Anbaachan's Journal [56lbs to go, small set back]

[Anbaachan]

Anbaachan's Diet Diary

My Stats

1/24/09
Name: Amber
Age: 23
Height: 5'0"
Weight: 176lbs (-4)
Bust: 45"
Waist: 36.5" (-.5)
Stomach: 41 (-1)
Hips: 47" (-1)
Dress Size: 16
Bra Size: 38G


My Pix

♥, ♥*, ♥*, ♥*

*Please note, that some of the pictures I am only wearing a tee shirt and underwear, to better show off my shape.



My Goals



-Weigh 120lbs (59lbs)
-Be healthier
-Be more active
-Join Highland Dancing again
-Fit into my kilt again
-Get a new wardrobe
-Stick with something for the first time in my life


My Diet

I count calories along side of eating a healthier mix of foods, and drinking plenty of water. In the early stages (at least 2 weeks), I will allow myself to consume 2,000 calories, the average a person should take in daily. I decided on this number because I am sure I have eaten well above this number. Once I have gotten this portion control stage under control, I will lower the caloric intake gradually, going no lower than 1,200 calories. Note, it is unhealthy and risky to drop lower than 1,200 calories and I don't plan to go that low unless I plateau at a higher amount.

I will write my progress in a notebook, documenting anything that has calories in it. I plan to try and keep the meals interesting a different, so I do not get tired of the same thing every day. My goal is to eat a salad before one of my larger meals, to control my hunger. I will stay away from my scale and measuring tape except once a week (Sunday), where I will document any progress made.



My Exercise


Along side eating better, i will always exercise. I am starting slow, because I have terrible knees and ankles and a bad back. Right now I am working on strengthening and toning exercises. Cardio will come later, once I have my set of current exercises down. Ultimately, I'd like to eventually get a gym membership as I have currently, little room in my home to do cardio and as of today... there was a blizzard.

60-80 total crunches/oblique crunches
40 total pliés
20 total squats
20 total relevés
40 total leg lifts
Weights


More to come on exercise.

 

[Anbaachan]

Day 1

Why today, I'm sure most of you are wondering. Why on a Tuesday, in December, a day before I'm supposed to get my period? Well, it's really thanks to my best friend. She's thin, confident, and beautiful. And even though I am like a cow compared to her, she is still sweet, supportive, and fun. The problem is, she's my high school friend. and when we're together, i feel like we're in high school together again. When I was thin, sassy, and confident too.

She visited me this weekend and spent all of Sunday and most of Monday with me. We don't see each other very often because she lives in Chicago, IL and I live in Milwaukee, WI. We relish the times we see each other and it's always a party when we get together. And honestly, that's part of the problem. Those two days were filled of nothing but fatty, greasy, but delicious foods. Pizza, pop corn, booze, fries... It tasted so good going down...

But I awoke this morning feeling depressed. Not just because she was gone, but because I was unhappy with myself. I was a pig this weekend and I hate myself for it. So I decided I wanted to do something about it. I'm tired of being fat. I'm tired of being a size 16. I'm tired of having to wear fat girl clothes. I wanna be thin and wear trendy, fun clothes like my bff!

So I decided to go along with the diet described in the first post. All and all, I am glad I did. I exercised today, as usual. It's not much, but it's something to get me moving and toning some muscles. I'm hoping this will help make my thighs look less like cottage cheese and my arms less like chicken wings.

I finished eating today with 100 calories to spare. I'm really surprised. If you do it right, 2,000 calories is a lot of food. I had three full meals today, that actually filled me. I'm pleased with my choices and even made a delicious, lower calorie meal that my husband even enjoyed! Like he really enjoyed it and I had the pleasure of telling him it was low cal! I also had yogurt for the first time in ages today. I forgot how good plain vanilla yogurt with granola is. I got the yoplait +digestive. I figured it would be good for me and it's only 110 calories.

