|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 5:39 pm
 |
|
|
 |
I think I'm going to go to the doctors because after tonight I realise just how much this is affecting me.
I have an anxiety disorder which I am taking medication for (and have been for months now) and, in the past, I was diagnoised with depression and social agorophobia (with anxiety)
Although I'm now well enough to leave the house on my own, for a good while now I've been constantly afraid of death. I know my anxiety and dietry play a good part in this, but I also can't stop thinking about it even when happy situations arise.
For example, tonight it was me, my older sister my mum and my dad and my sister was singing to my dad jokingly and it was really funny, but all I can think of is that they're going to die and that one day this will become a memory of their existance. This happens often, too. Whenever I see my family and we all just talk, have a laugh or just be together, all I can think of is that one day I will never see them again and I waste so much emotion and thought on this that it scares me. I want to be around them and embrace these good times, not shun them because of the inevitable death.
I feel sick, and sad and scared all the time.
I'm also ashamed of myself, too.
I mean, death is going to happen to all of us and yet here I am, terrified and letting it consume my life daily.
I'm wasting away years of memories because of this.
Why can't I just accept it? Or, at least, not let it consume me in these dark thoughts.
I'm pretty much writing this because, on Monday i'm going to book an appointment at the doctors and with this I'll have something to say.
(Usually I have it all planned out in my head but when the time comes I completely forget to tell the doctor certain things)
I just want to know though, too...
Does anyone else feel this way? Or, has anyone else felt this way before.
I hope my post doesn't offend anyone.
I just feel trapped in my thoughts. I feel like I want to die to spare a later death :S I know that makes no sense what-so-ever.
Anyway... Thank you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 5:50 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 5:54 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 6:06 pm
|
|
|
|
Aristocrat In Pink iiRawr_Destiny I've felt this way before a lot of times, the first time being when i was 5 actually.
After that first time it started to happen again and again every couple or so years. It happened to me again this year too after watching a movie cause it made me really emotional and to be honest my parents just kind of made fun of me for it... cat_sweatdrop it's hard for me when i think like that because im just a mess for the rest of the day. I understand how you feel completely don't worry. Thank you for replying. I really hate bothering everyone with this, and I'm so sorry to hear that you've suffered with this at stages in your life, too. (Especially at 5 years of age) D: It's nice to know that I'm not going crazy, though. I forgot to add in my original post but I've been drinking a lot lately, too. Mainly wine, but last week I had Cider until I'd almost pass out. I know that's bad for me, and I know that alcohol is a depressant too which is even worse, but I'd rather pass out then deal with anxiety attacks. :<
No problem, any time emotion_hug
It's okay I've had an...interesting childhood and I don't think you're truly bothering anyone I think we've all gone through it or something similar at some point in our lives.
It's okay to have a drink every once in a while but if you think you're showing any warning signs of becoming an alcoholic talk to someone about it. I don't have anxiety so I'm not sure how it feels to get anxiety attacks. Although I do go through depression sometimes but I never say anything about it. Just know that we're all here if you wanna talk. emotion_hug |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 6:13 pm
|
|
|
|
iiRawr_Destiny Aristocrat In Pink iiRawr_Destiny I've felt this way before a lot of times, the first time being when i was 5 actually.
After that first time it started to happen again and again every couple or so years. It happened to me again this year too after watching a movie cause it made me really emotional and to be honest my parents just kind of made fun of me for it... cat_sweatdrop it's hard for me when i think like that because im just a mess for the rest of the day. I understand how you feel completely don't worry. Thank you for replying. I really hate bothering everyone with this, and I'm so sorry to hear that you've suffered with this at stages in your life, too. (Especially at 5 years of age) D: It's nice to know that I'm not going crazy, though. I forgot to add in my original post but I've been drinking a lot lately, too. Mainly wine, but last week I had Cider until I'd almost pass out. I know that's bad for me, and I know that alcohol is a depressant too which is even worse, but I'd rather pass out then deal with anxiety attacks. :<
It's okay I've had an...interesting childhood and I don't think you're truly bothering anyone I think we've all gone through it or something similar at some point in our lives.
It's okay to have a drink every once in a while but if you think you're showing any warning signs of becoming an alcoholic talk to someone about it. I don't have anxiety so I'm not sure how it feels to get anxiety attacks. Although I do go through depression sometimes but I never say anything about it. Just know that we're all here if you wanna talk. emotion_hug
Thank you so much~! emotion_hug
I'm going to tell all this to my doctor whenever I can see her, but I just can't believe how much of my life i'm wasting on these thoughts.
