The funny things your band teachers have said.

[`Surgeon General Sexy`]

My band teacher made us march, and we were all spreading apart from eachother and he said "Your not a mraching band, your a loose confederation of rebelious magazine editors." That was so funny xd

Kim was wearing a ghetto hat and he said "Are we da marching band in da hood?!?!"

We were matching while the drummers were playing a kadence, and Koby yelled out
"I DONT KNOW BUT IVE BEEN TOLD!!!"
And the band teacher replied
"KOBY IS AN IMBASOL!"

And we had to put rubber shoes on our chairs so the chairs wouldn't scratch the gym floor and Mr. Bjorna said "Put the rubbers on the chairs so the floor doesn't get pregnant.

He is a wierd guy...

Tll me the wierd things band teachers have said to you, I apollogize if this is a repeat thread.  

[Rigu Ryu]

Ratzlaff was teaching the baritones one day, and he's the kind of guy that always talks like he's got a moutful of spit. This gives him a slight lisp. So, he was telling them "the secret to success". Apparently, the secret to playing successfully is big breasts. (It was s'posed to be breaths, I assume.)

Another funny story: We were having a fund raiser, and one of the prizes was a carboard cutout of Steve Irwin, the Croc Hunter. It talked, and was prone to going off at random times. Well, Coffman was getting ready to give a lecture, when suddenly, we hear this guy with an Aussie accent yell, "Dager, danger!" It took five minutes for us to stop laughing.

Also: Wow, I'm just full of funnyness tonight. Ms. Hunt (no one really liked her, by the way) was teaching a class because Ratzlaff was sick. She kept hearing this wrong note from Dani Evants, our only bass clarinet at the time. (No one really liked Dani, either.) She said, "What notw are you playing?" Dani said, "E flat." "The music says C sharp!" "Well my music says E flat." "Bring it up here.... Oh, you're right." The class bursted out laughing. We laughed harder when she said, "That's NOT funny!" SHe sounded like a two-year-old.

And that's my story.  

[Fufuki]

My Band director, Mr. Combs, had stopped the band the other day because he wanted to hear what my section, the French Horns (Which Rock!), was playing. at that section of the music, we had a rotor flutter on a high E...which really sucks. We played it and the entire band burst out laughing. When we asked Mr. Combs what was up...he said if the rest of the band to stomp their feet...we could pass for a stampede of Elephants.

That ones not as funny as this one though. Last Thursday, Mr. Combs told us a story about his morning. That morning, he couldn't find his coffe cup so he stopped at starbucks on the way to school. He walked to the shelf and picked a red cup off the top. He looked at it for a second and then put it back. He walked back a couple of seconds later and examined the same cup, then put it back on the shelf. He walked back a third time to pick the same cup up. As he turned twords the cash register to buy the cup...he heard something hit the floor. The top shelf slowly started to tilt and all of the cups came crashing down. He looked behind himself, still holding his cup, to see what happened. He looked forward at the cash register and said "They did that on thier own!" The Guy at the register smiled and said "well...you picked the right shelf. Those are all sainless steel and unbreakable." it turned out that what had fallen before the cups was the peg that held that side of the shelf up. LOL!  

[froggyfluf]

actually, there is another quotes thread. it's not specificly for directors, but it exists here  

[Tara~Puget27]

Our teacher Miss Cuizon has said a lot of things...she called us retarded, (FOR FUN!!!)...X__x...our old band teacher Steinorht was the best. She would say IMA KILL YOU!!! Which is (ima que you) HEhehehe. And she called our tuba player a Bamoonian Sambo....and she sang the Quiznos theme song all the time O.o XD  

[tinytim4]

My teacher... who just happens to be my favorite of the six, made these < > with his fingers when teaching us about crescendos (and accents, as it happened) and said, "THESE TWO F***in THINGS!!!!" This happened before I was in high school, apparently, but the seniors talk about it all the time.
My mentor, Idol, and the Jazz pianist, who is the coolest DORKY dude I've ever met, said something really funny though... When we were playing the song "blues in the fast lane" he looked at his page, (imagine the dorky white kid with freckles and curly red hair) and said in his squeakiest, "It's my SOWLOWah!" just like that... HILARIOUS!!!
Also: The band room was closed at lunch for a week because Mr. Miles found a (used) condom in the band room... (bleccchhh). So when he told us the band room was closed, he said, "Well, I guess you guys skrewed up a good thing..."
That's mostly just gross.  

