Gender roles.

[Happedol]

Gender Roles

Yesterday, I had a rather large discussion with two of my male friends about gender roles.

They were saying that it "wasn't right" for a boy to dress up as a girl if he wanted to, or that it isn't "manly" for a boy to do something as dressing up as a boy/gentleman from the Edwardian period ( We were discussing Boystyle*(see below)). It pissed me off a bit, this whole "manly" thing. I don't see what's the point in it. Then one of my male friends said " Men will always want to prove themselves, wanting to be manly,shun girly things,there's nothing you can change about it, it will always be that way."

I'm not really convinced of that. I truely believe that there will be an evolution in the mentality about gender roles, a mainly positive one.

The argument I used alot is the fact that women weren't allowed to wear pants in the past. It wasn't 'done' for women to wear pants, it did not fit in their gender role. But that changed, so I can't see why the 'manly' mentality can't change too.

'Manly' and 'Feminine' are terms mankind created, terms that change over the years. There are even "manly" and "feminine" pants now. So why can't 'girly' things fit in the term 'manly?'

My other friend also said it's in men's DNA that they act the way they do about this subject. I don't think so. When a really young boy sees a toy, it won't matter to him if it's pink or blue, girly or manly, untill his parents encourage him to choose the blue toy. I heard lots of stories of little boys putting on their sisters dress. I don't see what's wrong with this. So I think this manly /girly thing is taught to us.


*Boystyle is just as varied as lolita ranging from the cute little-boy style of kodonas to the more sophisticated dandy or aristocrat. "Kodonas" might wear knickers (not the underwear!!!) with a proper blouse and a vest, while aristocrats would wear a whole suit; a suit like those from the Victorian Era, not a tuxedo. But seeing as I don't really wear boystyle, I thought I'd leave the description up to those who understand it better than I do (namely neuromance), see here from [info]teddyboys. For a few examples:

 

[Amitia]

Gender roles and stereotypes have annoyed me for a long time. In fact, it's the reason why I became a tomboy and swore to protest against the stereotypes. I'm still truly annoyed by some of the stereotypes, but I've gotten calmer about it.

However, it's dramatic how much some guys are willing to struggle just to not be regarded as "girly" or "feminine", as they seem to have an impression that it makes them seem gay. They're ready to do anything to be separated from gays, especially in front of other males - including making fun of gays. Really childish, really. As if all the gay guys are feminine, or all the feminine guys are gay. :/
This has been leading to a lot of mental problems over the years as well. At least here in Finland some guys try to block their feelings and try to not show their sensitivity - they don't want to be seen crying because it's "feminine", and they don't want to talk about their feelings because it's "girly". They end up developing anger issues or depression, depending on the personality of course. At the same time guys who are not gay but like to dress up as girls are regarded as freaks. Why? I'd really like to know. I personally don't wear any make up and wear boyish clothes, and I'm not a lesbian. Still, I'm not seen as a freak. Are men just crueller and less open when it comes to gender stereotypes?

It would all be so much easier if everyone behaved in a more androgynous manner, that's for sure. Then the people who cross-dress or dress up in unusual clothes wouldn't stand out so much, and the males would maybe also feel more open about it.  

[Happedol]

I agree with you completely, and you've explained it better then I can .

When I tell my friends not to make fun of gay people, they always say. " Chill, you know I'm just joking." Well, I don't know if I was gay and you'd use the word 'gay' in a negative manner I'd interpret it as a joke :/ I also hate the fact that 'gay' is still being used as a swear word way too many times. Common example: " Justin Bieber is gay."

What bugged me the most is that my friends act like it's men's instinct to act this way. Like they can't change it. I know i'm not a guy but a girl, so I can't know what goes on inside their minds, but I refuse to believe they can't help making fun of gay people, or shunning girly things.

Also, my friend said that I always think that women live in a hard world ,but that man live in a world where they are constantly expected to prove themselves. (Although I can't recall I gave him te impression that I'm a feminist-nazi ._.). But I don't really get, who tells them, who pressures them to prove themselves? Isn't it just in their head?

Yeah, my Utopia would be full of androgynous people. Because manly and feminine are things we created. What we call manly or feminine are rules set by us, not nature.