i am lost.

[whiporwill-o]

i find myself unable to believe in anything. i have become pessimistic and skeptical. it seems that the more i learn, the harder it is for me to accept religion. i feel angry on the inside and i find no point to anything. perhaps this is just a combination of my stress and uncertainty of the outcome of my current situation, i do not know. this has been going on for a while, long before current predicament occured. the more i learn of pagan cultures in general the more i question myself and everything i ever thought i believed in. my mind is chaos, yet at the same time i don't seem to care. i remember a time when i felt at peace with myself, i felt comfort in my beliefs, but now i find myself confused, i assume that nothing is real (spiritually speaking) and oddly it bothers me. i cannot seem to find a balance and it is draining me.

has this ever happened to you? what did you do about it? can you offer any advice?

((serious answers only, please. i do not need or want a fluffy little 'spell' that will make life all cuddly bunnies and butterfly farts, thank you.))  

[Gho the Girl]

I myself felt that way awhile ago. The answer for me was to return to my former fold with new eyes, i.e. Christianity. I went to church for the first time in years, and God said, "Welcome back."

Dear sister, if your current religion does not offer you what it should, maybe you should look elsewhere.  

[Cranium Squirrel]

I hit similar some time ago, and in my desperate search for 'meaning', did the opposite of DB. I studied harder. I bit into religions I'd never considered before, I questioned their practitioners and priests/priestesses. I read some of their scriptures. I digested and ruminated and tried to observe from every angle. When I was done, I found what I was after - a philosophical faith that made sense to me more than any other, one that grabbed me and engaged me, encouraged me to test and prod as I always have.

My suggestion is this: Look, with open eyes. Try to drop your pessimism (or at least shelf it for a bit) and really look at faiths and the reason for them, the rhymes behind them. Your personal answer is out there, if you are ready to see it.  

[whiporwill-o]

Gho the Girl

I myself felt that way awhile ago. The answer for me was to return to my former fold with new eyes, i.e. Christianity. I went to church for the first time in years, and God said, "Welcome back."

Dear sister, if your current religion does not offer you what it should, maybe you should look elsewhere.

i have tried seeking other paths, yet i always find myself asking the same questions that just cannot be answered. i am having difficulty with faith in general at the moment, yet at the same time i find no comfort in the thoughts of atheism. i just feel so confused.

thank you for your thoughts. smile  

[whiporwill-o]

Byaggha

I hit similar some time ago, and in my desperate search for 'meaning', did the opposite of DB. I studied harder. I bit into religions I'd never considered before, I questioned their practitioners and priests/priestesses. I read some of their scriptures. I digested and ruminated and tried to observe from every angle. When I was done, I found what I was after - a philosophical faith that made sense to me more than any other, one that grabbed me and engaged me, encouraged me to test and prod as I always have.

My suggestion is this: Look, with open eyes. Try to drop your pessimism (or at least shelf it for a bit) and really look at faiths and the reason for them, the rhymes behind them. Your personal answer is out there, if you are ready to see it.

thank you, you are very insightful. i'm not sure how to put aside my pessimism, i was raised to understand that most things in life will suck, so just sit back and accept it. i do not know how to throw out 23 year old mannerisms.  

[Cranium Squirrel]

whiporwill-o

thank you, you are very insightful. i'm not sure how to put aside my pessimism, i was raised to understand that most things in life will suck, so just sit back and accept it. i do not know how to throw out 23 year old mannerisms.

It is a very difficult process, I agree. 3nodding I still haven't completely shaken my own, and sometimes slip into some moroseness. In all honesty, it takes some serious effort for me to see the good at all, but once you get started on it, it sort of snowballs. biggrin  

[whiporwill-o]

Byaggha

whiporwill-o

thank you, you are very insightful. i'm not sure how to put aside my pessimism, i was raised to understand that most things in life will suck, so just sit back and accept it. i do not know how to throw out 23 year old mannerisms.

It is a very difficult process, I agree. 3nodding I still haven't completely shaken my own, and sometimes slip into some moroseness. In all honesty, it takes some serious effort for me to see the good at all, but once you get started on it, it sort of snowballs. biggrin

i hope so, thank you again. smile  

[TeaDidikai]

It's not so much a solution as much as perhaps a bit of comfort. What you are experiencing was referred to by Saint John of the Cross as "The long dark night of the soul".

Most folks I know experience this. The only cure for it I am aware of is some form of validation- the shifting from UPG to CPG. Unfortunately, this isn't something someone can do for you.

My point is more that this is a common phenomena- one that has been answered by many before you in different ways and that you're not alone in your feelings.

Heck, I think I even wrote a thread on it ages ago.  

[whiporwill-o]

TeaDidikai

It's not so much a solution as much as perhaps a bit of comfort. What you are experiencing was referred to by Saint John of the Cross as "The long dark night of the soul".

Most folks I know experience this. The only cure for it I am aware of is some form of validation- the shifting from UPG to CPG. Unfortunately, this isn't something someone can do for you.

