Boy help? Having a tough time with my fiance and "friends"

[Angel Nicholson]

I appoint *you* Secretary of Cheese, and

Okay, this may be long, so I'm warning you now.

When Derek and I first met, we hung out with a lot of guys, there were 12 of us, and only Tiffany and I were girls. So there were ten guys.
All ten of these guys have had a thing for me and Derek was the only one that got anywhere.
Just to list what happened:

Alex
slept next to me one night at our Halloween party just so he could grab my a**, using the excuse "It was warm".
Steven
took Tiffany and I out shopping one day because we needed stuff for school, on the way back, he started touching me, he would just not keep his hand off my leg, then At the party mentioned above, he tried to get me to sleep next to him. He also admitted that he did like me.
Danny
asked me out. That's all there is to it. I declined.
Markus
would always flirt with me. Always. Even when I tried not to, he would anyway.
Jonas,
Markus's brother, would also flirt with me any chance he got.
The others would just talk about how I had a nice a** and whatnot. Really degrading.

When Derek and I started going out, everyone's opinions of me seemed to change, they started telling me things like I was ruining Derek's life because his marks fell a little at the time we started going out (he started taking a history class at that time, he cannot do history and that's what brought his mark down). They blamed me for everything he did wrong, like he could never have done wrong on his own.
They all started to get really rude with me and even when Derek and I went through a pregnancy scare, they found out and blamed it all on me, like I could make a baby without Derek's help. They didn't believe Tiffany when she let it slip that I was a virgin before Derek and I did anything (which I was and it hurt that they didn't believe I was).

We ended up getting into an argument over facebook and Markus blamed me for Tiffany breaking up with him. Tiffany told him time and time again that it had nothing to do with me, but he still found some way to blame it on me and has refused to speak to me ever since.
And in a way, yeah, it was because of me she broke up with him. It was because of the way he was treating her best friend for no reason that she didn't want to be with him.

In the end of the argument, they knew I was right and they were losing it, but to get the last word, Steven had the nerve to post this on my facebook profile:

"If you ask me, you're the biggest mistake Derek has ever made."

How can I be his biggest mistake when he had sex with some random girl a few years before, which rewarded me by giving me an STD that has rendered me unable to get pregnant until I get surgery?

The point of this rant was, Derek still hangs out with these guys and it really upsets me and he doesn't seem to get why. He said what they've said about me has nothing to do with him and that he shouldn't have to say anything to them.
I have no problem with him hanging out with people, I'd like it if he got out more, I just really hate it when he's with those guys and when he talks about them, expecting me to not feel hurt about the things they've said.

In the end, these people who I thought were my friends seemed to think that just because I was pretty, I was a slut.
(I'm going to admit it, I know I'm pretty, but it's called confidence and I believe every girl should simply know that she is pretty. There is nothing wrong with that.)

Is there anyway I can get this across to him?
Or am I in the wrong and shouldn't be upset with him?

*you* Keeper of the Lint.

 

[MzUnique5867]

You should see if he will change his way for you cause if you really loved you he would and if he doesn't then what will he be willing to do for you because he would respect that you don't like these boys and they might turn him against you and if he doesn't want to change is ways then he's not right for you and you need to find that right 1.  

[Angel Nicholson]

MzUnique5867

You should see if he will change his way for you cause if you really loved you he would and if he doesn't then what will he be willing to do for you because he would respect that you don't like these boys and they might turn him against you and if he doesn't want to change is ways then he's not right for you and you need to find that right 1.

I know he's the right one, there is no question about that. I am 20 years old and have agreed to marry this guy and I am not one to take life changing decisions lightly. I am in love with him, and he is the one I have chosen to be with. I have no plans of finding anyone else anytime soon.

My question was, how can I make him understand that these guys hurt me emotionally? He just doesn't understand why or how it's upsetting me.
He doesn't see why it's hurting me, he doesn't think that it should, and I don't know how to make him understand that it does upset me and that it is ok for me to be upset by these guys.  

[Muffin of Magic]

Courage, sacrifice, determination, commitment, toughness,heart, talent, guts...

It seems to me that you need to sit Derek down and explain to him exactly how his boys (definitely not men) have hurt you. He should, at the least, understand that his friends basically called you a slut and mistake. Derek doesn't seem to see that his friends were so rude to you. Maybe you need to show him your Facebook Profile, or any saved messages from them in which they degraded you. If Derek loves you, he should respect that these boys hurt you.

...That's what little girls are made of; the heck with sugar and spice.

 

[Angel Nicholson]

Muffin of Magic

Courage, sacrifice, determination, commitment, toughness,heart, talent, guts...

It seems to me that you need to sit Derek down and explain to him exactly how his boys (definitely not men) have hurt you. He should, at the least, understand that his friends basically called you a slut and mistake. Derek doesn't seem to see that his friends were so rude to you. Maybe you need to show him your Facebook Profile, or any saved messages from them in which they degraded you. If Derek loves you, he should respect that these boys hurt you.

...That's what little girls are made of; the heck with sugar and spice.

I appoint *you* Secretary of Cheese, and

We've been talking about it for a couple hours now and he just doesn't think it's his problem. And ultimately, it's not. But he shouldn't just let it go.

*you* Keeper of the Lint.

 

[Kaiyle Brightblade]

Whatever upsets you is his problem. You two are in a serious relationship with responsibilities to each other. First, get the message across that these rude boys have hurt you terribly. Just telling him what you told us really should do that. But most importantly, tell him what you want to happen because of it. You personally should probably stay away from these former friends, and then try to work out the fairest solution for how your fiancee interacts with them. What would make you comfortable? He could continue to see them and talk about them, which you have said upsets you. Thats not a good solution. He could hang out with them while you hang out with other friends, but he is not allowed to talk about them extensively to you. If you would feel comfortable with this, it is probably the most fair solution. This is what my boyfriend and I do when I have problems with some of his friends. He's allowed to see them and allowed to tell me that he's going to hang out with them, but other than that he doesn't talk about them around me so I don't get upset. Or the final solution is that neither of you ever see these people again. This might not seem like such a bad idea considering how mean they were to you, but since Derek seems to value their friendship this would create a rift in your relationship. But if its really the only thing that would make you feel comfortable, you should fight for it.  

[Angel Nicholson]

Kaiyle Brightblade

Whatever upsets you is his problem. You two are in a serious relationship with responsibilities to each other. First, get the message across that these rude boys have hurt you terribly. Just telling him what you told us really should do that. But most importantly, tell him what you want to happen because of it. You personally should probably stay away from these former friends, and then try to work out the fairest solution for how your fiancee interacts with them. What would make you comfortable? He could continue to see them and talk about them, which you have said upsets you. Thats not a good solution. He could hang out with them while you hang out with other friends, but he is not allowed to talk about them extensively to you. If you would feel comfortable with this, it is probably the most fair solution. This is what my boyfriend and I do when I have problems with some of his friends. He's allowed to see them and allowed to tell me that he's going to hang out with them, but other than that he doesn't talk about them around me so I don't get upset. Or the final solution is that neither of you ever see these people again. This might not seem like such a bad idea considering how mean they were to you, but since Derek seems to value their friendship this would create a rift in your relationship. But if its really the only thing that would make you feel comfortable, you should fight for it.

Thank you, yeah, we've talked about it and he understands why it's his problem, too. They were his friends and they pretty much pushed me around once they found out they couldn't have me. It was a little hard for him to understand, but he's got it now and he knows not to talk about them around me if he can help it. Just for right now, maybe I'll be friends with them again one day, but not right now.