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Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 8:46 pm
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Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 9:36 pm
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Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 2:00 pm
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Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 2:40 pm
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Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 3:48 pm
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Quite honsetly, I don't particularly care for either of them, but if you must use one, use the second.
Also, when you're writing, try not to use "be" verbs. (i.e. was, is , are, were, has, have...) It detracts from your writing and makes your sentences weak. They can be poweful tools if used rarely, but usually they only diminish your point and that's what I'm feeling here. Verbs should almost always do something, not tell about something.
For example: "The stars (verb here: glittered, shone, radiated, ect.) in the sky on the night they boy took his first breath." (too flowery, I know, but nonetheless.)
Of course, you by no means have to take my suggestions, but I hope I helped even slightly.
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Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2009 8:22 pm
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Invisible Conversationalist
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Posted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 11:27 am
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Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 5:52 am
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