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 Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 7:02 am
okay, I'm going to open this can 'o worms...
i am almost 30 and just had my first kid. my husband is working two jobs this summer and i am going back to work as soon as i am off medical leave.
doc says she's pretty normal, but i still have no idea what i am doing.
thoughts? advise? i'll take it all smile
and sorry for no caps...typing with one hand with baby in the other.
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:06 am
Maybe not advice, but something to think about. This child is may be new, weird, demanding, amazing, a lot of things to you and your husband.
You are everything to the baby. What kind of mom and dad would you want?
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 10:29 am
Excellent point there Bandy dear. Always something good to think on.
Balancing work and parenthood is never an easy task. I wish I could give some pointers but I've only ever played the "Aunty" role whenever being around friends children. sweatdrop *pulls out a megaphone and floats up a few feet*
CALLING ALL PARENTS OF GGG! GET YOUR BUTTS HERE TO PASS ON WORDS OF WISDOM! scream
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 11:22 am
biggrin You could teach her to hold down the shift key for you.
I get the feeling you'll be just fine.
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 1:34 pm
Usually hospitals have "new parent" classes, so I'd check your local hospitals/clinics for those. And, there's always books, sort of like the "What to expect when you're expecting" line....I know there's one for the first year of a baby's life.
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 2:35 pm
Good point katana. Best parenting book I ever read was called "Sensitive Parenting" by Katherine Kersey
For medical advice I recommend "Taking Care of Your Child" by Pantell, Vickery and Fries.
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 4:16 pm
There is no handbook to raising a child. Sure there are guides, but in the end it's you doing it. Find your own parenting style that is comfortable to you. Remember babies cry and sometimes for no reason.if you feel you can't handle it, it's best to put the little one in the crib and walk away. (common sense, right?)
Accept advice but determine if it applies to you... Don't stress about the little things... Don't compare your baby to other peoples. Each child developes differently. I know personally a child that didn't walk until 18 months and another who walked at 9 months. My own were around 11 months each.
DO NOT let nurses/WIC people/ family members or anyone else bully you about breast feeding!However do give it a try and see if it does work! There are many great benefits to it! If you feel it's not right for you,then that is just fine! You are NOT less of a mother for not doing it! And furthermore, off brand formula is just as good as the expensive stuff. Don't believe me, compare the labels!
Let babies eat what they choose to... Don't let a strict guide or nurse dictate what amount your child should eat. As I said before each child is different! My son was on 8 oz by about 4 months.. And he is a stick today.. So don't let this worry you!
Don't let people guilt you into thinking you are a bad parent if you have to work! Its always great if you or your spouse can stay home, but the fact is in this economy it's really hard to do that and still get by. Especially when medical bills, diapers, clothes, formula and othe things come into play. As your children grow older they will appreciate the sacrifices you went through so that you could do what YOU thought was best for your family. In the end are those same people taking care of you and your famil and covering expenses? No, so somebody had got to do it.
This is my own personal experience..as I said before take it if it applies to you, leave it if it doesn't. I did not hold my children 24/7. I gave them time in a playpen or crib to play by themselves.After a while I did not jump to every little cry I let them think it over for a minute or two and determined the tone of the cry( you will learn this) as far as what was wrong.. Diaper/ hungry/ sleepy. I at times let them self sooth. I feel that by not reacting to every little cry and most especially tantrum my children are more independent. I know several mothers who have children that are so needy and dependent that they literally can't do anything without having the child strapped to them! One girl actually had to balance her child on her hip or counter while cooking or the child would literally flip out so bad they would hyperventilate.
Now all this being said a needy child isn't a bad thing... It's just a thing... It happens... It's all how you handle it! Thus your personal style. It is great if you can find someone with a similar situation to share your experiences with!
If you have any certain questions, it would be my pleasure to tell you what I know! I have a 9 yr old boy and a 3 yr old girl! So I've seen both sides of the gender coin! Please feel free to pm me anytime you'd like!
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 4:27 pm
I have a boy and 2 girls. They were all very different. They are 22, 24, 27.
I was worried for a while, but they all learned to sit up by themselves, walk, talk and are potty trained! Now I have 2 grandbabies and we're starting over.
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 4:33 pm
Such good advice, Kitty. 3nodding
First child…new baby. First let me say congratulations. 4laugh it seems so long ago since I was in your very same shoes. NOBODY knows what they are doing. You are certainly not alone. I remember being completely overwhelmed, sleep deprived and horribly postpartum. Your life does a complete 180 degree about face with your first.
My best advice (and like Kitty says, if it applies to you):
Do not be too proud or afraid to ask for help. if you have family near or have someone you trust, maybe your parents or his. Grandparents (at least ours were) are normally thrilled to come over so you can get a nap in or even just a shower.
Try to carve out time for you and your spouse. I was fortunate enough to have active parents who would come over and babysit one evening a month so my husband and I could have a "date" and reconnect. It was really difficult at first because we found ourselves talking about the kids while out. So we started making plans with other couples to force ourselves to have "grown up" time. Even something as simple as what I call a "kitchen date" can work…in your very own kitchen. A dinner you two cook together or special appetizers, candles and a movie right at home.
