Wilting

[evolvingwolf]

Wilting

I have become like a violet,
Plucked from the ground
And placed in a too expensive vase.
Beauty, exquisiteness, heavenly,
Set up on a shelf for all the world
To view, to judge, and to admire.
But after so many eyes upon me,
My color begins to weaken
My petals begin to shrink.
Regality and sophistication disappear,
I become vague and unimportant
I become less of who I had become.
Cringing from the inside out,
Unsure of myself and wanting to hide
I start losing those so needed nutrients.
Choking, shriveling, unable to breathe,
Void of that giving water
Void of all emotion.
I crumble to the ground,
No hope is left within me
And I am no longer considered special.


This is an older poem of mine... still working on some new ones. I hope you enjoy! ^_^  

[Stelle Cadenti]

I think the idea is there with this poem, but some of the imagery comes off a bit stiff. The language you use is at fault for this. I think that if you mixed in some less concrete imagery to what you already have, it would make for a better poem. Right now all I really see is a dying flower, not quite what it is supposed to represent.  

[evolvingwolf]

Yea, the imagery does need some work, I'll agree. This was just an older poem I wrote about a year ago... one of my favorites. I should post my favorite at some point, but it's almost 3 years old... 'giggles' I'm already loving this guild! FINALLY! Some good feedback! Thanks!  

[Stelle Cadenti]

I'm always happy to give good feedback. 3nodding

I'd love to read that other poem...  

[AmiraUnhuman_MEM]

I have to agree with Stella. Its kinda hard to understand what point your trying to get across. But other than that... I really enjoyed it. You've got a good style.  

[FEBRUARY17]

it was really amazing 3nodding  

[EstoPerpetua]

I really liked it, and thought it was a great work. My only problem is that I feel like I'm left hanging at the end. I feel like I need just a bit more at the end to be satisfied. Other than that, I really enjoyed reading it.