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Homestuck inspired troll related b/c 

Tags: homestuck, troll, breedables, mspa, alternia 

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Lol im actually going to change it back one minute

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Aesceus

Manly Shoujo

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 7:56 pm
Beep  
PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, 2012 12:15 am
(just a minor gripe before the actual crit, but the plane corporation is Boeing, not Boewing)

First off, you make a note of how little he cares about the quality of his gliders, but if he's so creative and wants to fly so badly, wouldn't he be interested in improving them to get closer and closer to emulating flight?

Aesceus
His strengths are also his weaknesses. Thinking about how cool everything is and always using his imagination causes him to daydream and do stupid things like fall off the edge of a cliff or run into someone and start a fight. He tries to stay around the safety of his home to avoid getting hurt too much, and to avoid humility. His lying, while has won him a few free supplies, has also gotten him in a few fights. His imagination doesn't seem to translate well in real life, and his words never match up with what he thinks and sometimes he fails.

This paragraph in general seems sort of jumbled and difficult to understand at points, I think rewriting it would be for the better. The paragraph about fighting also doesn't convey its point very cleanly, but I did at least understand it. P:

As far as the strengths and flaws, two is the minimum, but really, more is better. It's not gonna keep you from getting accepted, but having more than the bare necessities is appreciated.
And while we're on the subject of the flaws, I don't really think allergies deserves a place on the list. Not only is it a physical attribute, which we generally try to avoid, but it's fully half of his cons, and it's something really petty. Allergies can be really annoying and troublesome, especially if it's to something as common as say, peanuts, but it's not nearly a big enough deal to be on a weakness list, much less 50% of his flaws.

I guess my biggest complaint is that he doesn't seem very trolly. He could fit into just about any roleplay scenario, there's nothing that sets him apart as a troll, no real indication that he grew up in such a different civilization.
That's more of a personal pet peeve than a Hivestuck Official Character Quest Standard®, but I would like to see something that makes him a bit less human.  

Sugi Kawakita

Big Tipper

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