently she spent most of that time trying to see me, and I never knew, and she died without us being able to say goodbye." She was blinking back tears now, and Ethen was devoutly wishing he hadn't asked. If he was honest with himself, he hated seeing her in pain, or upset. But she was continuing.
"After my parents died I found a parcel of letters that she had sent that they had kept from me. I cried for days when I found it. She was the most amazing woman I had ever met, and why she loved me so much I will never understand."
After a few moments, Ethen broke the heavy silence. "I think I can understand."
She turned to him, and smiled sadly, but that just caused her tears to flow all the quicker, running through the dimples in her cheeks. "It's Lara. My name is Lara."
Her hand was on top of his, and he turned his over to hold onto it tightly. "That's a shame. That I can't call you by it, I mean. It's beautiful." All of a sudden Nevi had her arms around his neck and had pulled herself to him. Her lips found him and she was kissing him as passionately as Ethen could ever remember being kissed. For a moment he was too stunned to react, then he pushed her away as forcefully as he could without hurting her and he sprang off the couch. For a moment they just stared at each other. Then words just started tumbling out of him.
"Nevi, we can't, we can't do this. We're just friends, and you're engaged, and very very drunk, and as beautiful as you are, I don't think it would be right. You mean a lot to me, more than I thought someone could mean to someone after knowing them for such a short time, but not like that. At all. I don't think anyone can mean that to me anymore, anyway. And you're very very drunk." She had been crying before but now the tears began to flow in earnest, and it took her a few moments to be able to speak.
"I am sorry, I do not know what happened." Ethen sat back down and she wrapped her arms around him again. But this time she just held on, as she wept bitterly into his shoulder. "I—I broke up with Anders. I kicked him out, threw his ring out the window, everything. He was the only boyfriend I ever had, and even after all the times we cheated on each other things were great. That was never a concern of ours. But when he came back this time..." She was getting herself under control, and was sniffing back more tears. She leaned back against the couch, and buried her face in her hands. When she spoke again it was muffled by her palms.
"He said—he said that sleeping with other people, especially when he was deployed, that did not mean anything. Expectations to the contrary were unrealistic, and we both had our fair share of fun. But he said that he could tell that I had not been faithful, that I had been unfaithful to him with you."
"Wait, what? We've never so much as kissed. Until right now, I guess."
She looked askance at him, pain and anger now evident in her eyes. "That is not what he meant. He said that I had feelings for you. I told him of course, we're great friends. He said no, not like that. He said I looked at you in a way I had never looked at him, that I had never really loved him at all. I called him an idiot. He said yes, he was for thinking that we would have been happy together, and that I was a whore and had fallen for someone else. That even if I hadn't done anything, that was far worse than all the sleeping around we had done." She was speaking to her hands again. "And you rushing over night before last, speaking up for me despite the fact that it got you that," She pointed to the bandage on his cheek that Ethen had been sporting for two days. "That really did not help my case that there was nothing between us."
"I'm sorry I made things worse. I just...despite my best efforts I heard some of what he had said and I couldn't help it. No one should speak to you that way. Or anyone."
It was an odd thing about Nevi. As kind as she was, as much as she laughed, her true, genuine smiles were very rare, Ethen was realizing. But he was treated to one now.
"No, do not be. It was...I...it made me see how great a friend you are, even if it did just get you hit. Not that I had any doubts about you, but it was very sweet. But he just saw it as more proof, though he did not need any, he said. In the end, I think we had been becoming two very different people then the two that met when we were 15, but we were both too cowardly to admit it."
"I'm really really sorry, Genevieve." She looked at him a little perplexed, as if hearing her name from him was strange. Then she put her hands to her eyes and he saw how red she was.
"Oh, that last drink was a bad idea." She looked at him unsteadily. "I think I need to lay down." She slid her head onto his lap, but though he didn't mind, Ethen knew this was a bad idea for the morning.
"Come on, Nevi, let's get you home. Believe me, you don't want to spend a night on this couch.
"No!" He was brought up short by her vehemence. "No, please let me stay here." Her voice was pleading, almost desperate.
"Oh. Ok, but not on this couch. You can have the bed tonight." Wow, she is going downhill fast, he thought to himself. Indeed, the giggly girl that had first tumbled through his door was back in full force. She couldn't even stand, now. He picked her up, instead.
"Ooh, you are stronger than you look. You could have taken him, could you not? Anders I mean. He was a p***k in the end."
"I'm sorry. Ten years together is a long time." He laid her down on his bed then managed to get her under the blankets.
"Oh, not nearly as long as your whole life. That is how long we were planning to spend together. I think I got off easy."
"That's a good way to look at it."
"You are a good way to look at it, too."
"What?" Ethen started to laugh. "You're not making any sense."
"Oh! Oh, no!" Then she started giggling again. But all too quickly the laughter turned into silence, and then in the darkness Ethen heard her start to cry quietly again.
"I'm very, very sorry, Genevieve." He leaned over to give her a kiss goodnight on the cheek. Instead she pulled him to her lips again and held him there. After a moment he was released, and she was well on her way to sleep. He mumbled goodnight, unable to say much else, and headed out of the room. As he turned to close it behind him he heard her voice from the dark.
"You can call me Lara if you want, Ethen. It would be nice if you did sometimes."
"Why?"
"Because you remind what its like to be cared about."  

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter ******** hell, what now? It was 0330 of that night, and Ethen was lying on the floor of his living room. He had been watching the occasional flickers of light across his ceiling from far away cars and buses for hours now, ever since he had put Nevi to sleep in his bed and crashed out here. But he couldn't sleep. Everything that had happened was keeping him awake, his mind embroiled in the anger he felt at Anders, the sadness he felt at his friend's obvious anguish. How would he feel if his ten-year relationship was suddenly over? He didn't know. His own longest time with someone had barely been a year, though that had ended in rather different circumstances. He vaguely wondered if he would ever get over that; after the better part of a decade he was starting to doubt it. But most of all, the last thing she said was keeping him up. Because that was exactly how he felt.
Yes, Ethen cared for his sister and niece and brother-in-law deeply, but his relationship had, since it happened 8 years ago, been rocky and strained. Not that they ever blamed him, even though they should; it was just that the four of them had been so close. And after she was gone, it had hurt every time he saw anyone or anything that reminded him of her. Hence his dis-affectation, his removing himself slowly from everyone and everything back home. He felt there was a distance between them, that though it may have stopped growing, would always remain. It hurt him terribly but he had no idea what to do about it, and never had. It blunt terms, he had moved to Europe to run away from them. From her. And in doing so he had lost the last part of that feeling of belonging anywhere.
But now, along came this girl. They hit it off immediately, they laughed at each others jokes, went for walks along the Seine, spent the morning together when he wasn't working (she never was at the bar at least until 1500.) And now this. Something awful had happened to her and he found he wanted to do anything he could to make her feel better. He found he cared for her deeply, that she was a friend in the truest sense of the word; not just an acquaintance, but a companion. In a very real sense he did love her, but not in any romantic way. He wanted her to be happy and what was best for her. Had even been willing to fight for that, though it hadn't gone well. He felt like she belonged in his life, probably permanently. But then why had those kisses upset him so much?
Was it because he hadn't wanted to stop her?

Genevieve kept her eyes closed when she awoke. Something was wrong. Something besides the distant ache in her head, the sick feeling in her stomach. She couldn't remember much of anything last night except...oh, no. A kiss, a sweet one, in the dark, but with who? She couldn't remember. And she was absolutely certain she was not in her own bed. The sheets were wrong, it didn't smell like her room. Just a clean smell, not the spiciness that kept the cigarettes at bay. Praying devoutly that at the very least she would be able to leave without saying anything to whoever's home she was in, she felt the bed around her. Good, no one there. Maybe he or she was in the shower. She finally opened her eyes, and when she saw it was somewhere she knew well she started to cry harder than she had even the night before.
No, no, no, no, NO. She couldn't have. Not Ethen, not the only caring relationship she had left outside her family. Why couldn't she have just found some random Jack off the street for a rebound? But she knew why. Because he made her feel safe, and had probably come over here just to talk, and then she had probably more or less raped him. Not really, there had been more than a few times where she was sure he found her attractive, so he probably wouldn't be too hard to persuade but...
How could she have done this? Wait, how could he have done this? How could he? When she was at her most fragile, and drunk off her a** to boot? That didn't sound like him at all. He'd turned down plenty of girls that were just looking for fun because they were too drunk. And then she saw, as she tentatively sat up, that she was still in her pajamas. She hated to sleep with anything on after sex, so...somewhat re-assured, but still wary, she opened the bedroom door and walked into the living room. The sound and smell of someone frying eggs and sausage greeted her, and to her everlasting gratitude she saw a camp mattress, pillow, and blanket on the living room carpet.
"'Morning." Ethen sounded sleepy, but cheerful enough. "How are you feeling?" So that was it, probably. She had come over already drunk, and probably just passed right out. A lesser man would have used that to his advantage. She went to him at hugged him tight from behind as he stood at the stove. "Woah! Hey, careful. Don't want either of us to get burned." But she hardly noticed. Right now she felt nothing but gratitude for whatever had brought him into her life.
After last night she felt like something part of her that had been trapped forever had simply been ripped off. And it would take her probably years for the wound to heal completely, she felt a sense of freedom and possibility that had been gone from her life for a very long time. "I am feeling...I feel alright." She released him and stepped back carefully.
"Well good. You drank enough to give me a wicked hangover. Guess you got off lucky."
Over breakfast she asked what exactly happened last night. He was a while in swallowing the bit he had just taken before answering. "You were already pretty far gone when you came over, and mostly we just talked about what happened between you and—and Anders. You, um...you tried to kiss me, too, or rather did kiss me but we broke apart really fast." Genevieve went beet red. "Also, I'm really sorry, because I don't think you really wanted me to know, but I asked you what your real name was."
Nevi had been taking a sip of coffee and almost choked. She felt...angry, almost violated, but quickly backpedaled. My god, she had been drunk and no matter what Ethen said, she knew herself and was pretty sure he had had nothing to do with that kiss ending. More or less she had given him an open invitation to have her, and instead he had just asked what her real name was. He didn't know how close a secret she kept that. How could he? "Did I tell you?" Ethen nodded. She felt ashamed all of a sudden for getting angry, but a wash of memories she would rather not have came back to her and took away any other emotion. "Oh."
"Don't worry, Nevi, I won't bring it up again."
"No, it's not that. I always liked it, it just reminds me so much of other things."
Again, Ethen nodded. "I know; you told me about your grandma."
"I did? I must have been really drunk." Then something stray clicked into her memory, of Ethen leaving her in his bed, and her telling him why he should call her that. "I meant it, though. That you could call me that sometimes. And why."
"You remember that?" He laughed. And quietly she thought Anders had been right. Not that she could act on it now. If she did, undoubtedly she was still too entrenched in her engagement to do anything but screw things up. She knew Ethen had more than his share of hurt in the past too, even if he hadn't told her about it. But as they sat there over a quiet breakfast Genevieve felt her world slowly spinning until it was upside down, the ground lost beneath her feet. It was like she was seeing daylight for the first time, and as she looked at Ethen smiling across the table at her she for once felt like things were right. Oh; this is what it's like, she told herself. She felt she was home.

Nevi had gone right after that, and when she got to her own bed, cold reality set in. He was gone, the only man she had ever really cared for as anything but a friend. She had thrown him out of her life, as completely as could possibly be done, and in that light the little epiphany she'd just had didn't seem so realistic. The feeling was still there, but now she doubted that it was anything but her reaction to suddenly being more or less alone and trying to latch on to the first person she trusted.
Because it was silly, almost unthinkable. She couldn't be in love with Ethen, as much as she would like to be. At least that would be something to work on, even if hopes of that being reciprocated were groundless. She pushed those thoughts from her mind, but that just left her feeling empty, numb, except for the feeling of something squeezing her chest in a clamp, the feeling that she had been noticing with increasing frequency whenever she saw Ethen. Because really, that was why she had stayed away from him while Anders had been here. Because she was scared her ex had been right. She shoved that out of her mind, and everything else as well, leaving her feeling like she was in a vacuum again. But at least it didn't hurt too much. Then she lay down on her bed and thought of how happy she and Anders had been the last time he was on leave. How good it had been to be together. And then it came back to her how safe she had felt last night, when Ethen had been taking care of her. And her confusion and loss took her over and she curled up in bed, trying to shut the world outside away from her.

Genevieve had seemed ok when she left, but it was impossible to miss the deep, wrenching pain in her, visible in everything she did. Ethen watched her go sadly, not only because he was worried for her, but the simple fact was he didn't like being apart. That had become abundantly clear to him as in the three days he hadn't seen her his stock of liquor had been reduced considerably. But still he was grappling with the why.
He didn't love her, that much was certain. He came to that conclusion when he compared how he felt about a future with her or without. Since he didn't see a future of any meaning for himself either way, well...
But he did care for her. A lot. Maybe a better way to say it was that he never saw them being a couple. He never saw himself as part of any couple, ever. But Lara was someone special, that was for certain. He had caught himself thinking of her by her first name a lot last night and this morning; it just seemed to fit her exactly. But no matter what she said, he knew it brought up things she'd rather not think of, so he would have to keep it to himself. Oh well.

"Ethen?"
"Hi Nevi. Aren't you supposed to be at work?"
"I am. But I'm closing early tonight, and—"
"Oh, right, it's Sunday."
"What? No, actually, it is Friday. I just want to get out of here." She paused, long enough for Ethen to wonder if something was wrong. "Do you want to go out somewhere, Ethen? I have been so stressed I think I need to do something different tonight."
"That sounds great. Where to?"
"We can figure that out later. Can you meet me here in ten minutes?"
"Make it twenty."

Nevi had already closed the bar and was now pacing in front of it restlessly. It was a cold night for the time of year and she didn't have a coat, but was mainly concerned that Ethen hadn't shown yet. It had been 21 minutes. She felt a rising anxiety in her chest, but clamped down on it. For god's sake, she was being absurd. He was literally a minute late. Not exactly something to worry about. But she had to get out of here, it had been hard enough to wait the agreed upon time. She was fumbling for her lighter and cigarettes when Ethen ran up, carrying her coat.
"Hi! Sorry I'm late, I remembered you'd left without your coat, and it got pretty damn cold."
Only then did she realize just how chilled she was, and she could have kissed him. She did, on the cheek. "Thanks, I am freezing. I did not even think to call you for it."
"Of course. so, where to?"
"Ok, so, this was not my plan and I do not know if you wanted to keep this just us, but Anja invited me to a club."
"Oh, I don't care, that sounds fun."
Nevi felt her heart sink a little, and it took her a moment to see why. "It is just a couple blocks away, so I think we can just walk." She slipped her coat on, and found her cigarettes were still in there from the night before. She tried to light one but discovered her hands were nearly numb, but instead Ethen lit one for her and passed it from his lips to hers. But she'd felt her mood darken because she guessed really she wanted to just spend time with him tonight. Why and to what end she didn't know.
"I thought you hated smoke, Ethen."
He shrugged. "Eh, it's not as bad as some things." Nevi felt herself calming down instantly, but whether because of him or the smoke, she didn't know. Probably both. "So, what kind of place is it?"
"You will see."

Ethen certainly did. The entrance was a bare metal door and the end of a downward stairway, meaning they were sunk a fair ways into the ground. When Lara opened the door, his ears were assaulted by what he guessed he would call death metal. "I'm guessing this is more Anja's type of place, huh?" He leaned down and practically had to yell this in his companion's ear, but she laughed and nodded.
"Wait until you see her. If she is in one of her usual get-up..." Apparently, she was. Anja was dressed in a skin-tight leather skirt, with fishnet stockings and knee-high boots, a lace up red leather bustier with black trim, black lipstick, heavy make-up. Offhandedly, since he could barely formulate a complete thought with her dressed like that, he wondered if she had brought a riding crop, since it would have been the perfect accessory to her ensemble. To put it mildly, she'd never looked better, Ethen thought. She was leaning against the bar, drink in hand, and waved them over excitedly.
It was far quieter in that part of the club and Nevi barely had to raise her voice. "What happened, girl? You look almost prudish."
Ethen laughed, thinking this was sarcasm, but quickly realized that nope, apparently Anja dressed even more... invitingly some nights. Luckily neither of the girls heard him. Anja answered after taking a sip of what Ethen was pretty sure was absinthe. "Oh, nothing, just thought it was a bit cold for the other top."
He spoke up. "Remind me I have to see that sometime."
Lara's cheeks went a little bit red, and Anja gave him a predator's smile before she responded. "Sure, I'll bring it over some time. Oh, he wants a dance." Anja nodded into the crowd, where he guessed her date was waving her over. Ethen now turned to Nevi.
"Why don't you have an outfit like that?"
"How do you know I do not?"
"You forget all the times I've gone into your closets for things. I would have seen."
She laughed ruefully. "Like I could fill one of those corsets out. No, I do not think anyone would want to see that."
"I sure as hell would."
"Wait, what?"
"Are you joking? You really don't think so? Wow."

They spent the next couple hours or so with Anja and her date, Jules, who turned out to be an old acquaintance of hers and Lara's, in there corner booth. Lara and Jules caught up quickly at which point he began to complement her constantly, saying how great she looked, even better than at University, that sort of thing. Ethen thought maybe he was laying it on a little thick, but Nevi seemed to appreciate it. He could tell when she was considering whether or not to take someone home, and she was definitely in that mode of operation. And while the two of them caught up and flirted, Anja was more or less all over him, until after her third drink while they were there (who knew what number actually,) she started to kiss him every chance she got. This was not really unexpected, and normally would have been welcome, but it clearly was making Nevi uncomfortable. Anja noticed as well and soon was paying him less attention.
An awkward silence fell over the table. Abruptly Anja grabbed Jules' hand and told him they were going to go dance again. Nevi had the look of someone trying hard to have a good time but not quite being able to, an expression that mirrored Ethen's own feelings. Normally he would have had no compunction about taking Anja home, but he found himself not really interested that night. "Nevi, do you want to get out of here?" She looked at him with nearly boundless gratitude.
"And go where?"
"Anywhere? Does that sound good?"
"Oh, God yes."
They shouldered their way through the dance floor and bid goodnight to the other two, and then slipped out the door. Luxuriating in the relative quiet of the late night streets, Ethen threw his arm around Nevi's shoulder and they walked up the stairs to the pavement. "God, Ethen, hold still, you have lipstick all over you." She scrabbled around in purse until she found a travel pack of tissues and wiped off what she could. "Well, you look less like an evil clown."
"Thanks." Ethen wiped his cheek with his hand and it came away with traces of black, still.
"So is something going on with you and Anja?"
"Why do you ask?" Nevi didn't answer. She just stared at him. "Ok, dumb question. No, nothing's going on that I know of. We just...um..."
"Hook up?"
"Right."
"Sorry, did I get in the way tonight? If you wanted to get—"
Ethen interrupted. "No, no, not at all. And anyway I was going to ask if I'd gotten in your way."
"Well...I do not know. I have to admit I was interested but, I'm not sure. I would rather not, I guess." They had been walking aimlessly and now came to the river, and started to walk along the bank. "Oh, Christ, where's my lighter?"
"Here, you left it on the table in the club." Ethen dug it out of his pocket and handed it to her.
"Thanks. I do not know, Ethen, I'm just really edgy tonight. And I am certain that nearly anonymous sex would not have done me much good." For a couple minutes neither of them spoke. Nevi lit another cigarette from the end of the first.
"Nevi, are you doing alright? With the break-up and everything."
They had wandered into an older part of the city, where stone building lined the river, and they took a seat on stairs that led to one of them. "I do not even know, Ethen. I miss him, I do, but...I'm not certain. Sometimes I think I just miss having someone, vous le savez? I mean, I was alone for most of the time that we were together but it was just knowing that to someone I was the most important thing in their life."
"I know what you mean." There had been a time he thought he meant that to Sam. Granted that had not been true, but he knew the feeling. "It's an amazing comfort." Ethen was leaning back with his elbows on the stair behind them, and now she rested her head on his shoulder.
"And then I think, what if that was my one chance?" Her voice was almost despairing, but Ethen looked down at her, amused.
"Don't be ridiculous, Lara. Anyone'd be lucky to have you."
After a long pause she turned up to him and smiled. "You called me Lara."

A half hour later they stood and kept walking, still without a destination in mind. "Ethen, what time is it? My phone is dead."
"Just before 4. Do you want to head home?"
"It is late, and I am rather tired but...no, not yet."
"Me either. Let's find somewhere to eat, though."
They wandered around for sometime before Nevi found a bakery that was already putting out their first bread of the day. She went in and bought a baguette. Ethen gratefully pulled off an end. "Thank God, I'm starving." He swallowed it with a gulp. "So why did your parents name you that?"
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, sorry, don't answer if it's upsetting."
"No, no, just, I'm not sure what you mean."
"Well, Lara's not really a french name, is it? Plus if they didn't get along with your grandmother—"
"Ah. You are right, it's not french, my grandmother was from Kirkwall, in Scotland. She came here when she was 19, her fiance was french."
"Your grandfather."
"No, her first husband. My grandfather was from Switzerland, really, but they met here. Anyway her first husband turned out to be a b*****d and she left."
"So why did your parents name you after her?"
"My mother, her daughter, they were very close until just after I was born. Then my grandfather died and grandmere did not go to the service. She was too upset, but my mother never forgave her for that."
"I see."
"Things just got worse and worse between them until...you know."
"Right."

It was nearly sunrise before they finally arrived back at their building. Nevi felt tired like she hadn't in months, but through the night she had felt the tension in her from the past months slowly vent into the streets, and now she felt almost calm. Which really was as relaxed as she ever had been. Ethen was beside her in the elevator, obviously exhausted. "We could have come home earlier, you know."
"I know. But what do I have to do today?" Nevi assumed that was rhetorical and didn't answer.
"Thank you, Ethen, for staying with me. "
"Of course, it was fun."
She stood up on her toes and kissed him on the cheek. "I really needed this tonight." Then she went through her door and closed it behind her. She wondered why she felt so much better, if it was just the missed sleep that was dulling everything. But she doubted it. She pulled off her coat and jumped into the shower, sleepily wondering what would have happend if she'd invited Ethen in.
For his part, Ethen didn't bother getting undressed. He crashed on top of his bed and was instantly asleep.  

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter 4

"So, what are you doing for Christmas?" Ethen was sitting on his brand new couch, the one frivolous thing he had bought when he'd gotten the advance for his comic. He had his feet up on the plush arm, and was relaxing with a brandy alexander within easy reach. His sister Emily was on the phone.
"I don't really know yet. Bernard keeps trying to get me to accept the invite to the party in London, but to be perfectly honest it sounds like a slow death."
"Yeah, you've never been much for things like that." There was a second of awkward silence.
"So, how's Mina?" That was his niece, who had just turned 4.
"She's starting to scare me a little bit, to be honest. Already she's obviously the brains in the house." Ethen laughed. His brother-in-law, Jackson, did marine mammal research at the University. His sister was therapist, specializing in returning vets. It was hard to believe Mina would be the intellectual star there, but who knew?
"Well that's good."
"How about you? And don't say fine. You always say fine. It's tiring."
"I'm ok." There was an inarticulate noise of frustration.
"Damn it, Ethen, you know what I meant. How's that girl you were seeing? Genevieve, right?"
"That's her name, but we haven't been seeing each other. We're friends." This was a repeating conversation. No matter how many times he told her otherwise, Emily simply couldn't grasp that they were not romantically linked at all.
"Oh, right. Whatever you guys say."
Irritated he snapped back at her. "Look, even if I were interested, which I'm not, she just broke up with her fiancee, like, three months ago. I think someone might need a little bit longer than that to move on after a decade with someone."
"Well, that's very considerate of you."
"Except I'm not interested, so it's moot."
"Whatever. Ok, if you aren't going to London, do you have a back-up plan?"
"No." Their was a sharp intake of breath from his sister, and suddenly Ethen realized he had walked right into one of Emily's traps. Sure, most things she did were ostensibly "for his own good" but she could be a damned manipulative b***h when she wanted to be. "And before you—"
"Then you're coming home!" She sounded gleeful. And suddenly he was glum. True, Ethen missed his sister and brother-in-law terribly. And Mina most of all. But to face that place? Christ, he didn't think he could do it.
"I don't know, Em, the only reason I was thinking of going up to England was because Bernard was comping the ticket, and—"
"Oh, don't be silly. This is a Christmas present to Mina; she misses you a lot, asks for you all the time. I'm not going to have you pay for it." Oh great, Ethen thought. There goes my one true excuse.
"I appreciate it Emily but, to be honest, I was kind of looking forward to spending it with Genevieve."
"Well bring her along. I've been dying to meet her as it is. We talk all the time but it's never the same as actually seeing someone, you know?"
"Wait, you talk all the time? How do you...what?" Ethen was perplexed, not quite comprehending how their social spheres could have intersected.
"Oh, she friended me. We chat almost every night, and sometimes she or I will just call." For someone as socially withdrawn as Ethen was, this was incomprehensible. How could you just call someone you've never met? But both Nevi and her sister were exactly the type of person to do that.
"I...I don't know, Em, she might have plans or something..."
"Well, talk to her about it. We have almost a month, though it would be good to know soon." He took a sip of his drink and thought. If he was honest with himself, he did miss his hometown dearly; the actually darkness of the nights, the constant rain, the sleepiness of it. And Mina was growing up quick and it had been almost a year since he saw her, since they'd met up in Boulder. That clinched it, really.
"Well...ok, I'll see."
"I don't know many people that would turn down a free trip to Hawaii."


