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idc who says it.
idc what it says
i need some advice on this.....

My bf is screwing me over in our relationship.
I'm not first for anything....ever....
i will be telling him not to do this s**t or ur gonna get in trouble and.....
ya know what im just gonna copy and paste the bulletins on myspace i made to maybe make him get the point why i always sad.....

(one-about 2 days ago)
I give you great days!(or at least i try)
I give you happiness....(or at least i think i do)
I give you love....(or at least i think i do)
I give you all i can......

then when im not watching over you (and sometimes when i am) you do the stupidest things....expect me not to care?
I love you, i truly do, but these things you do (you know what i mean) they hurt my soul for you to be so close to serious trouble....
You say you dont wanna go back to juvy, you dont act like it......
When im with you i try to keep you out of serious trouble, but i know you cant help but explode in your stupid bad boy s**t you ABSOLUTELY LOVE!!!!

i cry everyday knowing something is gonna happen to you that your gonna do something stupid instead of trying to think out what will happen from that.
Sometimes i feel like your mother.....in a way thats a good thing....but i dont wanna be telling you to stop doing s**t over and over again....it gets annoying
Sometimes i punch walls, mirrors, myself trying to figure out why you do this.
Is it to make me worry and pretty much have a sezjier figuring it out or to just make things the same again.....
Idk.

You barely tell me anything when im just an open book.
Wanna know why?
Cuz i trust you.
Cuz i love you.
Apparently your not the same way.
I have told you I have a big sympathetic heart.
I try my hardest to make my friends as happy as i am not becuz that joys me.
To see my friends smile makes me feel loved....

I'm not perfect.
At all.
I'm totally imperfect!
But when it comes to how others treat me,
it just depends on the person.
My close friends can really hurt me,
others i could care less about what they damn well think,
there just full of bull s**t.
But what you think, means so much.
And stuff you do can hurt soooo much.
Like i said before, tears will stain my cheeks into scars.

I'm just bitching here.
I'm just a b***h.
Full of it too.

BTW: I have been saying this alot and i still mean it....
When i look into the mirror i dont see me,
i just see this girl with pretty hair and glittering eyes,
dressed in cool clothes.
and with a metal knife and bone necklace and choker around her neck.
my only thoughts...
"Who is this girl?"
And i still lift my hand to my face and she mimics...
This girl is me, but so not.
My friends may not think of it, but it haunts me.
Its melody, EVERYONE!!!!!
The words that come out of my mouth is me, and so is my style.
My poetry is me, and my eyes are me,
but her stance, her confidence, her trust in others,
is not me.
I have trust issues, i am barely confident unless i know, and my stance is not of care at all.
My hair is me, but the way i care about it is not.
My happiness is barely truth to my soul.

I totally went off topic but i need to get this out.....

im done bitching.
I'm done.
So have fun rereading it if you want.
Leave a comment if you want.
Hell it would be nice.
bye.

(and today)
he just doesnt get it does he......

impenetrable boy brains.......
oh how i wish he understood........

damnit.....u should have gotten the point from the last bulletin about....us....
but no..................................
u just get memories, not realizations.........
and u wont even tell me those....
there too painful i understand, but alot of stuff i have had happened is painful and i have told you that!!!!!!!!!
i understand we have secrets.....but c'mon ur life cant all be a secret to me!!!!
If you really love me and wanna be with me (forever O_o).......
then ur gonna have to tell me acouple things.......
i will tell you more about me if you do too...............

if u dont.......
then maybe i cant trust even you......
i have told you all this alot and now if screaming is gonna help let me just say it this loud

I HAVE TRUST ISSUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i have to know someones past to know how to help them........

CHLOE TOLD ME MORE ABOUT HERSELF IN ONE DAY THEN YOU HAVE TOLD ME IN A MONTH......
SAME WITH EVERYONE ESLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND CHLOE BARELY KNEW ME!!!!!!!!!!
I ONLY KNEW HER A WEEK TIL I CAME OVER AND WE GOT TO REALLY KNOW EACH OTHER AND BECOME SISTERS IN LIKE ONE DAY!!!!!!!!
AND I HAD MY FIRST MONSTER AND MY TRUE MOMMY AND AND A GLIMPS AT HOW I WANT MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!
i knew stuff about her that no one else knew in one day.....
secrets and blogs and poetry....only shared with me.....
(im guessing its becuz i was real into it and i respected her!)

shaun this is aimed at you and anyone who wants to read so have fun reading this............................
I WANNA GET TO KNOW YOU PERSONALLY MORE!!!!!!!!!
UR PAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
other that that........idk how to be a good girlfriend and what to say and what not to.....you have to tell me.........

i lost my family...
or really the one i reealllly reeally loved.......
and my baby bro.....and mommy....and sissy....
i have pictures and poetry and drawings and monster cans and memories to keep me company of how much i loved them......

im not necessarily gettin to the whole point....but hey why rush this

aka............shaun...........u just arent gettin the point of what im saying.....
ur looking to your past for anwsers which i thought you were ashamed of and hated......
and.....u just dont see it....u dont see anything i tell you
when i say pleaz can you do this.....its not for one day

ya know how u yell at brian to hold melina.....well at least he hangs with her
he has friends too but there in our group.....
im sorry but david (M and H) isnt in our group......
and this is what trivia is thinking and im getting into the idea too.....
ur putting me behind everything else besides school....and sometimes even that.......im never first..........ever.........im last........
maybe if i were first you would listen to me and not walk out on me cuz david poked you.....or maybe just for once actually give a damn.........
im just really not important.................just someone for you to hold and kiss cuz really who else is there???............

like i said before...just bitching here.....
but really....im not....

(done)..........aka david m and h are his friends as u can see who arent in our group that keeps coming to our group to grab him and pull him away from me when we're kissing or when hes holding me and he just totally leaves me there....doesnt push them away, just goes with them.
He does all this s**t.....and when he knows im gonna be super upset about.
i told him one night "Can you for one day not do anything stupid and save me a night of worry filled sezjiers (no joke)" and he said whatever...u arent gonna have sezjiers!
I said come to my house and watch me.......
he says he loves me but i really dont think he means it...
he says hes never gonna let me (i doubt that but who knows)
I tell him i feel really clingy asking him to spend a lunch with me instead of with his pals....which he does for one day then ditches me......

I'm never first.....

so wat should i do im really upset about this and rain (my ex) seems so perfect compared to shaun but hes not here sooo

You still have your whole life ahead of you. If he's making you feel like this, he's not worth it. There's someone out there who will treat you much better.

As much as i hate to c**k block a guy
break up

girl, I know we don't know each other, but from what I gather from your post... this guy is no good for you.

There's bound to be a better guy out there for you.

okie, the choice is up to you.*hugs*

alright, take care then, and good luck.

lol huggles all around!!!!!!