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THE TRUTH ABOUT BUNNY AND BEARY
by Rae-Lucie VonRousseau

When I was twelve, I reached a very difficult point in my life. I had spent a portion of my young life in the psychiatric ward, and aside from my messed up medications, hysterical episodes, and bouts of suicide attempts, nearly everything is a blur.

I spent a lot of time on the computer, much like now, and I devoutly logged on to Gaia Online every day. I was desperate, I was out of my mind, and I was unbearably lonely. I was also in the midst of coming out of the closet as a bisexual. Before my parents knew, I came out to the lovely people who I was sure I'd never meet in person.

I started my coming out by putting a shoddy, desperate personals ad on the Gaia Online forums. I don't remember what it said, I just know that it was both shoddy and desperate, and that I was looking for a young girl to maybe distract me from my misery. For hours, I received no replies. I wondered if I would always be alone in my little world. I felt my life crashing around me because even I knew that I no longer possessed the ability to function in a social world. Would I ever have friends again? Am I making things worse?

Then I received a reply. It was something like, "I don't think I can help you with that, but I'll be your friend! :3" It was from a boy with the username "Pierre", enclosed in various symbols. What a silly username, I thought to myself. It didn't stop me from sending him private messages. I can't remember what we spoke about, but I remember him saying that his name was really Pierre, that he was from Sweden, that he was three years older than me, and 'sorry, my english isn't very good'. We engaged in small talk for a few days, until I convinced him to install the American program, AOL Instant Messenger. From then on, we spoke almost every day.

I had mixed feelings about Pierre. He was very nice, but reeeally awkwardly weird. I still spoke to him, but not as often, and not as intently, and I knew at this point, I really couldn't choose my friends. I figured I'd give him a chance.

Pierre ended up helping me get out of my depression, because he was always there for me. I was the only one on his buddy list, and he was pretty much the only one on mine, but he still signed on every day and was ready to talk to me. He could also relate to my problems, because he was depressed too. He told me that if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have made it out of his depression, and I can honestly say the same thing right back to him. I'd like to think that we saved each other.

Months went by, and Pierre started to show a significant improvement in his English. He was definitely fluent. He and I began to make our own private jokes, and do things together like watch YouTube videos at the same time. No one understood my friendship with Pierre. To the rest of the world, he was probably a sexual predator who must be stopped, and I was to give out no personal information to this man, even though I already did.

Many pictures, Skype sessions and years later, I was beginning to admit to the feelings that have been building inside of me for Pierre, and I was beginning to regret the people I dated in the meantime to convince myself that Sweden was completely out of the question and just too far away to keep any kind of relationship. I had several long-distance boyfriends and girlfriends already, but never anything as far as Sweden. I knew Pierre loved me. He would tell me, and I just didn't know if I could tell him in return. I mean, we already had pet names. He was Beary, and I was Bunny.

On July 20th, 2009, I went to Boston, MA for a Green Day concert. Of course, I brought my phone so I could IM Pierre. I missed him terribly, and I had only first told him that I loved him back just a few days before I left. During the concert, we decided to make ourselves officially boyfriend and girlfriend, and we decided to keep it a secret from everyone I knew so that no one would give me a hard time about it. It was a strange feeling to feel so happy and not tell anyone about it.

Today is January 1st, 2012. I am eighteen years old. Pierre is twenty-one. On Friday, the 6th, I am going to meet Pierre for the first time. He is taking a twelve-hour flight from Sweden to New York to come stay with me for a week. I cannot express how excited and thrilled I am to finally be able to hug him and be near him. Most people still don't know about us, including my parents, mainly because I don't want my family to put on an act for my boyfriend.

Pierre, if you're reading this, I love you for all the right reasons. You have so many good qualities, and a heart of gold. Thank you for believing in me, supporting me, and being such a good friend. See you in a few days at the airport!


*///Thank you for reading!