I thought it would be a hard transition, but all my old knowledge of previous attempts before just come back, as if I were getting on a bike again. I guess, figuratively, this is my bike. I keep falling off, but maybe this time I can get father than before, and be better for it. just gotta keep trying. I WILL BE THIN AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Sunsway]

That's the spirit! It's great to see how motivated you are, because that's probably the hardest part. The people here have the same goals and we cheer each other on, so you're not alone. =3

By the way, about yogurt -- have you tried it with plain corn flakes (cereal)? It's really good -- crunchy and feels like it has some substance. (And I dig vanilla yogurt, too). whee Maybe in a small bowl or green tea cup, not too much -- great snack.

And just taking a walk every now and then is a good preparation before you jump into cardio. With time, a brisk walk to raise the heart rate and strengthen it before moving on to harder stuff.

All the best!  

[Anbaachan]

Day 2

Ah... I woke up in such a foul mood this morning. XD;; We lost power last night and I stayed up way later than I wanted to. Luckily is came on about 30 minutes later, so it was all good. Damn snow though. Here I thought it was like a blizzard. No, just think snow that turned into sleet. So everything was cold and mushy this morning.

Went to the grocery store this morning to get more coffee and picked up a few more snacks for me. They were sampling pizza so I broke down and ate one of my frozen pizzas for my breakfast/lunch. I'll stay lighter later this afternoon, though I know I'll be nice and full for a little while. I'm about to use the bathroom and then exercise. I'm a little cold, so exercising now will be good. After that, a hot shower and I might put on some make up because I feel like trash today and feel the need to look pretty.

People have talked about writing inspiring post-its to themselves. I want to do that, but I REALLY want my hubby to do so too. Not always, but just every once in a while, see a new post-it that's NOT mine. But I don't want to ask him. @___@; I just want him to do it. But i know he's not that perceptive... raaaaaawr. I'm being way silly, I know. But the extra motivation would be nice. I'm glad I'm in this guild now because I need people who will give me tips and support ALL THE TIME, not when they have time to. -___-

Not to make my hubby sound bad. He just thinks he doesn't need to diet/exercise either. Even though he has a bit of a gut too. He's not as thin as he was when we met, but i don't rub that in his face. -___- I am such a Pokey Puppy today (I'll give anyone carrot sticks if they remember that book). best go exercise, maybe it will raise my failing mood.

@X: Thanks so much! It's taken ages to get motivated again. I'm really glad there are people like me here. It's such a relief.


PART TWO

Oh man, I had a huuuuuuge melt down. I swear, i probably looked like a 3 year old throwing a tantrum. I'm not trying to act like a baby, but I'm so PMSy. -___-; I actually kinda can't stand myself right now because I am being so uptight. I am a pretty laid back person, so to be so overemotional about nothing is pretty annoying.

Basically, I put on my snow boots and stormed out of the house for really no reason and went for a 50 minute walk. It was good for exercise, but it was really cold and I have the largest blister ever on my big toe, from walking in the boots. So it was a double edged sword. I'm in pain, but I got a good workout. And I'm also calm again.

I just took a hot shower so I'm feeling much better. Clean hair and a little light makeup and I feel like... a million dollars better. Lol. I'm such a dork and need to calm it down. Hopefully my uterus will get to work and my hormones can get balanced again. It would be nice.

Alright, I need to get a small snack and more water. More later, most likely.

@iBeethoven: Thanks, I hope so too. I honestly think that's one of the biggest problems when people start dieting. They're disorganized. Though, it's not always their fault. If you've never been on a diet and you're trying to create your own, it's really hard. But I've been on this counting calories diet so many times, you'd think i could just do it in my sleep and I would have lost the weight already. -__-;;

 

[lavender opheliac]

You seem really well organized. I'm sure you will drop weight fast.  

[Sunsway]

Anbaachan

But I don't want to ask him. @___@; I just want him to do it. But i know he's not that perceptive... raaaaaawr. I'm being way silly, I know. But the extra motivation would be nice.

Men.

-----------------

I wish it snowed where I live. It's the opposite end of the scale here -- too hot to go outside. And it's summer now. Yes, in December.

