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Posted: Tue May 26, 2009 1:23 pm
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Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 10:30 am
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AmiraUnhuman_MEM My Battle Everyone talking around me an insistent buzzing I cover my ears, but it 's still there I yell for it to stop and I realize it 's not them it 's me angry, hateful words beating again st my lips begging me to let them out to swarm around someone else and leave me be but I can't so they sting me instead they turn on me and torment me all the while I suffer in silence keeping a blank face while my insides are injected with poison contaminating me further and the cycle continues this is my battle , I fight it every day.
I really like this poem, it's unique in it's subject matter. I was telling you about my feelings towards, well, feelings in poetry in your other poem's thread, but I think you're starting to convert me with this one. I could really feel it, and it was still a good poem from a literary persepctive.
I just highlighted some of the error in it, I hope that helps. You just have to watch for apostrophes, they're little devils. I put a comma instead of an elipse at the last line because in my opinion, I think it just looks better. There was too much of a pause there with an elipse, I think it disrupted the flow, the comma gives a bit of a shorter pause.
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