I love them so much, and I'm so lucky and grateful to have them both in my life but then this happens and I want to die or something. ;^o^
I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm writing.
Thank you for being so kind and supportive, though.
Your words are very important to me and I'm thankful I'm not having to think these things to myself anymore. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 6:19 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 6:21 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 6:23 pm
|
|
|
|
Aristocrat In Pink iiRawr_Destiny Aristocrat In Pink iiRawr_Destiny I've felt this way before a lot of times, the first time being when i was 5 actually.
After that first time it started to happen again and again every couple or so years. It happened to me again this year too after watching a movie cause it made me really emotional and to be honest my parents just kind of made fun of me for it... cat_sweatdrop it's hard for me when i think like that because im just a mess for the rest of the day. I understand how you feel completely don't worry. Thank you for replying. I really hate bothering everyone with this, and I'm so sorry to hear that you've suffered with this at stages in your life, too. (Especially at 5 years of age) D: It's nice to know that I'm not going crazy, though. I forgot to add in my original post but I've been drinking a lot lately, too. Mainly wine, but last week I had Cider until I'd almost pass out. I know that's bad for me, and I know that alcohol is a depressant too which is even worse, but I'd rather pass out then deal with anxiety attacks. :<
It's okay I've had an...interesting childhood and I don't think you're truly bothering anyone I think we've all gone through it or something similar at some point in our lives.
It's okay to have a drink every once in a while but if you think you're showing any warning signs of becoming an alcoholic talk to someone about it. I don't have anxiety so I'm not sure how it feels to get anxiety attacks. Although I do go through depression sometimes but I never say anything about it. Just know that we're all here if you wanna talk. emotion_hug Thank you so much~! emotion_hug I'm going to tell all this to my doctor whenever I can see her, but I just can't believe how much of my life i'm wasting on these thoughts. I love them so much, and I'm so lucky and grateful to have them both in my life but then this happens and I want to die or something. ;^o^ I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm writing. Thank you for being so kind and supportive, though. Your words are very important to me and I'm thankful I'm not having to think these things to myself anymore.
You're welcome love emotion_hug
I'm always here if you need to talk to someone. heart |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 7:19 pm
|
|
|
|
Death is an everyday part of life. I think about death more often now than I did 10 years ago, and I have let it get me down almost to point of ending it all.
What I am about to share with you is just from my own experience, and should not be taken offensively in anyway. I am not about to tell you that we have something in common or what you need to do.
I have come close to ending it several times in my life and it took me until I really hit bottom to understand that I was wrong about so many little things about life. It was like I was wearing a blindfold underneath a mask to hide myself from the truth and my shame from everyone else. Death will happen, but that doesn't mean it is going to happen right away. Even though I mourn the loss of a very dear friend, I see now what would happen if I followed their example. I seriously thought no one would care if I died today and only flies would be the first to see me off. And then there was a friend of mine who also suffered the same loss as me. We talked for seemed like hours, and it was only after we were done that I felt as if I had taken off the blindfold. I was not as depressed as I was before but I was still sad. I gained control over my focus little by little, even though I do need a nudge in the right direction sometimes. I got better and everyday I live since then I have gotten better. It takes only a moment to learn a lesson, but a lifetime to practice.
I am in no way saying you wear a blindfold to the truth all around you. I am just saying that we all should keep an open mind. The smallest thing can be the biggest inspiration, and most times it doesn't even have a physical form. I may think of death, but I will cherish these simple moments. Yes I will mess everyone when they die, but I will see them again. If not through what lies beyond the grave, than at least in my dreams.
Basically I want to offer you hug and to say that you can do anything. Things will always get better than when they were bad and bad things happen without warning sometimes. Relax and enjoy the moment while it lasts. Few of us realize how precious life is, and I know you do not take that for granted. You have what it takes over come this, and you will always have friends to back you up.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 6:43 am
|
|
|
|
Samantha Topple Death is an everyday part of life. I think about death more often now than I did 10 years ago, and I have let it get me down almost to point of ending it all. What I am about to share with you is just from my own experience, and should not be taken offensively in anyway. I am not about to tell you that we have something in common or what you need to do. I have come close to ending it several times in my life and it took me until I really hit bottom to understand that I was wrong about so many little things about life. It was like I was wearing a blindfold underneath a mask to hide myself from the truth and my shame from everyone else. Death will happen, but that doesn't mean it is going to happen right away. Even though I mourn the loss of a very dear friend, I see now what would happen if I followed their example. I seriously thought no one would care if I died today and only flies would be the first to see me off. And then there was a friend of mine who also suffered the same loss as me. We talked for seemed like hours, and it was only after we were done that I felt as if I had taken off the blindfold. I was not as depressed as I was before but I was still sad. I gained control over my focus little by little, even though I do need a nudge in the right direction sometimes. I got better and everyday I live since then I have gotten better. It takes only a moment to learn a lesson, but a lifetime to practice. I am in no way saying you wear a blindfold to the truth all around you. I am just saying that we all should keep an open mind. The smallest thing can be the biggest inspiration, and most times it doesn't even have a physical form. I may think of death, but I will cherish these simple moments. Yes I will mess everyone when they die, but I will see them again. If not through what lies beyond the grave, than at least in my dreams. Basically I want to offer you hug and to say that you can do anything. Things will always get better than when they were bad and bad things happen without warning sometimes. Relax and enjoy the moment while it lasts. Few of us realize how precious life is, and I know you do not take that for granted. You have what it takes over come this, and you will always have friends to back you up.