Try to be aware of any signs of postpartum depression and get help. With my first, I had such horrible postpartum depression I seriously thought I was going crazy. Had it been talked about more (like it is now) and if I had known, I should have been treated medically because it lasted for an entire year.
The breast feeding thing…there ARE alternatives if it just doesn't happen. Kitty is SO RIGHT…DO NOT let people bully you about breast feeding. You can even pump using a hand held or electric pump.
I have 3 boys…2 out of 3 now taller than their mother. stare And the last 2 are twins. wink If I can think of anything else, I'll be sure and post.
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 5:54 pm
Thanks for all the advise. smile
I'm lucky, she's pretty mellow and my mom/sister are about a 30 minute drive from here. She does like to be held, but we have a little bounce chair she swears by to I can have two hands when I'm around the house.
I'm just worried about how to juggle working and taking care of her. Hubby is at Toys R Us and the local water-park, and I work at a movie theatre, so we're both going to be busy all summer (or at least I hope so)
We're going to try and do opposite schedules, I just hope it works.
She also hasn't gained any height in her first three weeks. Weight is right on track, but then again, she was almost 21 inches when she got here.
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 7:06 pm
Ok, well I guess with all of the good advice already on this thread, I can probably give you one more bit: Listen to what your gut tells you. You will probably know your child better than anyone, and after the first couple of weeks, you'll be picking up on cues that you probably never even knew of. You'll know how best to take care of her, and while I do advise listening to some advice people tell you, not all of it applies to your baby. Trust me, I've been given advice from no peanut butter (There are no peanut allergies on either side of the family and I didn't even start any of mine until they were a year old) to how the baby should be progressing. However, you'll know when something is wrong probably before anyone else will. There are some that I would definitely adhere to, like don't give your child honey (bacteria in the honey is potentially fatal to a child before they're a year old), but not every piece of advice will be beneficial to your little girl. And as for going back to work, I went to school with my youngest (She was three months old by that point) and while I may have missed some things while doing it, I didn't miss all of it, and can honestly say I made a great choice by doing so (now if only I can find a job in my field...). It's more up to you as to whether it's a good thing for your baby. I did it with schoolwork, externship, and taking care of my other two sons, I'm pretty sure that you'll do well too. Just listen to your little girl, and your own instincts, and you'll be fine.
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Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 4:43 am
Psyzapp-d Such good advice, Kitty. 3nodding First child…new baby. First let me say congratulations. 4laugh it seems so long ago since I was in your very same shoes. NOBODY knows what they are doing. You are certainly not alone. I remember being completely overwhelmed, sleep deprived and horribly postpartum. Your life does a complete 180 degree about face with your first. My best advice (and like Kitty says, if it applies to you): Do not be too proud or afraid to ask for help. if you have family near or have someone you trust, maybe your parents or his. Grandparents (at least ours were) are normally thrilled to come over so you can get a nap in or even just a shower. Try to carve out time for you and your spouse. I was fortunate enough to have active parents who would come over and babysit one evening a month so my husband and I could have a "date" and reconnect. It was really difficult at first because we found ourselves talking about the kids while out. So we started making plans with other couples to force ourselves to have "grown up" time. Even something as simple as what I call a "kitchen date" can work…in your very own kitchen. A dinner you two cook together or special appetizers, candles and a movie right at home. Try to be aware of any signs of postpartum depression and get help. With my first, I had such horrible postpartum depression I seriously thought I was going crazy. Had it been talked about more (like it is now) and if I had known, I should have been treated medically because it lasted for an entire year. The breast feeding thing…there ARE alternatives if it just doesn't happen. Kitty is SO RIGHT…DO NOT let people bully you about breast feeding. You can even pump using a hand held or electric pump. I have 3 boys…2 out of 3 now taller than their mother. stare And the last 2 are twins. wink If I can think of anything else, I'll be sure and post. Thank you, and I agree a pump is a great tool! With my son I tried breast feeding.. I really did! But it got to the point he was vommiting because my nipples were literally bleeding when he fed. To this day I remember the pain! I also tried with my daughter I made it to 2 weeks with her and then she was hospitalized so I never established a good enough milk supply, BUT I did make sure she got her collostrum!
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Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 5:02 am
heart Aww Congratulation~!! I don't have much advice but breastfeeding is good for your child. Don't ever be discouraged by anyone not to do it. However try nursing your daughter and see if she likes it. From what my mother has told me I was not interested in breastfeeding as a baby but its different with each child. 3nodding
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Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 9:05 am
I was apparently the only one of my mum's kids {she had six total} that was almost exclusively breastfed. Seems I've always liked boobies emotion_dowant
With the others, she just either wasn't producing enough milk or they weren't taking to it too well.
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Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 10:42 am
ThisEmptySoul Seems I've always liked boobies emotion_dowant
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