After saying their goodbyes, Ethen got to his feet as steadily as he could and walked over to Nevi's door and knocked. After a few seconds he knocked again. She wasn't really one to keep people waiting, and he was about to knock more insistently when the door swung open. There she stood, wearing only a man's button-down shirt, unbuttoned three or four down from the top, that barely went a quarter of the way down her thighs. Her hair was an absolute mess, and there was a sheen of sweat on her exposed skin, her face flushed despite the cool night. Inwardly he thought she'd never looked better.
"Oh! um...sorry, Nevi. This doesn't look like a good time so I'll come by later." He felt his face go hot, and heard a man's voice from the bedroom asking who was at the door in french. Ethen fought down a smile, but then her face sucked all the mirth that he'd been enjoying from him. She wouldn't meet his eyes. She looked miserable and humiliated and then she stood up as straight as she could, unnaturally straight for her, and said in her best English that yes, now was not a good time. Then she turned on her heel and slammed the door behind her.
Oops.
Ethen went back to his flat and wondered what that was all about. Her feeling ashamed, that is, the rest was pretty straightforward. He went back to the couch and his drink, flicked on the TV. Eventually he found Jules et Jim and decided it didn't really get much better than that. A few minutes later, though, he heard voices from Nevi's door, and then someone walking towards the elevator. About 10 minutes afterwards, about as long as it took to get a quick shower and dressed, Ethen guessed, a knock came on his door. Genevieve stood there in her pajamas, her hair damp and tangled. She was holding her arms crossed tight before her, and she looked utterly miserable.
"Can...Can I come in?" She asked this tentatively, as though Ethen would ever keep her out.
"What? Of course you can. What's wrong?" He had gathered that, ok, she hadn't wanted him to know she had been with someone, but as for the why, he was having a harder time fathoming it.
"I am sorry you saw that."
"Why? Nevi, it's not even my business who you sleep with."
"But—but you—"
"Hey, listen. I admit I would have preferred not to have walked in, but only because I think I ruined what was a pretty great time for you until then."
"You do not...You are not angry with me?"
Now he was bewildered, but the question was simple enough. "No, of course not." Now he was more confused than ever, as she just looked more crestfallen. "You just didn't want me to know?" She shook her head vehemently, and he guessed that was in agreement. "Why?"
"I do not really know."
"Well...then why did you open the door?" She laughed at that, ruefully, but it seemed to shake her out of her funk as Ethen had hoped.
"If it had been anyone else, it would have had exactly the effect I hoped. Really just kind of...I do not know."
"Showing off?"
Genevieve laughed again. "Something along those lines. But it was you, and I just felt embarrassed."
"Why? That didn't make what you were trying to convey any less true."
She laughed. "You might be surprised."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Nevi bit her lower lip as if to restrain a laugh, smiling at him, then quickly changed the subject.
"What were you coming over for?"
"Oh...um, this is a little strange. Did you ever make any plans for Christmas?"
"No. I thought maybe you and I could do something together, actually. I know you do not want to go to London for that whatever it is."
That was putting it mildly. "No, I don't. And well, this is a little odd, and it might be a little awkward but..."
She gave him an arch look. "What exactly are you trying to say?"
"Well, Emily wants me to come home for Christmas, and I said I didn't want to because I wanted to spend it here with you and she offered to bring us both out there for the holidays." She looked at him blankly for a moment, completely devoid of expression. "And I said I wanted to talk to you to see if you would...want to go. With me. To Hawaii." That sounded way to much like a romantic invitation to Ethen, but he didn't have time to think it over. Nevi's face lit up like a flashbulb. Her mouth was actually agape, and Ethen trailed off with a lame invitation about how they could just stay here instead when she finally responded.
"You cannot be serious."
"I am. Completely. We'll stay with them, they'll fly us out there, all of it.
"Your sister offered us a free vacation, in Hawaii, free, and you felt you had to ask me first if I wanted to go? Ethen, you are very sweet, but you are a bit of an idiot at times."
He laughed. "I'll take that as a yes, then."

"Ethen!" Ethen sighed in exasperation. Even the best of friends can irritate the living hell out of you, he told himself. It was the 21st, the first day of winter, and they were leaving at 6 the next morning. He'd finished packing that morning, more or less, but Genevieve was having a minor nervous breakdown. Not being much of a traveler, and never having been on a plane, she was understandably anxious, but still...
He went next door to find her practically drowning in a sea of coats and scarves. "Nevi, what are you doing? It's like 27C there today."
"I know that, you jackass." He'd discovered she called people that a lot when stressed. "I just cannot decide what to wear for the plane."
"Oh my God." Ethen rolled his eyes at her and slammed the door behind him as he went home.
"Wait! Ethen! Merde!" She was yelling for him now, and as he often did, he thanked God the large apartment across from them was vacant. He sighed and opened the door again. She was holding a string bikini, top in one hand bottom in the other. "Are the beaches there topless or no?"

"Ethen, hurry, we are going to miss our flight!"
"Nevi—"
Why are you walking so slow, come on."
"We got here early."
"...oh."
"Hey, a photo booth! We should do it."
The pair crowded into the small curtained booth, which lacked a bench but instead had a single round seat. "Well do not just stand there, sit down so I can sit on your lap."
Ethen did, and Nevi sat across his legs, her arms around his neck. "Alright then, boy, let us begin." She swiped her card and hit the button. Four pictures. Nevi glanced at him, and she could see that she was all of a sudden a little bit...he didn't know if uncomfortably was the right word, but she was going a little red, and holding on to him awkwardly. The light flashed and he realized that unless he got them comfortable they'd have to do this again. Hurriedly he wrapped his arms around her waist and hugged her tight, their cheeks pressed together. The light flashed again. On an impulse Ethen kissed her cheek, and she looked surprised and delighted, but he didn't know if that was fake or not. In the split second they had between shots Nevi suddenly wrapped him in her arms and kissed him. Fairly certain she was doing this as just a show, Ethen decided What the Hell and kissed her back. The light flashed again, Ethen vaguely aware through his eyelids. But neither of them broke away for long seconds.

"Oh god oh god oh god s**t merde ******** oh god..." Ethen put his face in his hands. Everything had been going fine. After a point the night before, Nevi had calmed and prepared for the trip like a normal person. After the Taxi and that terrible gnawing wait in security, which filled Ethen's stomach with acid while she had seemed relaxed and excited, Genevieve had seemed fine. But the instant they set foot in the Jetway she started to panic.
Fear of flying was a very special phobia, he knew. A viscous amalgamation of claustrophobia, fear of heights, and the ominous possibility of instant death. Some could assuage themselves rationally. Others, like Ethen, loved every minute of it. But Nevi was certainly not in either of those groups. The moment they'd boarded the gangway, she had closed her eyes and started swearing, a constant, multilingual torrent of profanity. When they finally made it to their seats, she just got worse. A flight attendant came by to remind her that there were children on board, and then she just started to cry instead. Not really knowing what else to do, Ethen grabbed her hand and squeezed it. She did the same in return, hard enough to leave nail marks in his palm, but she started to calm down fractionally. But when they started to taxi, she clamped his hand in hers viciously and started her blue streak again.
"Nevi?" She didn't respond; her eyes were closed, teeth clenched. "Nevi?" He asked again, louder this time. Still nothing. "Lara?" he said it quietly, but it had quite an effect on her. She opened her eyes and relaxed a little, though her grip on his hand re-doubled. "It'll be fine, Lara." Then, for no reason Ethen could trace, neither why the impulse had struck nor why he'd given in to it, he turned to his right, put his hand in the soft hair behind her right ear and kissed her. Instead of recoiling, or pushing him away, she latched on to him like some hungry predator. After a few seconds Ethen pulled away. "Everything's going to be fine, Lara." Her eyes were wide, lips still slightly parted, but finally she seemed relaxed. Then they began to pick up speed, and her eyes closed again, her hand tight around his, and they were in the air.

The flight was nearly nine hours, and as they had both been up at about 0300, it was not long before Ethen drifted off to sleep, and he guessed Nevi would be doing the same. He woke as they were about an hour from JFK to find Genevieve had thrown a blanket over the two of them and she had her head on his shoulder. As he stirred she jerked awake. "Ethen? Are we there?"
"Nope. Got just over an hour left till New York."
"Then...?"
"A two hour layover, then 11 hours to Honolulu. Then an hour layover, and another 45 minutes or so."
"...I think I'm going back to sleep." She put her head back down, her hair tickling his ear, but he didn't really feel compelled to move her.

"Lara, look, look there it is." Ethen pointed towards a tremendous double-deck plane with a design of a woman with a flower in her hair on the tail.
"Holy s**t, that thing is huge." Genevieve was still waking up a little.
"Well, it's gotta be for 11 hours straight of flight. Come on, let's go. Are you going to be ok?"
"Yes, yes, I will be fine. I just...sorry about that earlier."
"Don't be. Flying for the first time's terrifying."

After the layover at that terrifying place in New York, Ethen quickly fell asleep on the longest leg of their trip. Genevieve, tired though she was, could not manage to stop certain things from filling up her mind, keeping her awake. She was excited, that was for sure. All her life she'd wanted to go to the tropics and Hawaii seemed ideal. She wasn't one for places where roughing it would be at all necessary. And while she knew the beaches were hours from where they were staying, apparently there were plenty of other things to see. She really hoped she could at least get a tan. But that was the least of her worries.
She had had panic attacks before, but not since she was 12. And she knew that's exactly what had happened, had been mortally embarrassed. But Ethen had seemed understanding, and really that just left her fighting harder against what had been building in her for months. But there was even more than that. Why had he kissed her?
She had needed to be shocked, that was for sure. And suddenly having his lips like that, twice, had been surprising without a doubt. And amazing. Increasingly Nevi found herself thinking about him, day and night, the bare few other kisses they'd shared, and wondering if maybe they could possibly have a future. Of course that was ridiculous. What she felt she still constantly wrote off to being from her break-up. Three months was not anything after ten years with someone. But as she played that through her head the same set of counter-arguments that she always ran up against made themselves known.
Yes, she and Anders had been together almost half her life. But since they were 18 he'd been in the military, deployed for months at a time. They very quickly decided that staying faithful was unrealistic, and Nevi had taken advantage of that quite often. So had he. However, she'd always had her best sex with him, and she had never really felt anything besides a base attraction to any other man. But still, it hadn't really been like other relationships. They'd learned to get along without each other years ago. Genevieve was fiercely independent anyway, and though her feelings for her ex were still something of a whirlwind it didn't take much searching to find that she was happier without him. She was not trapped in the aftermath like she feared she would be. That simply was not an excuse she could use. And even before that Ethen had been becoming something irreplaceable to her.
Because it was true; she thought about her future and no matter what he was there. Sometimes he was just a friend. The thought of that left her with a feeling like someone had punched a whole through her chest, but it was a life. One filled with longing and cheap sex with random strangers, but it was do-able. Not much different that what hers had been so far. Sometimes she saw them as sometime friends, sometime lovers, each of them the others' consolation prize when things went poorly with someone else. That, she...she didn't think she could take. Better to never have him then not for good, always fighting for his love. Then sometimes she let herself imagine what it would be like if they were together. A couple. For good. Married, or not, she didn't care, just the two of them living out a single life together. She had no idea if Ethen ever wanted kids or no, so they came and went. She wasn't too sure herself. But that was pure bliss, no matter what. And when she thought what it would be like without him...she just couldn't. She couldn't even cope with that thought.
She stared out the window at the country flashing by. She could hardly believe this was all the same place, the sheer size of it. She knew, intellectually, how large the US was, but that didn't really prepare you for seeing it stretched out in every direction, for hours and hours, sometimes without a single light or road anywhere to be seen. Below her now she could just barely see a huge river that she guessed must be the Mississippi, but her geography wasn't too good outside of Paris and Edinburgh.
Ethen moved slightly in his sleep, and for some reason she found herself terribly mad at him. She hated it; was hating him. More than anything in her life, she had loved her solitude, her self-reliance. Her conviction that no matter what happened she would be okay, that she could figure something out. There was no endgame, no realistic situation where she saw needing anyone else's help. But now as she looked at the man in the seat next to her...there was a terrible need, and terror of loss. She hated it. She wanted to be her own woman, entirely self-sufficient, but that couldn't happen anymore. And that was the final puzzle piece clicking into piece. Yes, she knew she cared for him. She knew she trusted him completely. She knew that life without him was not a pleasant prospect. But now, finally she knew without a doubt that she loved him with her whole heart. Probably always would. She leaned down and kissed him gently, not wanting to wake him, because of what they'd talked about last week.
Okay, they had both been drunk. Very. It was the anniversary of the day that Ethen's parents had died, and Nevi had had a bad night at the bar. Anja had turned down the wrong guy and he'd gotten violent. Nevi and Nino had rushed to help her, and soon enough the police were there, but the man's threats were hard to forget. And finally, after a two or three Manhattans and a bottle of wine, she'd gotten up the nerve to ask Ethen why he never dated anyone. She knew at least a couple interested girls and hinted broadly that she was one of them. He had been too drunk to notice, though. He'd gone quiet for a while, then simply launched into it while they sat on his brand new couch.
"Nevi, I just have had way too much hurt to ever think about being with someone. I have had one girlfriend in my life, for about a year when I was in high school, and to say that ended badly is like saying Hitler wasn't a big fan of Jews. I had to leave home to get away from that, because everything and everyone I saw just reminded me of her, and that was too much. I can't even really spend time with my sister, because the two of them were so close. I just...I don't even know if I have that part of me left, the part that loved her."
"What happened?" She was prepared for him to refuse to answer, but not how he did. She was ready for a quiet refusal, or bald-faced rage, but not this. He put his face down in his hands and started to cry. For a second she was too stunned to do anything, then she wrapped her arms around him and whispered in his ear never mind, never mind she didn't need to know. He seemed to be be unraveling, and while Nevi was frightened for him she managed to get him to stand and make his way to bed, despite the fact that she was far more intoxicated than he. In fact, she realized as she got Ethen a pillow (his were always disappearing,) that she probably couldn't even make it home. She had no idea where her keys were. Instead she crawled into bed next to him, though she was simply staring at the ceiling, now trying to get the room to stop wandering. She saw darkness at the edges of her vision, but then Ethen rolled to face her. He seemed ok, though his face was blotchy and red. The last thing she remembered before falling asleep was him saying that he wished he could care for someone like that again, and as he said this he had his hand to her cheek. Then the long night of drinking had pulled her under.
As she sat there on the plane she wondered what in hell was she doing. Why had this happened? Genevieve was pretty confident in her ability to get any man she wanted, save one. And that was exactly who she'd fallen for, head over heels. She thought back to when he'd interrupted her and some guy just as they were about to have sex for the third time, and when she'd seen him how horribly ashamed she'd felt. At first she felt like she'd betrayed him. but later when she'd gone over to talk with him and seen he truly did not care that she slept with other men, she been heart-broken. In some weird, twisted way she'd hoped he'd be jealous if he ever found out, but that hadn't been the case at all.
What would she do now? For the first time in her life she seriously thought about running away from something. Once they got home, just giving Ethen some excuse and stepping out of his life for good. But that wouldn't work, anyway. She'd never have the strength to do that while they were friends, and besides, she didn't run away from anything. And now she found herself crying again, but for now knowing exactly why. She leaned her head against the little oval of a window, staring out at a vast bank of clouds.

"Lara? Lara, we're here." Ethen was gently shaking her arm, and she stirred fitfully.
"Quoi? Ethen? Where are...oh my God."
"Ok, we aren't actually there yet. But I thought you might want to see this."
It was just after nightfall; Nevi could still see some lightness to the north and south, but ahead of them, she barely had words to describe it. It wasn't the largest city she'd ever seen, not by a long shot, but it it sat on a gorgeous crescent bay that caught the lights of the buildings and flung it up towards her, making the glassy ocean look like it was dancing with flames. The lights spread out in all directions, seeming to almost get lost in the lush green of the small mountains behind the metropolis. They were flying over a harbor with ships docked everywhere. Ethen was leaning across her, pointing things out from the air.
"That there is Waikiki beach, and down there is Pearl Harbor with the memorial." He pointed down towards a long, oddly shaped white building, seeming to float in the middle of a large inlet. "And over there is Diamond Head..." Now pointing to a very distinctly shaped peak a ways away, "And over there is—" But now Nevi tuned him out. It was simply gorgeous. he was still talking but she burst in with a question.
"But this isn't where you lived? Where Emily lives?"
Ethen laughed. "No, no. Only a masochist would live here. More cramped than London, worse traffic than LA. Great place to visit, but to stay for good? yikes."
"It is a different island where we are heading, right?"
"Right. The Big Island. Or just Hawaii, if you prefer." Minutes later they touched down, and soon enough they were back in the air, on the last brief leg of their journey. Nevi stared out the window the whole time, enraptured by the sight of the water, and the other islands floating by beneath them. The first two, Ethen called them Molokai and Lana'i, or something, where mostly just blots against the grey waves, simply a darker shade, with just the smallest patches of light on each landmass. Then they were over Maui, seemingly just a few seconds later, and she pointed, almost dumbstruck, at a mountain that must have been almost 3000 meters high. And under the full moon the top of it glistened white.
"Ethen! What the hell is that?" Nevi was shocked; something about this just seemed incongruous.
He leaned over her to look out the window. "Oh, wow! That's rare. That's Haleakala; it almost never gets snow."
"It snows here?"
"Well, yeah. That's like 9000 feet or something, and on the big island there's two mountains over 13. It gets cold up there." Now Genevieve wrote this off to the fact that Ethen was as exhausted and frazzled as she was, but when he'd leaned over her he'd put his hand on her thigh for balance. Normally that wouldn't have been anything but she was wearing a flowing skirt that had been brushed to the side, so his hand was on her bare skin. She didn't notice until he lingered, staring out the window, and then she felt her face turning hot as her imagination flashed into overdrive. Right then Ethen noticed, when she'd decided he'd kill for him to move his hand just a little higher... "Oops, sorry." He sat up without a word, awkwardly moving his hand away. She tried to tell him to put it back, but nothing came out.
A few minutes later Nevi saw two tremendous shapes dominate the view from her window. Both were capped in snow, and the taller of the two mountains had what looked like several small white domes atop it, that Ethen said were observatories. As they circled around to the eastern side of the island Nevi saw city lights that were different somehow from most, and it took her a moment to realize. All the streetlights looked orange and yellow. They swept down over a bay and finally had arrived.  

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter 5

The first thing Genevieve noticed was the humidity. As they stepped off the plane and made their way to baggage claim, she felt like she was being wrapped in a damp blanket. It was cool with a gentle breeze, but she couldn't imagine what it would be like if it ever got hot. The airport was tiny, but just across the street from the carousel already she saw what, to her, seemed like jungle cover. But it was dark so she couldn't see much. And anyway, walking quickly towards them was Emily, who immediately went to her brother and gave him a hug that looked like it might have broken bones. Emily was shorter than her brother by a hand span, with the same black hair, but instead of Ethen's intense blue eyes hers were almost black. She sported a dark tan beneath a tank-top and jean shorts with frayed bottoms; Nevi had seen pictures of her, of course, but they'd failed to convey how beautiful she was. She looked more like a lingerie model than someone with a four-year-old. After accosting her brother Emily came over to her and greeted her with similar alacrity.
"I can't believe you're both finally here! Oh, god, you must be so tired of being cooped up, but it's not too far to the house. Come on, let's get going. Genevieve, no! Put that down. Jack's getting that." She'd been making to grab her luggage when out of nowhere a tall, broad shouldered man with a dark brown complexion picked it up. He looked like he could have picked her up just as easily, and he extended a hand to her.
"Genevieve, great to meet you. Neither of them will ever stop talking about you." Before she could even respond a little girl ran up to Ethen screaming Uncle! Uncle! over and over. He swung her up over his head and she laughed gleefully. But now Nevi turned and knocked Jackson's hand away. "Really? None of that, now." Yes, she was exhausted, cranky, terribly wanted a shower, but Genevieve was an unfailingly friendly and affectionate girl, and gave him a hug instead. Now Ethen came over, his niece in her arms, a tiny little girl with brown eyes and pigtails with an infectious giggle.
"Mina," he said. "I want you to meet Genevieve."
"Genvee?"
Nevi laughed. "Close enough." The little girl looked at her with wide eyes.
"You talk funny."
"I do, I am from France."
Mina gasped, and turned unbelieving eyes to her uncle. "No."
"Yes." He answered. "That's where I've been living, and that's where I met her. She lives right next to me."
The little girl looked between the two of them. "Can you take me?"

Jack hurried them along to the car, and soon the five of them had piled in and were on their way. Ethen watched in amusement as Lara gaped at the mountains, the trees, pretty much anything she could see as the drove towards Jack and Emily's home. And as tired as she was she would not stop asking questions.
"Where is that candy place you told me about?"
"You made this town seem tiny."
"That sign said 'Zoo'! There's a zoo here?"
"Which way is the volcano?"
"How far is it to that beach you told me about?"
"Can you drive to the tops of the mountains?"
Ethen was too tired to have much of a sense of humor, but he managed to answer most of what she asked without getting annoyed, and the rest he let Emily field. Jack was driving, and as he had told all of them every time he'd talked with Genevieve over the phone, he could barely understand a word she said. And anyway, the instant she'd greeted them he'd seen Emily latch onto Nevi like a leech. He watched her warily, only too aware of what his sister was probably plotting. She'd been trying to get him to date someone for years. But he pushed those thoughts away. Now wasn't the time to be dwelling on the unpleasantness these two weeks could bring. Instead he stared out the window at the passing forests and let himself feel glad to be home for the first time in 3 years.

It was only about 25 minutes from the airport to their home, and when Nevi tumbled tiredly from the back seat she was a little taken aback. The house sat behind a brick wall with a yard that looked like it might be almost be an entire acre, unfathomable to a girl from such a crowded city. It was a massive place, two stories, and as they made there way through the front door she found herself envying Emily even more. Married, beautiful house...and she wished she was half as gorgeous as she was. She sighed. Oh well, she thought, I'll be able to enjoy myself anyway. Then Jack, carrying the sleeping Mina in one arm and her checked bag in the other, pointed across the foyer and living room, where a massive, beautiful Christmas tree stood, to two doors. "I'm guessing you guys want to get straight to bed, so your rooms are there and there. I made up both of them, since Em here thought one would be enough." Nevi actually felt her knees go weak. She knew it was a harmless joke, but it so closely mirrored exactly what she wanted it was hard not to blush like she did. His wife rebuked him with a smack on the back of the head.
"Shut it, Jack! Look how embarrassed you made her." Really, Emily drawing attention to her just made Nevi's face feel even hotter.
"Right, like pointing that out will make her feel any better." Ethen was scowling at his sister, who seemed to only realize that now. "Really, Em? You're a therapist."
At that Nevi bit her lip to keep from laughing, and Jack did so outright.