[`mm.t o a s t y]

Our teacher didn't exactly say this, but... :

We were walking back in our block after a parade in Santa Cruz, and our director was walking and talking to us, not looking where she was going. A few seconds into the lecture/conversation thing there was a "CLANG!" as she walked into a pole. We're never gonna let her forget about that one. >:3  

[Tifa_16]

well my band director, Mr. Allen, always says to the clarinets and flute that they better get ready for runs. its really funny.

and he always says, "dont just sit there with your teeth in your mouth" hahaha

another one is when someone asks him a question and he didnt hear them he says "sha who"

Tifa_16 stressed  

[xAsenath]

Mr. Lovell was tuning the saxes, and when he got to the section leader he said "Sharp" because he's always sharp. He doesn't even bother.

Whenever someone plays a note out-of-tune, he twitches. Or scratches the board with his nails.

Whenever someone does something extremely wrong (playing wise), he tells them to go sit in the drum cabinet. Which is small.

Whenever someone (particularly a section leader) can't keep they're section right/in tune, he tells them that they'll have to vacuum the band room floor with their teeth while we watch and throw bits of paper down at him. (That room is disgusting.)  

[MrVamp25]

1. At marching band camp our director told the Drumline to "dut" the prep beats and they went "duck, duck, duck GOOSE!"
2. The Lowbrass section is kinda small and he told us to "BLOW HARDER!!"
3. I'll eat this hotdog (that had been sitting out overnight already cooked from yesterday's lunch) if you get through Number 3 today. He ate his words.  

[missy_the_hamster]

My band director didnt say this...Its just a funny story. In my band (at the time it was seventh grade) we have two saxes. We were to play at an elementary school and our director wanted to have a bari sax. Well, the section leader sax got to play it. Its really nasty and old. It has rust on it and its starting to turn green and not to mention the disgusting smell that comes out of it everytime its opened. the first time he played it durring a song all you could hear were "squek". I had to put my flute down cuz I was laughing so hard. (Hes my neighbore so its even funnier) Its funnier if you actually where their  

[The_Crazy_Muffin]

Our band director has said various things. When anyone misses their entrance, he always says, "What do you want, and embossed invitation? Pay attention."
One time, he decided a percussionist wasn't playing the chimes right, so he went to the back to show them. Mr. Sherman said, "You should play them like this. Oh yeah!" Later, my friend Andrew said, "Man, Mr. Sherman's wife better do something about that, or he's gonna leave her for the chimes." We laughed a whole lot about Mr. Sherman's "love affair."  

[Kairi.nin]

My band director, Mr. Bailey, loves being sarcastic. And he loves to make fun of people...he never really means anything he says though.

"Look up the word 'ugly' in the dictionary and you'll find [Insert Drummer's Name Here]'s picture there."

When we usually play a song and it comes out bad, he ALWAYS says, "They don't get it. They're too STUPID."

I remember every night before a football game, he would always say, "Now, remember, if you mess up tonight, I'll still love you. The crowd might not, but I still will."

I can't believe I remember this, because I'm not too good at remembering things, but way back during last summer's Band Camp, when we were learning the halftime show, most of the upperclassmen blamed the Freshmen for getting stuff wrong. Mr. Bailey finally got tired of it and shouted, "Upperclassmen! If you see a Freshmen just standing there, kick them, pull them, shove them, make them move!"  

[Number_09]

During "The Great Locomotive Chase:"
Mr. B - Sam, did you pick a note?
Sam: Yeah...
Mr. B - What note did you pick?
*Sam holds up fingerings*
Mr. B - Now, did you PLAY that note?
Sam: No... <_< >_>  

[Trinity_050]

at band camp last summer we were learning our field show and we had two adults mr. loukes (high school band teacher) and mr bosch(middle school band teacher) they both though they were righ about where someone was supposed to be standing you know like 10 steps from home hash and 3 steps from the 50 yard line...? anyway mr. L put someone where they were sopposed to be and then right after we did that set mr.B told us all to go back and redo the set...at the same time he put the same person in a different spot than mr. L did...they were getting so annoyed with eachother they took it out on us and told us we messed up the set...