Feedback on a song I wrote for my new baby sis

[BloodyKateMary89]

Here is a song I wrote for my baby siter, Darre.

Apple song

Apple song for baby
Hoping that she's maybe
dreaming of the moon
in her bed tonight

Pear song for baby
under her new blankie
its pink and blue and soft
in the gently falling snow

Plum song for baby
Hope it isn't prune,
sweet and good and nice
for the smiling moon

Peach song for baby
sleeping on printed daisies
smiling happily
within her dreams this night

Orange song for baby
Cherries and strawberries
kiwi, lemon, lime
flavours boggling minds

Apple song for baby
hoping that she's maybe
dreaming of the moon
in her bed tonight.


It IS a lullaby, just so you know. I would like feedback, any and all critiscism is accepted, just don't be too harsh! Thanks,

-Sia  

[_Built_to_Offend_666]

it's not bad at all. its actually seems quite good for its type. wink but i have to admit that's not my usual genre of poety/lyrics, so its hard to give in depth feedback with explicit details cause i really don't have any standard to compare it to. and its not like i can compare it to the normal dark and gothic poetry that im used to associating with sweatdrop  

[BloodyKateMary89]

sweatdrop Well, Yeah.. I wrote it for my baby sister, so it can't be all dark and depressing like the stuff I normally write. If you want some of my REALLY gothic and dark and depressing stuff, message me.

As for comparing it, I am lost as well. I have no idea what came over me when I wrote it as my mom was in labor, but I just felt like writing it, as I always do with my poetry and lyrics and stuff like that. I also write horror stories. Same thing happens when I get a good topic sweatdrop Anyways, thanks for taking the time out to actually read and comment.