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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 3:38 pm
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Let's cut right to the chase. I don't want to rant with the usual, "I hate my life" speech. No thats not the case. The point is that rationally, to me, i see no point to my life. It's not that I hate it. Perhaps i may regret some things, perhaps theres certain people who've made my life bitter and others who've made me smile. But the matter of fact is I hate what i've become. I can't change who I am, and so, I don't see a point to life if i'm going to be miserable about myself the rest of my life. If not for the fact that i'm scared of death, I would have killed myself already. If not for the fact that I hate pain, I would have cut myself. I'm not brave enough for that. I know that I am chronically depressed AND knowing that, refuse to go to a psychologist. Psychologists have never been able to help me because I lie so well that they think nothings wrong with me. I guess I'm stubborn like that... too proud to admit I have a problem. I've been depressed for two years, but have learned to wear masks so well that no one can tell. I'm afraid that soon, I'll be like a zombie, wandering around with no meaning, no purpose. And I certainly hope that I don't eat anyone if I rampage around as a zombie during the apocalypse. That would be horrific. <.< But, I'm getting off topic, aren't I? Oh yes, thats right. My self-hatred. Secretly, I despise myself. Yep, thats it. Summarizing the problem in a heartbeat. I'm practically trying to find a reason to living because killing myself is out of the question, i find that to be cowardly. I don't want to give my 'enemies' the satisfaction of giving up my existence on earth, and i shudder at the thought of dying. So, any advice? If not, it's okay. I understand if you didn't understand the meaning of my jumbled speech. Just thought I'd come out here and see if anyone could give me some advice. Thanks.
~ Miss Raine.
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 4:17 pm
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 4:30 pm
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I see no point in living my life either. There's too much sadness, and grieving, and and disdain and fury in it. Ive considered killing myself, but ive been told that commiting suicide results in going to hell, and burning up in flames for all eternity is not exactly where i want to live my life. but then again, i dont want to be happy. whenever i am, i just....end up sad. i dont know. maybe its depression? i know i need a therapist or something, someone to tell all my problems to, someone who cares. im tired of telling every single one of them to people that cant relate or dont listen(and sorry, i dont think i want to tell them out, and ive become so used to people judging me and my issues that ive become protective of them). i find through happiness in sadness, (thus, my username). basically, your not alone, im here~
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 4:38 pm
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 4:40 pm
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radiant misery I see no point in living my life either. There's too much sadness, and grieving, and and disdain and fury in it. Ive considered killing myself, but ive been told that commiting suicide results in going to hell, and burning up in flames for all eternity is not exactly where i want to live my life. but then again, i dont want to be happy. whenever i am, i just....end up sad. i dont know. maybe its depression? i know i need a therapist or something, someone to tell all my problems to, someone who cares. im tired of telling every single one of them to people that cant relate or dont listen(and sorry, i dont think i want to tell them out, and ive become so used to people judging me and my issues that ive become protective of them). i find through happiness in sadness, (thus, my username). basically, your not alone, im here~
It's nice to meet someone who relates. And yes, I understand your feelings. I've become protective of my issues too. Thus the masks and lying so that people don't know.
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 4:53 pm
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 4:58 pm
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 5:02 pm
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Madame_Raine radiant misery I see no point in living my life either. There's too much sadness, and grieving, and and disdain and fury in it. Ive considered killing myself, but ive been told that commiting suicide results in going to hell, and burning up in flames for all eternity is not exactly where i want to live my life. but then again, i dont want to be happy. whenever i am, i just....end up sad. i dont know. maybe its depression? i know i need a therapist or something, someone to tell all my problems to, someone who cares. im tired of telling every single one of them to people that cant relate or dont listen(and sorry, i dont think i want to tell them out, and ive become so used to people judging me and my issues that ive become protective of them). i find through happiness in sadness, (thus, my username). basically, your not alone, im here~ It's nice to meet someone who relates. And yes, I understand your feelings. I've become protective of my issues too. Thus the masks and lying so that people don't know.
im not alone heart
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 5:21 pm
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2011 4:07 pm
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Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2011 2:56 am
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Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2011 9:17 am
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"A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool." -William Shakespeare
What I Think.. ![User Image](https://i375.photobucket.com/albums/oo197/kuryami/263171lxlble1hnk.gif)
I understand where you are all coming from. In fact, There is always at least one time in everyone's life where they question life. There might not have to be anything wrong, but the point is, as human beings, we never understand the actual work of life. We've actually never found the reason every single one of us is on this earth. But does that mean we should stop living? No. What if, on day you find out your reason on this earth? The fact is that earth is always changing. no two days are the exact same in existence. The world is slowly changing, and with it, you are. Just because you don't like yourself today doesn't mean tomorrow you won't find a new light. Issues always end up going away either by getting help, or eventually fixing themselves.
For instance, Last year was the worst of my life so far, I was depressed, and I had no reason to be. I became so depressed that my teachers began to notice and they sent me to the vice principle who sent me to a psychiatrist. Nothing helped. Eventually I became so depressed I failed 2 out of four classes. I never really saw a point in living then either, but I failed to notice one thing. The world changed. Some were bad, such as my favourite teacher leaving, but some were good. When I figured out that even though my life wasn't perfect, i still had reasons to live, such as my friends. I was the one to bring there spirits up. What would happen to them if I died? And my parents, I was the only child young enough for them to actually spoil still. There were many little thing that, once I put together I knew were the best parts in my life. And even though I still have some of the things from last year back to haunt me, the good memories I had opened my eyes to, always stood in the way and protected me.
It may sound cheesy and such but it's completely true. You just have to wait for another turn of the earth, you just have to know the light is coming. =) Hope it helped.
![User Image](https://i375.photobucket.com/albums/oo197/kuryami/263171lxlble1hnk.gif)
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." -William Shakespeare
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 4:49 pm
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Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 9:00 pm
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I know how you feel because surely everybody has felt this way. But remember, the people who love you are still here. If you do decide to take your life, remember that there are people who love you more than anything and care about you. You have so much you've built in this life. Don't throw it away. Tomorrow is another day. Another chance, another day of life and love and surprises, but you'll live to see it. You can get through this. Be proud of who you are. Hold your head up, be strong, smile, and get help. If all else, watch this, PLEASE! Watch this!
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