 TheAristocratSays:
Thank you so much for posting this.
It was really sad and yet at the end it was so beautiful that it actually made me cry.
I am not offended what so ever. In fact i'm honored that you could share your story with me.
Thank you so much. <3
I'm sorry to hear of your past, too, but you seem to be better.
At least, in your words, you sound like you're at peace or content now.
Thank you so very much for your support and for sharing such a story with me.
emotion_hug <3
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 11:59 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 2:14 am
|
|
|
|
oh boy does this bring back memories. this was me when i was younger- i thought about it a lot. like samantha, i was very close to killing myself too. death's definitely scary, that's for sure. and sure, it happens to everyone and it's terrifying to think about. it's normal to be worried about death and all that. my advice would be to maybe try and change your thoughts quickly, or possibly see someone ad talk to them about it if you aren't already. keep in mind i'm not a professional at giving advice, so don't think too much about my advice i guess.
for me, i gradually got over it- when i thought about it, i would pretty much be thinking about it the rest of the day and i'd be terrified, along with having my stomach tie itself into knots. it slowly got less and less... severe, i guess, over time.
basically, it might get better over time. i hope things work out for you; and i'm here if you need to talk.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 7:32 am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 7:36 am
|
|
|
|
Dancehall Hysteria oh boy does this bring back memories. this was me when i was younger- i thought about it a lot. like samantha, i was very close to killing myself too. death's definitely scary, that's for sure. and sure, it happens to everyone and it's terrifying to think about. it's normal to be worried about death and all that. my advice would be to maybe try and change your thoughts quickly, or possibly see someone ad talk to them about it if you aren't already. keep in mind i'm not a professional at giving advice, so don't think too much about my advice i guess.
for me, i gradually got over it- when i thought about it, i would pretty much be thinking about it the rest of the day and i'd be terrified, along with having my stomach tie itself into knots. it slowly got less and less... severe, i guess, over time.
basically, it might get better over time. i hope things work out for you; and i'm here if you need to talk.
TheAristocratSays:
Thank you for commenting and being so supportive.
I'm so sorry to hear you, too went through a terrible situation in your life but I'm so glad you're here and safe. emotion_hug
I'm going to see my doctor this Saturday, but it's mainly due to my perscription although I'd really like to just add this in at the side as just talking about this with someone makes me feel better and, hopefully, I'll stop making these silly threads and burdening everyone, hehe~! >.<;;
Thank you again for everything~!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 6:27 pm
|
|
|
|
Aristocrat In Pink Dancehall Hysteria oh boy does this bring back memories. this was me when i was younger- i thought about it a lot. like samantha, i was very close to killing myself too. death's definitely scary, that's for sure. and sure, it happens to everyone and it's terrifying to think about. it's normal to be worried about death and all that. my advice would be to maybe try and change your thoughts quickly, or possibly see someone ad talk to them about it if you aren't already. keep in mind i'm not a professional at giving advice, so don't think too much about my advice i guess.
for me, i gradually got over it- when i thought about it, i would pretty much be thinking about it the rest of the day and i'd be terrified, along with having my stomach tie itself into knots. it slowly got less and less... severe, i guess, over time.
basically, it might get better over time. i hope things work out for you; and i'm here if you need to talk.
TheAristocratSays:
Thank you for commenting and being so supportive.
I'm so sorry to hear you, too went through a terrible situation in your life but I'm so glad you're here and safe. emotion_hug
I'm going to see my doctor this Saturday, but it's mainly due to my perscription although I'd really like to just add this in at the side as just talking about this with someone makes me feel better and, hopefully, I'll stop making these silly threads and burdening everyone, hehe~! >.<;;
Thank you again for everything~!
you're welcome!
also, it's actually not a very silly thread. emotion_yatta
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
