The Star Wars Holiday Special

[Matt Pniewski]

Bad movie night is a tradition amongst me and my friends. I, after all, am sort of a guru of bad movies, with only perhaps my friend Robert knowing as much or more. Manos the Hands of Fate is a breeze for me, and I've seen Troll 2 dozens of times without harmful side effects. But their is one obscure little gem of a bad movie that I've never tested myself against.

Typically, Bad Movie Night is not fueled by alcohol. Tonight, however, was an exception. A twelve pack of 312 (Urban Wheat Ale, the great beer you can purchase that isn't called Guinness Extra Stout) helped us along as we watched the Star Wars Holiday Special. Premiered in 1978, planned as an hour long special, it was padded out to two hours because CBS demanded more commercials. Starring the entire cast of the classic first Star Wars film, most of whom clearly did not want to be there (with the exception of Carrie Fisher, who appeared too drugged up to know where she was). Also appearing were Art Carney, Bea Arthur, and a few other celebrity guests.

The lose wrap around involves Chewbacca trying desperately to go home to see his family for "Life Day", which is apparently the most important Wookie Holiday. Which involves holding orbs that magically dress you in red robes and launch you into space. Just roll with it, it makes about as much sense as Bea Arthur tricking the smugglers, bounty hunters, and traders in the Cantina into leaving the bar by getting them to sing.

I'd go into more details about the plot, but, as it seems, their are no more. You now know everything that the Star Wars Holiday Special entails, save for the short Bobba Fett Cartoon that goes no where, and looks more tripped out than Aeon Flux. The cartoon ends without a resolution, and is nothing more than a TV program Chewbacca's son is watching. Yes, he is watching a cartoon that features all the major characters from Star Wars. Though, it was a refreshing change of pace to hear "English" and not "Wookie". Most of the film is in the Wookie language, which friends nerdier than I were able to name specifically. I do not recall, so I shall call it Wookie. Their are no subtitles, making at least an hour of the film Wookies on screen grunting.

The movie is a mess. It's a variety show without an interesting segment, it's a comedy without jokes, its a fantasy film lacking any sort of adventure. It's hard for me to recall a movie with so much going on that ended up being so boring.

Their is a reason this was broadcast once and immediately mothballed by George Lucas- It's terrible. It's not so much a bad Star Wars film, but a bad film altogether. It's like if Saturday Night Live Focused on a straight forward Wrap Around, but had no funny skits or colorful characters. It's not the worst movie I've ever seen, but it's definitely one of the ones I should have simply avoided.  

[Blue-sky-at-night]

Oh, I love your commentary!
You should do it for all the movies you watch, you're quite enjoyable to read.

Now, where can I go to get this travesty of a waste of 2 hours of my life? mrgreen I must see it.  

[Matt Pniewski]

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=323909610753051544#


I write a lot of movie reviews. This is not one of them. This was idiotic, drunken rambling. If you want me to post some of my reviews, I can.  

[Blue-sky-at-night]

Well my goodness, you are quite articulate for a rambling drunk. o-O

Sure, please do post some reviews.  

[Matt Pniewski]

Well, the biggest difference between me Sober and Drunk is that I slur my words. You can't do that online.

It was also the first time I got drunk in years. I'm not a big drinker, but I had to make an exception.  

[Steel Sterling]

A) The language is "Shriwook."

B) "Wookiee" has TWO "e"s in it.

C) Art Carney (Saun Dann) is best known for his role as Ed Norton, on the TV's "Honeymooners." During his scenes, he performs an homage to his "Norton" role, with a Stormtrooper inadvertently performing the "Ralph Kramden" role.

D) Saun Dann is vitally important. With no CAPTIONS telling us what the wookiees are saying, only Malla's conversation with Saun Dann tells us anything- with him replying to her in Standard.

E) This dates me now-I am possibly the only curent Guild attendee that saw this show originally air. I was a small child at the time. For a small child, this made sense. However, for a small child, this dragged. It would have made a passable TV special at one hour long. Then we could have been spared the SINGING.

F) To this day, I avoid the Golden Girls, and any other opportunity to see
Bea Arthur, especially if she sings.

G) My subconscious suppressed my memories of this movie until about 2000, when I attended a convention where someone was doing something like an MST3K marathon. I happened to walk past early into the airing of this movie. While I sat, the memories flashed back before they showed on TV.

H) The cartoon was the first appearance of Boba Fett.

I) The cartoon looks so trippy because the Heavy Metal animators did this one.

J) George Lucas was busy working on "the Empire Strikes Back", which is why the closing credits don't show him anywhere. Off the record, he's said that if he had one wish, he would smash all the bootleg copies of this movie with a hammer.

K) When Michael Kube-McDowell was preparing to write the Star Wars book trilogy "The Black Fleet Crisis", he requested info on Chewbacca's family. Lucasfilm sent him a children's book based on the SWHS. When his trilogy hit the bookstores, the SWHS became canon.

L) I actually scared people out of a series of linked chatrooms with links on this movie. With the assistance of a friend who kept the links handy, I went from chatroom to chatroom and told each of this movie in detail. I paused at moments so links could be inserted. We got the attendance down to zero in almost every room. One exception was one friend who didn't comment. My assistant pointed out he'd gone silent since we started, and possibly had slipped into shock.