Good work on the exercise. I can't imagine it's easy to track through snow decked out like an eskimo. ;3  

[Anbaachan]

*randomly awake* No it wasn't easy. I was pretty worried I was going to fall because everything was melty but freezing at the same time. And the huge blister on my toe is SO painful. I will not be walking in snow boots again. @___@;

And I agree, MEN. Why am I up when I went to sleep around 2? Oh because my cat has decided he was going to be clingy and bang on my closed door several times since I've tried to go to bed. Why is my bedroom door closed? Because my husband is still up playing video games and the walls of our apartment are paper thin... gonk He wonders why I get so cranky... -___-; I also randomly got my period at 6am too. And now I have cramps. I'd sleep, but the cramps hurt and I have a terrible crick in my neck that literally sends sharp shooting pain through my neck and shoulder when I try and relax my shoulder.

I'll make a day post when I have more than a couple hours of sleep under my bet. u___u;

 

[Anbaachan]

Day 3

You know, it's hard to believe it is only day 3. being an Entrepreneur and being home all the time... the days tend to blend together. So far so good though. <33

I slept like crap most of the night. My husband was up until 1am this morning playing video games. Which meant I had to sleep with my door closed, which my one cat hates. I kept having to get up to either let him in or out of the room because, unlike most cats who scratch at the door, he bangs the door knob because that's what he sees us using to open the door. Damn smart cat...

Any way, so I went to bed at 2, got woekn up about 3 times between 2am and 6am. My mom called at 9:30 am and we talked for an hour. Husband decided to eat breakfast and then go to bed, so I slept for another hour. I'm kind tired, but I'm hoping that means I can get to bed earlier than 2. Or, at least i'd like to try.

In other news, I have a terrible crick in my neck and I don't know why. I think it's a combo of sleeping weird and then playing my DS But it hurts terribly. Not sure if I can exercise much between my blister two and sore neck/shoulder combo. -__-; It hurts to walk heel to toe on the one foot and then moving my shoulder at all hurts. Even on the other side it causes the left side of my neck to tense up. -___-;; Sitting with the heating pad on it now. Going to take more Ibuprofen in a bit.

Making chili today, as it's 8ºF here in Milwaukee. It's low cal and I'm really excited. I need to get some of my low cal recipes together so I can start my thread I was planning on making. Anyway, I LOVE chili and I got these fantastic crackers that I think will go lovely. They are cheesy and herb-y, so I can use less cheese in my chili. It will be a fabulous dinner tonight.

Had a salad for lunch, romaine, cucumbers, carrots, croutons, and fat free Italian dressing. It was quite tasty. Also enjoyed a cup of low fat Gardettos. Those are a fantabulous snack, I might add. Unfortunately, I waste a lot because I hate the rye chips. yuck. So I throw them away because my hubby won't eat them either.

alright, enough rambling. Gotta stir the chili, take my meds, and make some posts in my rp guild. Take care everyone!


PART TWO

My Chili was soooooo good! I'm so please with how it came out!!! Only 150 calories per 8oz portion! YUM!!

I'm really tired already. I kinda wanna take a nap, but I don't wanna stay up all night. It's only 7pm here and I know if I went to bed now, I'd be up a few hours. Poop. >__<;; I'm going to try and get some Xmas cards done.

 

[Sunsway]

Is there a way to attach headphones to the TV or game consul, or whatever? You could buy him some for Christmas. rolleyes

It sounds like you're experimenting with good food, and that's great to see. I'm trying to experiment too, but I'm not much of a cook. x_X

(I know that this is off topic, but you write very artistically.)  

[Anbaachan]

Day 4

Ahahahah... I had to think about what day I was on again. I actually had to check what the previous day was. Brain is fuzzy, what can I say?

So, started off the day well. Harvest Moon (lol), yogurt, granola, vitamins, and some exercise. My achy body parts are a little less achy today, but still sore. I did manage to get some exercise done and might even take a short walk since it's actually nice today (nice as in 17º and sunny). Maybe I will layer and just walk to the grocery store. It's kind of far for the cold (6 blocks one way maybe?), but I need macaroni noodles for my chili. I thought I had some but the pantry ate them.

I also need to get out and finish my Xmas shopping. Which is SO annoying. I love this time of the year because I love the weather, the music, and I love to bake. But I honestly, could do without the gift giving and rushing about. This time is supposed to be about family and friends, being close to one another. But it's not and I know it hasn't been this way for years, but it still sucks. So maybe I'll brave the mall and walk around the mall. If I do that, i think I can get everyone done.

