Finding my path

[Unbeatable Tofu]

Hello, my name is Tia and I am 20 years old. I'm making this now so I may do more research within myself as to what path is right for me. I still feel a bit odd not being able to identify my path. I feel that it's at my grasp but it always slips away. From time to time, I will put my findings here.

And as for a little background about me and how I ended up to where I am now:

I was raised in a Christian household. Which for me was very hard because at a young age I never identified myself as a Christan. The reason for that was because I was always told, "All spirits are bad.", "All spirits are evil." (etc.) But at a young age, I could see spirits and talk to them. I also and still do have dreams that in someway are accurate to the following days or of someone else's.

My great grandmother was the one who had to explain to me what spirits where and why they were always around me. At the age of 4 I remember what she told me, "Spirits cannot hurt you, they are apart of life." I loved spending time with my great grandmother. I remember when she would look into bowls of water and she would tell me that spirits were showing her pictures and promised to teach me someday. But she passed away when I was 6.

As I got older everything became more complicated with how I was feeling towards everything I was dealing with. I felt guilt towards my parents for not feeling how they felt towards the Church. ((This was mainly due to the fact that my parents were forcing me to go to Church.)) I was seeing more spirits with the conflicting emotions that came with them, and of course middle school and high school didn't help at all.

And it all began with a history project in 8th grade. I had to do a project based on my family tree. So I called my grandmother(( father's side)) in Jamaica and she was able to send me a copy of her family tree and I was also able to get a copy from my mother's side. My mother's side was pretty bland. That side of the family were nothing but farmers. But on my father's side, was something I never expected. I noticed that there were some names marked out on one side of the lists of names but there were still dates of birth and death underneath their marked out names. When I called my grandmother and asked her why the only explanation she gave me was, "They are no longer considered to be part of the family due to their wrong doings." When I asked for more information she refused saying that it was sinful. I had to call a distant cousin to find out that the reason why they were marked out was because they practiced Voodoo. And of course, that sparked my interest.

((in case any of you were wondering, I faked my report))

So I began doing as much research as a 13 year old could do about Voodoo without having others ask questions. It was indeed interesting but it didn't feel right for me. As I grew older, I met a lot of people of different religions. When I was 16 I made friends with a girl who claimed that her family practiced witchcraft and invited me over to one of their Yule celebrations. I was skeptical at first but I went and had a lovely time. They had a small white Christmas tree decorated in green, red, and silver and on there it looked as if there were pieces of paper tied at the tips of the tree. My friend told me it was their way to put down their wishes for the new year. And as for the meal, there were a lot of meats, veggies, (mostly the same colors that were on the tree) and eggnog. Later that night she showed me their alter and taught me what was what and how they were to be used. I really enjoyed myself that night and they invited me back to their home. They were like my second family.

I then began doing more research based on what I had learned that night and things began feeling as if they were in place but I still felt as if something was missing. It's been about 4 years and I'm still not sure what fits me. I've been studying/doing research on divination and it's something I'm very good at. I'm just not sure where I should go from here.

Thank you for reading and as I grow, I'll be posting more.  

[Dante Moonshadow]

Finding a path that works for you can be immensely difficult, but it's a lot more satisfying to find ideas that suit you, rather than trying to fit into a particular idea, as you've already likely learned, having grown up in a christian family, but not self-identifying as a christian  

[Unbeatable Tofu]

Thank you for your reply.

I'm not sure if I should just continue to look for ideas that suit me or if I should do any research on any particular branch. After studying a bit of Divination, I've realized that my great grandmother practice Water Scrying (which she kept secret from her daughter). I would really like to take any classes on Divination I can possibly find;even maybe try do do Water Scrying.  

[Dante Moonshadow]

i'd say do a little of both, you never know what you might find