Alice never got to Wonderland

[Nujunuju1]

You’ve got the fire in your eyes
You’ve got the burning in your soul
and just like your name is Alice
You’re falling down the rabbit hole
And there’s no cushion at the bottom
no way to break your fall
As you get closer to rock bottom
into the night forever call
You don’t know just where you’re going
No Cheshire cat to lead your way
No silky smooth voice
As his smile begins to fade
Tweedle Dee and tweedle dumb
Have never helped you down your path
But I guess that’s what you can expect
from the whiskey and the flask
Your life is just a mess
And you’re always so very late
as the Caterpillar picks you up
for yet another Smokey date
But you choose this path yourself
you ate the mushroom and grew so small
now you feel alone inside this city
Inside these walls that stand so tall
But unlike Your counter parts fairy tale
The red queen is your fame
Her golden cards that Hurt so well
release her from your veins
In the land of make believe
You can escape at last
But in this world where you now live
You can’t Undo your past.

Written by Damian Andrew Hesse  

[Rock4ourRock]

incredible....

alice in wonderland, a metaphor for...depression? thats what I got out of it.

you've got some great talent. = D  

[Nujunuju1]

Thanks again. I like to think that writing poetry, roleplaying, short stories, and music kinda help advance my abilities as I go. Haha.

The only thing I was upset about after writing this was that I'd forgotten the best character in the story, The mad hatter. But what can you do right? haha.  

[Rock4ourRock]

haha you could always rewrite it... = )  

[Stelle Cadenti]

Wow, I really love this. I've always loved the story of Alice in Wonderland, and this is just great the way it compares someone else's life to that of Alice's.  

[crimson_kanji]

I really like this! What I get out of it is the story of a young woman who's made so many mistakes in her past, she's starting to fall uncontrollably. I can see her being a "lost soul" almost, wandering in the world, surrounded by unfamiliar and often frightening things. Like the caterpillar and the smokey date! I can see that being almost literal: imagining this creepy pothead dragging "Alice" through the city. Great job! 3nodding  

[Nujunuju1]

crimson_kanji

I really like this! What I get out of it is the story of a young woman who's made so many mistakes in her past, she's starting to fall uncontrollably. I can see her being a "lost soul" almost, wandering in the world, surrounded by unfamiliar and often frightening things. Like the caterpillar and the smokey date! I can see that being almost literal: imagining this creepy pothead dragging "Alice" through the city. Great job! 3nodding

You hit the nail right on the head my good friend... I actually got chills the way you described it.  

[Diosa de Armarrio]

I love Alice in Wonderland... So naturally I loved your poem! However, your word choices did remind me of the song "White Rabbit" by Jefferson Airplane to a certain extent. (Not that that's a bad thing, though!)  

[Toikey]

This is wonderful. Just beautiful. <3  

[writerprincess29]

I love this poem! I got the sense that she was going through some rocky times, that made her weaker as time went by, and that she was learning how to do things on her own but making many mistakes as she did so, and getting into hard times becasue of it. I felt like she was growing up and moving away to face life without her immediate family, but it was hard for her to do and shew had these experiences that she would have to learn from.

Question: was the caterpillar supposed to be a good friend or someone else she might trust, becasue that's whom I got as that character.  

[fallenangel_Asha]

I am giddy with happiness over this poem. Beautiful rythym and word choice, incredible symbolism, I just, I really don't think I can even see anything that could be improved. This is a wonderful poem, I am very jealous of your metaphor because it is perfect and it is beautifu.
It's funny, because, in a way, I kind of know how she feels.  

[Nujunuju1]

writerprincess29

I love this poem! I got the sense that she was going through some rocky times, that made her weaker as time went by, and that she was learning how to do things on her own but making many mistakes as she did so, and getting into hard times becasue of it. I felt like she was growing up and moving away to face life without her immediate family, but it was hard for her to do and shew had these experiences that she would have to learn from.

Question: was the caterpillar supposed to be a good friend or someone else she might trust, becasue that's whom I got as that character.

In answer to your question, No the caterpillar is not a trusted vfriend or anything. More like her pimp or a boyfriend who doesn't treat her right and smokes a lot of pot. (hence: "another smokey date")  

[mixlemaxle]

In the land of make believe
You can escape at last
But in this world where you now live
You can’t Undo your past.
I love these last four lines. The flow is very nice.
I also really like the word choice, and how you twisted around the story.
Are you saying, though, that someone other than the REAL Alice is in Wonderland?