But enough about Xmas, enough talking about exercising. I just need to get up and do it. Which I think, that's what I'm going to do. And I better get out now before the crowds do! People will be getting off of work in an hour! Yikes! I still need to shower! Alright! Later for now!!

Okay, one more thing. I am taking fish oil vitamin soft gels and they are the grossest thing to burp. Because it tastes very lightly of fish. Blech!!! SO GROSS!

X: Unfortunately no, because our tv is 60 inches and he's playing the ps3. Though he fixed it enough so it was better. I actually slept out in the living room while he played last night for an hour. He actually went to bed at a decent time, but now he's still in bed. I can't win. Lol.

And thanks for the compliment. I'll admit I do get compliments on how I write, my issue is keeping it up! I have story ideas but never get around to them! It's terrible! But I'm glad you like it. biggrin


PART TWO

Surprisingly, I'm not depressed as I thought I would be coming back from Kohl's after shopping for my little sister (size 7/ cool and my little brother (size sm mens). There were so many cute clothes that I want. Dresses, dresses galore! I can't wait to fit into dresses that don't look like bag tied with a piece of rope! And to not look pregnant when I wear them!! Ugh.

I don't feel more motivated by it, but I don't really feel sad either. Hohum.

I just took a bunch of pictures. I'll have to share a couple.

 

[Sunsway]

Anbaachan

Okay, one more thing. I am taking fish oil vitamin soft gels and they are the grossest thing to burp. Because it tastes very lightly of fish. Blech!!! SO GROSS!

I take those as well. If you just down it with water you shouldn't taste anything; or maybe you can try a different brand.  

[Anbaachan]

Day 5

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* Yes, it's one of those days. surprisingly, I don't feel like eating, even though I'm kinda hungry. I'm wet, my nose and eyes burn, and lonely. My husband stayed up all night again playing video games (luckily he FINALLY finished) leaving me in bed alone, again. Now, I'm not trying to make him sound bad, nor am I trying to make me sound like a wimp. But I'd just like a little attention!

I'm lucky if I get like 10 minutes through out the day when he plays like this. Now some would say, if you can't beat him, join him. I'd love to except his game distracts me from mine and the couch just isn't big enough to lounge next to him comfortably with out feeling like I'm on top of him. Tried that option. I've tried telling him to come to bed... to no avail.

I just feel a little used and lonely. Like I there to make dinner and get him his iced tea. He'll come say hi when he needs to use the bathroom. It's saturday! I wanna go out! I kinda wanna go out and get a salad I don't have to make! Have a chicken sandwich I don't have to grill. I just wanna get out of our ridiculously messy house!!!

So while he's been sleeping, I've been cleaning. I'm currently taking a break and contemplating throwing a pizza in the oven. I scrubbed out my bath tub and need to finish the sink and the toilet. I need to finish the dishes, but I want more hot water, which I used up during my bath tub cleaning (It was really dirty). I tidy up the kitchen already. I should do the same with the living room. I also need to change the little box and clean the cat bathroom out. Except now I'm getting tired. Maybe I should eat and then finish what I started. Better than nothing, after all.

Started the oven for my pizza.

I kinda feel like a baby for complaining. I just really am lonely. I don't have many friends up here in WI, being originally from IL. I don't go out. I don't party. I hardly drink. I just sit at home and work on stuff for the business or play video games. I'm sure things will be better once we open our store, more to do. But still.

But that's all I have to report right now. Still on the diet, though I need to get to the grocery store and get some more things for my salads, a few more snacks, and some diet friendly sweets (mini candy bars are great). But yeah. Take care.


X: It's only when I belch that I can taste the fish. It's weird. But vitamins are too expensive to just try a new brand. I got the cheap stuff for a reason!! LOL.


PART TWO

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!! >___<;; I'm so annoyed. Not 30 minutes after I eat my pizza, my hubby wakes up and asks if I'm hungry. GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! I honestly am surprised I stayed as calm as I did. I just said flatly, "I just ate. And I almost waited too."

I know I should be happy that i probably saved myself from over eating... but I just wanted to get out. I know it's still kinda early, but goodness gracious...