A while after 1 that night Ethen decided he probably wasn't going to get any sleep and sat up resignedly. Slept too much on the plane, he thought, which was frustrating because he usually had the opposite problem. Now he would have horrible jet lag for days. He thought about writing some but pulled a shirt on instead and knocked quietly on the adjoining door between his and Nevi's room. Loud enough that she would hear it were she awake, but soft enough that she would sleep through it if not. After a few seconds there was no response and he guessed she must be asleep. He thought about seeing if the door was unlocked anyway.
It was weird being back there for him. He was pretty sure this would be the case, but he didn't feel like he was home. He may be where he'd been born and raised and lived for most of his life, but not home. He wasn't even sure where that was anymore. All he knew was he felt disconnected, out of touch, and Lara was for him the anchor, something to hold on to. Sometimes he realized how terribly co-dependent on her it sounded like he was, but it wasn't like that. Functional without her? Sure, no problem. But Happy? That was a whole different ballgame. But she was his best friend, there wasn't anything odd about that. He really had no idea what he would do if her door was unlocked, but it was moot. Instead he went out into the living room where he could hear some movie going.
His sister was sitting on a cream colored couch facing the screen, with an array of papers on the coffee table in front of her. Her eyes were on those but her attention on Waterworld on the TV. She had on her reading glasses which were far too large for her face and tortoise shell. She glanced up as he sat on the chair next to the couch, then down, then back up again. She smiled and took off her glasses, rubbing tired eyes. "Hey. Can't sleep?"
"Nope. Jet lag, I guess. What are you doing?" He gestured towards the mass of files in front of her.
"Ugh, one of my clients is going to court, so I have to make sure everything is A-ok on my end. It sucks. Sucky sucky sucks." She took a long pull from the beer next to her, a local micro-brew that was one the few reasons that Ethen ever considered moving back here.
"Are there any more of those?"
"In the fridge."
Ethen made his way into the familiar kitchen, finding that his it was kept almost exactly the same as how their great-uncle had had it: Coffee-pot next to the stove, toaster by the fridge, etc. He rummaged around the fridge until he found a drink when he heard his sister calling to him.
"Shh! you'll wake her up." He gestured towards the door to the other guests' room.
"Oop, sorry. But that's what I wanted to talk to you about, and this is the perfect time."
Ethen looked at her with exasperation. "I told you Em, we're not together."
She wasn't looking at him. Or at anything, really. "I know that. I always believed you, it was just such an easy way to get a rise out of you. But I want to know why."
"Why what?"
"Why aren't you together?"
Ethen looked at her, genuinely perplexed. How was that a question? You either fell for someone or you didn't. But wait, maybe it wasn't that weird. Emily knew very well what he looked for in a woman. And Lara, well, she was perfect in that respect. She was smart, had a biting wit, was mildly obsessed with old movies, comics, Star Wars...but that wasn't it. It had nothing to do with her. It was everything to do with him. "Emily, you know why."
She looked at him sadly. "I thought you might say that." Then she fell silent for long moments. Ethen was about to jump in with something when she started up again. "You can't do this anymore Ethen. It's not fair to—"
"You don't need to tell me it's not fair to myself. I know that. Or at least that you think that. But think about it, Em, how would you cope if all of a sudden Jack was gone?" That shut her up for a few seconds, but then she took a deep breath.
"I wasn't going to say it's unfair to you. I've more or less given up on that. The trouble with taking that approach is that if someone is acting unfairly to themselves they aren't going to care about being treated unjustly by anyone. But it is unfair to her." At this Emily had dropped her voice so that Ethen could barely hear. He moved closer onto the couch so she wouldn't have to stage whisper. "Do you see how she looks at you Ethen? Or do you even know how she talks about you? Say what you will about her engagement, but I think you might have had more to do with that ending than either of you seem to think."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean the first time I talked to her on the phone she couldn't even say your name. When we chat it's all about how much you helped her through her break-up, how amazing you are to her. I mean her fiance was right that she'd fallen for someone else."
"I never got the impression that I was anything really special to her."
Now she just looked kind of disgusted. "Really? Seriously? Ethen whether or not you believe me, you can't deny that she's someone special to you, can you?"
"Well no..."
"And do you think she thinks any less of you than you do of her?"
"I guess not, but—"
"I know what you're going to say. That you're this tortured social outcast and she's outgoing and sociable. So you value the bare few friendships you have more than she does. Logically makes sense. But isn't true." She scooted closer and put her hand on his shoulder. "Ethen, I know what happened with Sam will never stop hurting you. It still hurts me, even, and it was far from the same. She meant a lot to all of us. But you," to his everlasting shame Ethen felt tears in his eyes just at the mention of her. He didn't even know why anymore. The feelings he'd had for her were gone, beaten into nothing by years of anger and guilt and confusion and betrayal. He'd loved her. She'd loved him, or at least he thought so. "Ethen, you have another chance. You've said it a thousand times, that since then you've just felt cut off, adrift, lost even in your own house, because you never felt at peace or safe. Well you know what? Since you've met her, you haven't once called your flat anything but home. You've never called me at 3 in the morning searching for some way to feel secure. I don't know if you can do it, Hon, but if you can she's your ticket out of this mess."
He didn't know what to say. He wished he loved her, and that was that. She was everything he looked for in a woman, but...
"Plus, Ethen, she's super hot. I would totally get on that if she wasn't so hung up on you." This had what he guessed was his sister's desired effect. Ethen laughed suddenly, way louder than he would have under less duress. The funniest part was he wasn't sure if she was serious or not. "Come on, don't you think she's pretty at all?"
He wished he could truthfully saw no. To be honest, he found her so attractive that he was pretty sure it was just a matter of time before they made a mistake and wound up in bed together. Like, together, together. They'd slept together a few times, but literally they'd just slept. "She's, um..."
"Oh, you're blushing, that so cute! Maybe you don't love her but you sure as s**t have a crush on her."
"I don't!"
"Then why the red face?"
"Ok, the fact of it is is that well, maybe I don't love her like that. But I care more about her than almost anything, and we're super close. And I don't think I've ever even seen a girl I find more enticing. When she smiles it's just...magic. I really hope she hasn't noticed but half the time I can't take my eyes off her." Something in there made his sister suddenly sad, and she looked at him like she felt sorry beyond belief. She didn't say anything, though, and now Ethen felt exhausted all of a sudden. "I...I think I should get to bed. Goodnight."
"'Night Ethen. Sleep well." He closed the door behind him and gratefully fell asleep.

In fact, Nevi was not asleep. She just wasn't in her room. Had she been she would have opened the door and the two of them probably would have wound up naked in bed in thirty seconds flat. But she was in the driveway, sitting with her back against one of the trees that lined it. Unlike her friend she wasn't tired at all, and was passing the time with a cigarette held between her lips. She hoped she was far enough away that she wouldn't bother anyone, since she knew most Americans were so very against the smoke. She'd tried to quit once or twice but in the end didn't really care enough to go through with it.
Through the impressive front windows she'd seen Ethen come out of his room and talk with his sister for a few minutes and then go right to sleep. She wished he was still awake, but thought better of going to check. Really it had been for days now; long before her little realization on the plane. But while she'd always found him attractive, lately any contact, or sideways look of his, or uninterrupted time where she was able to think freely, found her wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed with him. It was a dangerous feeling, she knew, because she honestly wasn't sure if she came onto him while sober he would turn her down. He thought she was attractive, of that she was certain, but what then? She doubted going on she could handle being simply friends afterwards. She was going to have to be careful.
She was lighting a second cigarette from the end of the first when she heard a door close and saw Emily striding across the lawn towards her. "Oh god, Emily, I'm sorry, is the smoke bothering you? It is not be getting into Mina's room, is it? I tried to make sure I was downwind—"
"Woah, girl, slow down. No, you're fine. I just came out to see if you're ok."
Genevieve looked at her, genuinely confused. "Hmm? I'm fine. Why?"
"Because it's almost 2 and you're sitting out here alone."
"Oh." She laughed. "That would look kind of weird. But no, I am just not tired, really. I slept a lot on the plane, and I really wanted a smoke."
"Ah." Emily was standing over her, her face silhouetted in the glare form the living room lights.
"Why are you still awake, Emily?"
"Grr...I'm having trouble with one of my clients, and now they're going to court. I'm getting all my files about them in order, but there are literally hundreds."
"Yikes."
"Plus, this is for tomorrow, my one last thing to do before I'm off for the weeks you're here, and I'm pretty certain it's going to be rescheduled or delayed so I won't be completely free."
"That would be frustrating."
After a few moments Emily spoke up again. "I realized earlier that whenever we talk it's about seeing each other or Ethen or something like that, and I don't even really know what you do, Nevi."
"Oh, that is true, it has never really come up. I own a bar a few blocks from our building."
"You own it? That must be nice."
"It does have its advantages. Like being able to drop everything on couple of weeks notice and come to Hawaii." Emily laughed and said how jealous she was, but trailed off. "Emily, there is obviously something you want to ask me, so why not do it?"
"Oh, caught in my game. I was going to try to get a drink or two in you first."
"Why?"
"It's pretty personal, and I'm not sure you trust me enough to answer truthfully." Genevieve was always somewhat impressed by Emily. She was blunt and very very articulate, an odd combination. She could always put a name to an emotion.
"Well go ahead and ask, and I might not answer. I would never hold curiosity against you, though." She couldn't see Emily's face, but the shorter woman sat and seemed to relax.
"Do you have feelings for my brother?" Nevi's heart seemed to stop. No, it wasn't stopped, it was hammering harder than ever. She'd never been guarded with Emily, but was it so clear?
"Of course, he is my best friends."
"That's not what I meant."
"Oh." Nevi was silent for long seconds, but Emily didn't seen compelled to say anything. Finally: "I will be honest, Emily, I do not think it matters. He does not care for me like that."
"How do you know?"
"I know what it is like to looked at, or held, or kissed by someone that loves me. And yes, he may care for me, do anything for me, find me attractive, like me a whole lot. But he is not interested."
"Do you know why?"
"No, he will not say. Something about some other girl, though, a long time ago."
"Almost 9 years now."
"Emily, is this why you brought me out here, too? To try and get he and I together?"
"I—" Her hesitation was all that Nevi needed for confirmation.
"Emily!" She made herself sound outraged, but she wasn't really. She was already pretty sure that was really the main reason she'd been invited. But she didn't mind. She'd have been all for it if the plan had stood a chance in hell.
"I'm sorry, Hon, I—"
"Oh, Emily, I was teasing. Not that it matters, since it will not work."
"You never answered my question, though."
Merde. Nevi thought she had gotten Emily off the track of that question. But nope. And if she just said she couldn't answer, well, there would only really be one reason for that. So, she lied. "I do not really know, Emily. I care for him a lot, and I will be honest, I have had a crush on him for a while. But anything more than that? I do not think so. And I would not want to ruin the best friendship I have to indulge my fleeting romantic designs." Emily stood up, as if having finally gotten what she wanted, and dusted off her pajama pants. When she spoke she sounded amused, as opposed to angry or frustrated.
"I didn't know you were such a bad liar, Genevieve." She turned and walked back towards the house, wishing Nevi goodnight over her shoulder, and telling her to try and get some sleep.  

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter 6

"This cannot be real."
Ethen laughed silently. It was a pretty standard reaction for tourists when they came here. Because there was one big, hot, explosive reason most people visited the Big Island, and Lara was absolutely transfixed. They had gotten up at about 9, though it had taken he and his sister to get Lara out of bed, and after a quick breakfast gotten in the car. Ethen's plan was to show off all the sites of the island as soon as possible, get them out of the way, so he could enjoy being there and not feel like there was a lot Genevieve was missing. After a bit of a drive, through a couple small towns and a Eucalyptus forest (that Genevieve had said she wanted to live in,) they'd started the long, slow drive down to the ocean where—
"Isn't this dangerous?" She had a tight grip on Ethen's arm, but she was staring in wonder as she watched a river of glowing, molten rock flow into the ocean, sending up tremendous clouds of acrid smoke.
"Yes, quite. This whole cliff we're standing on is only a few months old. It could just fall right into the water where we'd boil to death, basically." Okay, the last part was an exaggeration, but she didn't know that. She stared at him, wide-eyed, silent for long seconds.
"This is awesome."
"Usually the lava isn't above ground for so long. We got lucky."
The five of them, including Emily, whose court date had been rescheduled for February, stood some 50 yards distant from the flaming ribbon oozing its way towards the water. They had been there perhaps 10 minutes, gotten pictures of Lara, Lara holding Mina, had Lara ask some Japanese tourist to take a picture of them all, when Mina started wheezing. Jack started to go into panic mode, like the time Emily had broken her leg, but Em just asked Lara calmly if she was ready to go or should she just take Mina back to the car by herself?
"Oh, no, is she alright? What is wrong?"
"She has asthma, but not badly. Really all the sulfur in the air just irritates it. Once we're back in the car she should be fine. You guys can stay, I don't mind waiting there—"
Nevi jumped in. "Do not be silly, Emily, We saw what we came for, right?" Ethen nodded, Jack was too distracted by his daughter's labored breathing to respond. Mina just looked mad that she was being doted on so much. "I am more than ready to go. I do not think I will ever be able to get this rotten egg smell out of my hair." Behind them as the walked away there was a tremendous crack as some rock split apart near the ocean, and Nevi let out a terrified squeak. "Yes, I'm more than ready to leave, I think."

It was quite a drive back to the house, and for the first few minutes it was quite. Ethen was still quite exhausted, Jack was busy driving and Emily was focused on her daughter, making sure she was breathing fine. But Nevi was staring back at the water, still in amazement. Ethen could just barely see the edge of her profile, one light brown eye still wide in wonder, and he envied her. This was such a simple thing, a normal natural process, and here this woman was absolutely captivated. True, the heat, the explosiveness, the glow wowed most people, but she was gazing at it with a stare that struck a chord with him. She's so easily amazed, he thought. She feels it all, doesn't she? Doesn't keep emotions at arms length, or just refuse to acknowledge their existence at all. And that did stir something in him: jealousy. He was jealous of the fact that...it was summed up in a conversation they'd had during the layover in Honolulu. She'd asked him what he wanted to do in the future. Of course he had no idea.
"I've never really been one to plan ahead, Genevieve."
"Can I tell you what I want?"
"You should do something with your drawing." There were two things Lara always had with her: a pack Nate Shermans and a small notepad filled with sketches. They ranged from impressions of their neighborhood buildings to phenomenal portrait-like faces, or anything you could dream of. She was an artist of the first order, and Ethen often encouraged her to do it more often. Now when he told her this she'd looked down at her feet, smiling, but biting her lower lip, a sure sign of nerves or embarrassment.
"That is it. I dream about painting more too, or doing something for a publisher, something like that I guess. I do not really know. But I know I love doing it, and while I love my bar I think I want a little bit more, vous savez?"
"I guess so."
He never had been able to tell her anything that he wanted, because there wasn't anything. Whenever he looked ahead, he didn't care what he was doing, didn't care about himself at all, as long as his family, and Nevi, were safe and happy. He didn't have any ambitions, any aspirations, really. He felt like things were done for him. Then Mina giggling brought him back to the present. They were driving through the National Park, now, heading back towards home, and Nevi was playing with Mina by pushing on her nose. the little girl thought this was the funniest thing ever, and was squealing. Ethen was far too tired to join in, but while he watched them he had the strangest feeling. Unbidden, the thought rose that Nevi would probably make a fantastic mother. Now why would he think that? It had been some stray observation, even one that was probably true, but there had been a very poignant feeling wrapped up with it. As she managed to get Mina to drop off for her nap, and Emily whispered Thank You to her, he found himself staring at her, not even caring when she noticed. But she just smiled at him, then leaned her head back against the seat for a nap.

"So, Emily, which of you is older?" They were back at home, Jack and Nevi sitting at the table while Emily and Ethen were making cookies for the holiday, Mina upstairs still asleep. Emily and Ethen glanced at each other before he answered. "Did neither of us ever tell you?"
"No."
"Oh. Well, technically I'm older, but only by about 8 minutes. We're twins." Nevi looked at Ethen and then his sister, almost like she didn't believe them.
"Nope, no one ever told me."
In concert the two of them looked at each other and asked Why didn't you tell her? Lara just looked confused but Jack look pained.
"Great. Genevieve, be careful when they get like this. They'll start taking at the same time and finishing sentences the other didn't even start yet. It's creepy; they haven't done it for years so I was hoping they wouldn't start up again. Obviously in vain."
Nevi laughed, and Ethen grinned at wickedly at his brother in law.

"What are we watching?" It was late Christmas Eve night, and Genevieve had just gotten out of the shower. She was still toweling her hair when she walked into the living room where everyone one else was crowded around the TV, Jack and Em on the couch, Ethen on a love seat. She went and sat next to him, though he protested her still wet hair. "It is not my fault nothing ever dries here."
"True. It's A Christmas Story."
"What? What is?"
"What we're watching."
Emily gave her a briefly confused look. "I keep forgetting you've never had the holidays with us before. On Christmas Eve we always watch this while eating cookies and, since we've been on our own, drinking fun eggnog." Jack got up and poured Nevi a glass of the drink, which when he handed it to her she realized smelled powerfully of brandy along with the spices.
Nevi took a sip and felt the alcohol warm its way down her throat. It was amazing to her how, even though she was in the tropics, that with the rain and wind the night was a bit too chilly for her liking. She took another sip and scooted closer to Ethen. "It is delicious."
"Thanks, we made it ourselves." Emily nodded to her husband.
"So, what is this movie?"
"You've never seen it? Oh, god, that's a travesty. But I guess maybe it's not as popular in Europe."
Nevi shook her head. "Maybe, but I've never but much for Christmas movies in general."
Ethen gave her a look she could only describe as contemptuous. "Well if this doesn't convert you, we may have to make different accommodations for you while you're here. Not sure I'll want you in the house."

Some hours later, the movie was over, Emily and Jackson had headed up to bed (as it was up to them to put the present out and what not,) and Ethen and Nevi were still on the couch. Having finished off the pitcher of eggnog they had now gone over to the most important ingredient, determined to polish off what had been left in the bottle after the drinks had been made. After the others had left, Ethen had gotten up to grab a blanket off his bed and to turn off the lights, and now they were sitting next to each other on the couch under the blanket, the bottle between them, the only light from the tree.
"Why is it so damn cold, Ethen? I thought it never gets cold here." She realized it was woefully transparent, cliched, the oldest trick in the book. But she used that as an excuse to get as close to him as she could.
"It's not really that cold. It's just so wet that it sucks all the warmth out of you. Plus no one here has heat."
"You were right by the way, the movie was amazing." Nevi admitted this ruefully, as she was a proud move connoisseur. She hated when someone else introduced her to a movie that she hadn't seen that turned out to be great.
Ethen was the same way, and took boundless pleasure in her discomfiture. "I told you so. Hey!"
She'd flicked his nose in retaliation, and he tried to squirm away but on the loveseat there was nowhere to go. "Yes, you did. No need to rub it in." She'd grabbed his flailing arms, then slid her legs over his, so she was more or less curled up on his lap, almost cat-like, her arms holding him around his chest. He had his left arm around her waist, and didn't seemed inclined to have her move, so she relaxed for the most part, though she held on tighter. With his free hand he took a long pull from the bottle (they hadn't bothered with glasses,) then offered it to her.
"Want to finish it off?" She took it and downed the last bit, which really was barely a drop, but that was fine. She wasn't interested in actually getting drunk at all. She felt it burn in her chest, and leaned her head against Ethen's shoulder. It only seemed to register with him then where Nevi was sitting. "Hey, what are you doing, girl?" His tone was even lighter than his words, and she wondered how much of that eggnog he'd had while she was in the shower.
"Nothing. I am just cold."
"Do you want me to make you some cocoa?"
"No, this is fine. You warm me up pretty well. Oh. That sounded kind of like a come on."
"It did. Lara, how much of that did you have to drink?" Clearly he was getting uncomfortable, so reluctantly Nevi pulled her legs off of him and up to her chest, and for some reason she felt her heart sink.
"Sorry, I did not mean to make you uncomfortable." She tried to keep the dejection out of her voice, but doubted she was successful.
"No, no, you're fine, it's just we've kind of been over that stuff before." They were quiet for a while then Nevi decided she would love some hot chocolate, and she went and sat at the kitchen table while Ethen made them each a cup. He had made it from scratch and was stirring it together when he spoke again. "Hey, it just occurred to me that maybe I should have asked earlier, since it's kind of moot now. But what do you want for Christmas?"
Nevi, who had the blanket wrapped around her like a robe, walked back to the couch, Ethen following. It wasn't until they were both settled that she answered. "I really have no idea, Ethen. Had I thought of something I would have told you."
"Oh, well, then I hope you like it. I think you will." They were sitting close on the couch, Nevi with her head on Ethen's shoulder, both of them staring at the tree.She thought back to her last 5 or 6 holidays, each of which she'd spent alone. To her this was strange and all the more amazing because of it.
"Do not worry. I'm sure I'll love it." Her cup of cocoa forgotten on the side table, Genevieve started to nod off, but she was more than awake enough to feel Ethen carrying her to her bed, and the kiss on the cheek he gave her as he wished her goodnight.

"Ethen, are you going?"
"Are you?"
"We stopped the year after you left."
"Why?"
"Didn't feel right anymore. As close as we were, it felt wrong without you there."
"So you're not going."
"No. Not even if you go."
"I don't think I could alone. It was hard enough with all three of us."
"..it would be kind of weird to take Nevi, huh?"
"Kind of, I think. I don't know. I don't know if I can even do it at all, Em."
"I'm not trying to pressure you. It's up to you. I just know you'll feel guilty if you were here and don't go."
"True...maybe I'll talk to Nevi about it."

"Ethen, what are we doing, exactly?" They had borrowed Jack's car and were heading into the city proper. Ethen glanced over to where Nevi sat in the passenger seat. Her eyes hadn't left him the whole drive, intent and worried. He had felt strange asking her to come, and he hadn't really been able to tell her what it was about. But seeing that he was upset she'd agreed to go without a moment of hesitation, not even knowing their destination. Marking his reticence she continued. "If you do not want to say, that is fine. But could you at least tell me that you do not want to talk about it?"
"It's not that. I...it's just I haven't really talked to anyone about it. Ever. But I've told you about that one girl I was with."
"Sam?"
"...Yes, her. She, well—it was...we didn't have a bad break-up, which I think I might have led you to believe. I didn't mean to deceive you or anything, though, and I'm sorry if I did."
"Ethen, this is your life. It is up to you how you want to share it with me, if at all."
"I do, but it's- the only thing is we didn't break up at all. She...she died." His voice caught as he told her this, not only because of the pain. That was true, but it wasn't the whole truth. "She died 9 years ago today. And her father refused to pay for a service or plot or casket or anything, so my sister, Jack and I were going to pay for everything, though that would have left all of us without a cent until my uncle caught on and paid for everything. She was practically a daughter to him, though, and I think he was planning on it anyway. So day after Christmas every year found us there." Ethen pointed out the graveyard up the street, and Lara was silent until they'd parked. Caught up in his own thoughts he hadn't noticed that she'd been crying until she grabbed his hand as he unbuckled. It was wet, and when he looked up from it he saw her face was red and mottled, obvious tear streaks still drying.
"Do you want me to come with you? Or do you want me to stay here?" Just then the rain that had been threatening all morning started with vengeance.
"I'm not sure you'd want to come, Lara. You'd get soaked."
"If you want me to, I will, I don't care about a little rain." Ethen took her hand but didn't say anything. "Do you want to tell me how she died?"
"No!" He was needlessly harsh, and suddenly anger was replacing any other emotions. Lara didn't recoil, though, or even react. "I'm sorry Nevi, but no. I...it was my fault, but beyond that I'd rather not say." She looked at him, long and hard, but in the end she didn't say anything more. Instead she got out of the car, opened Ethen's door and took his hand again, pulling him out into the rain. Then she drew him close and hugged him. For whatever reason, Ethen felt some measure of...not happiness, but something that would allow him to function, at least.
"Where is she, Ethen?"

