Should I talk to my mum about this?

[Denkou Soshiatae]

I'm going to try to my a long story short.
I am 16. My boyfriend and I have a very good relationship, and think we might be ready for sex in the next few months. I am going to be put on BC due to my extremely painful periods. My mother has a huge issue with my doing anything sexual in any way with my boyfriend.
She hasn't sat me down and said "Don't have sex with boys." or anything like that. But she and her fiance will just randomly bombard me with questions about my relationship which catch me completely off guard. They ask how far we've gone and what we do and things like that and I get so flustered and embarrassed by them being nosy, that I just don't answer. When I don't deny having done something, my mother acts very disappointed. Tonight she threatened to not let me go over to my boyfriend's house anymore if we are going to be doing sexual things there. (My parents watch us like a hawk at my house, but his parents barely talk to us at his).
I really, really want to sit my mum down and tell her "I am getting older, and when you get older things happen. I would never do anything I don't want or am not ready for, and my boyfriend cares very much about my well being. You have no right to know what he and I do, but I feel the need to let you know that things are getting to "that point" in our relationship. I am telling you this because I would rather you know and be a bit upset, then get mad if I start sneaking around" Basically tell her to suck it up and deal with it. If I get my mother alone and really have a talk with her, it would probably work out.
But my boyfriend doesn't want me to talk about our sexual relations at all with my parents. He thinks very lowly of my parents because they don't treat me the best. His parents are also old and senile, so he has known nothing but unreasonable parenting at this point. He has told me point blank that he would get upset if I told my parents anything about or sex life, including telling my mother what I said above.
I don't want to embarrass my boyfriend boy talking with my mother about this, but I also don't want to have to hide a part of my life from my mother. I don't want to have to sneak around or lie. I don't want to have the ask her to leave when doctors question me, because she might get mad at the answers. I also sort of want to stand up to my mother, tell her I am growing up and can make my own decisions. I've never done something like that before.
So, do you think i should talk to my mother about this? If so, how exactly?  

[Denkou Soshiatae]

Bump.  

[Uisce a]

If I were in your situation I would ignore my boyfriend's complaints and tell my mother what I wanted to say. If she refused to accept it then that is her problem because I would make her understand how much I love my boyfriend and how I wouldn't do anything I didn't want to. I think I would pester her until she gave in. Besides she has, like you said, no right to know what we do. She may be my mother but it isn't her business.

That's just what I would do though. I think you should do whatever feels right, even if it's sneaking behind her back.

 

[xena91388]

It always good to have an older woman to talk to about these kind of things (after all, everything we're facing they've already survived) and for most girls it is their mother but whether or not you should talk to her depends entirely on your relationship with your mother.

If you have a good, close relation with your mother and you know she will calmly advise you without belittling you, and allow you to speak your mind without interrupting you to call you an idiot, go right ahead and talk with her.

Now if you mother is like mine and you have a strained relationship, then it may be best to skip her and seek someone else. If your mother is the kind of person to immediately shut out your feelings and opinions, then punish you for even thinking about something like sex, you are better off not mentioning it ever because such relationships usually result in girls acting out to spite their mothers and prove their maturity and independence which mostly results in the girls doing something they regret for the rest of their lives.

I can't confide in my mother at all. She is under the illusion that my sister and I are nothing but saints and whenever we tried to have serious conversations about mature or adult matters in the past, she would ignore us completely by saying we "gave her a headache" or "ulcer" and then preach to us for the rest of the week about how she deserves nothing but the perfect daughters for "all she suffered", how we're "punishments from God" for deviating from her view, how every time our dad agrees with us we're "conspiring against her", etc, etc. . . It's moms like her that push girls into drugs, self harm, drinking, and sex they're not really ready for.  

[Denkou Soshiatae]

Thanks for the the advice girls. I think i will talk to my mum tonight. I want to tell her that I am getting older, but that I respect myself and so does my boyfriend. I would never do something I wasn't ready for, and whether I am ready or not it's really her business.
But do you think I am in the right here? I don't want to just come across as a bratty teen girl.  

[Denkou Soshiatae]

I just talked to my mom. As my mother, she wasn't thrilled, but she also sad it was very mature that I felt I could still talk to her. There was no yelling or freaking out at all. She was very calm and understanding and basically said that she wants me to wait as long as I can, and when i can't wait anymore to be as safe as possible.
I'm so happy not! That is a HUGE weight off my shoulders!  

[Kitty-in-a-hole]

kudos to you 4laugh im 14 and not even allowed a boyfreind yet emo  

[L4uren]

that's great 3nodding

 

[Wolf-keybearer]

Maybe you should compromise? Tell you mum that things of that nature will start to happen as you get older, but don't tell about what will happen. It might not work that way, but it might help to try and keep both your boyfriend and you mum happy.