Until the End (Please tell me what you think)

[DeathOfBunnies]

This was a poem I wrote for about best friend when she was considering suicide.


I was holding your hand when you said no one cared
I stood by you as you cried that no one was there
I kissed your cheek and you said you wern't loved
I cried for you when you said you were done
I was your friend when you had no reason to live
Id give you the world if only it were mine to give
But when your two fifths in and cannot win
The only touch you feel is the midnight wind
The lights beneath you are moving fast
The end is certain as the cars go past
Ready to jump off the edge and through the air
You turn your head and no one's there.


So.. What do you think?  

[Crystalbow]

It seems so sweet...You wrote this poem to give comfort to somebody, not just because you suddenly have a good idea for one (this happens to me ALL the time). It's got purpose behind it and that's what gives it the beauty of simplicity.  

[thomulus]

10 smile AMAZING 10 smile

The only thing I think you might have missed was you said:

I kissed your cheek and said you wern't loved

and I think you meant:

I kissed your cheek and *YOU* said you weren't loved  

[DeathOfBunnies]

thomulus

10 smile AMAZING 10 smile

The only thing I think you might have missed was you said:

I kissed your cheek and said you wern't loved

and I think you meant:

I kissed your cheek and *YOU* said you weren't loved

oh... oops.. thank you. Yeah that is what i meant i was typing fast LOL.  

[Emmerah]

Wow, it's really the only thing i can say.. Wow. It really is amazing. I love it 10/10  

[EstoPerpetua]

I really like it. It's very sweet, and clearly shows your affection for your friend. My only complaint is that it seems you want to rhyme, but some of your lines are not quite rhyming. Really, I'm being very hypocritical here because *looks around nervously* I can't rhyme. So kudos to you for a great poem. I'd love to read more of your work!!