song lyrics i wrote, waddya think (r they any good?)

[_Built_to_Offend_666]

PLAGUE

Ring around the rosie
Pockets full of posies
Ashes, ashes
We all fall dead

Human stains in a world of pain
Trying to refrain from becoming insane
It just constrains and tries to contain
Disdain due to an attemt to attain
I can give you something to cry about
Flood your world with constant doubt
Push your limits, are you still so devout?
Seeds of a new plague begin to sprout

Rings around my woes, see?
Decayed remains of posies
bashes, gashes
We all are dead

Why still stand when your feet have diminished?
Why not just accept that your life is finished?
Fighting back only results in a world thats banished
All thats left are memories of a reflection vanished
Adapt to your life now inside a box that's locked
For the good of society your blocked
Used-up disease stored in your mind now docked
Wishing for instruments to end your spirit with a shock

Warped away to a far off place
My reflection clutched to bleed
I can touch you!
Covered in stitches, now embrace
No one's left inside my mind
I can taste you!
Dissecting my body to remove my face
My reflection clutched to bleed
I can touch you!
I am the life that's been replaced
No one's left inside my mind
I can trap you!
This is the plague in which I'm laced

Blindfolded by this abyss of hell I face
Endless charade for some truth in which I chase
Now I really feel the deep need for some space
You see my disease and feel the need to erase
Looking for a doorway out and finding staircase twisted
To leave this world and make that I never existed
Plagues upon me attempt to free me, I resisted
All I need is this knife to help with what I've persisted

Warped away to a far off place
My reflection clutched to bleed
I can touch you!
Covered in stitches, now embrace
No one's left inside my mind
I can taste you!
Dissecting my body to remove my face
My reflection clutched to bleed
I can touch you!
I am the life that's been replaced
No one's left inside my mind
I can trap you!
This is the plague in which I'm laced

Left alone, leaving no trace
No one's left there to grind
I can touch you!
Never going to win this race
My collection of scars breed
I can taste you!
Just the plant in a broken vase
No one's left in there to find
I can touch you!
Now I'm leaving this world with grace
My infection's all I can eat
I can taste you!
Taste you in my cell!
Taste you in my hell!
Waste you in my cell!
Waste you in my hell!

I am the one you own
Alone inside this cyclone
Muted laments of my groans
Yet my face is still unknown

Warped away to a far off place
My reflection clutched to bleed
I can touch you!
Covered in stitches, now embrace
No one's left inside my mind
I can taste you!
Dissecting my body to remove my face
My reflection clutched to bleed
I can't touch you!
I am the life that's been replaced
No one's left inside my mind
I can't taste you!
This is the plague in which I'm laced

 

[Kirree]

Interesting. I can't put it to music though. I have my thoughts none-the-less.

Quote:

Warped away to a far off place
My reflection clutched to bleed
I can touch you!
Covered in stitches, now embrace
No one's left inside my mind
I can taste you!
Dissecting my body to remove my face
My reflection clutched to bleed
I can touch you!
I am the life that's been replaced
No one's left inside my mind
I can trap you!
This is the plague in which I'm laced

I can picture this being chanted. The peices in bold a bit different from the rest.


The peice as a whole isn't bad. Some parts seem a bit iffy and awkward.  

[The Flightless Dragon]

I love 'em, and I must hear them with music
hope I can one day hear it  

[_Built_to_Offend_666]

Kirree

Interesting. I can't put it to music though. I have my thoughts none-the-less.

Quote:

Warped away to a far off place
My reflection clutched to bleed
I can touch you!
Covered in stitches, now embrace
No one's left inside my mind
I can taste you!
Dissecting my body to remove my face
My reflection clutched to bleed
I can touch you!
I am the life that's been replaced
No one's left inside my mind
I can trap you!
This is the plague in which I'm laced

I can picture this being chanted. The peices in bold a bit different from the rest.


The peice as a whole isn't bad. Some parts seem a bit iffy and awkward.

as for putting it into music, i based the lyrical syllables around the music i already constructed for it. (for the chorus, it would be too complex to explain the whole thing cause alot of complex synthesized sounds in the song) it has a slow steady piano tap, then during the last 2 words of either "no one's left inside my mind" or "my reflection clutched to bleed" it would start a hardcore bellow and 'i can touch/taste/trap you' was continued in hardcore bellow.