|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2010 11:50 am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2010 11:55 am
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
Failure to Express
Towards you, I fail to express, my true feelings, so I digress. Your so pretty, I can't explain, your voice it, drives me insane,
So when unto you, I try to speak, in the halls, I sound so meek, because I simply, get distracted because my eyes, they are attracted to your face.......
Yes your face, it calls me your deep eyes, are like the sea Your nose, it is just the right size, to fight in between, those nice blue eyes. I hope someday, I can explain, but until then, I will refrain
from telling you what is true i love you heart
http://www.gaiaonline.com/arena/writing/poetry-and-lyrics/vote/?entry_id=101984371#title
|
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/posts/say/say_b3_p.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
|
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/template/s.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/template/s.gif) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2010 12:31 pm
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/posts/say/say_b1_p.gif) |
The Good Guy
We've known each other, since sixth grade I was their the whole time, their in the shade as you lived your life, and met those guys with their fancy clothes, and wacked out ties
I've known the whole time, we'd be perfect together We'd be happy all day, no matter what the weather but you've never thought, of loving me, come on girl, why can't you see?
Some of those guys, don't treat you right if you loved me, I'd be your shining knight So come on girl why can't you see? why don't you think of loving me?
I'm the good guy, I'm not like them that's why I'm writing, this poem I'd open doors, and buy you flowers because seeing your face, is like spring showers
You know girl, I'm the right one, we could have, so much fun, with fancy dinners, roses, things and eventually diamond rings
http://www.gaiaonline.com/arena/writing/poetry-and-lyrics/vote/?entry_id=101969261#title
|
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
|
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/template/s.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/template/s.gif) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 2:55 pm
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
I really enjoyed both poems.
The first one, Failure to Express, I liked, but have two minor complaints. The first is that the placement of your commas is a bit off, but that is no huge deal. The second is in the second stanza where you use because twice in a row. This is, again, just a pet peeve of mine that I would like to point out.
Your second poem, The Good Guy, I absolutely adored. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and thought the rhyming was superb (especially since me, myself, and I have absolutely no rhyming capabilities.) I loved you comparing yourself to a shining knight, since it goes back to heroes, good guys, and the like. The ending was great; if diamond rings were to follow, the title of this poem certainly "rings" (forgive the bad humor) true.
|
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/posts/say/say_b3_p.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) |
|
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/template/s.gif) |
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/template/s.gif) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
![](//graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/template/s.gif) |
|
|
|
|
|