Darkness in wonderland

[Evey Woodburn]

This is something I started about a year and a half ago to two years. It's not very well written, really just a rough sketch of a twisted Alice in Wonderland I thought of after getting into the story line of American McGee's Alice. So, yeah. I'll gett a little reworking in on it eventually after it's all been filleted and minced. so here it is. SHAZAM! Well crap I guess you have to be a high voiced ten year old boy for that to work. Aw well never mind, here it is

(critiques welcome, just be kind about it please thank you!)  

[Evey Woodburn]

(introduction 1)
Every one told her not to.
Every one said it would end badly.


She would not listen, her curiosity was to great, as the Rabbit lured her away from her sister sitting by the willow.

She knew what could happen, she had heard tales from the villagers, but she could not break the the gaze she had made on the White Rabbit. She followed him into the misty fields, thick with grass un-cut, he dissapeard into darkness.

As the young girl was starting to regain her senses- she slipped...


Down the hole she fell. On and on and on she continued to fall down the dark consuming hole. No hope for land she thought, no hope for survival.

Down she went untill a white light appeard, a strange cat with a maniacle grin put out his paw for her-she took it...


The Queen faced her, stared at the young girl who was trembling before her Majesty, dressed in fine linis of bloody red, and never ending black.

"I have what you want, I can give it to you, that is, for a price." She held a regal yet evil gaze upon the poor girl.

The girl (while she went white with fright as the queen spoke her price) accepted the offer.


She was taken back to her home un harmed, but quite changed. Extremly changed. The villagers knew what must have happend. Every one, evn her friends and her family were frightend of her.


The queen sat at her throne made of the hearts of playing cards. She was smiling, she was giggling at her new treasure to put with the rest of her extrordinary collection. Twas a box. A small wooden box that at first look you wold think was not special at all. Untill of course you looked carefully, ever so carefully, for on it, engravied and inked in small golden letters, wrote:

'Alice's Sanity'

( Chapter 1 )

hapter 1

Alice... Alice...Alice... the poor woman spoke sitting alone by the river with only the frogs to listen to her sorrow. She stared at he deep black depths of the water. "Interesting" the woman said to the frogs, their beady black eyes looking up at her blankly " The water usually changes so much, It's rises and falls like the moon and the sun.It does not anymore, it just stays still and black ever since... ever since Alice- " she could not end her sentence. " My sister, my dear sister whom I love- loved more that life it's self. How fast she changed, if only she had not followed that devil rabbit, if only she had better judgment like I had ever so tried to burn into her." she closed her eyes " But alas she is gone, the sister I knew and loved is gone, died in the depths of that world of evil seduction. If only I could go back and..." she opened her eye's again slowly. She shuddered and broke into tears.

The frogs croaked as if to consoll her, to tell her that all would be okay, that it never happend.

The woman keeled over and died. The handle of the knife in her back glistened with blood.

Miles away a scream broke the silence of liverpool. A house was in flames. The firemen killed it, unfortunatly all the people who were in the house at the time died as well. As police tried to uncover the burnt bodies they discovered something horrific. The bodies were not killed by fire, no not at all. The fire was only made to hide the evidence, either that or the fire was just part of a sick and twisted joke.

A fifteen minute walk away, a girl only about fourteen was laughing. She was not laughing at a joke her father made, or laughing while listening to an amusing comment made on the raidio while she was doing her sewing like most girls her age would. No, she was laughing at something much worse and sick. The girl in fact had no father, no family what so ever. She had killed them all, and she enjoyed every moment it. The girl was looking out of the window of an abandoned house at the spectacle she had made. The police were correct that the fire and murders were a sick joke. They could never suspect that they were dealing wih a girl less than eighteen, but had the insanity and murderous ability of a full fledged adult killer.



More to come! ^^  

[Evey Woodburn]

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[Evey Woodburn]

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[Evey Woodburn]

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[The Night Faery]

Oh my! Quite intense... I like it. ^-^ My biggest suggestion would be to expand on what you have so far-- it reads a little too quickly and ends a little too soon. If you slow down the pace a little, give some more details &c., I think it would be even better. But I really like it! It's very dark and awesome. (:  

[Irish Stout]

It looks like it has some potential in it. I'm actually curious about what happens next, but then again I love gothic twisted Alice stories. I want to know about the Queen and this "Alice's Sanity" deal. It has some glaring grammar and spelling issues that make it hard on biased people like me but nothing too damaging a few minutes in a word processing program couldn't handle. As Night says it'd be great if you could expand it and, of course, write more!  

[Azure Caterpillar]

Its quite an interesting idea for a story, I would like to know more of what's going on in Wonderland. Though I must agree it reads too fast, you should expand the chapter and add more description, as some of the scenes I wasn't quite sure on.

Apart from that, I think you should continue. ^_^

BTW I totally voted for the Caterpillar being the best dressed. XD