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Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 10:10 am
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Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 10:21 am
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There's some very good imagery in here, I like it overall. I do have a suggestion about the flow of it though, you have the whole disjointed flow going on here, and I'm actually a big fan of disjointed poetry. I thought that this was a bit too jerky though, like I was driving while stuck in a traffic jam, one moment goign forward, then having to stop suddenly. I feel that it somehow takes away from the sense of satisfaction a poem should induce, like the traffic jam left me stuck, and it never cleared up. If you made it so that there were some lines that flowed smoothly, and then some where they stopped suddenly, it would have much more of an impact.
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Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 7:45 pm
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