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 Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 12:13 pm
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Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 9:02 pm
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Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 11:10 pm
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Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 11:29 pm
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Beauty_Neko Asdis_Svana I think it's a cute poem. A few grammar issues but other than that good. Cute. thank you for reading biggrin can you tell me, what i wrote wrong? so i know for the next time smile
Of course. smile
Beauty_Neko so i tried and looked for words till my head spins and hurts
It might be a style thing or minor but I think the 'till my head spins and hurts' should be past tense to match the sentence before, or the first sentence to be present tense.
Beauty_Neko the paper stays white and i thought, my friend was right
I've been debating about this one, 'cause I kind of like how it is as is, but you maybe could change the thought to thinks, or the stays to stayed.
Beauty_Neko So why the hell were i trying?!
Should be am (or was if you decide to put it in past tense, but I think present tense works there).
Again, might be style stuff, but it seems like it should mostly be the same tense. Hope that helps. smile |
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 3:47 am
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Asdis_Svana Beauty_Neko Asdis_Svana I think it's a cute poem. A few grammar issues but other than that good. Cute. thank you for reading biggrin can you tell me, what i wrote wrong? so i know for the next time smile Of course. smile Beauty_Neko so i tried and looked for words till my head spins and hurts It might be a style thing or minor but I think the 'till my head spins and hurts' should be past tense to match the sentence before, or the first sentence to be present tense. Beauty_Neko the paper stays white and i thought, my friend was right I've been debating about this one, 'cause I kind of like how it is as is, but you maybe could change the thought to thinks, or the stays to stayed. Beauty_Neko So why the hell were i trying?! Should be am (or was if you decide to put it in past tense, but I think present tense works there). Again, might be style stuff, but it seems like it should mostly be the same tense. Hope that helps. smile
hey, thank you very much, i will be careful next time. you know i usually dont write poem in english, cause its a foreign language for me. its easier for me in german |
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 9:52 am
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Beauty_Neko Asdis_Svana Beauty_Neko Asdis_Svana I think it's a cute poem. A few grammar issues but other than that good. Cute. thank you for reading biggrin can you tell me, what i wrote wrong? so i know for the next time smile Of course. smile Beauty_Neko so i tried and looked for words till my head spins and hurts It might be a style thing or minor but I think the 'till my head spins and hurts' should be past tense to match the sentence before, or the first sentence to be present tense. Beauty_Neko the paper stays white and i thought, my friend was right I've been debating about this one, 'cause I kind of like how it is as is, but you maybe could change the thought to thinks, or the stays to stayed. Beauty_Neko So why the hell were i trying?! Should be am (or was if you decide to put it in past tense, but I think present tense works there). Again, might be style stuff, but it seems like it should mostly be the same tense. Hope that helps. smile hey, thank you very much, i will be careful next time. you know i usually dont write poem in english, cause its a foreign language for me. its easier for me in german
Ooooh I think I saw that in the introductions. It's hard writing in other languages; I tried German once *took German for three years* I struggled soooo much. Extra points to you for doing it in English. razz |
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