Boyfriend with a low self esteem help?

[moxie foxy]

So I've been with my boyfriend for a few months now, and in that time I've found out everything about him. So I don't mind about his past, and I don't mind that he's attempted suicide before and he used to self harm. I can understand why he did that, but he still has emotional scars and he's really got some self esteem issues. He doesn't think that he deserves me and he thinks he's ugly and hates a lot about himself. The way I see it he puts me on a pedestal and looks up at me as though I'm perfect and down on himself. Last night him being depressed upset me too because he brought up the issue of his weight. He's a little underweight and skinny, but I don't care, to me he is beautiful and it hurts that he can't see it, however, he was saying how it was ugly and that brought my self esteem down a bit because I'm underweight. Sometimes you can see my bones and I don't really like my figure, the only parts of me with some meat on them are my legs, cheeks, butt and boobs. I'm not seriously underweight but I have been called anorexic (even though I'm not!) and even a friend once brought it up because she was concerned. I was eating healthily but I just have a fast metabolism, same as him. So I'm quite weight conscious and I've been eating a lot more in the last 2 years and thankfully put on some weight. Sometimes, just the things he says when he's depressed can really bring me down. So last night I just stopped talking to him and he sent me this afterwards:

"i'm sorry for being a self hating jerk last night..........i'm normaly better at hiding my self hate.....not from you but everyone...............but anyway i'm sorry i made you cry..........and if you hate me i understand.....not like it'd be the first time someone left coz i hate myself"

Can someone please help? I just want to make him feel a bit happier about himself. I already have a little bit but I really want him to be happy with himself. Thanks for reading.

 

[Alice Kensington]

Hm... I've dealt with self esteem problems in the past. For me, what kind of snapped me out of it was when someone told me that Self loathing is the worst form of Narcissism. All you're doing is focusing on how bad YOU are, how ugly YOU are, how YOU don't deserve something. For me, realizing that made the whole issue sort of implode (in a good way) cause the one thing I never wanted to be was self obsessed, which is all self loathing is. When you don't like anything about yourself the last thing you want to think about is that for not liking yourself you sure do focus on yourself a lot.

Sometimes, trying to make someone feel better isn't going to work, sometimes you have to tell it like it is. Of course, if you think he's suicidal, then now's probably not the best time to tell it like it is sweatdrop but ah... something to think about I guess.  

[moxie foxy]

Alice Kensington

Hm... I've dealt with self esteem problems in the past. For me, what kind of snapped me out of it was when someone told me that Self loathing is the worst form of Narcissism. All you're doing is focusing on how bad YOU are, how ugly YOU are, how YOU don't deserve something. For me, realizing that made the whole issue sort of implode (in a good way) cause the one thing I never wanted to be was self obsessed, which is all self loathing is. When you don't like anything about yourself the last thing you want to think about is that for not liking yourself you sure do focus on yourself a lot.

Sometimes, trying to make someone feel better isn't going to work, sometimes you have to tell it like it is. Of course, if you think he's suicidal, then now's probably not the best time to tell it like it is sweatdrop but ah... something to think about I guess.

He's not suicidal anymore, thanks for your advice by the way, umm he's told me before that I have helped with his issues a little but still he's not happy with himself completely as you can see.  

[Deep_Throat_Epidemic]

ღ No one said it would be easy.

You should try to give him logical reasons to have better self esteem. Tell him that all the time he spends putting himself down just makes no sense because he could spend that time trying to better himself instead. Or tell him that if all the bad things he says about himself are really true then why do you still love him?

It's such a shame for us to part. ღ

 

[Setsunasa]

Alice Kensington

For me, what kind of snapped me out of it was when someone told me that Self loathing is the worst form of Narcissism. All you're doing is focusing on how bad YOU are, how ugly YOU are, how YOU don't deserve something. For me, realizing that made the whole issue sort of implode (in a good way) cause the one thing I never wanted to be was self obsessed, which is all self loathing is. When you don't like anything about yourself the last thing you want to think about is that for not liking yourself you sure do focus on yourself a lot.

You said that so well, and I 100% agree.

After that, though, perhaps it may help to talk through solutions to building that self esteem again? For instance, take a moment to discuss what he enjoys (or you both enjoy) doing and is good at as well. Focus on the good things and acknowledgement/acceptance of the fact that we can't be perfect at everything may be a healthy habit. We're only human after all :]

 

[moxie foxy]

XxCorrupted AngelxX

ღ No one said it would be easy.

You should try to give him logical reasons to have better self esteem. Tell him that all the time he spends putting himself down just makes no sense because he could spend that time trying to better himself instead. Or tell him that if all the bad things he says about himself are really true then why do you still love him?

It's such a shame for us to part. ღ

I'll try thanks  

[moxie foxy]

Setsunasa

Alice Kensington

For me, what kind of snapped me out of it was when someone told me that Self loathing is the worst form of Narcissism. All you're doing is focusing on how bad YOU are, how ugly YOU are, how YOU don't deserve something. For me, realizing that made the whole issue sort of implode (in a good way) cause the one thing I never wanted to be was self obsessed, which is all self loathing is. When you don't like anything about yourself the last thing you want to think about is that for not liking yourself you sure do focus on yourself a lot.

You said that so well, and I 100% agree.

After that, though, perhaps it may help to talk through solutions to building that self esteem again? For instance, take a moment to discuss what he enjoys (or you both enjoy) doing and is good at as well. Focus on the good things and acknowledgement/acceptance of the fact that we can't be perfect at everything may be a healthy habit. We're only human after all :]

I'll do this, thank you so much