As Ethen led her through the headstones, Nevi fought to get her heart to stop hammering. She had to admit, when he told her he was responsible for his girlfriend's death, she'd felt something change. It was like until then their friendship had almost seemed isolated, insulated. Untouched by things like betrayal, cheating, sex, lust, anything adult. It had been something innocent, for all they'd ever shared was a few kisses and those had certainly been that. Yes, he'd helped her through the end of her engagement, but neither of them had done anything wrong or shameful throughout that episode. Their friendship had been innocent and so was her love for him. But though she didn't know particulars, or even if that was true (because she knew Ethen's tendency to blame himself for things that were not his fault,) it lent a darkness to everything. Like some cloud that had been on the horizon this whole time had finally settled over them. But now so much was explained. Nevi doubted she could ever have felt anything for someone again if Anders had died when they were so young.
Ethen finally stopped in front of a white marble gravestone. On it was etched: "Samantha Morrow, May 4 1987-December 26 2004. Friend, Daughter, Beloved." Ethen walked over to it and rested his hand on the curved top. "I don't even know why I came." Then he did something that actually freaked her out quite a bit. He walked around to the back of the stone and sat in the rain in the middle of a graveyard, pulled his knees up to his chest, put his head down and started to cry, weep, vociferously. She was on her knees next to him in an instant, splashing down in a muddy puddle, pulling him to her, though he wouldn't let her.
"She killed herself, Lara. We'd been friends our whole lives, promised each other everything from when we were 12 years old. And instead she left. Left all of us. And it was because of me."  

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter 7

"The three of us met Sam on the first day of 2nd grade. Jackson had lived next door to us since we were all born, so we were already a pretty tight knit group. When we got on the bus I saw that there was exactly one new kid, something I always looked out for. That sort of thing is important to most kids, I think. Even Em towered over her and I wondered if maybe she was a kindergartner that had gotten on the wrong bus. But there were only three open seats, since ours was always the last stop. Emily and Jack took the two together and I sat next to her. I tried to say hi, but she just ignored me, and was staring out the window, a kind of distance around her. It wasn't until we got to school that I saw she must have been crying.
Now that it's been so long, I can give you the benefit of perspective on a few things that didn't make any sense to me as a kid. Like why Sam almost always had a black eye or a bruised cheek or split lip. Her mom left pretty much as soon as she was born. My guess is that her dad blamed Sam for that and took it out on her. But no matter what the excuse, her father was an absolute b*****d. I can't even imagine what it must have been like for her. But he beat her, constantly. Once or twice she missed school for a couple of weeks. But she always begged us not to say anything so we didn't. But that first day I just saw a cute, quite girl, who instantly proved herself to be the smartest in the grade. In math she could do stuff in her head that I still need a calculator for. She was an amazing artist, almost as good as you, Lara, by the time we were older. She was a much better writer than I. Needless to say, the teachers loved her, I was impressed, and the kids hated her. By the end of the first week she was being bullied pretty frequently. I kept trying to talk to her, though. She seemed to be the only kid in school that liked to read as much as I did, and she sat next to me in almost every class.
One day in early September, things got really bad. I kept trying to step in whenever I saw her getting a hard time, as did Em and Jack, but no one else. And she seemed to resent us for it, if anything. Anyway, that morning on the bus, she'd had both eyes blacked, looked like she was wearing clothes she'd slept in for days. And one girl in particular always had it in for her and went after her. Sam went berserk. It took Jack and I both to get her away, and the other girl was a bloody mess, missing a couple teeth. Found out later those were loose anyway, but still. This had been behind some bleachers so there were no teachers around, and the moment the other girls were gone Sam started crying. She thanked us for pulling her away, and that was the start of our friendship.
It soon was pretty clear how desperately she always wanted to be away from home. At least three nights out of the week found her staying in Em's room, and in general things were better for her, I think. But she was never allowed to stay over on the weekends, and Friday's always found her terrified, a mess. My uncle constantly was complaining to Child Protective Services, but he had no proof of any abuse, especially since Sam got into so many fights at school. She was always angry, had a harsh temper. But she was wicked smart, and half the time she got in a fight it was to stop someone else from getting hurt, since after that first incident she didn't get picked on hardly at all. And still she wouldn't let us say anything to anyone.
It was when we were about 9 that we started to have some idea what it meant to be with someone, to be married, and it was obvious to Sam and I that we were meant for each other. We even held a mock wedding, Jackson officiating. That was also the year that finally the CPS went to Sam's home and her father was arrested. It took a lot of time, money and effort for such an older man, but eventually my uncle got the court to grant him guardianship of her, since she had no living relatives outside of prison. And for a long time things seemed good.
When we were about 12, though, and started to get more of what being a couple actually meant, Sam was...petrified. She hated being touched, couldn't hug me, kiss me, hold hands, anything. Also, Em and I started to get scared that maybe there was something wrong with Samantha. One minute she would be fine, the next...it could be anything. She might start crying for no reason we could see or she might all of a sudden be insanely hyper and want to fight all of us. She might stay up for three days or sleep for 2. Her mom had been the same way, which was probably why she left. My uncle, obviously, was the first to see that Sam was Bi-polar, or Manic Depressive, whatever they call it now.
He started taking her to therapy when she was 14. And for about 6 months things seemed to be getting better; still we wouldn't hold hands, kiss, do any of the things a normal couple of 14 year-olds might do, but it was much better. But then someone at school found out about her seeing a psychiatrist, and they started to make her life a living hell. It wasn't long until Sam was as isolated as ever, and us three and my uncle became literally the only people she would talk to. And then things just got worse.
Sam had always been very imaginative, creative, and at first we just thought she was being her usual self when things started to get weird. Then one night she came into my room, crying, saying she was going crazy. She was hearing voices, had been hearing them for months, but finally realized that they weren't real. She begged me to help her, make her know what was real or not, and I said I would do anything to help.
Eventually she asked that we commit her. When we did I went to see her after school everyday, telling her what she was missing, though really she didn't seem to care very much. For six months that was the only way I saw her, in some glass paneled room with over-stuffed couches that smelled like disinfectant and old cheese. But when she got out, for a while everything was great.
We were 15 now. She started coming back to school, and in her absence quite a few people had worried about her and now were glad to have her back. She was confused but very happy. But I knew things couldn't last. I was partnered with this other girl for a science project, and soon rumours where flying all over, about how we were hooking up when we were supposed to be studying, things like that. I'm not sure but I think they were started by this other guy that had a crush on her. They were patently false. But unbeknownst to me the girl actually did like me and tried to kiss me one day. I held her off, explained that I was taken. She was miserable, but was anything but vindictive, so I have no idea where the rest came from. But someone went to Sam and told her they'd personally seen the two of us...together. I got home that day about five minutes after her and found her in the bathroom, having swallowed all of her meds at once.
She turned out to be ok, but after a suicide attempt she went back into the hospital. Her doctor, though, concluded that she was more or less stable, just that she'd been subjected to an undue amount of stress. It was my 16th birthday, two weeks after hers, that she was finally released again. While she was in there I had managed to convince her of the truth, that nothing had happened other than the other girl had tried to kiss me. I had stopped her and that was that.
For the first couple of days she was back home, she was very quiet, barely spoke to anyone. The third night she was there, though, she came to my door at about midnight. This was anything but strange; she'd show up all the time to talk or because she didn't want to sleep alone. But this night she had anything but sleep on her mind. She kissed me and I kissed her and we wound up making love, and that was it. We were together and I thought for good. Because through everything I'd never stopped wanting to be with her, and to be honest I'd loved her the instant I saw her there on the bus that morning.
But it was hard. While she was doing far better, she still had bad days. And really bad days. After about a year she said she couldn't stand me anymore and she broke up with me. She left and started staying at a friends' house, actually the same girl she'd beaten up way back when. I was absolutely devastated. The worst was she'd been completely calm, collected, and seemed totally lucid when she'd done it, so I couldn't even pretend that it was just some symptom. She just didn't want to be with me anymore, I thought. About three days later—hmm. I'm sorry, Lara, this is just really hard to say—about three days later I was dragged along to a Christmas party by Em and Jackson. They thought it might help me feel better. I got a little bit drunk and wound up spending the night with that girl who'd had a crush on me. She was always nice to me, and everyone, gorgeous, and I thought everything was over with Sam. I was drunk, heart-broken...now it really just sounds like I'm trying to justify it. But Sam came over the next morning to apologize, and to ask me to be with her again, and found the other girl, her name was Jane, still in my bed. She ran, I have no idea where. Jane left in tears, too, and I sat in my room and wished that I'd never fallen in love with anyone.
About 3 that afternoon I heard Em and Sam talking in the hall, and it was the hardest thing I'd ever done but I went out there to face them. Emily quietly slipped away, and Sam and I talked. for a minute it seemed like things might be ok, then she got a call. She answered it and I watched as she went white. She started crying, pacing, talking, either whispering or almost screaming, and I couldn't understand any of it. Then I tried to hold her and—and she shoved me against the wall hard enough that I saw stars, and then she locked herself in the bathroom. I cried out for her, for Emily to come help me, though I found out later she'd gone next door. In the end I managed to kick the lock in, but I was way too late.
Sam had slit her wrists with the old-fashioned razor my uncle had. She was still conscious when I got to her, but just barely, and I tried to wrap towels around her arms while I called an ambulance. But they were too far away to do anything. Just after I called she told me not to bother and asked me to kiss her. I did again and again and she told me she loved me and I could see her going grey...she told me don't be sad, she wasn't mad about Jane and would always love me, but if she loved me why would she do that? And I found out later. The call had been from her social worker saying that her father was going to be paroled the next day, and that my uncle's guardianship might be revoked. In the end she couldn't take that along with a fractured relationship with me. If I'd just...If Jane and I hadn't...If I—"  

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter 8

Ethen collapsed into silent, wracking sobs, but in her heart Nevi felt something lighten. Ethen always took too much responsibility for something, blamed himself for things that couldn't possibly be his fault. And here...while she was equally in tears for her friend, she knew he was wrong.
"Ethen—"
"Don't tell me it wasn't my fault. Don't you dare tell me that! Don't make her crazy, or sick or anything. This was as much my fault as anything. My fault!"
It was still pouring rain, the two of them soaked to the bone, shivering, and Nevi pulled him as close to her as he would let. "Ethen, listen to me. You do not want to remember her as crazy or anything like that. I understand, as much as someone possibly can who has not been there. But that does not mean it has to be your fault. And just because she was sick—"
"Don't say that about her!" Nevi actually tried to move away from the rage in his voice; she fell back onto to her elbows in the mud.
"But why? It was true, you told me yourself. And does not remembering her wrong sort of...is it not dishonoring her? To think of her as different than she was?"
"What? What are you doing?"
She pulled herself back up to her knees and put her hands to his cheeks. "You loved her, Ethen. I know that. And we always want to see the best in those we love. But did you not love in in spite of her flaws? Or maybe even because of them?"
"I—I..." After long seconds he still didn't answer, but suddenly he looked confused, vulnerable, which at no point before had he looked like that.
"Remembering her as she was is not wrong, or bad. It does not make her crazy, or weak. It makes her who she was. It makes her the girl you loved, not some false version of her."
"Lara, I..."
"It was not anything you did. She told you so herself. She told you she loved you and was not angry. Do you not see? It was her father's fault. It was her mind's fault for failing her when she had so much to look forward to; you, a life with you. Any girl would count herself amazingly lucky, like I am certain she did. I know I would. It was not you. Never, in the slightest. She loved you, just like you love her." When she said this she started to cry herself, the droplets trickling down her skin, but it was still raining, and she turned away besides. He'd denied it before, said he had no feelings left for Samantha, but she'd never believed it. And now he more or less confirmed it. And how could she compete against a long-gone ideal? Reproach flashed through her, disbelieving at her own selfishness, but wait. This was how she felt. She felt like some small fortress that had been their friendship had crumbled completely into dust, leaving her heart at the mercy of the elements. And right now she felt like it was under siege. She loved him; she loved this man with all her heart and knew that her fantasies, her dearest wish could not be. And God damn it, she was going to feel how she felt about it. She was on her knees and now put her hands to her face, bent double but she kept silent.
Ethen didn't seem like he had noticed when she turned back around. She wiped her eyes clear, but he was just sitting there, staring at his hands, looking stricken. "It's draining away,"
he said.
"What are you speaking of?"
"I...I never looked at it how you said. Guilt. The guilt is...I don't know. Are you right? Are you telling me the truth?"
Nevi stared at him, perplexed, frightened. He sounded so...scared, at her mercy. She didn't know why or how. But she nodded. She'd believed everything she'd said, so that was a safe thing to say, wasn't it? Something she'd already said? He stared at her for long seconds, then took her hand. "I think I'm ready to go, if you are." Unsteadily she helped him to his feet, and her pulled her to him with one arm as they walked back to the car. Nevi gingerly sat down, soaked, frozen, sure she looked pretty much the worst she ever had. Luckily Jackson did not have upholstered seats else the mud and wet would have been terrible to clean. And this was what she always did, and stopped herself. When something important, powerful was all around her she would fixate on the most inane minutia, much to her shame. They each closed their doors. Ethen looked at her and she turned to meet his deep blue stare.
Then he was kissing her, their lips pressed together, her arms wrapped tight around him so he wouldn't get away when he regained his senses. His hands were on her cheeks, in her hair, around her, on her back, no matter where, their touch was like an electric shock to her, unexpected, tingling, alive. She took one of his hands in her own and pulled it down to her waist and up under her jacket and shirt. She felt his fingertips on her bare skin, slowly working their way, hesitantly, up her side, her ribs, then under the fabric covering her breasts. She gasped through the kiss and felt excitement rise in her as the heat she was feeling started falling from her chest, through her belly and between her thighs. But then she stopped, stopped kissing him back, stopped the heat, stopped relishing his fingers beneath her bra, and gently but decidedly pushed him away.
"Ethen, no, stop, stop this is all wrong." She had been pushed back so she was laying against the door, which though exciting a moment ago was now extremely uncomfortable. She worked her way back up to sitting and pulled her shirt back down. He was still leaning over her, looking bedraggled, confused, and exactly like the object of all of her lust that he was. The hardest thing she'd ever done was to keep pushing him back until he was in his own seat. "I—I am sorry, Ethen, but...I can not." He was silent for long seconds.
"No, Lara, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I just felt...free. For the first time in years."
"You felt like you needed...needed life, something to take you away from all that out there, did you not? And I was here: kind, pretty, available, and I have made no secret of the fact how attractive I find you. Not that I think you weighed all this out—"
"Good, because I didn't."
"Just that you feel comfortable with me, wanted someone, and I was here."
"I...I don't know what to say. Wait, that doesn't explain why you stopped me."
She bit her lip. She didn't know what to say, because she couldn't tell him why. She'd stopped him because as much as she wanted him she loved him far more, and it had just seemed wrong. She wanted his love, a future, and she didn't see how that could happen if the beginning of their romance was just him finally mourning the girl he loved albeit in very physical way. And he was in love with someone else; not an auspicious beginning to a relationship that Nevi hoped would last the rest of her life. It came down to she loved him, he merely desired her, and that wasn't enough for her. She thought so long and hard that Ethen had started up the car and was on the way home. He asked her again why she'd stopped him, and she started. She'd bitten so hard that now she tasted blood on her tongue. "Ethen, you are my best friend. And I think I am one of your closest, as well. I know you. And you would feel terribly guilty afterwards had we gone any further. You probably do anyway."
"... You're right, I do. I am sorry. I didn't mean to—"
"You do not have a thing to be sorry for, Ethen. I made you feel safe, that is why you did it, and you stopped when I asked you to. You did not do anything wrong. Maybe a little forward, but...that is all."
When they made it back to the house they found everyone else gone, gone into town for shopping and returns. Neither of them said a word, but instead each silently walked to their rooms. As soon as the door shut behind him Ethen started pacing frantically, guilt clawing all over him. Nevi's feelings were a mix of shame, embarrassment and still tantalizing excitement.

Genevieve literally caught her breath. She been to beaches before, on the riviera, in Spain, but this was gorgeous. Granted, the main thing this place had was the lack of crowds, but for her that made all the difference. "What is this place called again?"
Emily answered, since Ethen was pointedly keeping his attention anywhere but on her, and Jack was busy with the little one. "Hapuna Beach. It's my favorite, though Ethen here prefers the nude one a few miles down the road."
He went scarlet, or maybe he was just burning in the harsh sun already. "The fact that it is a nude beach has nothing to do with it. The water's a lot calmer there."
"Sure, whatever. I think the waves here are nice."
They were walking down from a parking lot, and had just now reached the sand. Like Ethen, she'd left her shoes and flip-flops—or slippers, as everyone insisted she call them—in the car, and for a second she luxuriated in fine grains between her toes. She loved the water more than almost anything, and hardly ever had a chance to go. This would have made the whole trip worth it to her on its own. The beach, while certainly she exaggerated it in her mind, seemed like an endless crescent of light golden sand, the water a pale blue, small waves rhythmically surging up onto the sand. Already it was getting hot though it was barely 0930, and unlike the other side of the island, where it had barely stopped raining all week, here there wasn't a cloud to be seen. There were only maybe 20 or so other people she could see, most far to north of where they were. Ethen said they were gusts at a hotel, and that part of the beach was for the resort.
Despite the idyllic beachfront, though, Genevieve again, as they had been for the past two days, felt her thoughts go dark. Ethen wouldn't hardly look at her, and they hadn't spoken since the two days ago at the graveyard. Finding an excuse in the form of his niece, Ethen charged down to the water in front of her, while she decided instead to lay out on the sand. She'd been wearing cut-off jeans and her string bikini top, and now she dispensed with the shorts and stretched out on a towel. Emily made some passing warning about not getting burned, but Nevi ignored her.

Ethen was never much of a swimmer and so even Mina tired him out rather quickly. She splashed off towards her mom leaving him bobbing in the surf more or less alone. Jack and Em where heading up the beach to where body-surfing was a more tenable proposition, and Lara, well, he was trying very hard not to think too much about her. He'd very nearly made what would have probably been a tragic mistake with her in the car, and now it was hard to even look at her. Not because he was ashamed, Even though he was. But because he knew if he got close to her he wouldn't be able to keep the memory of the taste of her lips at bay. Or of how soft her auburn hair was. Or of her guiding his hand under her shirt. Or of her—even now, with her nowhere in sight it was hard to keep those memories under control. Even worse, the desire to do more with her was almost unendurable.
But Lara had been right. She'd been there when he needed someone most, she'd steered his thoughts out of that never-ending spiral that he'd been trapped in for years. And he'd been embroiled in that death for so long it only made sense he'd need something that recalled life to him. And sex did that more effectively than anything. It made sense that he'd done that, but wished he hadn't.
And really he missed his friend terribly, and he doubted the attraction to her would go away in any timely manner. He'd just have to keep his mind off that. He splashed out of the water and went to sit next to her on the sand, and immediately saw how difficult that was going to be, however. Lara, while certainly not prudish, tended to not wear anything tight or revealing, and therefore Ethen had never really been made aware of her figure at all. But now she was lying on her back, arms behind her head, in a bikini bottom that might generously be described as a thong, and a top that was similarly designed to get as much of her tanned as possible. She had told him she was bringing a suit for that express purpose, but it was a bit of a shock to see her like that, when the most he'd ever seen of her before was once when she'd slept on the couch and dispensed with her shorts. Now it was being made abundantly clear that Lara was proportioned in a unfairly attractive manner. Her legs where long and slender, and while he'd noticed she had a nearly perfect hourglass shape before...but with an effort he turned his thoughts away from anything of that nature. He sat down next to her and did his best to keep his eyes away from generous cleavage, her chest where sweat was just beginning to gather, from her thighs, and tried very hard to think of anything but what her miniscule suit was still obscuring. He didn't do a very good job, though, until she broke into his train of thought.
"Ethen? Are you ok?"
"What? Oh, fine." She looked at him, then glanced down at her chest, and her face was as red as his felt. It was perfectly clear what he'd been unable to keep his gaze from. But though embarrassed she looked gratified.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, the only thing is...Oh, Lara, I'm sorry. It's been really awkward between us and I don't like it, and I know it's mostly my fault. It's just that since then I can't keep my eyes off you or keep from wishing you hadn't stopped me. And I know, you're right, it was, or is, just a mix of gratitude and feeling something to some extent again, and I've always thought you were beautiful anyway. If we weren't so close I would constantly be trying to get you into bed."
"That makes a lot of sense." Ringing sarcasm in her tone.
"You know what I mean. If we weren't such good friends. Our relationship isn't like that, and I think if we took that step it might, I don't know, end things as they are. I don't know about you, but I don't think we could sleep together and stay friends. And I still don't think I could be with anyone, so where would that leave us?" It was hard for him to gauge her reaction; she was wearing sunglasses that covered a lot of her face.
"I do not know either, Ethen. I...I have to confess I have a crush on you, but I know you are not interested in me at all. That is why I kept you away, because as much as I want you I want it to be because you are looking for more than just some catharsis. And besides that started fading a while ago; you are my dear friend but I do not think we would be good together anyway."
Silently Ethen agreed. They were far too similar, he thought.
"Wait, you had a crush on me? Why?"
She laughed at him. "Really? Are you that insecure? Ethen you are sweet and kind and absolutely gorgeous, or at least I think so. Have not changed my mind about any of that. And you really know how to make a girl feel special."
"...I do?"
"Well, you do that for me. But mainly I think it was just physical; and seeing you now is making me re-think holding you off in the car."
He wasn't sure if she was joking or no, but he went beet red anyway. "Uh...thanks?"
"I am not complimenting you, just stating facts."
They both sat silently for a few moments. "So, is that it, Lara? We're just friends and we're going to be sure to keep it that way?"
"I think that is best. Ethen, I would give a lot to have you make love to me." He felt his eyes go wide, but she didn't stop. "But I feel the same way about any man as attractive as you are. And in doing that, I think we would put our friendship in danger. And I value that over—over anything, really, no matter how much I want you."
And that was that. Ethen felt a sudden relief and realized that it hadn't been guilt of shame that had been keeping him away from her. He'd simply been scared that what happened might come between them. "Ok then. Come on, you can tan later, you look like you're getting pretty hot anyway." He grabbed her by the hand and pulled her up to her feet and towards the ocean.  

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter 9

"So, how was it for you?"
"How was what?"
"Going home." They were on their way back to Paris, and had just left Honolulu for New York. Lara hadn't said a word on the first short flight or during their layover, and Ethen guessed the farewell they'd had was still on her mind. Emily had been in tears, and he had a sneaking suspicion it had more to do with Lara leaving than him. Jack had looked glum, even, and Mina had thrown a fit at the airport curb when she finally realized that they were leaving. She refused to let go of "Genvee"'s hand, crying so hard she couldn't even ask them to stay. Lara had promised that she'd come again soon, and that had calmed her a little, but he didn't envy his sister the prospect of trying to get that one home quietly. Lara had been silent since, though he'd heard her trying to sniff back tears a number of times. And while he was very happy to be going back to his own life, he'd been nearly as upset as his sister.
"It was...it was hard, Lara, but I'm glad I went."
"Why difficult?"
"All the stuff at the graveyard? Remember? And those weird couple of days afterwards...and just facing up to all that stuff again. But I don't think it will be that hard next time."
"I hope not."
"But I don't feel like I went home; I feel like we went on vacation and now I'm coming home." She leaned her head back against his shoulder and closed her eyes. "Did you have fun?"
"Ethen, it was amazing. I wish we could have seen some of the other islands, too, but I envy you your connection with that place. It is everything you made it out to be if not more."
"I'm glad you liked it. And you certainly did get a tan."
"I know. Even if the trip had been terrible this," she pointed at her now bronzed face and neck and then circled it with an index finger. "Would have made it all worth while."
"Yeah, and seeing you in that bikini would have made it all worthwhile for me, so—" She flicked the tip of his nose. "Ouch!"