Bah, I need to stop throwing an emotional tantrum in my head but uuuuuuuuuugh. I'm so annoyed. Just so annoyed.

PART THREE

Ooooookay. I feel like a big baby now. He actually took me to get dinner. <333 And now he's being cutely insistent that I sit by him while he plays video games.

Anyway, we went to IHOP for dinner and I was pleasantly surprised that they added a low calories menu options for breakfast and dinner! It's not a lot of variety, but if you don't eat there daily, definitely enough variety for a stop in once in a while! I had 2 pancakes, no butter, no syrup, topped with half a banana. 2 slices of low fat turkey bacon*. And it had to be a full cup of egg beaters! All came on a decent sized plate and I didn't even eat it all! @___@ There was so much eggs. i had to stop, leaving probably 3/4 of the eggs. I like eggs, but in moderation. I can eat like, 1 scrambled egg before I'm like ready to puke, LOL. I drank 2 glasses of water with my meal. it was good, filling and supposedly advertised at only 400 calories! Even though, I didn't eat all my eggs, i kept my total at 400 because I added the half of banana.

I feel better now. funny how something so simple can turn your night around. And now I feel even better because I got all that cleaning done too. biggrin Yayz!

*About the turkey bacon, this was the first time eating "bacon" again in probably a good 6-7 years. I don't eat any pork. I don't like the taste and pigs are my favorite animals. Now I understand (now) that turkey bacon actually does taste different, but it smells the same. @___@; I was so weirded out. But I ate it and kinda enjoyed it for the most part. I'm still a little iffy on it, but I might add it to my list of foods to play with. It would be nice to have some sort of meat if I make a breakfast sandwich or something.

Alright, that's all for the night. Good night and sorry to rant so much today!

 

[Anbaachan]

Day 6


Man alive do i feel like a b***h right now. I am desperately trying to avoid going to a certain New Years "party". I've never been to a REAL New Years Party. Like one where you can dance, drink, and there's more than 4 people. I've been to some pretty boring parties in my time, seeing as I've never been much of a party-er. I don't drink often, just socially really, if it's that type of social event. I am a pretty tame person usually, preferring to stay home and play video games usually.

But this year is different. I am a social person and I know a lot of the normal socialization I do will be limited once I get my store open. all my socialization will be business based, as people will come to see me when I am working more likely than when i am not. but that's the life of a business owner. BUT, I have like this one chance to go do something a little crazy.

Now I'm not the girl you'd have to worry about getting trashed and doing something stupid. I'm happily married and don't have much of an interest in destroying that. But I DO wanna go out have a few drinks and DANCE MY a** OFF (literally if possible. Gotta burn the drinks off). And I know my husband won't do that. He drinks even less than i do and is definitely less social than I am. Part of it is he's 8 years older than me, so I still have my bouts of college syndrome, because I really didn't get to experience that because I met him right out of high school and was kinda expected to act older than my friends. And I do and normally I'm fine with that. But I don't want to go to parties that seem older than we should be.

I guess I should explain that. Last year, I think it was possibly the worst new years ever. We went to a friend of my husband's apartment, where he was having a party. It was very awkward for me because I was the only girl and only 20-something year old person. Everyone in the room was 30+. 99% of them are unmarried (my hubby is the 1%). I sat on gaia most of the night eating bad food (he tried, I'll give the host that), no booze except beer (YUCK), watching them play board and video games. I basically was completely excluded from the party because there was nothing FOR me to do!

Now this year, we've been invited to another guy's apartment for a "party". Except the only people invited is me and my husband and this guys best friend and wife. He'll have his gf in town, so it's basically a couples party. But again, I'll be stuck there. One, I don't even know if the one guy and his wife will show up because his wife wants to go out too. So the leave me and my husband and this guy and his gf. Now his gf is not into the same things we are into really, which makes this awkward at times. The guys, drives me nuts at times. Like we have similar personalities except he has a couple major personality flaws that i just don't handle well. And when those come out, it's like nails on a chalk board for me. And on top of that, I know all we'll do is eat food and wii or board games. I can do that at home, to be perfectly honest. i don't want to be stuck at someone's house to do that.

