I need some advice... (Boy related)

[Rissa Unit]

To start off; I'll explain the chain of events that led me to asking for advice.

Well; to start off with; I was dating my boyfriend (Who is now my ex) For three and a half years. Since my freshman year in highschool. We started off as best friends; and he had a girlfriend when we were friends. One day he got dumped by her; in a dear John letter. He was so upset; so I was there for him; like a friend would be. One thing led to another; and we ended up starting to date.

Then he changed.

He would make sexually related jokes, ask "Jokingly" if I wanted to get "Knocked up", and touch me against my will where I did NOT want to be touched. Things went downhill even worse. He would start stopping calling me; never texted me, and he was always "at a friend's house". That's not the worst part though.

He expected me to stay pure to him; which I did! I didn't even THINK of dating anyone else while I was with him, and then one day; he came over and said we needed to talk. I figured it was important; and I knew the horrid beginning of the conversation with those four words: "We need to talk".

Honest to say; I wanted to dump him, because at this point; I had a feeling he was sneaking out and having sex with another girl. It wasn't an assumption either; because he admitted to it, and said he'd been having sex with her for three weeks before he dumped me!

Anyway; a few months passed and I hadn't heard from him. Turns out; the week before he dumped me; he hooked up with YET ANOTHER girl. At this point I was p/o'd. I was pure, i kept my purity promise; I even lost some friends over him.

He called me a few weeks ago; and I was literally crying on his shoulder; over the whole stress of the thing. I told him I needed him, I would do anything for thngs to go back to the way they were before we broke up. And then he said the most horrible thing Ive heard out of his mouth. He said; "Well if things between my girlfriend and I don't work out; you know I'll be coming back to you."

I wanted to slap him and say: "I'M not a playtoy! I'm not just here for you when you're bored of your girlfriend! I AM NOT the girl you can dump at the drop of a dime, to have sex with another! You are disgusting!"

But I didn't...

I seriously wish now that I had; because he's gone so downhill since we broke up. He started smoking again, he's drinking again, he's speeding and drunk all the time; and he even "Joked" about smoking weed! I AM SERIOUSLY worried!

I mean I know I shouldn't be since it's not my problem anymore but I don't know what to do! Any suggestions on how I can help him? Or get him out of my life completely? I'm SICK of being used....  

[nikkiizdabestest]

Well since im only 14 ill try to help....... well if he is doin drugs try to stay away cause he will some how get u into trouble...and if he wants to get bac together with u say no!! if he keeps beggin u just walk away and start flirtin with another guy to let him kno that ur not interested in him anymore...

I hoped this helped!!  

[Riruka-Rukia]

I'm considered gaia mom because of my age and that I am in college. Do not even give him the time of day. All he wanted was one thing. Don't give it up to him. To put it quite seriously and hard to here, he just wanted to get into your well... If he really loved you, there would be patience. He is just clearly being an a*****e. sorry for the language. Do not hurt yourself by getting pregnent. Your goals are much more important. Forget about him. A true man will come along when you least expect him, most likely in college or further on. Don't worry, love will come your way. 3nodding  

[.Vindicated.Of.Sanity.]

Darling, don't even give him the time of day, like Hime said. If he calls again, hang up. You can do so much better than him, you deserve better than his crap. If he thinks he can just have you whenever he pleases, then he should really rethink things. Don't let him. I know it's hard, if he says he wants you back and he 'promises' he'll change, I know it'll be hard to deny him. But he won't change and he won't do anything but hurt you again. Drop him, cut him out of your life. He's not worth your time.
Good luck <3

 

[Hester Peche]

Don't pick up the phone, just ignore him. Especially if you don't want to have this person in your life. Cut all ties.

But, if you earnestly want to help him...SLAP SOME DAMN SENSE IN TO THE BOY! I mean it, sit down or when he's on the phone--and sober--just tell him what's what. He wouldn't call you and want to talk to you unless he felt you were a "safe person". He obviously is starved for your attention, so give it to him but, on your terms...tell him what he needs to hear.  

[-PrimaCzarina-]

[I've been there and done that.

But I kept letting him come running back to me when ever it was he felt like it.

I wish I had just called him and told him straight up: I do not want to see your face again. I don't care how you screw your own life up, but I will not let have even the slightest influence on my life. I'm done with you. Do not try to contact me again unless you clean up your act and grow up.

I say, next time he calls, tell him what you wanted to. But don't let him have anything to do with your life unless its on your terms.]

 

[MercyWild]

Don't even give him a second thought, he is trying to manipulate you by making you feel guilty or like you are responsible for his actions. He is responsible for his behavior and you don't need someone that narcissistic and emotionally abusive in your life. You are not responsible for saving him, it's not your job, much as you may want to it isn't worth sacrificing your own well being for someone who doesn't really want to change.  

[delete_my_existence]

what an a*****e o_o you will find someone much better.
don't even look at his way anymore.  

[Lunar Okami Rose]

Just forget about him. He dumped you, so you shouldn't be worrying about him screwing his own life up, and dont let it effect you.
If you do want to give him a wake up call and make him see sense, then i suggest a good knee to his nut sack. He wants to go around screwing girls? Then hit him where it hurts. Trust me, it worked on my ex boyfriend  

[shall she sail seas]

Simply forget about him. And don't worry about what you "should have" told him because that's already past. Instead, congratulate yourself on your silence. You save yourself lots of energy from someone who doesn't even deserve it.

In the meantime, distract yourself and deliberately focus on the good things in life. This guy is a poisonous influence in your life. Best to block him from all forms of communication. You have friends and family to support you, and much bigger fish to fry.  

[On Your Six]

Let me get this straight: He verbally and sexually harasses you, cheats on you twice, dumps you, and now wants to use you as a FillerGirl to repeat the same things.

Ah, no. You don't help him. You're not the one to help him. You tell him exactly what you said; that you are a person worthy of respect, and deserve to be treaty so, and will not tolerate being manipulated, cheated on, harassed, and used.

And then you don't talk to him again. No matter how much he says he will change or has changed.  

[Djana Nana]

Ah, I remember that situation. And my best advice:

Get a good absorbent pillow. Cry every bit of your heart into it. And when he comes around again, don't have any tears left for him. You are a beautiful, wonderful girl, and if he can't see that, he doesn't deserve you. Boys are, on average, jerks. And at your age, you really don't need to be settling for one who won't do good for you.

So walk away, hold your head up high, and find some boy who worships the ground that you walk on. You deserve it. <3  

[Lovely Enigma]

Sinful Nana

Ah, I remember that situation. And my best advice:

Get a good absorbent pillow. Cry every bit of your heart into it. And when he comes around again, don't have any tears left for him. You are a beautiful, wonderful girl, and if he can't see that, he doesn't deserve you. Boys are, on average, jerks. And at your age, you really don't need to be settling for one who won't do good for you.

So walk away, hold your head up high, and find some boy who worships the ground that you walk on. You deserve it. <3

I have to agree.  

[lovepurr]

dont give him the time of day. he isnt worth it. he has been mean to you. you are right your not a playtoy and he shouldnt treat you like one  

[Kaiyle Brightblade]

I'm very sorry about what happened. I guess some people just turn out to be jerks.

If he treats you that badly, you should get him out of your life. I know this might be hard but really I think thats the best thing to do.

Because you are worried about his drug problems, I recommend you tell his parents or some adult that will take action about how bad the situation is. This serves two purposes:
1. he will get professional help
2. he will not want to talk to you. This is what you want.

If he threatens you or you are worried about him threatening you, immediately tell your parents or an adult who will help.