They had taken one of the last flights out of Oahu, and it wasn't long before Lara was fast asleep, a pillow between her head and the window. Ethen tried to sleep as well, but now his usual airborne insomnia was in full swing. Not that he really minded, he had plenty to think about.
For the hundredth or maybe ten thousandth time in the past two weeks, Ethen reached for what had for so long been a black mark in his feelings, what had once been all the love he held for Samantha. After her death it had gotten twisted into a coil of anger, guilt, despair. And though the sadness was still there, and the more he examined it the closer it would come to overwhelming him, the guilt had vanished entirely, the anger slowly was subsiding. Lara was right. Sam had been sick, there was no doubt about that. Had that made him love her any less sincerely, made her any less important to him? No. So why had tried to edit that from her life?
But he knew. He remembered all the sidelong glances she would get, and he would when they were together. He remembered the guilt and rage Sam always had felt when her own mind was failing her. She had wanted it out of her so in a way he was just trying to fulfill his lover's wishes. But Lara was right. He dishonored her by remembering her as something different than what she was. By remembering only the good it made his love for her seem weaker, that it couldn't have withstood the bad, even though it had. By not remembering the bad he wasn't remembering her, just images and moments with a beautiful girl, not her. And Lara was right. Under the self-reproach and rage Ethen had found that he still was in love with a girl that had died almost a decade before. He couldn't move on from that. But at least he knew now why he could not turn his heart towards the wonderful woman sitting next to him, who deserved his love a dozen times over now. If only it worked like that, he thought to himself.

"s**t, you got tan, Nevi. Ethen, how do you still look exactly the same?"
"I'm part Hawaiian, Nino. It takes a lot for me to tan, and I don't think I've ever gotten a sunburn."
"I know that, it just doesn't seem fair. I crisped up like a rasher of bacon in that sun."
"Whatever. Thanks for picking us up, though."
"Eh, I thought it might be fun to hang around here for a while. It gets boring back home. So, Nevi, what did you think of that place?"
Ethen saw her look away from him and towards her cousin. "It was heavenly."
Nino's response was incredulous. "Really? I thought it was terrible. Way too hot, way too humid, and it's so boring."
Lara glared at him. "Then you must not have much imagination. Oh wait, I forgot, all the fun things are outside." One of Nino's most annoying proclivities was his disdain for any outdoor activity, and this began a devolvement of the conversation to the two of them quietly sniping at each other. Most seeing the two cousins would think they probably hated one other, but Ethen had learned over the months that the two adored each other, and just had very unique ways of expressing it.

Nino dropped them off and helped them take their luggage up to their flats, but he said he couldn't stay, which had been their original plan. They hadn't seen him in a few months and he was going to spend a few days in the Paris; he still said he was going to, but he had something to take care of that night and would be around in the morning. Probably some woman. Nevi unlocked her own door and walked into her own flat, and for the first time ever she felt terribly, terribly lonely in it. For the past three weeks she'd only been alone while sleeping. Emily, Jack or Mina had almost been there constantly, and Ethen had more or less never left her side. Now she was back in what seemed to her a cavernously empty flat, and she realized what was wrong.
She'd gotten used to living with him, going through the daily mechanics with him at her side. And she'd found she loved it. She'd never lived with anyone, not even Anders, and she'd always thought she'd hate it. But maybe not. She unpacked slowly, lost in her thoughts.
In truth, she felt she'd made a mistake. All of a sudden she felt it was worth risking everything, anything to be with him. She felt like she'd finally come to the end of something. After about an hour, while she was showering, and, as she so often did now recalled his hands on her, she made up her mind. She got out, toweled off and blow dried her hair, then just threw on her comfiest PJs. She didn't know what she was going to do, or how she was going to play it, but they watched movies together late at night so often she knew this wouldn't seem weird. She went next door and knocked, and Ethen answered, assuming probably that it was her, in just a pair of boxer shorts. His hair was wet and sticking up oddly, obviously just out of the shower as well. And she didn't know if it was love or lust but something over came her completely.
"Hey, Lara, did you want to—" And she cut him off by pulling his face down to hers and kissing him. He let out a noise of surprise but didn't pull away, and soon had his arms around her, tight. She walked him backwards into his bedroom, mercifully the door was open, and pushed him onto his bed.
Two hours later Ethen had finally fallen asleep. Nevi lay next to him, tracing her fingers across his back lightly, when the realization hit. Lust, passion, desire, now all expended, exhausted, it was gone. What she'd thought was love simply...wasn't. She'd jumped her best friend, confusing friendship and attraction for actual love, and now would have to pay for it. Or was she just too tired and washed out and feeling satisfied for the first time in so long she didn't know her own feelings? She wasn't sure. But what would he say in the morning?

"What happened last night?"
"I...I came over and kissed you, and took you to your bed and got undressed, and well, you know. I hope it was not actually that forgettable."
"No, that's not what I meant. And it hasn't been like that since...well, for years. I meant, did something happen that made you come over like that?"
"I just felt lonely and it had been a while, and ever since the car I had wanted you more than anything. I guess I could not handle it any more."
"I...it's just that we talked about...I shouldn't have let you do this."
"Maybe. Maybe I should not have done this in the first place. I know how badly you want me sometimes Ethen, and I want you the same. But I think this was a mistake, and that we should not press our luck."
"One time error."
"Right. Maybe a...very fun mistake, but a mistake nonetheless."
"I...I just wish I felt for you that way, that this wouldn't be a mistake."
"I do not feel that way either, Ethen. So even if you did it would still be wrong. I think I should go."
"Oh." His face fell. "Ok, if you say so."
She slid her PJs back on, and walked out of the bedroom, but before she reached the door she turned back and got undressed again, sitting astride him while he lay in bed. "Ok, maybe it will be a two time mistake." She bent down to kiss him once more.  

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter 10

It had only been one night. Why did the importance of some events so far outstrip their allotted time? Flashbulb memory and all that. And that one night was proving to be a defining moment in his life. Had it been a mistake? Ethen wasn't sure. But without a doubt how they had handled it was. True it wasn't technically just one night. They'd spent that following morning in bed together too. But then Lara had left for work, and he had to go to Edinburgh the next morning, and in the end they didn't see each other for a week afterwards. She'd finally just come over one evening and...nothing. Neither of them had a word to say. After that they had just barely acknowledged each other in the halls; She never came over and he avoided the bar and coffee shop she frequented.
The worst was the uncertainty. It hurt not seeing her, hurt a lot, but Ethen couldn't pin down why. Did he just want her again? No, he decided: in fact he didn't want her at all anymore. Didn't want anyone. And over the first few following weeks, he found he was wanting anything and everything less and less. Didn't want to eat, really, but the hunger was annoying so he did. Didn't want to bother going to get something to drink. Didn't want to go out when Nino came around. Couldn't write a word and didn't care. He didn't know what it was. He wasn't sad or upset merely...numb.

"Hello?"
"Ethen, are you ok?" It was Emily's voice, trembling slightly, she sounded upset. Ethen hoped it wasn't anything serious so he could get her off the phone quickly.
"Yes."
"What's going on? Why won't you call me back?"
"Because I don't want to talk."
The silence was long before she spoke again. "Genevieve's cousin called me today. Nino. He said you won't talk to him."
"No, I won't."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't want to talk to anyone. It's nothing personal."
"Ethen, what happened? I haven't been able to get a hold of Nevi either."
"I don't want to tell you."
"I don't give a s**t what you want. Tell me."
Oh who cares? Ethen thought to himself. It doesn't make any difference if she knows. "First night we were back Lara and I slept together and since she left for work the next afternoon we haven't spoken to each other beyond exchanging pleasantries. And I can't seem to make myself care about it one way or another. Or anything else." Again, he had no reaction. He used to think losing Lara would be something terrible, but now he couldn't find a way to even make it matter. Emily was quiet for a few seconds until he heard something like a someone sniffing back tears.
"Ethen, do you have any alcohol in the house?"
"I don't know. I think so. Maybe."
"Will you do me a favor and throw it out if you find it?"
"Sure." He didn't care. "Why?"
"Just as a favor to me. And I'm going to have Nino come over and get some stuff, alright? I want him to borrow a few things for a while."
"Okay." He didn't know what she was talking about, but didn't mind. "Why?"
"I will just feel better. Can you do me one more favor?"
"Maybe. I don't know." Really he probably would. He didn't have an opinion either way.
"Can you tell Genevieve I need to talk to her?"
"Ok, when I see her."
"Can you go now?"
"I have an appointment with Bernard. Do you mind if I go when I get back?"
"No. Just call me after you tell her, ok? Promise me you'll call me afterwards."
"Ok, I promise." That was fine with him.

"Genevieve? Are you coming in today?"
"No."
"That will put both Henri and I into overtime."
"Ok."
"...Do you want me to talk with him, Nevi?"
"Thanks Anja, but no. I don't think talking with someone else he's slept with would help the situation much."
"You're probably right. Let me know if there's anything I can do, ok?"
"I will. I appreciate it." Anja hung up without saying goodbye, her usual custom. Genevieve was lying in her bed, her blankets scattered about, still in her pajamas from two days before. She simply could not muster the energy to change. About twenty minutes ago she'd heard her cousin next door, banging around the kitchen, talking loudly, but she'd not heard any response from Ethen. She wondered if he was just ignoring Nino, or what. Now came a knock at her door. She paid it no mind at first, but after it repeated for nearly a minute straight she got up to answer it. Clearly she'd have to take care of this before she went back to bed. She opened the door.
"Nevi? Where are your pants?" She glanced down. Nino was right: she'd somehow lost her pajama pants and was in her panties and tank-top.
"Don't know." One nice thing about avoiding Ethen? Never had to bother with English, she told herself. "What do you want?"
"What do you think? I came to see you."
"You saw me. Now leave."
"No. Tell me what's wrong."
"You know what's wrong."
"No, I know what happened, but usually when two people that care for each other sleep together it's not the end of the relationship."
Nevi had gone back to her bed and was now curling up beneath her quilt. Nino was standing at the door to her bedroom. She wished he'd just go away so she could get back to sleep, since she never had any energy anymore. "Leave me alone."
"No. I'm worried about you. Anja's worried about you. Ethen's sister even called me today. Tell me what's wrong."
"What's wrong? What's wrong is that I did the dumbest thing in my life and jumped him. I wanted him and I thought I was in love with him, but afterwards...nothing. I just felt washed out, tired...and afterwards it was too embarrassing to even look at him. He can claim he just got caught up in the moment. I know he's always thought I was pretty and we're both available...it's not like it was his idea. But I instigated it, I couldn't control myself, and now he knows how badly I wanted him, that I might lose control again...it's shameful."
"Ok, I think that's crazy, but I won't convince you otherwise and it doesn't matter anyway. Are you willing to sacrifice the best friend you have because seeing him might wound your pride?"
"Doesn't matter, he doesn't want to see me anyway."
"True. But it's not what you think. Emily's just sent me over there to gather up anything sharp or dangerous and to keep it for a while."
"What?"
"Don't you see, Nevi? You two need each other. Without you Ethen can't function. It's like he doesn't have a single emotion left; it's spooky. And you...I've never seen you like this before. Why don't you just admit it to yourself?"
"Admit what?"
"...Nothing, never mind. But come one, let's get you up. At the very least you really need to wash your hair."

It took Ethen about an hour to notice that he'd been walking the wrong way when he left Bernard's office. He didn't even know where he was, so he hailed a cab. Why didn't he do this more often? It was faster. Somewhere he remembered that he hated taxis, but that didn't seem to matter at the moment. It dropped him off at his building and just as he paid he realized he was paying with a hundred Euro note, not 10, but it seemed too much trouble to do anything about it.
He was unlocking his door when he remembered the promise he'd made Emily, and instead knocked on Lara's door. Nino opened it, and told him to wait excitedly. In a moment Lara came out of her room, looking scared, uncertain. He idly wondered why.
"Hi. Emily wants you to call her." He turned to go but she stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind her.
"Ok, I will. But is that it?"
"Is what...what? I'm not sure what you're asking."
"Do you have anything to say to me?"
"No." He didn't. He couldn't think of anything, anyway. He started to unlock his door again when she grabbed his wrist to stop him. He turned to face her. "Can you let go of my wrist, please?"
"Ethen, I..."
"What?"
"...Nothing. Fine. I will leave you alone."
"Ok. I don't mind either way." She slapped him across the face. Not hard, not enough to do anything but leave a quickly vanishing red mark, but suddenly Ethen's anger leapt up. "What the hell was that for? I didn't do anything!"
"Exactly! Exactly, you are doing nothing! You will not even look at me. I had to do something to get your attention!" She shouted these last words at him but suddenly her voice was barely a whisper, a despairing one. "What happened, Ethen? I miss you. I miss you so much."
"I'm right here."
"I miss my friend. What happened?" He just stared at her, wishing she would be quiet so he could leave without seeming rude.
"I don't know."
"It hurts just to see you now."
"The don't look at me. I don't want you getting hurt for no reason."
"Maybe you should just leave, then."
"You're right. Maybe I should."
He walked back into his apartment, closing the door behind him. He saw Lara start towards him, but he didn't bother to catch the door. He went and lay on the couch, staring at the window as the sun set behind it.

"Genevieve? There's a customer here."
Nevi turned to Henri, perplexed. "Ok...why do you need me?"
"I don't speak English or Spanish, and he doesn't speak French or German." Genevieve let out a long sigh. This was her first night back at work since...well, since the one day she had come in so far this year. It was now the end of February, and she was having trouble getting back into the swing of things. But still, it was nice to be back, to have something to occupy her mind. Henri pointed out the customer, a tall, strongly built man maybe a year or two older than she was, who was looking rather lost. Because of how early it was, he was also the only person in there; he sat alone at the bar.
"Hi, what can I get for you?"
"Oh, thank goodness. I figured most bars I went into, even if the bartenders didn't speak English some other customer might. Didn't work out quite like that, though. Um, I'll have a...what single malts do you have?"
"Glenfiddich, Glenlivet, Lagavulin, Laophraig, Dalwhinnie, Ardbeg, Talisker, Aberlour, Caol Ila—"
"Oh, can I get a Dalwhinne?"
"Sure. Rocks, neat, water?"
"Neat's fine."
Nevi grabbed a glass and the bottle, and while she poured the man kept talking. "Your English is great, by the way. I probably should have tried to learn French before I moved out here, but to be honest I never thought of it." She smiled at the self-deprecation.
"That might have been a good idea. Where are you from?"
"The US."
"Obviously, I meant where more specifically."
"Oh, sorry, I'm just so used to people thinking I was British. Guess I lived there too long. Colorado."
"I've heard it's lovely there; never been though."
"Have you been to the states?"
"Only to Hawaii, and that god-awful airport in New York."
The man laughed. "JFK? I have to fly out of there at least once a month. Heathrow's the worst, though."
"What do you do?"
"I'm a doctor, or a surgeon, more precisely. I'm a specialist and get shipped around constantly. But I'm taking a...a sabbatical I guess you could say."
"What are you doing now?"
"Well, I've always wanted to write, travel books and stuff like that, but lately I've had an idea for a novel that won't leave me alone."
Nevi laughed. "That sounds familiar. You should meet my neighbor."
"Does he write?"
"He just finished his graphic novel series, and I think started on his novel. Not sure, though I haven't seen him in a few days."
"Wait, you're not talking about the guy that wrote The City, are you? Montgomery, something?"
"...How did you know?"
"No way! That was amazing. Oh, I know he lives in Paris and not many series have wrapped up lately, at least not many important ones. Do you...do you think you could introduce me?"
Nevi hesitated. To be perfectly honest she had no idea how Ethen would react even when they had been on better terms. But ******** it, she was beyond caring too much about what he wanted right now, and this guy's enthusiasm was really cute.
"Sure. Give me like ten minutes. Better finish your drink."

"Ethen?"
"What do you want?"
"I have a customer. Big fan of yours, and wants to write. He's really sweet, so I'm going to bring him over so he can meet you. Be nice, okay?"
"Okay, whatever."

"This is amazing! What are the odds? I just happen to walk into a bar owned by his neighbor. Crazy, right?"
"Sure."
"Hey, I never got your name. And I don't think I gave you mine." He stuck out his hand. "Anthony Shay."
"L—Genevieve. Genevieve Jeunet, but most people call me Nevi."
"Hey, that's pretty, I like it. Really though? You can just walk to work? That's so weird. I'm barely used to the idea of not having to fly for 5 hours just to get to a procedure"
Inwardly, Nevi shuddered. With Ethen there it had been tolerable, but she now knew without a doubt she hated flying. She couldn't imagine having to do that all the time. "Yikes. I hate flying."
"I'm not a big fan either. I get claustrophobic. Money was great, though, and I got to see tons of places, so that was cool."
"Is that why you picked Paris? You'd been here before and liked it?"
"No, actually this was one of the only big cities I hadn't been to, so I thought I wanted something new."

"Ethen, this is Anthony Shay. Anthony, Ethen Montgomery." For the first time in almost two months, Ethen felt himself having to fight not to laugh. The man, about his height but easily with shoulders his width and half again, looked shell-shocked meeting him. His mouth was half-open, eyes wide.
"This is so cool. God, what's it like to live next to him, Nevi? You're like...you're like our generations Frank Miller." Ethen laughed.
"No, I think Frank Miller is our generation's Frank Miller. But thanks. Come on in." Silently Ethen thanked Emily for forcing him to clean his flat by not getting off the phone until he did. It was at least marginally presentable. "Anyone want a drink? Oh...wait, never mind, I think I'm out."
Lara was watching him oddly, a sad sort of gloom surrounding her, but now she volunteered with alacrity. "I have some bourbon next door, I'll go get it." And she vanished before he could say thanks. Ethen led his guest into the living room, when he noticed that his eyes were lingering out the door. When they sat down he spoke quietly.
"Mr. Montgomery—"
"Please, stop. That's really weird. I'm pretty sure you're older than I am. Just call me Ethen."
"Ok, Ethen. This is kind of a personal question, so feel free to not answer or tell me to leave or whatever."
"Um, ok."
"Is Genevieve seeing anyone?"

Nevi had had to run back to the bar for a few minutes, and when she got back Ethen and Anthony where bidding each other farewell. Ethen greeted her happily, not the forced way he had been doing, but for some reason smiled sadly as they departed. Anthony couldn't stop his excitement, much to her amusement.
"He's simply a genius, Nevi, there's no one writing anything like him today, certainly not in comics. I can't believe I got to meet him, thank you so much. This was the best night I've had in years..." He kept on, but Nevi for the most part tuned him out for the better part of the walk back to the bar and Anthony's car. Then she realized he was addressing her directly.
"Sorry, what?"
"I just...I don't want to be stepping on any toes here. And it seemed to my untrained eyes that, well, is there something going on between you to?"
It was like her brain froze entirely, but she listened in half-shock as she said no. "No, there is not. We are close friends, but nothing more."
"Oh, okay."
They were both silent for several steps.
"Anthony, why do you—"
"Do you want to have dinner with me some time?" This tumbled out in a rush, and for a moment Nevi was too stunned to answer.

"Lara? It's like, 3 in the morning." After some deliberation, Ethen had decided to open his front door to the persistent knocking.
"I know, I closed tonight. I just wanted to talk to you." She seemed a little apprehensive, a little excited, like she had news that she liked but wasn't sure if anyone else would.
"Ok." Ethen, not interested in being awake very long led her into the bedroom where he sat down, leaning back against his pillows.
"I really want to thank you for tonight."
"Um...ok. You're welcome, I guess, it wasn't really anything. Anthony was pretty cool, actually; seemed like he might be good with a pen."
"That's not what I'm talking about."
Oh. That. "He told you about that?"
"He did."
"Well of course I'm going to be truthful, Lara, why wouldn't I be?"
"Ethen, we...things have not been good between us. Terrible, in fact. And then I spring this on you, this very strange invasion of your privacy, and even at your most congenial you are very private, and you just go along with it. And he asks you that about me and you could have said just about anything or gotten jealous, or anything, and instead you were just simple and quiet."
"I take it you said yes when he asked you out, then."
"It does not matter what I said, or even if he asked. The fact is that...well...just thank you. I know we do not have that kind of relationship, but having sex with someone changes things. I...I was scared you might be cruel."
"Of course not, Lara. Yes, things have been strained, but at the end of the day, like right now, you're still the best friend I've got. I'm not going to do anything to hurt you."
She grabbed his hand, squeezed it, hard. She stumbled through a few words, then simply kissed him on the cheek and left.

Why hadn't he said anything? The moment Lara had walked out the door, and he'd seen Anthony watching the path she took, he knew what was coming. Anthony looked at her the same way he had looked at Samantha. And he hadn't answered him right away. They'd talked for a while, and then eventually he'd told him that no, Genevieve was single. Why?
Because Anthony seemed like a good person. When he'd asked why Anthony wanted to know if she was dating anyone, his response had been like the best lines Ethen had never been able to write.
"Because she's an amazing woman. I've only known her for a couple hours and already I am captivated by her. She's one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen, to boot. I really, really want to get to know her better, and since it's clear you two are really close I thought...oh forget it. But she's breath-taking."
So what? What now? To be honest, he'd never really thought, even that night, that they would have a future; he still doubted that he did with anyone at all. And he didn't want to screw up Lara's life, so he had to back off. That's why he'd shut down, he thought. He couldn't offer her anything. And though he had come to realize that he loved her with every single part of his being, he couldn't treat her or love her how she deserved. And he wanted her to be happy. So he stepped back. Let someone else give her a fighting chance at being happy. Because there wasn't one with him.  