My point is more that this is a common phenomena- one that has been answered by many before you in different ways and that you're not alone in your feelings.

Heck, I think I even wrote a thread on it ages ago.

how does someone find a confirmed gnosis when they dont even know what it is they are looking for anymore?

thank you for your words, they do hold some comfort to them. i know that many people experience this feeling, that is why i asked about it. there is no one currently in my life that i can ask these types of questions to or seek advice from. i am glad that i have found a place where i can ask these things.  

[rmcdra]

whiporwill-o

TeaDidikai

It's not so much a solution as much as perhaps a bit of comfort. What you are experiencing was referred to by Saint John of the Cross as "The long dark night of the soul".

Most folks I know experience this. The only cure for it I am aware of is some form of validation- the shifting from UPG to CPG. Unfortunately, this isn't something someone can do for you.

My point is more that this is a common phenomena- one that has been answered by many before you in different ways and that you're not alone in your feelings.

Heck, I think I even wrote a thread on it ages ago.

how does someone find a confirmed gnosis when they dont even know what it is they are looking for anymore?

thank you for your words, they do hold some comfort to them. i know that many people experience this feeling, that is why i asked about it. there is no one currently in my life that i can ask these types of questions to or seek advice from. i am glad that i have found a place where i can ask these things.

It's a painful process but for me it was taking what I believed and determining whether it is true or not. Different religions are going to have different perspectives on how to go about doing this. If you have had any spiritual experiences, test their validity and internal consistency. Again different religion are going to have different techniques for how to go about testing them.

You are not alone in this. Many of us have been through this or are still going through this.

Edit: Thank you so much DB you never cease to amaze me.

Gho the Girl

Sophist

How does one move from UPG to CPG?

Checking already experienced gnosis with the gnosis you've experienced. This can be through sharing with fellow practitioners or by checking accepted canon.

 

[Bastemhet]

whiporwill-o

has this ever happened to you? what did you do about it? can you offer any advice?

I went through this very recently. I was atheist to the point that I even joined the Secular Student Alliance at my school to promote it for two semesters, the second one becoming the VP for my fervor to bring the message of secularism to all people. I was never so militant about my atheism that I would try to convert people, but I did have a big problem with religious agendas seeping into politics. e.g. In California Prop 8 was a big deal. We were encouraging people to vote yes in order to repeal the law that banned gay marriage. A lot of the people who were against it were Mormon or Christian. They would hold up signs saying that gays would teach children in school to be gay. It was absolutely ridiculous.

Anyway towards the end of my second semester I was drawn back to Kemeticism again. I decided to pray to Bast and I distinctly felt that she listened. This combined with a couple of other experiences I've had and I couldn't doubt anymore.

I think the biggest thing holding me back was lack of self-confidence. I knew I was experiencing something but at the same time I just couldn't believe it and thought maybe I was just imagining it because I wanted it to happen. I had to admit to myself that I couldn't prove a deity could exist, and I couldn't prove they could, either. I had to decide to trust my experiences and admit them for what they were. I had to break out of that atheist mindset that nothing was valid unless you could prove its physical existence. I think that was a big thing holding me back. I don't care if my view point seems irrational to other people. I know I'm not delusional, and I certainly don't hate science. I just accepted some things as personal truth (UPG) that I probably might never be able to prove to most people, and I'm now OK with that. Since then I tried reaching out to other Kemetics and attained some CPG.

Ever since I was a teenager I knew I was destined to believe in something. I think you recognize that in yourself. Keep searching. I think you will definitely find what you are looking for. And if you ever have any questions you can always come here. smile  

[Fiddlers Green]

Embrace the skepticism. Don't take it to levels of folly, but do not shun it. Use it. Find something you have a passion for, failing that, create something.
I am partial to the Truth.
If you need evidence, follow causal strings, starting with the observable, but always knowing that there is more than you perceive. Sometimes the journey of discovery does not lead you where you want to go, that is fine. The journey may be, on a personal level, more important than the destination anyway.  

[whiporwill-o]

thank you, everyone, for your supportive words and thoughts and thank you for sharing your own experiences, it does make me feel... better, knowing that it isnt just me. your advice and comments are much apprecited.  

[Gho the Girl]

whiporwill-o

thank you, everyone, for your supportive words and thoughts and thank you for sharing your own experiences, it does make me feel... better, knowing that it isnt just me. your advice and comments are much apprecited.

Dear sister, you are never alone in the human experience. When you reach out, it gives us the oppurtunity to reach back, which to me is a gift in itself.

Thank you for your courage in opening yourself up to others.  

[patch99329]

A few months after I came to paganism, I had this problem.
I learned so many new things and just couldnt seem to make any of it work with what I thought I believed. I was trying to rationalize the concept of soft polytheism and dualism and I was epic failing in the process.

I took the time too look at what I was doing, and realised I was trying to make myself fit to something that just wasn't me. So I dropped all labels and focused on my own personal beliefs, and let the rest follow.

It took time, there isn't an easy fix. But I'm better for it now. ^_^