Lol well I'm beginning to think I post here too much.... but I need to vent a little. Nothing BAD happened, I just dont really like what I'm getting into and yet I want to.

Well at the new years party we had last night (HAPPY NEW YEARS BTW) a lot of friends came, including my ex. Him and I go WAAAAAY way back, and I've loved him for years (though now its really just like a brother. I care about him). Over the summer and beginning of the year he got into some s**t with really bad girls and he became suicidal, and he changed a lot. But he's better now, which is good. Usually he acts like an angsty teenage boy, only giving grunt answers and stuff, and plus his medicine changes his personality a little. But at the party, we had a lot of fun. After midnight him, 2 of our friends who are brothers and I just sat around and talked for a good hour. We all used to be really good friends but we drifted apart in mddle school. anyway they left around 2 am but my ex stayed. We just sat arond and talked for nearly an hour and a half, about everything and nothing if you know what I mean. And he really showed his personality. He actually smiled, looked me in the eye, actually TALKED in his normal voice and not grumbles, and yeah. It was the old him that I used to love, the actually intelligent him with that immature boy humour that always makes me laugh. I really missed him. anyway, he went home around like 3:20-3:30 (he lives on my street so he can just walk) and yeah.

Our parents are like YOU SHOULD DATE EACH OTHER, WHEN WILL YOU REALIZE THAT and all of our friends are like "You guys are gonna end up married". but, whenever I get involved with him, I get my heart broken. I dont wanna fall for him but I just love being around him and talking with him cheers me up. We stopped talking for awhile but he was the one to make me feel better when this other dude was being an a*****e to me and I've known him forever, and GAAAH it's just a vicious freakin' cycle. He's like "I want a non-crazy girlfriend" (because the girls hes gone out with... *shudder*) and im like "I want a non sucky boyfriend" and then there was just a long silence. I'm thinking "Well you know, I'm perfectly sane and you know I care about you" and he knows he's changed and he's apologized for treating me badly the last time we went out. It's just a bad cycle. Can you see why I'm upset? I'm upset, and thrilled at the same time because I always just wanted another chance with him.

sorry for so many posts xD I just needed to rant lol...