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter 11

"So, I guess I'm just going to go, then." Ethen watched in idle interest as Anja came back into the room and stood at the foot of the bed. Her english was not quite up to Nino's and sometimes Ethen lost some of what she said in the German cadence, but not so much anymore.
"Oh. Ok, sure." He had only the barest interest in whether she stayed or went, anyway. But he kept his eyes on her as she languorously got dressed, first her stockings, then her black lace panties and bra that he'd told her he liked, and finally her skirt and button shirt. She flicked her blonde hair back over her shoulders, cocked her head and looked to where he still lay in bed, naked.
"Yeah, I have to get to work, so..."
"Ok. I'll probably be there later, I don't have much in the house."
"That's fine." She turned to leave, but before she reached the door out she came back into the bedroom. "Ethen, why do you keep doing this? You don't care about me at all, I know that."
"That's not true. I—"
"Hey, I'm not accusing you of anything. I have a great time, and I know you do too. And I'm here because it's a great way to spend the night and I have no use for anything else. But that's not you."
"Um...that most certainly is me. I'm looking for the same things you are, and I just got lucky enough that you're damned gorgeous. You know there've been other girls, right?"
"I see you pick up most of them."
"Exactly. The only reason I keep coming back to you is that you're available, willing, and way hotter than the others."
"That's not what I mean." She sat down on the bed, and Ethen started to get uncomfortable. For the past six or seven months they’d been sleeping together. Actually, almost since Ethen had moved there they'd had sex every once in a while, but since Anthony and Lara had gotten together they'd started to regularly, but beyond that their relationship was not clearly defined. Certainly they weren't dating, they'd never really done anything but go back to his or her place for the night. Once in a while one would stay past the morning, but that was rare. They would rarely talk, and still neither of them would say they knew the other very well. So when Anja started to seem like she was asking something personal, it was uncharted waters for them. "I meant...why are you doing this with anyone? You're sweet and smart and attractive. And this isn't like you. You are exactly the kind of guy that should find himself a cute little wife and have a family. I saw you with your niece last month; you would be an amazing dad. And I know you well enough to see that that's what you want. So why are you wasting time with me? Wait, you aren't hoping for that with me, are you?"
"No. Though that would be a fair assumption."
"Ok then, why? Not that I mind but...I don't know. I don't think you can sleep with someone like every other night and not have some sort of kinship. It's just...I'd say we're friends, right?"
Ethen thought about that. It was true, he had come to like Anja, and part of why he liked having sex with her especially was because it was clear she enjoyed it so much. He guessed he wanted good things for her, too. "Yeah, in a way."
"I want you to find someone that you can be happy with, and you can't do that when we keep hooking up. So why are you doing this?"
Ethen studied her dark blue eyes. It was strange: she was concerned about him. And he'd never heard or seen anything to make him think she couldn't be trusted. And he desperately wanted to confide in someone. "I can tell you, Anja, but I don't want to put you in an uncomfortable situation, which I think it might."
"Do you want to tell me?"
"More than anything I want to tell someone, but I can't really talk about it with anyone."
"What, why? Why not tell your sister or Nino or—Christ, tell Nevi, she's your best friend."
"Not a good idea."
"Why?"
"You have to promise me you will not tell anyone, and especially not anyone you just mentioned."
She actually blushed a little. "You would trust me?"
"Like you said, we're friends, aren't we?"
"Ok. I promise." She genuinely looked concerned, so Ethen took a deep breath and got up from bed. For some reason he couldn't even fathom telling her while looking her in the eyes, so he started to get dressed as he talked.
"The truth, Anja, is remarkably simple. You're right, this isn't what I want. I want everything you just said. And I know who with. But she's in love with someone else. Deeply, truly in love, so I can't even tell her. She would just get upset and saddened, and I don't want to cause her grief or anything. And the worst part is her boyfriend is amazing to her, treats her wonderfully, and I don't even know if I could measure up to that. So on top of everything, I truly feel she's better off with someone else. And it's more important to me that she be happy than I. So I do this, to keep myself distracted, because losing myself in you and other girls is more or less the only solace I can find. I figure eventually maybe things will stop hurting so much, or I'll move on and find someone, but for now...really the other girls aren't anything, just a substitute for a substitute. Not that you are just a substitute, I only meant—"
"Ethen, that's exactly what you meant. It's fine."
"...But the nights with you actually get me through the next day, most times, simply that physical...physical bond keeps me functional."
Anja looked at him sadly as he pulled on his socks and shoes, preparing to leave the house for the day when she left, when she spoke. "I don't really understand, Ethen, I've never cared for someone like that. But thank you for telling me, and I kind of get what you're saying. The nights with you do make everything better the next day. But I don't know, what you said about this girls' boyfriend being a better man than you, I find kind of hard to believe. You're pretty exceptional, and as one of them I know you make even your one-night stands feel special." She was silent for a long time, looking at him questioningly, and she kissed him shyly before turning to go, leaving her query unspoken.
"It's Genevieve, Anja. I think I've been in love with her since the morning after we met and just didn't know it 'till too late."
Her face turned sad, terribly sad, but she nodded. "I figured. All I can say is...don't give up hope. Ever." They kissed again, and she looked up to him and sighed. "******** know we can't sleep together anymore after this. Now that that's out there and you made it clear how you care about me."
"I know."
"Oh well, I think it's worth it to find a friend, don't you?"
"Yeah, I do." She turned to go, now quite a bit late for work. "Anja? Thank you." She smiled at him, nodded glumly, and walked opened the door. There, about to knock, was Anthony.
"Oh! Hi. Um..."
"Don't worry, Anthony, I was just going." And she walked down the hall without another word.

Anthony was still standing in the doorway, not entering, looking uncertain. He opened his mouth to try and say something but failed to make a sound. Ethen decided to put him out of his misery. "Anthony, what are you doing? Come in already." He stepped in and closed the door behind him, as though he was afraid of being overheard. And then he started to pace around the living room. This was utterly unlike him. After they'd gotten to know each other better, Ethen had found him to be a very confident, self-assured person, not really one to be ashamed or to worry too much about what he said. That would have been problematic, except he was as kind as anyone. They'd become fast friends, though it was hard for Ethen sometimes when he saw him and Lara together, even more so since Anthony had moved in with her next door. But she was clearly happy, like she hadn't been since he'd known her, so Ethen tried his best to keep his own feelings at bay.
"Ethen, I wanted to ask you something."
"Ok..."
He didn't stop pacing, nor did he elaborate. He was about to ask Anthony to continue when he started talking a mile a minute. "It hasn't been that long, I know, I know it seems like I might be rushing things, but I love her so much and I think I make her happy, and it's been great since we moved in together and I don't know why I would wait though most people would say eight months isn't long enough to know for sure but I've never been more sure of anything in my life. I wanted to ask Nino but he said you were just as important and Nevi doesn't have any other family so..."
"Anthony, I have no idea what you're talking about."
Anthony took a deep breath, and finally took a seat on the couch, where Ethen stood looking down at him. "Here, look." From his pocket, he took a red box and flicked open the minute catch on the front. Inside was a diamond ring with a gold band. "I want to ask Genevieve to marry me. Tradition would insist I ask her father first, but instead I asked Nino. He said he couldn't agree to it without you. And I doubt Nevi would even care if I didn't ask, but it's important to me. You two are the most important people in her life, and...well...you know. I wouldn't feel right if you...if you objected to us being married."
"You don't make sense, Anthony. I've never objected to you two being together."
"But this is for life. I want us to be together for life, and it's important to me to know that the people that are most important to her are for it."
Ethen sat and stared at the wooden box, the box that held something that to him meant the end of all his hopes. He had no doubt that Lara would say yes in an instant. And that he would have to watch the woman he loved more than anything marry someone else. He felt as if a great black pit had just opened up beneath his feet, and he felt himself actually going faint. He hoped Anthony didn't notice how pale he'd just become.
But wait. Wasn't this a golden opportunity? For a moment it came to Ethen that Anthony was annoyingly honest. He said he wanted Ethen's permission. If Ethen said no, then that would be that. Competition gone, and maybe then Ethen would have a chance with her again. Because he knew, since Lara had told him herself, that she was more or less waiting for that ring. And if Anthony didn't propose soon he doubted they would last.
Wait, my God, Ethen listen to yourself! He guessed that his better half was finally catching up with the situation and was now berating him for even contemplating that. You proclaim to love this girl. Love means putting someone else before you. Means wanting what's best for them, making your own needs secondary. And you know damn well that this man will always do what's best for her. Will love her unconditionally. Will make her the most important part of his life, for good. You have no right to deny your best friend that. The woman you love. The woman you say you would do anything for. Well here it is, will you do this? Will you give her up completely? Let go of any pointless designs you had concerning her? Let her once and for all become just what you've always said she is, just your friend? Do you love her enough to move on from her and let her be happy? All this flashed through his mind in a matter of seconds, and he pulled himself back to the present. He looked down at Anthony, and not trusting himself to speak, nodded slowly.
"Ethen...you mean it?"
"I—I do. I don't think there could be anyone better for her." He stared at the ring. He noted that it was gold, though he knew Lara preferred platinum, but he brushed that aside. In this case he doubted it mattered much.
"Thank you, Ethen. That means a lot to me. I...I guess I have some planning to do."
"I would say you do."

The moment Anthony left Ethen grabbed a bottle of bourbon from the top of the fridge and took a long pull. He felt it burn its way down his throat, welcoming the searing sensation, and since he hadn't eaten since the afternoon before, almost immediately he felt it rising to his head. He went to the couch and heard his phone.
"What?"
"Ethen? It's Nino."
"I know."
"Are you...are you drunk?"
He took another drink from the bottle. "Not yet. Give me a few minutes."
"It's 10 in the morning." Neither of them spoke for a few seconds, until Nino was back on the line. "Anthony came by, didn't he?"
"Yes."
"What did you say?"
"What do you think? I couldn't say no to that...Genevieve deserves that kind of happiness."
Nino rarely showed any sort of real emotions. He was uncomfortable with them. Hence his lack of any real relationship with a woman, or anyone but Ethen and Lara. But when he spoke now his voice was thick with concern. Concern for his friend. "But what about you, Ethen? Don't you deserve something good?"
"Well, I don't see...wait, what?"
"Don't be an idiot, my friend. I know how you feel about her."
Ethen was actually stunned into silence. He thought maybe he'd heard wrong. "Uh...what?"
"I know you're in love with her, Ethen. I think I probably knew that even before you did. And now here comes some other guy asking you if he should marry her. A most unfair position for you to be in. Not that Anthony knows anything about that, but still. I'm very sorry that that happened."
"Then why did you send him over here, huh? He only was going to ask you."
"Why do you think? To give you the chance to say no. You deserved that." Neither of them spoke for several moments. "What are you going to do, Ethen?"
"I don't know."
"Let me take you out, my treat. Anywhere you want to go."
"No thanks, Nino. But I appreciate it."
"I don't want you shutting down again."
"I don't think that will happen."

A long while later Nino hung up, and all of a sudden Ethen made up his mind what to do. He was done, that was it. He was going to have to push those feelings aside, bury them deep until they could no longer peek out of their grave. He put the bottle away, over a quarter gone and left for Lara's bar.
When he walked through the door, Lara glanced up in annoyance, as they weren't even open for several hours yet, but when she saw him she smiled. "Hey Ethen, what's going on? You are here a bit early."
"Not much." The lie nearly stuck in his throat, but he couldn't tell her for several reasons. But he was making a decision, and he shoved the encompassing gloom that threatened to steel over him away. He couldn't allow himself to love her like that anymore. For both of theirs' sake, he had to make her just a friend. And he decided to risk something. "Is...is Anja here?"
"Oh, yeah. I had asked her to come in early, but that was kind of silly. Why?"
"Oh, uh..."
"Is there something going on between you two? I mean, more than just the...you know."
"To be honest, Lara, I don't know. I didn't want there to be until today and now...I guess I'm here to find out."
She went a little pink in the cheeks, and smiled broadly at him, her dimples showing. "Oh, god, I hope so! I've wanted you to find someone for so long now, and I think she'd be great for you. And you would definitely be good for her." Ethen really didn't know how to react to that. But it did make him feel a little better.
"I you don't need her—"
"Anja!" Lara yelled into the back of the bar, and the other woman walked into the front room, toweling a glass as she did so.
"What, Nevi, what the f—oh. Hi Ethen."
"Anja, go home until we open." Lara was talking to her but looking at Ethen, her mischievous grin in place. "I think someone needs to talk to you."
Ethen couldn't bring himself to say anything while they were walking, and the trip back to his apartment was probably the most awkward five minutes of his life. Anja didn't speak either, waiting for him. When they finally reached his flat, she turned expectant eyes on him. "What did Anthony want earlier?"
Ethen ignored the question for now and instead kissed her, hard, pressing her back against the wall next to the door. He felt her stiffen momentarily in shock, and then relaxed into the kiss, returning it passionately.
Three hours later they were lying naked in a heap on Ethen's bed, to where they had eventually made their way. They were half tangled in each other's limbs, Anja lying face down, Ethen on his side next to her, their legs entwined. She was giggling quietly as he slid his finger tip up and down her back, under her shoulder blades, down her spine. They were facing each other but she had had her eyes closed. Now she opened them and fixed Ethen with her blue-eyed stare after giving him a slow, deep kiss. For the first time since they'd gotten to his flat she spoke, and it was the last thing he wanted to hear. "Ethen, what happened? I mean, even with you it's never been like that before. But I thought we'd decided not to do this anymore."
He sighed and rolled onto his back. "Yes, we did. I changed my mind. About a lot of things."
"Like what?"
"Like you and me. Like maybe we should give each other a chance." Her eyes went wide, and she actually blushed. Hard to believe she could feel embarrassed after everything they'd just done, but there it was. "I mean, if you want to. Or this could just be it and—"
"But what about Lara? All that?" She sounded confused, aghast.
He took a deep breath. "Everything I told you was true, but...look, Anja, we've been having a great time together. You're gorgeous and fun and phenomenal in bed, and I like spending time with you. It's true, obviously it might not seem like a good idea, when I've told you literally 8 hours ago I'm in love with someone else. But that is...Telling you helped me to see that I have to give myself a chance at being happy. And honestly any guy would be lucky to have you. I've always known that, but now I'm starting to actually feel it. I do feel fortunate to be with you. And you might say, and I wouldn't blame you, that this is doomed to failure, that I shouldn't even suggest it. But I'm taking a risk, trying to do something that's right for me, and I think that might just be being with you."
"Ethen, I'm not looking for anything serious or a relationship or anything like that, I—"
"I know that. And I've been looking for something with someone else. But regardless of anything, I do care about you, maybe just as a friend, but most friends don't have sex two or three times a day. I want to see if our friendship and the obvious chemistry we have can be something more."
She just looked at him, expressionless, for long seconds. He waited patiently, and finally she kissed him, long enough for him slid his hand between her legs and make her start to moan for him again. She gasped out quietly, "I've never had a boyfriend before." Then she pulled him on top of her.  

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter 12

"So where's Anthony tonight?" Ethen was sitting with his arm around Anja's shoulders on his couch, Nino and Lara sitting at the table, all of them dressed to the nines. The five of them had planned to go to dinner tonight, some fancy place owned by one of Nino's clients. But it was raining, torrentially, and Anthony had wound up not being able to make it at the last second.
Lara sighed. "He got called in to surgery. Apparently there was some major accident a few blocks from the hospital."
"That must be hard." Anja said. "Being with a doctor, I mean. Never knowing when he might have to leave."
"I'm very happy for him that he got this job, but yes, it is. He loves it, though."
A silence stole over the room. None of them wanted to go out in the rain, at least not far, and Lara kept shooting Ethen odd glances, like she was trying to tell him something but he had no idea what. Eventually Nino spoke up. "So, are we going to do anything tonight, or no? Lara, Anja, why don't we go to your bar?"
"That sounds good, let's go." Anja stood up quickly, but really Ethen had no interest in leaving.
"You all can go; I think I'll just stay here."
"I really don't want to go back there, either." Lara had worked there the last 11 days in a row.
Anja looked between the two of them, and then shrugged. "Suit yourselves; we're still going to go. Henri could use a little harassment, I think." Nino was already out the door when Anja leaned down to give Ethen a kiss where he sat on the couch. "You better still be up later. It will be worth your while." She whispered this in his ear, kissed him again, and the two of them walked out the door. He saw Anja's gaze dart between him and Lara, not quite suspiciously, but close. Not that he blamed her. But she said nothing and soon he and Lara were alone in the room.
"I might not have wanted to go to the bar, but I would love a drink, Ethen. What do you have?"
"Just a minute." He jumped off the couch and went to the kitchen, starting to make her a Manhattan. "Shaken or stirred?"
"Do not be so stupid."
"Alright then." He stirred her drink and poured himself a glass of scotch. She spoke up as he made his way back to the table, her voice echoing oddly as she was facing away from him.
"So tell me if this is not something you are comfortable answering, but how are you and Anja?" Ethen had been waiting for this. The two of them had been together for about 4 months now, and were almost never one without the other. But he and Lara both had been so busy that they hadn’t had a chance to talk about much of anything that whole time. Starting out how it had, with clearly telling Anja he was using her to get over someone else, he hadn't expected things to go well at all. But they were. They were going wonderfully. Anja had proved to be just as fun out of bed as in, much to Ethen's surprise. And while he hadn't really liked her when they first met, he was finding out more and more that was merely because she wasn't the easiest person to get to know. A lot of the things she loved doing embarrassed the hell out of her, but Ethen was always down for watching Soylent Green or Logan's Run, before or after sex. Consequently, they were always together and...
"Lara, I think I'm falling in love with her."
Lara stared at him, mouth slightly open, eyes wide with obvious shock. "Ethen, that is...um...wow, have you told her?"
"Uh...no. But I'm going to."
"Do you think she feels the same?" Honestly, Ethen wasn't sure. He knew she still had lingering doubts about his feelings for Lara. And that she really hadn't been kidding when she had told him, on their first date, that she really didn't think she was ready to be with someone. She could be stunningly selfish and inconsiderate at times. But she was fighting hard to change that, Ethen saw it every day.
"I don't know. You know how she is. She's not always the easiest person to be with, that's true. But compared to my other relationship..."
"It must seem easy, compared to that."
"It does. Even after yours and my trip, I...I really didn't think I would be able to feel that for a woman again for a long time. And then when I...well, never mind. But it's going great, Lara."
She reached across the table and grabbed his hand, smiling. But something about it seemed forced to Ethen. "I'm happy for you, Ethen. You really do deserve the best. And you are right; I do know how she can be. I also know she is one of the finest people I have had the fortune to meet, so...I'm glad you two found each other. I really did not think you liked her when you first met."
Ethen laughed. "She annoyed the s**t out of me, in fact. But, you know, feelings can change. Well, she still does annoy me quite often, but I enjoy it now. Sort of. You know what I mean."
She laughed. "I do indeed." Her laughter trailed off, to be replaced by a thoughtful silence. She took a sip of her drink. Ethen watched her carefully; something was up, he could see. She was practically begging him to ask her something, but he couldn't quite figure out what. He took a guess though.
"How are you and Anthony?" That was it. It was like a veil was lifted, and he could suddenly see how much she was hurting. There was a distant pain in her eyes, surrounded by anger and the feeling of being abandoned. She drank the rest of her drink in one go, and then started to breathe rapidly. He'd seen her do this many times before, trying to calm herself down from an impending panic, and after a few seconds she started to talk. And talk.
"Bad, it is not good at all. It is very bad. I hardly see him and when I do it is like he is not there at all. He is always so tired and I know he is working an enormous amount, but why does he keep taking other people's shift? I need him at home, I need him here. I miss him terribly and it is like he does not even notice. I...I even try to get him to make love to me and it does not work, he just goes to sleep or suddenly has to rush back to the hospital, like tonight. Could you turn me down, no matter how tired you were?"
"No. I didn't."
"Oh, right. Exactly! And you had actual reasons to do so. Why would he be doing this? I cannot really think of anything but..." The pained look had intensified, and now she looked down at the floor, tears were dripping off the end of her nose into her lap. Surprised by the sudden outpouring, it took Ethen a minute to finally move his chair next to her and put his arm around her shoulder.
"But what Lara?"
"But the only thing I can think of is that he is...that he is cheating on me." Ethen froze. He knew exactly why Anthony had been working so much; he was trying to switch enough shifts that he could get two weeks off un-interrupted, and if his math was right, that was finally the case tonight. And from that everything else stemmed. He'd even talked to Ethen about it a few days before, telling him how hard it was to keep his distance from her, but he had to. He wanted to surprise her with a proposal, and had been setting things up, with his and Emily's help, for almost two months now. Day after tomorrow the two of them were leaving for Hawaii, which Lara had confirmed was her very favorite place, and then while there he was going to propose. And if he didn't keep his distance, Anthony knew he would let something slip; he was terrible at keeping secrets or lying. But Ethen doubted he'd guessed it might backfire like this.
Now what? "I really doubt it, Lara...he loves you too much to ever do that."
"I also thought he loved me too much to avoid me constantly for two months straight."
"There could be other reasons, though. Maybe he really is just too tired from work."
"Maybe." She looked at him, and Ethen hoped she could see how sincere his reassurances were. "You really think so?"
"I do. I know almost anyone will cheat if the circumstances are right, but I honestly believe Anthony is one of the rare few that would never do that."
She stared at the tabletop for several seconds, and then looked up. She still had tears in her eyes but she wiped the away. She seemed...peaceful. "Thank you Ethen. I usually do not trust my own judgment, but I do yours. And if you think that is not what is happening, I trust you."
"Believe me. It isn't."


"Anja, baby, what's wrong?" It was late that night. Lara had gone home not long after they talked, and about midnight Nino had brought Anja home, more than a little drunk. She had immediately taken him to bed and they'd made love like never before. Anja had held onto him like she was scared, terrified he was going to leave her, or die the next day, or something. He'd never felt that kind of need, that wrenching desire from her, and afterwards she dissolved into drunken tears. Ethen held her close, but she feebly tried to push him away.
"Why did you stay here? Why didn’t you come with me?"
"What? I didn't want to get soaked, that's why. And we do things separately all the time."
"It's not...it wasn't....?"
"Wasn't what?"
"Wasn't because of her?"
Ethen sighed. They'd never spoken of it before, but he knew that somewhere deep Anja was worried that he might leave her for Lara at any second. But that wasn't true. He was feeling it more and more everyday, he was falling for this one. And now she was on her side, watching him, tears collecting in the corners of her eyes, making them even more blurred than they were by just the alcohol. And he decided to just come clean. "Anja...for once and all, I don't care for her like that anymore. It wasn't right or healthy, and you helped me get over it. Over her. Yes, we are very close. Yes, I've shared things with her that I've never with anyone else. She's my best friend, Anja. But nothing more or less than that. You are the one I want, the one I care about like that, not her, not anyone else."
She smiled sadly and put her hand to his face. "It's only that, well, when we started...this...you told me outright, Ethen, it was because you couldn't have who you wanted. What would happen if one day you could?"
"It wouldn't matter. I want you, Anja, I care about you. And I...I...I'm in love with you."
"...What?"
"For the first time since I was 17 years old I see a future with someone, with you, that maybe this...what we have can work. For good. I love you Anja."
Her eyes flooded with tears again, but she was smiling, then laughing, and she pulled him close and kissed him, their bodies pressed together. "I love you, Ethen. I love you too. Oh God, that day, that day we started this I fell for you." She threw her leg over him, kneeling over his waist, and bent down to press her lips to his again. "I love you so much," she whispered.

"Oh, God, Nevi, it's great to see you!" Emily ran up to her and threw her arms around her.
"Genvee! Genvee!" Mina scampered around their feet, though she was far taller than the last time Nevi had seen her. "I missed you!" She scooped up the little girl and gave her a long hug. When she released her Mina refused to let go and instead dangled from her neck. "You're way taller than Mom; you're better to hang from."
"I bet that I am." She pulled Mina off and set her on ground, then knelt down to her height. "Have you been practicing your French?"
She looked at Nevi shyly, and instead Emily answered. "She sure has. She's getting pretty good at it."
"Can you show me?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because you are French, and would know when I mess up. Mom doesn't know anything about it." Nevi laughed, but told the girl to be nice to her mom, anyway.

"So how's that brother of mine? We talk all the time, but you know how he is. Is he still seeing...um..."
"Anja."
"Yes, Anja. Are they still together?"
"Yes. And he seems really happy with her. They are talking about her moving in to his place." Emily looked a little stunned. Nevi knew that she wasn't really sure how to feel about her twin's new girl, but she wasn't sure why. "You need get to know her better Emily. She really is a wonderful girl."
Emily relaxed somewhat. "Well, if you say so. It's just that..."
"What?"
"I guess I always saw you two being together. It's just taking some getting used to, seeing both of you with other people. You were a perfect misfit pair."
Genevieve laughed. "That we were. I wanted that too, for a while. It would not have worked, though, Emily. We made certain of that."
"Really I just wanted you as a sister in law, I didn't care so much about Ethen being happy."
"Mommy!" Mina smacked her mother on the leg. "That's not nice."
"It isn't nice to hit people, either."
"...Sorry, Mom."
"That's ok. For God's sake where is our food?"
They were waiting at a small restaurant, incredibly nice for Hilo, but oddly situated in a strip mall. But really, they'd hardly been waiting five minutes. Emily was just remarkably impatient some times. "Oh hush, Emily, it takes longer than five minutes to cook a steak or whatever you got."
"Well they need to make it be faster. I'm starving. Hey, wasn't your boyfriend meeting us? I wanted to meet him."
"He is. He just found that one of his classmates from medical school practices here, and they met up for lunch. He said he'd meet us here for dessert. Oh, there he is now. Anthony!"
She waved him over across the restaurant, and he took the seat between Nevi and Emily.
"Hi Hon." He kissed her, maybe a little more intensely than usual, and sat. He still wasn't over the plane ride.
"Anthony, this is Emily and her daughter Mina." Emily extended a hand nicely enough, but Nevi could see Anthony was under the microscope. Mina, though, looked up at him in awe.
"You're a doctor, right?"
"I am, little miss. A surgeon."
"Have you ever cut open someone's brain?"
"Mina!" Emily chided her, but Anthony laughed.
"Actually, Mina, I'm what's called a neurosurgeon. I only cut open people's brains."
"Cool!"

