I need depression help.

[Gwillianna]

Hello guild, I am an animation student taking an animation diploma.

I feel that I am on the verge of breaking from the immense pressure and competition. I feel so incompetent and untalented whenever i see my fellow classmate's work. Looking at their work only makes me feel stupid, slow, uncreative and worthless.Every now and then, I sit down and cry secretly in the bathroom or when i close the door.

While I feel that drawing skills are rather up to par, it then comes to computers and animating which i fall short on and feel so much like a failure. I feel upset the lecturers see me as an all round untalented student. The school has given me a scholarship, but i truly feel sick to the bone receiving it and undeserving. It has given me so much more pressure to keep my GPA up to at the very minimum, 3.5. In my country, a GPA of 3.7 barely makes the cut. I've been getting Cs in certain modules because nobody is telling me how to do them and i spiral down into even more hopelessness that i don't do them well.

I am tired, unmotivated, and disgusted with myself. I pretend to be happy or surprised when in fact I feel apathetic.I do this so my friends won't think I'm emotionless or uncaring.

This is the only place i think of now to seek help. Art used to be something i could escape to and so enjoy so much. Now it's become so hellish.

I want to know if I am clinically depressed or simply having a bad day. I cry and go into small panic attacks occasionally every other week. I worry about my future so much. It's the reason for my panic attacks. The time given for assignments is too little for me.

I really need help.  

[THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS]

Hey! I'm exactly the same, at an arts school and fairly certain I'm the least talented in the class 3nodding Sounds like your under a lot of pressure, try to give yourself a break, if you got a scholarship you must be good! You sound very similar to me and i have been diagnosed as clinically depressed, but the line between that and just being stressed is quite fine. I think the question is how long you've felt like this? If its a long term feeling of empty/self loathing/ unmotivated-ness i'd say its likely to be some form of depression.
sorry if thats a bit of a ramble and docent make sense sweatdrop Ultimately none of us can tell you if you have depression, if you feel like theres something wrong then you have to make the choice wether to go to the doctor or deal with it personally. Either way we're always here 3nodding  

[Gwillianna]

THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS

Wow that was a fast reply!

Thanks for your concern. It feels nice hear from someone going through the same experiences as me.

As for how long I've felt this, probably since April. But It's been getting increasingly frequent lately, enough for me to notice.

I might have to sleep soon. Once again, thank you.  

[Gwillianna]

I'm also considering making an appointment with a school counselor. But I have alot coming up next week. I hope if she/he can tell me if what I'm feeling is serious or not. oh well. Ho hum :u  

[THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS]

Gwillianna

THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS

Wow that was a fast reply!

Thanks for your concern. It feels nice hear from someone going through the same experiences as me.

As for how long I've felt this, probably since April. But It's been getting increasingly frequent lately, enough for me to notice.

I might have to sleep soon. Once again, thank you.

hehe, yeah i sort of lurk around the guild incase anyone needs help.
lots of people go through periods of depression, sounds like your work loads just got to much for you. Don't worry about sleeping to much, i used to spend entire weeks in bed cause i was just to tired/ apathetic to get up sweatdrop , best to get help if you feel its getting worse.
good luck if you do go to the school counsellor, feel free to pm if you need to talk to some one impartial who's had similar issues 3nodding  

[Gwillianna]

THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS

Thanks for the offer, I'll be sure to when it isn't too inconvenient for you c:

Also, I'm going to a polytechnic, so it's not an art school. Its an institution for various types of specialities, primarily to prepare it's students to enter the workforce right away. Pretty bad looking, since i belong to the arts stream :T

I want to tell my boyfriend about the low moods I've been having, but I'm afraid he won't take me seriously. I really appreciate him saying encouraging things to me, but telling me to buck up/pull yourself together/just do it really isn't working. I just feel so bad. He's a really nice person and pretty talented too, a scholar too. But he's so smart and creative i feel really inferior to him.

*sigh*... there goes that spiral of self doubt again.  

[Shannon-Jeva]

I know this thread may be somewhat old, but I'd like to say one thing.
If this feeling has been going on for a while, you may want to see a doctor. Immense stress can cause a depressive episode. Though judging by what you have said about what you are feeling, you could be on the edge of one.

Try not to give up, even if you feel it's all you want to do.
Don't be afraid to ask for help, whether in class or for your health.
(Although if you are afraid of doing this, I completely understand. It took me about two years to not be so afraid of speaking up and admitting I need help. sweatdrop )  

[Gwillianna]

Shannon-Jeva

I know this thread may be somewhat old, but I'd like to say one thing.
If this feeling has been going on for a while, you may want to see a doctor. Immense stress can cause a depressive episode. Though judging by what you have said about what you are feeling, you could be on the edge of one.

Try not to give up, even if you feel it's all you want to do.
Don't be afraid to ask for help, whether in class or for your health.
(Although if you are afraid of doing this, I completely understand. It took me about two years to not be so afraid of speaking up and admitting I need help. sweatdrop )

Thank you for your concern. c: I've been feeling better of late, since all my assignments have almost cleared up.

Though i feel the occasional hopelessness from not being able to do things as fast as everyone does, i think being with my boyfriend makes me feel better. I still feel real insecure and inferior. I hope i can get rid of these feelings soon. I will talk to me classmates and friends more c:

I don't remember how i was before all these negative feelings started seeping into my life. I'm so scared I've changed for the worse. I desperately want to be like that again but i just can't remember. It's really scary.

Once again, thank you for your advice.  

[Mistress of The Fae]

Gwillianna

I'm also considering making an appointment with a school counselor. But I have alot coming up next week. I hope if she/he can tell me if what I'm feeling is serious or not. oh well. Ho hum :u

I'm the same way, and I do agree with seeing a counselor, or therapist.
Stress and depression can lead to decreases in grades