I'm afraid what I'm about to do is really stupid.

[Sex Metal Pumpkin]

My ex-fiance, he's Bipolar. And last month, he cheated and then broke things off with me. I don't believe he ever cheated prior to that.

Anyway, now he really wants me back. He said he should have listened to me all along (about getting on meds) and that he'd made the biggest mistake of his life.

I'm not saying that his being Bipolar excuses his cheating and being cruel to me. It doesn't. It's no excuse. But I think it was mania that contributed to it. He said he thought he needed/wanted something else, but he was wrong. It was an online relationship, and he deleted the game he met her through, he deleted his myspace, and blocked her on Facebook. I know that last month, he had made hotel reservations for this month where the other girl lives. The fact that he was going to go have sex with someone he doesn't even know really hurt me. He's since cancelled the reservations and is scheduled to work one of the days he'd taken off from work to go.

He promises he's going to make it up to me with actions, not just by simply saying it. And I can't jump back into being engaged again. I won't marry a man I can't trust. I told him if we did, we were going to take things very, very slowly.

I always believed that if someone cheated on me, it would be the end of the relationship. That it was simply unforgivable. But now that it's actually happened to me with someone I'm in love with, I don't feel that way. I wish I had the resolve I used to. And I know it's stupid to put myself at risk again.

The stress and anxiety from everything is literally taking a toll on my health. I feel sick all the time. I've had a migraine the past two days. I'm told I look pale (and I'm abnormally pale anyway, so I guess I look pretty bad) and I've lost weight. I have constant tremors. I was put on an antidepressant last month, and while I think it's helped, I know a pill can't fix my problems.

Part of the anxiety is fear. I'm terrified of being hurt again, but I miss him so much and I want to see if he means what he's saying. The other part is knowing nothing will ever be the same. My family used to love him, and my friends liked him. Now everyone pretty much hates him. And his family...well, his mom sends mass emails out to all the kids, and I used to be one of them, but I'm not anymore. I feel like I'm being punished even though I didn't do anything wrong.

I guess my question is, can someone who's cheated really be faithful again? I'd like to hear both from people who've been cheated on and people who have cheated themselves.  

[Matron Mord Sith]

You need to break things off with him. It would be better for you. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a boy that you can not trust? Do you really want to live with those feelings that he had planted in your mind? Just think how easily those feelings will pop up if hes late home from work. You'll always be thinking that hes doing something behind your back. Thats no way to have a relationship. Break things off with him and find yourself a man that will treat you right. Him using the bi polar thing as an excuse was pretty lame, cheating is cheating.  

[Shawnael]

Don't do it. He cheated, the relationship is damaged. Also, talking to him now is a bad idea. It's far too soon. He says he'll change and that things will be different, but the odds of him changing are extremely low. I know how you feel, loving someone that can't seem to take care of himself. But not only does depend on you for his health (which is incredibly UNhealthy), he also destroyed your trust and went out of his way to hurt you.

You've been hurt very badly. It will take time to heal from this. You can't heal if he is still in your life. Keeping a line of communication open is basically like picking a scab. It will make the healing process longer, more painful, and it will leave you with a scar (not to mention the probability of infection!).

Now, as to whether a cheater can be faithful again? As my friend says; Twice a cheater, always a cheater. I like to think that there are two kinds of people in this situation: cheaters and people who have cheated. Cheaters are manipulators. They do not feel bad, they are not sorry, and they will not ever change. People who have cheated made a terrible mistake, and they feel the repercussions of their decision. Still, even though a person who has cheated is sorry, their actions damaged their relationship, and that is not forgivable. A person who has cheated can be "faithful again." But nothing they can do will ever take away the pain they caused.  

[Kaiyle Brightblade]

I'd like to go out on a limb here and say that if you are willing to give him another try it might be worth it. I agree with Shawnael. A person can cheat once and realize they have made a terrible mistake. But if it happens more than once it shows no growth and no sense of responsibility. I don't know this guy, so its up to you if you want to take him back or move on. But I think there is a chance that he would remain faithful after his mistake. But if I'm wrong, dump him.