"So are you guys going around to Kona tonight?"
"I think so. Nevi?"
"That was the plan. I'm sad we will not get to see Jackson, though, I think you and he would have gotten along well, Baby."
"Yeah, he was sorry he's missing you. Can't really get back quickly from the atolls though."
"What does he do?" Anthony looked at Emily intently. It was a funny thing about him. More and more Nevi was convinced that yes, Ethen was right. Anthony probably wasn't even capable of cheating on someone. But he was probably one of the worst she'd ever seen at disguising whether or not he thought a woman was attractive. And it was clear, since she was, that he found Emily very, very beautiful. But it had ceased, since she'd found out why he'd been avoiding her, to be anything Genevieve worried about. Ethen was right, Anthony was all hers.
Emily looked a little disconcerted under his direct stare, but also a little appreciative. "He does research for the University. Right now he's working with a group from Oahu studying the Monk Seals on the North-West Islands. And I think he's going to Italy right after."
"Oh. That sounds kind of intense. Aren't those uninhabited?"
"Yeah, for the most part." The waitress now brought back the check that Emily had insisted on paying for, and they stood up to go. Mina started to sniffle.
"No, I don't want you to go, Genvee. Can't you stay longer?"
She looked down at the little girl, and she almost felt like crying, too. "We cannot, Mina, I'm so sorry. But I will see you again soon, ok? It will not be as long this time, I promise."
"Okay, if you say so." She hugged Nevi's leg, hard, then let go. "Bye, mister doctor." She waved dejectedly to Anthony.
They finished saying their goodbyes, and then Nevi and Anthony climbed into their rental car, her driving since she was already familiar with the Island. She took a moment to force aside the sadness that always rose up when she left that little girl. Anthony broke into her thoughts. "She really loves you a lot. Mina."
"I think so, yes."
"Don't be silly, of course she does. And Emily is Ethen's...sister, right?"
"Right."
"Older or younger?"
"Um...they are twins. But I think Ethen is older."
"I just can't believe they're lucky enough to live here. It's amazing. Well, besides this parking lot." He said this significantly, and Nevi realized they were still sitting in a parked car.
"Right, let us get moving."

It was a bit of a drive to where they were going, about two and a half hours, but that was all Genevieve knew. Anthony had refused to tell her their actual destination, even to the point of saying he'd take the wheel when they got close. But it was a beautiful drive, and it gave them plenty of time to talk.
"Honey?"
"Yeah Nevi?"
"I have a confession to make."
She felt him stiffen in the seat next to her, but his voice was calm. "What's that?"
"When you were planning all this, working so hard...and I never got to see you, I...I started to have doubts."
"Doubts? About what?"
"About you. Us. I...I know how it feels to have your significant other be sleeping with someone else. And that was exactly how it felt. I was going to confront you but Ethen talked me out of it."
"What did he say?"
"That you would not do that to me. Granted, I guess he was in on this plan, but still, he convinced me. It was what I desperately wanted to believe, as well."
Anthony sighed. "I'm sorry about all that. I just was working so hard to get this time off with you that when I actually was there I couldn't give you anything. Any attention. Plus I'm so bad at keeping secrets from you I thought it best to stay a bit away."
"I know. I just wanted to tell you that. I do not want secrets between us."
"Ok."
"Unless they are fun secrets like this one, that is."

"Can I take this off yet?"
"No, Hon, not yet. Just a minute or so more." Nevi was blindfolded. She had to hand it to Anthony, when he did something, he went big. When they had reached the town of Waiamea, he had insisted that he drive. About fifteen or so miles outside it he insisted she put on a blindfold. Now she was certain they were in a hotel somewhere, but he had left her on a couch while he checked in, and she had little or no idea where she was. A short walk from the couch, and then they were in an elevator. She'd been able to hear what sounded like a monorail, and sounds like a river, but beyond that she had no idea where they were, or what the place was like. Now she heard a *ding* as they stopped and got out, and still Nevi could smell some kind of tropical flowers, so she guessed wherever they were must have had outside walkways. She heard a keycard, a door be pushed open. She heard the porters put heir luggage down and depart, then the door close behind them. "Ok. You can take it off."
The room was massive and gorgeous, but she barely noticed it, instead looking out at the view of the ocean across green grasses and black lava rock. She caught her breathe, having entirely forgotten how much she loved the sea. "Oh my God, where are we?"
"They just call it the Waiakaloa, though that's just the name of the area. But I managed to wrangle us this suite for a few days. I thought you might like the view." She walked to where the room opened up onto a patio and stepped outside. They where several stories up, on the second to top floor, and when she looked down it was over the gorgeous tropical grounds.
"Oh, Baby it is amazing."
"They said you might like this place." She walked quickly across the room to him and kissed him, long and deep.
"It is perfect."

They were lying on the hotel bed, the sheets twisted around them and damp from their sweat. "Maybe we should have gone to dinner first, Honey."
"Why?"
"Because I really do not want to have to shower and get ready to go now."
"You'll love it though, I promise. I have assurances from very knowledgeable sources."
She sighed. "But I'm so comfy...and I am really hoping that that is not the end of the fun tonight." He sat up, then leaned down to kiss her.
"Oh don't worry, Nevi. Far from it. Come on, let's get ready to go."

Dinner was fantastic, though for ever after Nevi couldn't remember the name of the restaurant. Some Japanese sounding name that just wouldn't stick for her. But it was delicious. She thought they would just be going back to the room to make love again, but instead Anthony had her change into her swimsuit and they went down to the hotel pool and jacuzzi. It was almost too cold to swim, so they spent nearly an hour in the hot tub, kissing, talking, laughing. At one point Anthony trailed off in the middle of a sentence, and simply pulled her close, holding her tight, her head on his shoulder. And suddenly it dawned on her how fortunate she was. After everything with Anders, and then her tumultuous friendship with Ethen, she found someone that loved her, dearly, that she could love in return. Again. And this time there was nothing getting in her way, no deployments, no ghosts of an ex-girlfriend, long dead but still so very potent. She kissed Anthony again.
"Nevi? I think maybe I should get out, love."
"What? No, why?"
"Look." He held up his hand in front of her face. "I'm getting all pruney."
"Oh, alright." They got out, Anthony pulling his aloha shirt back on and Nevi wrapping a sarong around her waist.
"Hey, let's try this way." They'd been making for the path back to their room, but instead he was pulling them out along the water, until the found a small peninsula with the waves playing around the rocks just below them. The sea was calm and the moon was full, just seeming to touch the water.
"Oh, it is beautiful. Anthony, did you know this was here?" She turned to her left where he'd been standing to tickle him, teasingly, but he wasn't standing there anymore. Instead he was down on one knee in the sand, a small red box in his hand, and he was looking up at her, expectantly, nervously. For some reason she noticed his hands were shaking. Her voice came out as barely above a whisper. "Oh my God. Anthony?"
"Nevi, I know it hasn't even been a year but...I love you so much, Baby. I can't even imagine a future without you anymore, and..."
She felt herself start to breath faster, rapidly, but this wasn't a panic attack; far from it. The sight of him blurred as her eyes began to fill with tears. "Are you—" She couldn't finish asking it.
"I...I want to spend my life with you. Be with you, for good. Lara?" She gasped. He'd almost never used her real name before. She felt like her chest was about to burst. "Lara, will you marry me?" He opened the box, and she was crying joyfully as she took the ring and slipped it on. Gold or no, it was beautiful. And she fell to her knees. "Yes. Yes! Oh Baby..." And she kissed him, deeply, passionately, and Nevi let her joy simply overwhelm her.

About noon the next day Nevi finally stirred in bed. Anthony was still asleep next to her. For obvious reasons they hadn't gone to sleep until morning. She put her hand to her fiance's cheek, lightly as to not wake him, and stared fixedly at her ring. Her heart still leapt just at the sight of it, and suddenly she was so excited she felt she had to call someone. She fumbled for her phone, then pulled on a robe and went out onto the patio so as not to wake Anthony.
"Hello?" The voice was a little tired, a little distracted, but still Nevi couldn't wait to tell him.
"Ethen?"
"Hi Lara! How's the hotel?"
"What? You knew about that to?"
"Of course, I helped him plan everything."
"Not everything, I hope."
"Well no, not literally but...anyway, what's up?"
Nevi was silent for long seconds. For some reason she was having trouble getting it out. What was wrong? She almost felt...guilty. But finally she just said quietly, "I said yes."  

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter 13

"Ethen, could you come in this morning?" That was Bernard, for some strange reason calling him at only 0800. He glanced at Anja, sleeping next to him, and spoke quietly as not to wake her.
"Uh, sure. I'll be there at about 10." It took him about an hour and half to walk there, so that should be plenty of time.
"Can't you take a cab like a normal person?"
"I hate those things."
"Fine whatever. Just get here when you can."

Ethen kissed Anja goodbye, though she hardly stirred, brushed his teeth, pulled on some clothes and shoes. For a moment he panicked as he couldn't find his coat, but it was a warmish day anyway so he left in just a jacket. He remembered when he got to the street that it was probably still at Lara's. Oh well. It wasn't too freezing. He splashed through the soggy streets, but remembering his coat had sparked something else.
It was just two days since Lara and Anthony had gotten back from Hawaii, she with that beautiful ring adorning her finger. Anthony had been ecstatic to see them all. Anja had been unabashedly jealous, dropping mostly but not entirely sarcastic hints about rings and proposals and weddings whenever Ethen was in earshot. Those just made him smile, though, since he couldn't pretend he hadn't thought about it. But something had been wrong, and it honestly seemed like only he noticed.
Whenever eyes weren't on her, whenever someone else was commanding attention, Lara was staring at him. Never for long, and it took him most of the night to be sure; whenever he looked towards her she looked down. He wasn't sure what that was about but he had an idea, and that was more than a little bit unsettling. But then they'd finally gotten Emily on the phone and he watched as Lara lit up like a spotlight telling his sister about the proposal. Maybe he was just imagining things. He hoped so, because the alternative was ********. He threw all that away, stopped thinking about it.
There had been a time, only a few months ago, that that possibility would have sent his heart racing with hope. But not anymore. Now he just hoped with all his heart that he was wrong, that he had been imagining her disquiet. The alternative was ********! You have to see this." Bernard was pushing him down into a chair, while his agent Jason, who he hadn't even known was in town, stood behind Bernard's desk.
"What's going on?"
"Remember when you signed off on doing The City as a single bound edition?" Bernard was talking fast, the Scots making him almost unintelligible.
"Yeah, that was like...six months ago. Did ok in Britain."
"I would say so. Got optioned for a BBC mini-series, but that still isn't going anywhere."
"I know. This isn't news."
"No. But what is news is that that guy from True Blood wants to play the lead, and though that probably isn't happening, he tweeted about it, and got you a lot of US attention."
Ethen felt his eyebrows go up in surprise. "Really? That's cool I guess. He'd be pretty good."
"But that's not it, really. What is it is that we are getting orders for more printings now. A lot. Like this is going to be the comic of the year a lot. And just as important...look." Jason, who had been speaking, now handed him that morning's New York Times, folded back to the entertainment section, with a grainy picture of himself that he never remembered having been taken. "Especially read the last paragraph."
Ethen glanced at it, then took a closer look. It read as follows:

While La Ville, still only available in the US from online retailers, might not measure up to the psychological depth of other landmarks of the medium, is far outstrips those same titles in raw emotional power. Montgomery makes you feel every horror and trial of his leads. Vitar is not an everyman . Jennifer is thankfully anything but your standard comic woman. And those two archetypes would be ground to dust in the architecture of The City. It reaches for the depths of melodrama and despair reserved for opera and Greek tragedy, yet makes it all believable. Montgomery makes it believable. And at the same time announces himself as a powerful new voice in the medium, one filled with vision and anger at the social institutions this novel so clearly aims to deconstruct. It is only February and this is an easy pick for Novel of the Year, and hopefully something that may start to shake more people out of traditional prejudices against the genre.

Ethen was stunned. His comic had received some praise in France and Belgium, but reviews had implied that it was thematically obtuse for European readers. In England and Scotland it had done well, even been shortlisted for some awards, but no praise had been like this. Once a long time ago Nino had told him it was American story, it should go to American audiences, but Bernard and Jason had talked him out of attempting anything in that stagnant market. Now he wished he'd ignored them.
"11 printings Ethen. 11! And that's just through the beginning of summer. We could be talking 100000 copies by the end of the year."
He was stunned. That was huge.
"So...what are you telling me?"
"What I'm telling you, Ethen, is that you have the medium's hit of the year on your hands. And because you renegotiated with us so successfully, you just might have total control when the BBC or HBO or studios come calling again. And you might have just made us all very successful men."
Jason broke in. "And I'm telling you we need to buy you a drink."
The three of them left the office and instantly were confronted with the fact that not many bars were open at 1100 on a Tuesday. Instead they returned to his flat, where he had more than enough to go around, but the two of them insisted on buying him each a bottle of scotch, his choice. He made them pay for it and got himself a bottle of Glenfiddich 21 and Laophraig 18, 250 euros of alcohol more or less on the publisher's tab. Anja happily joined in when they started pulling bottles from the top of the fridge as it was her day off at the bar, having covered for Lara for most of the past two weeks. It was several hours, and several bottles of bourbon, scotch, vodka and gin later, that Jason and Bernard finally left. Anja was asleep (or passed out, Ethen wasn't sure,) on the couch. He took her to bed and lay there next to her, wondering what to do. Jason had shown Anja the review, and she'd been far more excited than he'd been. And while he considered whether to just head to sleep as well or what, the phone began to ring. And ring. And barely stopped for a week.

Anthony was at some medical conference in Minnesota. Ethen was off doing an interview for G4. And for some reason all business at the bar had stopped at midnight, nearly two hours ago, so now Anja and Nevi were there with nothing left to do. As she often did now to cheer herself up when he was away, Nevi found herself toying with the ring Anthony had given her, trying to distract from the loneliness waiting for her at home. But how she felt, the vague sadness and boredom that always dogged her when Anthony was away was nothing compared to the anguish Anja seemed to be feeling. Anja was a great employee, Nevi admitted this. Many times she'd thought of offering her a percentage in the bar, take some of the weight off her shoulders. But she wasn't really one to throw herself into work, usually. But in these last two months, with Ethen gone more than half the time, she'd been begging Nevi for extra hours. Since business had been so good she been more than happy to oblige, but tonight there was nothing to distract her. And there were no two ways about it, Anja looked miserable.
"Hey girl, are you ok?" Anja was sitting at the bar, her hands covering her face. At Nevi query she lifted her head up.
"How do you do it, Nevi?"
"Do what?"
"Anthony is gone all the time. You work almost as often as he does. You can't have more than two or three evenings together a week. Ethen's gone for one night and I start to fall apart."
Anja was not one to open up to, well, anyone. Maybe she did with Ethen but the fact was she was hard to know. This amounted to someone else telling you their whole life story. "Well, I'm used to it. Anders was gone most of the time we were together. For me it's almost like Anthony and I are never apart, in comparison."
"That's true." She sighed deeply. "I just...I don't like this Nevi. I don't like needing him so much. I used to be fine on my own. Now...it's like...I don't know."
"I know what you mean." Absently Nevi kept playing with the ring on her finger, and it was only a moment before she noticed Anja staring at it. "What?"
"...I'm just jealous, I guess."
"Jealous of what?"
"I never thought I wanted anything like that, Nevi, but then I never even thought I wanted to be with someone long-term. And often things with him are so good I let myself think what it would be like to be married, make that sort of commitment to him, and more and more I am realizing it's something I want. With him. And I wish he would ask me."
"Well...you could ask him." Nevi felt her face start to flush, anger rising in her, but couldn't pin down why.
"I could, but I don't know if he wants that. At least, if he does with me. All that stuff with you and him still come up sometimes and I worry that...s**t."
Nevi felt herself going pale, which she guessed was what Anja had reacted to. It was like a thundercloud had settled between her lungs. "What stuff?"
"Ah...Nevi, I don't—"
"What stuff, Anja?"
"You know...with you guys sleeping together and all that, it really did a number on him and...you know."
"I don't know. What are you saying?"
"I don't want to say."
"Tell me."
"No." Anja crossed her arms in front of her. "You are asking me to break a promise I made to the man I love. I won't do that for anyone, not even you."
Nevi almost never lost her temper. The last time she had Ethen had gotten a slap in the face. But she felt herself losing her grip now. Why? Why was she so angry? Why wouldn't Anja tell her? "Fine. I think you should go home for the night, though."
Anja couldn't even begin to disguise her shock. "...What? Nevi, I—"
"Go. Out. Now."
"Lara, I—"
"Get out! Get out, now!"
Anja couldn't even begin to hide her confusion and the tears that brought, but she grabbed her purse and coat and ran out the door. What the hell had just happened? Nevi found herself battling a rising panic in her throat, and she sat down at the bar and buried her face in the crook of her arms. What was wrong with her? First she'd felt guilty even just telling Ethen about the engagement. Then at the little party he'd thrown her, she couldn't stop herself from wishing he wasn't there. Simultaneously wishing she could just erase everything that had happened after their trip to Hawaii and start all that over. And now...if Anja wanted to marry him, that was wonderful, she told herself. Her two best friends committing to each other, happy for all time. But she surprised herself by devoutly wishing that wouldn't be the case.
Did she want him, still? Somewhere? She didn't think so. She'd had no compunction when Anthony had asked to marry her, and that would have been the time for any reservations to make themselves known. Then the answer started to lurk up from the depths of her consciousness; she'd been scared that's what it was and now hated herself for it. She didn't want him, really. But she wanted him to always be there, available, waiting, just in case something ever went badly for her. It was terrible and awful and impossibly selfish and she wished a thousand times that that wasn't how she felt, but it was. And she'd have to come to terms with that. Now she vaguely wondered what "stuff" about her had come up between the two of them, but that would have to wait.
"Miss? Can I get some service?" Some American customer was staring down at her from the far side of the bar, and when she brought her face away from her arms it took a moment for her eyes to adjust. But his voice sounded familiar. In fact it sounded just like—
"Jackson! Oh my god, what are you doing here?" She more or less flew across the room to embrace him. "I thought you where out in the middle of the ocean somewhere."
"I was, but I'm on my way down to...well, somewhere in Italy, I don't remember right now. But the cheapest itinerary gave me a 24 hour layover here so I thought I might stop by. I didn't get a chance to congratulate you in person." They went and sat at a small table near the door so Nevi could keep an eye on it. "So how are things going? Making any wedding plans yet?"
She laughed. "No. We haven't even set a date yet. But it has been great; especially seeing how happy Ethen and Nino were for me."
They were each quiet for a moment, then Jackson spoke up, a little quieter than before. "If I can ask, if things are going so well, why were you sitting at the bar in tears?"
She looked at him, stricken, and then let it tumble out, the past half hour or so... "—And it is terrible of me, because I am happy with Anthony, very, and would never want to leave him, but if...if Ethen gets married it is like an escape route I thought I would always have has caved in. Even though it is one I have sworn to myself I will never need or want, I do not want to lose the option. And that makes me horrible, a terrible friend and fiance, again, and I do not have a clue what to do about it."
"Well, obviously the first thing you have to do is apologize to...Enya?"
"Anja."
"Anja, right. I think you owe her first of all."
"...You are probably right."
"Of course I am. So close this place down and let's go."
On the walk back her apartment, Jackson was telling her about Mina. "It sucked, I only got to see her for a day, but this is it for a while. These last two weeks and then I'm not leaving town for as long as possible."
"I am jealous, I wish I could see her more often. You and Emily, too."
"She misses you. Says she has to get better at french so she can come her to visit. We keep telling her she can go anyway, but that isn't going to happen, I don't think."
They were just stepping out of the elevator on her floor when Nevi heard what sounded like someone sobbing. As they got closer to Ethen's door, she realized she could hear Anja through it. "...And she just blew up at me, I don't know what happened. She kicked me out of the bar and—and told me to go home and it was right after I slipped up and mentioned something about the two of you." Silence. "I know it doesn't make sense." Silence again. "Before? We'd been talking about her engagement, and how...h—how I..." then Anja was crying again, wordlessly.
Jackson whispered to Nevi. "I'm glad I don't speak German, or I would feel terrible for eavesdropping." Really Jackson? She didn't need anymore guilt. "What in hell are you doing, Genevieve? Knock already." She did. The grief stricken sobs subsided, and she heard Anja sniffling. In a few seconds she opened the door, saw who it was, and slammed it shut.
"Anja, please! I'm sorry, ok? I should not have gotten angry with you. I'm sorry." There was quiet, then the door opened again. The blonde girl looked hurt, angry, then extremely confused she noticed Jackson.
"Who's he?" She asked in english.
"Oh, sorry, Jackson." He extended his hand to her, which Anja took uncertainly.
"Anja, this is Ethen's brother-in-law."
"Oh, you're the one that does the work with...whales?"
"Dolphins, mostly. Close."
"Well it's great to finally meet you."
"Likewise. But I have been on a plane for the last 26 hours, so Nevi, can you open your door?" While walking over she'd decided that he would stay with her as opposed to finding a hotel.
"Sure. Linens and stuff are next to the kitchen, you can make yourself up the couch."
"Thanks." He excused himself, and after the door shut behind him Nevi and Anja were silent for several moments.
"Can I come in?" She finally asked. Anja nodded. They sat at the table, across from each other, and impulsively she took Anja's hands in her own. "I'm really very sorry, Anja. I shouldn't have lost my temper with you."
"But why did you, Nevi? What did I do?" Her voice sounded like someone despairing. Being yelled at for no reasons she could see by one of her best friend's had made her so. "I didn't do anything..."
"No, Anja, you didn't. It was all me, me alone."
"Then what happened? Was it about me not telling you? Because I'm sorry but Ethen made me promise that—"
"No, no it wasn't that. I don't think I can tell though."
Now Anja was glaring at her. "If you're going to freak out at me like that you damn well better tell me why, Genevieve."
"No. I...I really don't think it would help and I don't want to upset you anymore or—"
"By not being honest with me. Yeah, that sounds like a great plan." The sarcasm was bitter, almost hateful, and Nevi felt it pierce her like a shard of glass.
"...Anja, I can be a terrible person. I am selfish and inconsiderate and give no thought to the feelings of the people that I claim to love the most. I never know what I want or why, or why these horrible feelings hem me in, I...I don't know. I want to tell you, I do."
"But?"
"Anja, Ethen cannot hear this. Neither can Anthony. That 'stuff' you mentioned. I'm guessing it had something to do with Ethen admitting he had feelings for me? I know that sounds really conceited but—"
"It does, but you're right."
"Well I admitted the same thing to Anthony. That for a long time I was in love with him and finally we slept together and I guess deep down that's all I needed. But it lingers. And Anthony has always been touchy about anything concerning him. Not that he ever distrusted Ethen, but..."
"Believe me, I know." She sighed deeply. "Alright, whatever this is, you they won't ever hear it from me."
Nevi tried, she really did. She sat that watching her friends' deep blue eyes, full of residual sadness, anger, concern. But she couldn't say anything. The hatefulness of it stuck in her chest, and she ducked her head, trying to get away from Anja's stare. Soon her shoulders were shaking as she tried to hold back sobs, mostly successfully. "I don't want you to marry him, Anja."
"What, why?" She didn't even sound angry.
"Because...because I—"
"You don't think I'm good enough for him, do you? I know I'm not believe me, but I could still make him happy, Nevi."
"What? No, that's not it at all. I don't want him to be with anyone, not in such a committed way."
Anja was silent for a long time while Nevi kept her grief at bay. Then slowly, tentatively, Anja took her hands away. "Because if he's not committed, he can still be your life-raft should something go bad." Her voice was exacting, analytic, lacking any of the warmth that made Anja who she was. "And you've never seen our relationship as anything serious enough to keep him from you if you were suddenly alone." Nevi nodded, unable to meet her eyes. "So not only do you wish for your best friend to never find happiness just so you have a safety net, you denigrate his and my relationship to something you could end with a whim. Is that it? That's how you feel about my dream of actually having a good man in my life?" She nodded again, then closed her eyes completely. She felt the table rattle and something clatter to the ground as she guessed Anja had stood up so fast as to knock her chair over. She heard sobs again, coming from the bedroom. She sat there in the dark, feeling worthless and treacherous.

