Just random venting

[Bellazara]

I don't have a disorder, I don't have depression, I have a ******** awesome life in the upper one percent of all Americans, but still I complain! I'm a horrible person, and I don't have any talents at all. Even the most menial tasks are difficult for me without a complete walk-through. ("Bell, will you go get my glasses? They're in my room." "I don't see them." "They should be on my desk." "I still don't see them." "Are they behind a book?" "Oh! I see! Should I bring them to you?" "Yes!" "Okay--OH s**t--" *breaks glasses*)

I vex my parents more and more every day. "I want this! I want that!" I'm the ultimate brat, I annoy everyone I talk to, I always turn the subject back to myself. I complain about my friends, who have been unfailingly nice to me, and my parents and stepparents, who love me insanely. I have no willpower, so I can't study for a test, or make myself skinny, or anything. I also think I might be a lesbian, and my family would kill me for that. (They're homophobes.)

Hell, I can't even cut myself. I didn't have enough guts to get a knife, so I used a pencil. How idiotic is that? I've only cut once because that's the only time I've had guts enough to do it.

The thing that gets me through each day is the promise that if I end up with a life that actually DOES suck, I will kill myself.  

[JuStxUrxBrOkEnxDrEaM]

if life doesnt suck... thn honestly y r u here...? im not trying to be mean... >.<  

[Bellazara]

JuStxUrxBrOkEnxDrEaM

if life doesnt suck... thn honestly y r u here...? im not trying to be mean... >.<

Life doesn't suck
I do  

[Ryoko Earth]

JuStxUrxBrOkEnxDrEaM

if life doesnt suck... thn honestly y r u here...? im not trying to be mean... >.<

Last time I checked, the name of the guild wasn't 'People who's life sucks' It is the guild for the sad, depressed, and lonely. Bella is obviously sad.

You shouldn't cut yourself. Cutting yourself won't help your self-esteem any.  

[Bellazara]

Ryoko Earth

JuStxUrxBrOkEnxDrEaM

if life doesnt suck... thn honestly y r u here...? im not trying to be mean... >.<

Last time I checked, the name of the guild wasn't 'People who's life sucks' It is the guild for the sad, depressed, and lonely. Bella is obviously sad.

You shouldn't cut yourself. Cutting yourself won't help your self-esteem any.

I know, but I'm not sure that it can be helped at this point. Like I said, I have no talents and am impossible to get along with...the only reason I haven't committed suicide is because I am my dad and stepmom's only child, and they are getting older now; I don't want to leave them childless.  

[Titaniana]

*hug*

You're being too harsh on yourself. You're fine. If you see something that you don't like about how you've behaved, just see that you're smart enough to recognize your own flaws, and promise to do better from now on.

There aren't many people out there that can see what's good about themselves and what's bad too. You should be proud that you've got that ability.