Tell a Joke Contest!

[moonray overlord]

I am in a gifting mood, so I want to give some people some gold!

So here you go, all you have to do is tell a joke and the 5 people with the best jokes within the first 5 pages will get 500 gold and the 5 people that have the worst jokes get 100 gold.

So how will I do this? well I will pick 5 really good jokes 1 from each page and 5 not so good jokes 1 from each page within the first 5 pages.

Please do not put racial jokes or any thing that could be considered as such, I will not count them at all good or bad.  

[The_Scarlet_Lark]

Ok, this one I was told by an acquaintance of mine.


A priest is standing in a flooding street. Passerbys come up and say, "Father! The water is rising, we need to leave," and he replies "God will save me," the water rises to his knees. A truck comes up to the priest and says "Father! The water is rising, we need to leave," and again he replies, "God will save me," the water rises to his waist. A boat comes up and the driver says, "Father! The water is rising, we need to leave," and for the third time, he replies, "God will save me," the water rises to his shoulders. A helicopter comes by and the pilot shouts out, "Father! The water is rising, we need to leave," and for the final time he replies, "God will save me."

The priest dies and goes to heaven. he goes up to God and asked why he wasn't saved. God says "I tried! I sent you passerby's, a truck, a boat, and a helicopter!"

Its not terribly funny, but it amused me at the time.  

[Call Me Nefret]

A man has three daughter all going on dates. He answers the door with a shotgun. The first boy comes and say "Hi, my name's Eddie. I'm here for Betty. We're going to eat spaghetti". The dad tells them to have a great time and they leave. The next one comes up and says "Hi, my name's Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show." The dad tells them to enjoy themselves and they go. The next boy comes up. "Hi, my name's Chuck." And the dad shoots him.  

[Phanna Talia]

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."  

[xValeriee]

what is the best animal of the computer  

[xValeriee]

what is the best animal of the computer  

[The_Scarlet_Lark]

nefret2011

A man has three daughter all going on dates. He answers the door with a shotgun. The first boy comes and say "Hi, my name's Eddie. I'm here for Betty. We're going to eat spaghetti". The dad tells them to have a great time and they leave. The next one comes up and says "Hi, my name's Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show." The dad tells them to enjoy themselves and they go. The next boy comes up. "Hi, my name's Chuck." And the dad shoots him.

This one is great! Haha  

[xMockingJay]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! rofl  

[Lady of the Crescent Moon]

How do you catch a unique rabbit? U "neak" up on it smile  

[OfficialPapaJohns]

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were talking about what planet they would go to if they could. The brunette says "I wanna go to Mars." The redhead says "I wanna go to Venus." The blond says "I wanna go to the Sun." The other 2 girls replied, "but you'll burn to death!" The blond replies, "I know, that's why I'm going at night."  

[Call Me Nefret]

NotesOnMyPiano

nefret2011

A man has three daughter all going on dates. He answers the door with a shotgun. The first boy comes and say "Hi, my name's Eddie. I'm here for Betty. We're going to eat spaghetti". The dad tells them to have a great time and they leave. The next one comes up and says "Hi, my name's Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show." The dad tells them to enjoy themselves and they go. The next boy comes up. "Hi, my name's Chuck." And the dad shoots him.

This one is great! Haha

I know. The first time I heard it, I laughed so hard. Then I had to explain to someone else why it was funny, and got to laugh at the look on their face when they finally got it.  

[Burew]

Three Men are on a plane. The pilot tells them that the last word they say will be what they land on when they jump off. The first man yells "MONEY"
and he lands on a pile of money. The second man says "FOOD" and he lands on a mountain of food. The third man trips as he jumps and said "s**t!!"
and he lands on a big pile of... well you know

A friend told me this one-  

[Annette Kohan]

cloned cow farts can light on fire  

[ayooafro123]

YOU SO BROKE THE ONLY TIME YOU MAKE IT RAIN IS WHEN YOU THROWING CHANGE IN A WATER FOUNTAIN!!!!!!!!