"Genevieve." She didn't want to wake up. Waking up meant being aware of how she had treated Anja and dealing with that. She willed the intruding voice to leave her alone.
"Genevieve?" There it was again, trying to penetrate into her guilt and exhaustion. Maybe if she ignored it long enough it would finally leave her alone. She felt someone shaking her shoulder.
"Lara?" Finally she slowly opened her eyes, and tried to sit up though the pain in her neck and side made that almost impossible. And Anja was standing next to her, looking about as miserable as she felt.
"Anja? What is going—ouch!" She grabbed at her neck, that she could not turn to the right at all past the mid-line.
"You fell asleep at my table after we argued. And I need to tell you something."
"Can it wait? I'm very sorry, but this is killing me."
"No. You might need to do something about it today." Anja sighed, taking a deep breath. "Nevi, I quit. I don't think I can work with you anymore. And...and I don't think I want to see you around for a while at least."
"What? What are you saying, Anja?"
"I'm saying I'm quitting my job because even right now I can't stand the sight of you. And it goes without saying that I don't think we should hang around each other anytime soon."
"But...Anja, no, don't—"
"Now get out of my house."
When she said that, Nevi's anger flared. This wasn't her house. It was Ethen's house. But no, wait, he'd invited her to live here, gave her a key, it was as much hers as his, really. But this couldn't be. Couldn't be happening. "Anja, no, wait, please let me explain."
"There's nothing to explain." Anja's expression had been a hard mask, implacable, but now her inscrutability began to crack. Her skin began to mottle and go red, her lips started to tremble a little. She started to sniffle. "I thought you were...you were one of the good ones, Nevi. You know how much s**t I've been put through by others. I thought I could tell the selfish ones, the ones only out for themselves, that gave no thought to anyone else. And I sure as hell never thought that of you. But I was wrong."
"Anja, please, listen to me."
"Stop! Just shut up and get out of my house!" Nevi could see her control slipping, saw her eyes start to flood, and Nevi saw she had done something irrevocable. She stood up slowly, feeling the muscles in her back and neck scream at her, and walked to the door. She stood facing it but didn't open it, and she heard Anja dissolve into trembling sobs. Nevi took a deep breath to calm down before speaking.
"Anja, I know you might never forgive me this. I know I probably do not deserve it, anyway. But I..." Her breathing started to speed up. She felt that familiar vice in her chest as she fought off the terror that threatened to overwhelm her. "Anja, I do not want you to quit. Please do me this; take two weeks vacation. You have that and far more earned, anyway. If at the end of that you still want to quit, ok. But please, take that time. I...I need you there. I need you here, too. I'm very very sorry, Anja. I wish I could be that better person you thought I was." She still didn't turn around, but walked out the door and went home.
Jackson was there at her table, helping himself to some eggs, and greeted her brightly when she came in before taking a second look at her. She was sure she looked like hell.
"What's wrong, Genevieve?" He sounded scared, anxious. Why? But that barely made itself noticed.
Lost. She'd lost a friend. One of the dearest, someone she'd relied on when she'd dearly needed it. Suddenly her ears started to throb as her heart began to pound, so much that it hurt. Her vision started to go grey, and she felt herself start to hyperventilate. Why? Why had she done this to herself? She thrown Anders away, couldn't keep her feelings in check. She'd rushed things with Ethen, almost ruined their friendship, and destroyed any chance they'd had, if indeed there had been one. Now she'd lost Anja's regard, because she couldn't keep her heart under control. Who next? Henri? Jackson? Emily? Nino?
Anthony?
Her sight tunneled. Her breath was only shallow gasps that brought no air to her lungs. She felt her knees buckle, and saw the room spin sideways, Jackson frantically saying something than grabbing for the phone.

"Ethen! Where the hell are you?"
"Jackson? I just got back to Paris, left the airport about twenty minutes ago."
"No, I know that! how close are you to home?"
"Jackson, what's wrong? Why are you yelling?"
"I think Genevieve had a panic attack. I called an ambulance and they took her to that hospital. Your girlfriend and I are both here and need a ride to the hospital. We locked ourselves out in the confusion and don't have any way to get a cab."
Panic attack? Hospital? For Ethen it sounded all too familiar, but he swallowed back the nausea that was rising from his belly.
"I'll be there in 5 minutes."

They were driving far too fast to be safe towards the hospital, Ethen, Anja and Jackson. Ethen had called Nino who was now also en route. They had tried multiple times to get through to Anthony, but to no avail. Apparently he wasn't even in Minnesota anymore. Ethen rounded on the two others at a stoplight, who both sat in the back seat. "What the ******** is going on? What happened?"
Anja could't stop crying long enough to answer. Jackson looked at her pityingly then answered as best he could. "I'm not sure. I know she and this one here got into it last night, and Nevi didn't come back to her place last night. She came home about an hour ago, went pale as could be and started to hyperventilate. Then she fainted."
"Anja, baby, what happened?"
She shuddered her grief to a halt long enough to answer. "I can't tell you."
"What, why? Please baby, we need to know, and—"
"You don't get it, Ethen! She made me promise not to tell anyone why we were fighting. Whatever else happened, I'm not going to break a promise."
"Anja, ok, I get it."
"But right before this happened I told her I was going to quit."  

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter 14

The three of them had been waiting in the ER maybe ten minutes when Nino joined them, and it was perhaps and hour later before they heard anything about her. A young-ish doctor, a woman of about 30, came to meet them and asked in rather poor french, "Is one of you the fiance?" The only word spoken properly was "fiance," though even that had a distinct Southern drawl, and Ethen threw her a line.
"We all speak English, Doctor."
"Oh, thank God. So is one of you Anthony...Wait, Anthony Shay? Well obviously none of you are him. Um...is one of you Mr. Montgomery?" Ethen glanced at Nino, wondered why he was listed as her contact and not her cousin, but he nodded. Nino wasn't paying much attention anyway. He was staring at the woman with disconcerting intensity. "Do you want to come see her, then?" Ethen was so bewildered he didn't answer for a moment, then nodded and stood. "Right this way."
The doctor led him down a long, corridor smelling of antiseptic and still the faint copper of blood from one adjoining hallway. She was speaking. "It appears that Ms. Jeunet did simply have a panic attack, that caused her to hyperventilate, which caused the fainting. Do you know if she has any history of mental illness or anxiety?"
"What? No, not at all. Well, she did once have one on a plane, but it was her first time flying."
"Hmm. This isn't really my specialty, but I'd say she probably has some anxiety issues that she should get looked at. Ok, she certainly does. Has she been under undue stress?"
"I...I'm not sure. I've barely seen her the past month; I've been in out of the country."
"Ah. Often episodes like this, though, are triggered by some sudden trauma, so...oh, you probably wouldn't know." They were both silent as the kept walking. Despite the fact that it was late morning the halls were mostly empty. "So her first contact is Dr. Shay. She's his fiance, isn't she?"
"Isn't that like a doctor/patient confidentiality violation?"
"Maybe. But I want to know. She's kind of like the Canadian girlfriend of the surgical staff."
"What?"
"No one really believes she exists."
"So it's like you're treating bigfoot. I'm sure she'll love the comparison."
"Maybe not, you're right. I'll just keep that part to myself."
They reached the door to her room, and were both going to enter when the doctor got a page. "Oh, that's probably her blood work and tox panel. I'll be back. You can go in." Ethen hesitated as the woman walked off. He was far too familiar with this sort of visit for it to be easy. But he walked in regardless.
Lara was lying on her side facing away from him, but sat up slowly as he entered. When she saw him she just looked mortally embarrassed, and covered her face with a pillow. "Oh, God, Ethen, you did not have to come."
"Really. I hear my best friend got in a fight with my girlfriend, and the next morning she's in the hospital. I think I might be worried, hmm?"
She put the pillow down. She looked pretty awful, black rings under her eyes, still pale and clammy. "It was not anything, though. I used to have those all the time."
"Did you ever faint?"
"Well no—"
"Then I think Jackson did the right thing, don't you?"
"I guess so. Maybe it was good he was there."
Ethen sat down on the bed near her feet, and she looked at him warily. "Lara, what happened? The doctor—"
"Dr. Whitaker? She is so sweet."
"That's good. Yes, her, I guess. She said this was most likely brought on by some traumatic event. What happened?"
She looked down at the blankets on her bed, avoiding his eyes entirely. "I cannot tell you."
"What the hell is happening? Anja would't tell me either."
"She should. She should most certainly. She owes me nothing, and it would serve me right."
"She's not going to break a promise to you."
"Why not? I do not think we are even friends anymore. Did she tell you she wants to quit?"
"She did. But if she doesn't care about you then she sure is crying a lot for nothing."
Lara was silent for several seconds. "She wants you to propose and I told her I do not want you two to be married."
Ethen sat, stunned. Not by the first part; he was well aware that Anja wanted him to ask her that. He just wasn't sure if that would be rushing things or no. But—"Why don't you want us to be together? What are you saying?"
She looked up at him; she looked vaguely crestfallen but mainly just tired. "Anja thought it was because I think she is not worthy of you. But that is anything but the case; I know her too well, and you too well, to think that."
"Thanks."
"I...I do not want that because, it is awful of me, but because I always felt that if something happened, if my engagement or marriage ever fell apart that I would have you to fall back on. Maybe even more so that I thought if that happened you would be there for me, uninterrupted, without distractions from your own relationships or life."
"Like when you threw Anders out."
"Exactly. Like then. We barely even knew each other and you came to my rescue. I thought that would always be the case, that you were the one person I could count on to always put me before anything. And when I found that with Anthony, I did not stop wanting that from you. The immediacy was simply diminished. But if you were to ever make that sort of commitment to someone, then my safety net is gone."
Ethen was silent for several long seconds during which Lara began to squirm uncomfortably. "We've had a particular sort of relationship, haven't we Lara?" Her expression now was one of boundless gratitude, and he wondered what she thought he might do. Slap her? "I—you and I are probably closer to each other than we are to our significants. For quite a while there we were the only sort of intimate relationship, emotionally at least, either of us had. I think in our own obtuse way we kind of...fell in love with each other. But I was still too hung up on someone else, never getting closure can do that, and you...I don't think you were able to take all that on, were you?" She shook her head. "So what now? Lara, I want you to be happy, and that is why I didn't try to stand in the way of Anthony at all. In fact I encouraged him to propose to you, in my own way, but I felt the same way you did. Well, not quite since I wasn't with someone, but more or less the same. I think our friendship got so tangled with romance that it's still not all the way extricated. And I'm not going to blame you for feeling how you feel. There might someday be something that makes it hard for us to be friends," she breathed in sharply as he paused to clear his throat, "but this isn't it, Lara. I don't even think that that will ever be. Ok?"
She stared at him blankly for a moment then held out her arms towards him and started to sob. He embraced her tightly. Ethen heard the door hiss open behind them and suddenly the room was crowded. Anja was so upset she couldn't string a sentence together in french or engilsh, but was saying she was sorry, she didn't want to leave anymore. Jackson had more or less dissolved into the background, but he was there. The doctor was back, carrying a clipboard, and trying to get everyone to be quiet. Nino said one or two vaguely comforting things to his cousin but Dr. Whitaker seemed to have transfixed him. And all of a sudden Anthony was there, flying through the door. Ethen moved to the side and Anthony grabbed Lara around the waist and kissed her, long and deeply. The rest of the talk quieted down, and finally the white-coated woman spoke loudly enough to be heard. "Ok, now that Dr. Shay is here, could I get the rest of you to leave, please?"
Jackson practically bolted. He hated hospitals and doctors more than anyone Ethen had ever met. Anja fumbled an apology or two more in German before leaving as well. She grabbed Nino on the way out too, because he didn't seem to have registered the doctor's words. Finally Ethen got up to leave as well, but he felt Anthony's hand on his shoulder. "No, Ethen, please stay."
The doctor interjected. "I'm not really sure if I should share this with him present—"
"Amy. It's fine." Anthony's tone was final, and also very concerned. Ethen guessed that must be the Doctor's first name.
"Alright, Dr. Shay, but I just thought you two," she pointed to Anthony and Lara. "Might want to talk about this news on your own." Lara shook her head, and Anthony said nothing. "Well Ms. Jeunet, your blood work came back alright. You a little anemic, though, and need to up your folic acid intake. Really that's probably why you fainted, especially since you're pregnant."

Ethen swore he heard a pin drop.

Anthony stuttered. Lara was silent, her mouth agape. The doctor answered what seemed like the obvious question. "Now, I'm guessing that this wasn't planned as you're still on the pill but that does happen rarely. First of all if you want to keep it you should stop taking that and start with some pre-natal care that we can—"
Lara made a small noise in the back of her throat, half wail, half joyful cry. Anthony was still silent. Then all of a sudden they were embracing, kissing, talking to each other a million words a second. As stealthily as he could, Ethen stood and nodded surreptitiously out the door to Dr. Whitaker. She was smiling broadly, but followed him out. Once the door closed behind them Ethen asked, "So, since she was still on the pill, is there increased risk for the baby?"
"None worth mentioning." She was still looking through the window, smiling, before turning to Ethen. "They are an adorable couple."
"That they are." They began to walk towards the waiting room, where Ethen guessed everyone else had congregated.
"How do you know them?"
"I moved into the apartment next to Lara June...year before last. Anthony just walked into her bar one night, and he wanted to meet me because he liked one of my books."
"Ah. So..." Because of Anthony, Ethen had gotten to know a few doctors, and he realized they fell mainly into two groups. The ones that took everything far too seriously, and those with the emotional maturity of twelve-year-olds. This one seemed to fall into the latter as she now turned to walk backwards in front of him and asked, "that shorter guy with y'all. Who was he?"
"That was Lara's cousin Nino."
She stuck her hands in the pockets of her coat and asked shyly, "Is he single?"
Ethen laughed. "Perpetually. But you're welcome to try."

For Ethen, the next two months seemed to pass through some sort of filter in his memory, heightening colors and sounds and emotions, and for the rest of his life he remembered as an almost technicolor, candy coated spring. He was off the road, having finished his press tour for the June release of The City in the US. He and Anja still debated about their future, but in a expectant way. Like the question was not if they would be married but just when. Emily and Mina came to visit as Jackson finished his brief stint in Italy, meeting him in Paris. Nino had taken several days after the hospital, but had eventually asked that Dr. Whitaker to dinner after much cajoling by Ethen and Lara. Ethen hated the tired old cliche of sparks flying, but he had to admit with them it was even more like fireworks. He spent a week with his niece, showing her what he thought was the most beautiful city there was.
And over all, Anthony and Lara were awash in joy. Ethen almost envied them. He didn't really ever want children, but he envied them their utter contentment and euphoria. They were already discussing names, getting a bigger place as there was no room for a nursery in Lara's flat, whether they wanted to wait until after the baby was born to get married or no (they decided to wait.) Anthony was actually working an unusual amount, and Anja, after she and Lara had made amends, was spending more and more time at the library, seeking quiet, as she was preparing to finally to do something she'd always wanted. She, like Nevi, which is actually where they met, had received a business degree from Oxford, but hadn't continued on. Now she was preparing herself for graduate entry exams at universities all over the country (and a couple outside, though she maintained that those were more for ego than actual possibilities.)
So most morning and early afternoons found he and Lara relaxing at his apartment or hers, remembering why they had gotten so close in the first place, a fact that had been overshadowed in the past several months by how rarely they spent time together.
"So, yesterday you said you were going to try and convince Anthony that Leia was good name for a girl." They were out walking on the river, the same walk they used to take each morning as they were getting to know one another.
Lara sighed. "I failed, rather miserably. But only because he insisted that Mara with the middle name Jade would be even better. I couldn't really argue."
"That is a tough one. What about boys?"
"Ethen."
"What's up?"
"No, that is what we decided on. Last night. With an E."
"...What?"
"Ethen, you are the closest thing I have to a brother. And I think you might be for Anthony, as well."
"I—I don't know what to say." Ethen was stunned. He felt honored and a part of something he couldn't describe.
"You do not mind, do you?" Lara's voice was unusually quiet; she seemed to be misinterpreting his reaction entirely.
"Lara, I'm...I'm...just, thank you. I still hope it's a girl though, for your sake." At first she'd made it clear that she would prefer a daughter.
"Oh, I do not care anymore either way, as long as he or she is healthy and strong."
He remembered that as the last day that things seemed right.

Later that evening Ethen was at the bar with Henri and Lara, as Anja was working on an essay. He and Nino where trying to see how fast they could have a shot of every bourbon the bar had, and where just about to have their fourth when a phone rang.
"Ethen? Baby?"
"Hey, Babe, done writing?"
"Yes. But I have a confession to make."
"Ok..."
"Last year before Christmas, remember? I was kind of toying with the idea of applying to school again?"
"Yeah."
"Well while I was home with Papa I did it. I applied to my dream school."
"Harvard."
"Right. And I was supposed to hear from them by April and never did."
Ethen nodded to himself. "So that's why you've been working like such a demon."
"Yes. But I didn't check the mail today until right now and..."
"And? Anja, what?"
"And I had gotten wait listed but I'd been silly and put Papa's address on the application and he stops all his mail at the post, so I never got that notice. Now I just got a letter saying I got in."
"You what?" Ethen was so excited he could barely stay on his chair.
"I got in, Baby! The best business school in the world took me in."
Ethen glanced at Nino, then said "I'll be right there." He turned to his inebriated friend. "I have to go."
It was late that evening. Ethen had gotten home and they'd celebrated on their own, planning to have a congratulations party later that week. Now past midnight, the two where lying on their bed, when Anja spoke the thought that had been bothering him for the past several hours. "So if I go there, what happens Ethen?"
"I guess we move to Massachusetts." He did his best to disguise the glumness in his voice, but he failed pretty miserably.
"Do you want me to wait, see if I get in somewhere here?"
That offer gave Ethen pause. But no, he couldn't. For the past couple of months Anja and Lara had been talking about opening another bar, maybe a cafe or restaurant, too. It made Anja's blue eyes light up like nothing Ethen had ever seen. This was her dream, to run her own business, and an MBA would give her a kind of capital hard to get from investors. Especially from Harvard. "No, I don't. This isn't just that you now have a sure thing to fall back on. You got in to the place you wanted more than any. It would be foolish to wait on it when we both know you'd be less happy going anywhere else."
"But you don't want to leave."
s**t, Ethen thought, is it that obvious? It was true, though. Since Sam nothing had felt like home except this flat here. He couldn't even fathom moving to a different part of the city. "No, Anja, I don't. But his is something good for you, and I can write anywhere."
"Ethen, I know how you feel about this place. I don't want to take you from your home. From what is ostensibly your family."
"I appreciate that, love, I do. But this is...I can't stop you from taking this. This is a chance of a lifetime."

For three weeks they went back and forth. Ethen insisted that she stop even working on other applications, with such vehemence that Anja wasn't the only one to voice the idea that he wanted her out of the picture for some reason. Anja couldn't bring herself to commit to the idea of tearing Ethen from his beloved city, since they both knew he may very well stop functioning all together. She said time and again that she would rather never complete that degree than take Ethen away from Paris. He said he didn't care where he was if she was happy. She said she wouldn't be happy if she took him to New England.
Anthony thought Anja's idea was most sensible. Stay in Paris and go to school. Nino thought that was ridiculous, that they were letting petty things get in between Anja and her dream. Emily and Jackson went back and forth. Through the whole ordeal the only person silent was Lara.

On this night Nevi had invited Anja, and only Anja, out for dessert. She knew she was being blatantly transparent, but she just couldn't bring herself to say "hey, Ethen, don't come out with us so I can have your girlfriend to myself while we talk about your future." Anja was glum, not her usual enthusiastic self. But she tried to be cheerful.
"Anja, you do not have to put on a brave face for my sake, ok? Just tell me. Are you and Ethen getting any closer to asking a decision?" Nevi felt terrible about what she was about to do. But about a week before hand something began to make itself clear to her. Without a doubt the two of them were in love. Free from outside forces the two of them had a chance at being in it for good. But somewhere, she felt that this was it. No matter what he said, Ethen would not be happy elsewhere. She knew, Anja knew it, even Ethen probably did. And no matter what, if Anja did go to some other school, in the end she would resent Ethen for having given up such an amazing opportunity because of him. She didn't like where this reasoning had led her but...
"No, Nevi, we aren't." She was staring at the cup of coffee that the server had brought, hadn't touched it. Just staring.
"Have you—"
"It isn't fair!" This exploded out of her, a burst of frustration and sadness and fear.
"Woah, girl. What is not fair?"
"If I had never gotten in there none of this would have happened. But that was my dream. I didn't even think I had a chance of getting in, so I didn't think about the repercussions. But now I know I could go there, and nothing else is as important to me, except him. But you and I both know he would hardly even be him if I took him there. And if I stay here with him I...I don't know if I could forgive him."
"Have you guys talked about him staying and you going? Doing long-distance?"
"Nevi, you know me...I fall apart when he's gone for two days. I don't think I could stay faithful for a month, much less four at a time."
"Then what?" Nevi hardly even knew why she was doing this, leading Anja's thoughts down this path. Except...maybe she just saw what was inevitable and was trying to hurry it along, and save the two of them undue pain. And now Anja looked up at her, her blue eyes despairing.
"This can't work, can it Lara?"
"Anja, I...I really do not know anymore. You two are perfect for each other, and I love seeing how happy you make him. But—"
"But this will always be between us."

It was the end of July, now. Lara had just told Ethen that at the four month check-up everything with the baby had been fine, and that she and Anthony were leaving for a week in Zurich. He had been gone for three days, a mini-press tour through Sweden where his book was getting renewed interest. He got off the elevator on his floor where there seemed to be an odd amount of noise. As he was unlocking the door he realized it was coming from his own flat. When it opened, he saw Anja freeze. She was in the middle of bringing a suitcase from their room to the small foyer.
Red eyes, Tissues everywhere.
An envelope on the kitchen table with his name on it.
Cliches all over the place.
They stood staring at one another silently. Finally she spoke. "I thought you weren't back until tomorrow." He'd never heard anyone sound so guilty.
"The second appointment in Malmo got canceled and my phone died so I couldn't call you." He looked next to the door. Two more suitcases. Quickly glancing around the living room and kitchen he could see nothing there that was hers. "Anja, what's going on?"
She stammered, trying to speak for a moment before the words came. "Ethen, I can't do this anymore. I don't want to go, but you don't want me to stay. And I will not have taking you away from your home on me. I love you too much to do that to you. And too much to stay here and resent you for the rest of our lives. So I'm leaving."
Ethen felt blood rush to his ears, suddenly feeling hot and his chest hurt. "Leaving for where?"
"I'm going to Massachusetts, to go to school. I don't want you to come. I finally decided: you are better off here with Lara and Nino and Anthony, without me, then over there otherwise alone." At that moment Ethen heard footsteps behind him, and two large men in some company uniform picked up the last of her luggage, nodded to Ethen, then stalked off back down to the lifts.
His voice could only emerge as a sort of choked gasping thing. "But what about us? Anja I—"
"Stop." Her voice was hard, ringing with finality. He stopped. "Don't tell me that. This is better for you, Ethen. Believe me. And maybe even better for me, but I don't know about that yet." He couldn't look at her, but instead he saw next to the letter her copy of his key, which made everything seem all the more real. It wasn't until she touched his face that he realized she'd been moving towards him. "Ethen, please don't hate me. I love you, love you dearly, but this...there was always going to be something we couldn't overcome." She kissed him tenderly, whispered goodbye, and left, the lock clicking shut behind her.