The Zombie Apocalypse Already Happened

[The Amazing Ryuu]

I know this guild has always been about serious discussion, but we all have to admit that some things in the Bible are just... silly. Or, they could be if given a modern context. This is a place to just let us be silly about our book of faith (if you of non-Christian faiths have things that make you giggle in your holy books, feel free to post as well).

Ezekiel, for example, got a zombie army. Zombies. An army of them. So feel free to tell your friends that are preparing for the swarm of the undead that it happened 2k+ years ago.

Ezekiel 37:7-8

So I prophesied as I was commanded; and as I prophesied, there was a noise, and behold, a rattling; and the bones came together, bone to its bone. And I looked, and behold, sinews were on them, and flesh grew and skin covered them; but there was no breath in them.

Everyone remembers the story of Lot and his family, yes? The four people that escaped the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, only to have Lot's poor wife end in a pillar of salt. That, my dear children, is because rubbernecking (the act of slowing/stopping to watch something terrible on the side of the road) is a sin. Next time there's a four-car pileup, drive on, else you too might be reduced to a kitchen condiment. wink

The Bible has 66 books. I'm sure there are other things we can poke good-humored fun at. Go forth and find them. smile  

[Fushigi na Butterfly]

I never thought of that particular instance in Ezekiel as a "zombie army." Makes sense though. surprised Wouldn't that technically make Jesus a zombie too?  

[zz1000zz]

I don't think so Fushigi na Butterfly. Jesus was probably breathing when he came back.

But my favorite "odd" thing in the Bible comes from the Book of Acts, chapter 8, verses 38 to 40..

Quote:

And he gave orders to stop the chariot. Then both Philip and the eunuch went down into the water and Philip baptized him. When they came up out of the water, the Spirit of the Lord suddenly took Philip away, and the eunuch did not see him again, but went on his way rejoicing. Philip, however, appeared at Azotus and traveled about, preaching the gospel in all the towns until he reached Caesarea.

That's right. Teleportation baby.  

[Fushigi na Butterfly]

So it's the lack of breath that determines one's zombie-ness? surprised

Also, lol at teleportation. 8D  

[zz1000zz]

Fushigi na Butterfly

So it's the lack of breath that determines one's zombie-ness? surprised

Well, if you can move around without breathing for an indefinite period, I don't think you're alive.  

[Zolof Keeper Of Souls]

Fushigi na Butterfly

I never thought of that particular instance in Ezekiel as a "zombie army." Makes sense though. surprised Wouldn't that technically make Jesus a zombie too?

Naw cause zombies have no breath in them razz Jesus sooo had breath, now lazarus is a zombie thats for sure lol  

[Ravynne Sidhe]

`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -

Wait if the Zombie Apocalypse already happened, then how come we're not zombies?

Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

 

[rmcdra]

We're philosophical zombies XD. I hope someone here gets this ninja  

[freelance lover]

I hope I don't seriously offend anyone by posting this xD



On the subject of poking fun at the Bible, I always get kind of upset when people can't take a joke. Religion doesn't have to b be serious all the time, you know?  

[Ravynne Sidhe]

freelance lover

I hope I don't seriously offend anyone by posting this xD



On the subject of poking fun at the Bible, I always get kind of upset when people can't take a joke. Religion doesn't have to b be serious all the time, you know?

`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -

I know what you mean. When atheists poke fun at Christianity, I don't get all pissy and mad, I actually laugh. I mean God did give us a sense of humor, hell he probably has the best sense of humor. (Look at the platypus...I mean come on o.O). That and life is too short to be serious all the time.

Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

 

[The Amazing Ryuu]

I thought this was cute as well. Sometimes these numbers things are so hokey they're worth sharing. xd

Quote:

Here's one of those strange coincidences I hadn't heard before. It's about the Bible and supposedly shows that God is at the center of the Bible. The facts can easily be checked. Well maybe not easily but they can be confirmed if so inclined.

To start off with:
The shortest chapter of the Bible is Psalms 117 and the longest chapter is Psalms 119.

Now by 'coincidence' Psalms 118 is the middle chapter of the Bible - between the shortest and the longest.

That's all pretty straight forward.

This means that there are 594 chapters (if you have time to count them) before Psalms 118 and, of course, as it's in the middle, there are 594 chapters after Psalms 118.

Okay, if you add 594 and 594 hopefully you'll get a total of 1188.

This is where it gets interesting because Psalms 118:8 just happens to be the middle verse of the Bible - another coincidence? And this is what the verse reads:
"It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man."

In other words God is at the center of the Bible.

 

[Fushigi na Butterfly]

Oh wow, that's pretty cool. biggrin  

[Lord Maxdom]

Hmm, you learn something new every day. At first I thought I should check out if that really is at the middle, at the same time I realized I'm far too lazy to actually check. If that's true though, damn.

As for the zombie apostles, I wonder how much of that is wine.  

[The Amazing Ryuu]

Two-part post.

Firstly:
"And he said, Thou canst not see my face: for there shall no man see me, and live. And the LORD said, Behold, there is a place by me, and thou shalt stand upon a rock: and it shall come to pass, while my glory passeth by, that I will put thee in a cleft of the rock, and will cover thee with my hand while I pass by: and I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts; but my face shall not be seen." Exodus 33:20-23
God mooned Moses. One of The Prophets wasn't allowed to see God's face, but he was permitted a good view of the divine buttcheeks.

And secondly:
I guess since this falls under the category of silly to me, what do you all think about the Bible Code? True? False? Interesting to read about but actually nonsense? We should be using this to determine the future?  

[911child]

Wow, and bible code?