And yes, like I said, I know I'm being a b***h about this. I'll fully admit that. I am being a HUGE b***h about it. But I'm 23, going to be 24 in a month and 3 days. I don't want to have to act my husbands age all the time. I want to be a young adult once in a while. And so, I'm trying to make plans with my best friend, but I feel kinda bad because I feel like I'm inviting myself. I just can't have a crappy new years again. I want to ring in this year, a little differently than before.

Ugh. I am so stressed out about this it's actually upsetting my stomach. I'm not doing great today. I had pizza again today and a cup of coffee. I'm going to do some extra exercise to try and chill myself out. Probably some yoga (yay netflix).

And by the way, I'm sorry if this is not the traditional "diary" some of you were expecting. the reason why i write about my day here is because I read, that if you write down your daily thoughts for at least 10 minutes a day, that's 10 minutes of you not thinking about food. It helps distract you from food. It also is a great stress reliever, which also helps against emotional eating! So that is why I write like this. Expect all my entries to be not about food, but about how I am doing in my daily life. Expect rants and emotional raves about everything and nothing. I already keep a food journal. I need some place to just talk about things. I'll try and make mention of how I am doing in my diet for the day though. Just so it's still considered my diet journal.

If anyone is still actually reading my walls of text, thanks. It's nice to know at least someone is listening. Don't be shy about posting to me. I enjoy the company.

Alright, off to exercise!

 

[Sunsway]

I guess I see how that could be awkward -- sort of like they're your husband's friends and you're just going along with it? I try to avoid those situations, but sometimes it's just not possible. x_x But it's great how you finally decided to get out with friends your age and do something for yourself. And if you're in the mood for it, you can meet new people. I guess unless you're studying, parties are pretty much the only way to meet new people, lol.  

[Anbaachan]

Day 7

I can't believe I've only been dieting for a week. *SIGH* It feels like I've got so far to go. I've been feeling down since last night, half about, am i really making a difference in my life by doing this, the other half, about how I have like zero girl friends in Milwaukee. I don't know WHY I've been so depressed. I've been trying to eat good foods. I even have oranges and spinach which are supposed to be mood boosters. I even tried chocolate. Nothing helps.

I'm really tired today, which make me not want to exercise, but I thinking of going to the skating rink because it is warm outside today (37º) and everything is melting. So no open air skating most likely because it's melting. -___-;; Supposed to get snow again, but we'll see. But I'd like to go ice skating because I know it's good exercise and I've only done it like once. I got skates 4 years ago and have used them... once. -___- I've been dying to go since, but I have no one to go with. I'm finally fed up and will go by myself.

I'm done with my Xmas shopping, which is a relief, though I'm going out on Wednesday to meet up with my aunt and grandma for shopping. I haven't seen them in a while, so it's probably good. I might get a free meal out of it, which would be nice.

I haven't been really very hungry, nor have I had the will to eat. I am a little hungry now, but I just don't wanna get up and eat. I'm trying to think of what to make for dinner. I'm thinking chicken and Lipton noodles. I can make a nice big salad with the chicken for me and make my husband a nice chicken with bbq sauce. I'll have a small serving of the Lipton noodles so I get some carbs to fill me up. I don't know what else though. Maybe a biscuit for him, just so it fills up the plate.

Well, that's all for now. I guess I'm going to go do some dishes and clean the cat room, even though I feel exhausted right now. Probably more later. Take care.

PART TWO

So because my husband decided to sleep all day and dinner is deciding to take forever to cook, I am not going to get to ice skate. By the time food is done cooking, I eat, drive over there and put on my skates, it will really be a wash to even go. I'll be paying $7 for an hours worth of skating at this point. Not worth it.

I'm pissed now and pretty much feel my night is ruined. I REALLY wanted to go and skate for a couple hours. Now I have to settle for some exercise here where there is no freaking room. I hate this! I'm so mad I could just cry right now.

Just why, WHY did it have to rain? It's ******** DECEMBER. I don't was 40º weather! I need it to stay under 32º so the ice doesn't melt! Because I highly doubt any ponds are going to be skatable right now. So I'm 0 for 2 right now and very unhappy.

I might just eat and go to bed. I'm pretty much done with today.