Tell Me -- poem --

[Gothique Jedi]

I want you to tell me
That everything is a lie
I want you to tell me
I deserve to die

I want you to tell me
Nothing will turn around
I want you to tell me
I belong in the ground

I want you to tell me
I am a disgrace
I want you to tell me
You never want to see my face

I want you to tell me
There is nothing better ahead
I want you to tell me
I’m better off dead

I want you to tell me
I don’t belong
I want you to tell me
Everything I do is wrong

I want you to tell me
My skies will always be grey
But I want you to love me enough
To tell me everything will be okay

Contructive criticism?  

[Xahmen]

Learn Iambic Pentameter and write something that doesn't sound like a third grader came up with the rhyme scheme.  

[Mydnyte Dystopia]

I like the theme until the last verse. I think it's somewhat confusing, and it contradicts your message. Maybe, if you're going for a theme of wanting a person to tell you "that everything will be okay", when, in fact the truth is completely otherwise, you should say something more like:
you should be telling me
that everything is a lie
you should be telling me
I deserve to die
etc.
and in the end:
you should be telling me
my skies will always be grey
but I want you to love me enough
to instead say that everything's okay

Or something, I dunno. If that's the theme you're going for, which is what I got from it.  

[Gothique Jedi]

Mydnyte Dystopia

I like the theme until the last verse. I think it's somewhat confusing, and it contradicts your message. Maybe, if you're going for a theme of wanting a person to tell you "that everything will be okay", when, in fact the truth is completely otherwise, you should say something more like:
you should be telling me
that everything is a lie
you should be telling me
I deserve to die
etc.
and in the end:
you should be telling me
my skies will always be grey
but I want you to love me enough
to instead say that everything's okay

Or something, I dunno. If that's the theme you're going for, which is what I got from it.

Thanks. I understand what you mean. I'll plug you're advice in and see how it workds. smile